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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>All He Does Is Take Toys...
Kabob 06:34 AM 10-02-2014
I know 18 month old children are notorious for taking toys from others but this little guy has went from taking occasionally to obsessively taking toys to the point where he isn't playing anymore.

He mainly chooses to take from my son primarily I think because he gets a huge reaction. Ds screams NO MINE and won't let go and then the pulling game begins. I intervene and tell dcb to stop and go play toys and dcb throws a huge fit to the point where he starts trying to hit, kick, or throw toys at us so I have to separate him from the group for safety. Then as soon as he calms down he is looking for the next victim. Rinse and repeat.

I tried setting him up with his own play area and having him sit and play there. But he throws all the toys and screams nonstop...

I tried getting down to his level and calmly telling him xyz hurts please go play with xyz toys instead. He still gets over dramatic.

I haven't addressed this fully with his parents yet as this seems to be an age issue that has escalated perhaps due to the fun of getting a reaction from ds...I did mention that he throws epic tantrums and his parents said he never does that at home...of course he is an only child so they don't see what I see...

How can I tame the taker?
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Blackcat31 06:50 AM 10-02-2014
My strategy for that type of issue goes like this:

DCB tries to take toy from DS.
DS says "NO! Mine!"
DCB begins to scream

I intervene and say to DCB "You may not take toys from others"

DCB screams

I place DCB in PNP in another room until he stops screaming.

I say nothing the whole time

DCB stops screaming

I go get him from PNP and place him back in the "public" area and say "Play nice"

Rinse and repeat.

I don't try to negotiate, calm or explain. I simply act.

DCB can NOT behave that way in public and his public right now is anywhere you and the other kids are.

The screaming nets him something somewhere so you have to teach him that the screaming at your house nets him alone time the FIRST time he does it.

Toddlers seem to learn best by action and the less we say and more we DO helps.

It may be time consuming but if you do that the first time.every time. he WILL eventually get it.

Swift and immediate with little or no talking other than the couple phrases.

No warnings or precursors. Just act. every.single.squabble.

It will get better.
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Kabob 07:02 AM 10-02-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
My strategy for that type of issue goes like this:

DCB tries to take toy from DS.
DS says "NO! Mine!"
DCB begins to scream

I intervene and say to DCB "You may not take toys from others"

DCB screams

I place DCB in PNP in another room until he stops screaming.

I say nothing the whole time

DCB stops screaming

I go get him from PNP and place him back in the "public" area and say "Play nice"

Rinse and repeat.

I don't try to negotiate, calm or explain. I simply act.

DCB can NOT behave that way in public and his public right now is anywhere you and the other kids are.

The screaming nets him something somewhere so you have to teach him that the screaming at your house nets him alone time the FIRST time he does it.

Toddlers seem to learn best by action and the less we say and more we DO helps.

It may be time consuming but if you do that the first time.every time. he WILL eventually get it.

Swift and immediate with little or no talking other than the couple phrases.

No warnings or precursors. Just act. every.single.squabble.

It will get better.
Ok I shall go back to that...I did do that but he would scream for almost an hour at a time every time. I felt like a big meanie for letting him scream that long.

Dh just did that technique this morning without warning and dcb didn't even whimper. So now I feel silly.

Of course ds didn't give his usual reaction to dcb...I finally got ds to calmly say and sign "No. Stop."

I know dcb will grow out of it but boy some days are constant struggles...

At least everyone is content this morning so far...I was expecting much more squabbling...
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Blackcat31 07:13 AM 10-02-2014
Originally Posted by Kabob:
Ok I shall go back to that...I did do that but he would scream for almost an hour at a time every time. I felt like a big meanie for letting him scream that long.

Dh just did that technique this morning without warning and dcb didn't even whimper. So now I feel silly.

Of course ds didn't give his usual reaction to dcb...I finally got ds to calmly say and sign "No. Stop."

I know dcb will grow out of it but boy some days are constant struggles...

At least everyone is content this morning so far...I was expecting much more squabbling...
I think with certain kids, they can feel your uneasiness or lack of...kwim?

DH obviously gave off no aura of a possibility of negotiation and was cut and dried.....DCB sensed that.

He may or may not sense your discomfort/uneasiness and therefore "thinks" he can negotiate.

Just act very no nonsense. No emotion, just action.

It may take him a couple times and he may scream for a longer period of time than you are comfortable with but if you know he is fine (other than screaming) each time will be less. Even if it's just a minute less screaming, it will be less.

Rinse and repeat over and over until you have set the stage with DCB as to WHO is in charge and what he can and cannot do...

You can do it!!
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Kabob 07:31 AM 10-02-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I think with certain kids, they can feel your uneasiness or lack of...kwim?

DH obviously gave off no aura of a possibility of negotiation and was cut and dried.....DCB sensed that.

He may or may not sense your discomfort/uneasiness and therefore "thinks" he can negotiate.

Just act very no nonsense. No emotion, just action.

It may take him a couple times and he may scream for a longer period of time than you are comfortable with but if you know he is fine (other than screaming) each time will be less. Even if it's just a minute less screaming, it will be less.

Rinse and repeat over and over until you have set the stage with DCB as to WHO is in charge and what he can and cannot do...

You can do it!!
Yeah. I know I'm tense about it. I know I act like I'm dealing with a ticking time bomb...the way he screams just eats at me and it bugs me that it bothers me because even with my own ds I don't feel like such a mean person when ds cries...

I just gotta suck it up I know...but it already is a better day...still no screaming from ds and dcb isn't freaking about redirection...helps to have dh home it seems.
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Thriftylady 10:32 AM 10-02-2014
I agree with the above, and I think getting less reaction from your DS is a big deal. Right now, a big reaction is attention and sometimes that is what the kids are after, not caring what kind of attention just attention. It could be it doesn't happen at home because he already has all the attention being an only child.
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lilcupcakes09 10:41 AM 10-02-2014
I have a 17 month dcg, same exact way. She follows my 20 month old dcg around and intentionally takes EVERYTHING she has or wants to play with EVERYTHING she does all the time. It makes me crazy! 20 month old is very low maintenance, very easy going, so I always know what is happening when I hear squeals. The problem here I know stems from home.....this little one gets her way ALWAYS. I too use the "take her away, sit her up against the wall until she stops screaming, then she may return to play, etc".....but most of her day is spent screaming and mine with my blood pressure going up. I'm hanging on, we have overcome the biting episodes with her, so hopefully this soon shall pass. Hopefully REALLY soon!!
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preschoolteacher 11:04 AM 10-02-2014
I had a screamer who screamed about everything. I followed what BC suggested (not a PNP though, but a place to sit).

In the beginning, it was NOT fun. There was A LOT of screaming. But it really did work in the long term (I noticed a big difference within 2 months).
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Kabob 06:36 PM 10-02-2014
He actually had a much better day today. We were super busy so that might have kept him distracted but the one time I had to redirect him he cried but then I pretended it didn't bother me and he stopped after only a few minutes. This never worked before but I was determined to make this work this time after the pep talk.

I've discovered that giving him lots of physical tasks to do helped too.

It was a nice change of pace that was started by dh setting the tone with dcb for today. Hoping I can replicate this tomorrow. Dh normally isn't home so I gotta step up my game! This little guy is intense with his emotions! I've had toy takers before but none as persistent and emotional as him!
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coolconfidentme 03:55 AM 10-03-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
DH obviously gave off no aura of a possibility of negotiation and was cut and dried.....DCB sensed that.
I think you hit the nail on the head! My DCKs know the cannot negotiate with me, but know they can with DH. He gets so frustrated cuz they don't listen to him. DCKs know the rules, they don't need to be reminded to quit, I just put them in TO. After TO, I remind them they will get TO for XXX every single time. Period. Same with 18 month olds. They go in the PNP & I walk away ignoring them. When the time is up, I tell them they will go in PNP if they XXX again. Its a game at first, but they soon realize its a game they really don't want to play & they stop. The ignoring them takes the fun away.

ps..., The bigger kids refer to the PNP as baby jail.
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Kabob 06:14 AM 10-03-2014
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
I think you hit the nail on the head! My DCKs know the cannot negotiate with me, but know they can with DH. He gets so frustrated cuz they don't listen to him. DCKs know the rules, they don't need to be reminded to quit, I just put them in TO. After TO, I remind them they will get TO for XXX every single time. Period. Same with 18 month olds. They go in the PNP & I walk away ignoring them. When the time is up, I tell them they will go in PNP if they XXX again. Its a game at first, but they soon realize its a game they really don't want to play & they stop. The ignoring them takes the fun away.

ps..., The bigger kids refer to the PNP as baby jail.
Yeah I was overthinking it...sometimes I feel like I'm just a heartless meanie all day long with all the rules I have to enforce...some days it feels like all I say is no, no, no, go play, sit, go play, nap, no...

Even dh noted yesterday that all dcb does is try to take toys and that even from what little he does see of dcb is him either taking toys or crying because he has no one to take from (due to the other kids avoiding him or me putting him in his own play area). Again, I know it's normal for his age but he just feels more intense about it.

TGIF! I start an older toddler Monday so I'm hoping that shakes things up a bit!
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Tags:stealing toys, toy - hoarder
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