How about next time it snows - we DO live in New England - you plan accordingly. And by plan accordingly, I do NOT mean mentioning you may not make it to your pick-up time because it may be snowing later. Yes it is snowing...and it has been since noon. Please do not assume that I want to keep your child late, or that I will make exceptions because it is snowing. Furthermore, when you arrive, you and your 5 year old could refrain from jumping up and down in your sneakers and shaking my whole house to get the snow off - ever heard of snow boots?!? You also should stop your daughter from talking about the crock pot dinner you were just making at home before pick-up (a late pick-up at that). How about you get in your car and drive here on time, then prepare your dinner. Every other family was here on time, and they were all at work. So incredibly annoyed. And yes...if there is a snow day tomorrow, I am closed. Read your contract!!!!!

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lol I had a stay at home mom awhile back and she was always the worst...opps I feel asleep watching tv and I am now late

I was stuck in traffic coming back from the mall

I had to wait for my nail polish to dry, I cant drive over yet

lol Gotta love it

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Wait! Why does a stay at home mom need daycare?? To me that's like ME saying I have an in-home daycare and I send my kids to someone else's daycare during the day! Wth?!

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Thank you!! That is just what I was thinking!

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I have two kids who have stay-at-home moms. Both kids are here every day.

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I get it.... they want their kid to be socialized, have time to run errands without a child in tow and etc.......

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I would love to be a stay at home mom!!!! I would be so involved in my kids lifes. Not like a helicoptor mom but just a mom who loves to be with her kids.

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She is a total pain in the tookus. Gets here the second my doors open, and leaves him here until the last possible second. Every time she drops off, she hugs him on the floor for EVER, even when I ask her to head out - some mornings for 30 minutes. She also will sit in my driveway for 30 minutes in the afternoon texting on her phone with her 5 year old in the car with her. Her child is sweet - he is 2. But it is so annoying when she is the last one on a day when everyone KNOWS the roads are terrible. She tried to set it up that she would be late this morning, and I told her to plan ahead...but she is very busy. It is nauseating.

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Hit her with late fees. Parents who don't work but are late picking up their kids drive me crazy!

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ugh...very annoying. sounds like she is in mommy world, population her and her kids. sometimes SAHMs get into that sort of thing and really are so clueless that the rest of the world revolved around a schedule and time. I realize that certain people have certain circumstances but overall, I don't have sympathy or understanding for SAHMs that put their kids in daycare for any significant amount of time. Just doesnt make sense to me at all.

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Ummmmm How are you at Stay at home MOM, if your kids aren't there?

That makes you a stay at home female, not stay at home Mom.

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lol that was funny....took me a few minutes to get it, but very ture you are not a stay at home mom if you are staying home to only take your kids somewhere else so you can be alone...BUT Not to knock SAHM, I do understand their desire to have their children in daycare.....JUST stinks when they have them there all day. BUT that is a whole different thread I dont walk to talk about again...lol

BTW I have two kids that are here full time and their moms are both SAHM. They are here from 8-4. They have younger babys at home that they would like to have some alone time with just as they had with the older one.

I don't care what my parents do, just don't be late with anything and follow my rules...

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I have a DCM that works but seems to take off when she wants. She is private pay so I can't say her kids can't come unless she is working (subsidy I can. no work, no daycare, state rule. At least i got something to my benefit right? lol) So I too get kinda upset When I get the text "I didn't go into work but I still want you to pick up Johnny after school. I need to hit the tanner and get my hair done should be there by closing"

Kinda bugs me because I always want to be with my child but then again this is what I get paid for doesn't really matter what Mom is doing I guess. If the kids aren't here I don't get paid so it rolls off my back usually.

Now when I have a fussy child ranting all over the house and find out subsidy Mom took the day off to go to a theme park for the day instead of work and brought the child for free daycare. Yeah I'm mad!

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Yes!!! I would not call her a SAHM either! Gotta actually do the "mommy" part in order to get that title.

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I was a SAHM. I chose to put my 2 DD's in Mother's Day Out two mornings a week. This was for both of us. Them to socialize with other kids and me some free time to run errands, kid free.

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That is called "keeping your sanity" as a stay at home mom. You can get things done and actually be able to enjoy your kids. Wish I could have done that!

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Best statement I've heard all day!!

I have a mom who works 3 hrs a day. She originally took a part-time job so "she could be there for my kids". Her kid is with me 5 days a week full-time

I completely get the 'keeping your sanity' and getting a break from your kids but some moms aren't really doing that.

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I'm a sahm/wahm I stay at home which is considered work but watch other people children who call me mom. So I think I qualify.

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Yep...keeping your sanity is getting a sitter a couple of mornings a week to do errands (never a fun time for parents or the kids), not dropping the kids at daycare every day from open til close.

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yes you can say that......I have learned that here. Put it in your policy book if your not working, or going to school your child should be with you. (unless you have prearranged this ahead of time with parents) I am providing a service to you for when you can't be with your child. Tell them up front at your interview what your policies are. It is all in what your rules are. There are parents that will take advantage and there are parents that work hard but just want a day off knowing that their child is well taken care of. Some providers even don't allow for that- saying that is what a baby sitter is for. I do contracted hours and have so many spots available. If I have a parent, that wants to pay me to bring her child so she can run errands, clean house, etc.... fine. I know that is why the child is here. Maybe you should ask subsidy mom if whoever is paying for the childcare knows that she is using it for a park day. It could be. They call them mental health days. I don't care what program a parent is on, if they don't come they would still be paying even if the program they are on doesn't allow for this, or they would be locked into certain days, they are accountable for. I have policies and they are coming into my program- so to me that should be what is carried out, IF they want to be in my program. I have to be able to have a dependable income. I am just rambling on, but my point is that I have learned a lot in this forum and having contracts, policies,rules is the best way to go and be respected and run a business in the most professional way.

I too am irritated with people that like to abuse, no matter if it is the system or what- We need to stop allowing it as a society.

Keep in mind and this is hard to fathom, that not everyone cares to parent the same as we do. We are ChildCARE providers and we CARE. We do care all day. Our level of care for our families and these kids is at a different level. I am not saying that parents don't care about their children. They do- It's just at a different level and because of so many variables

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I am a little surprised by this thread...it seems very judgmental of parents

There are 1,000's of threads on this forum talking about how hard it is to fill spaces and get kids and how it is tough to make ends meet without having a steady income yet there are comments judging parents for using services that are being offered....that confuses me.

I guess I feel like I offer a service and whoever buys that service is entitled to use it however they see fit. It isn't my place to tell them how and when they can use something they are paying for.

From what I can tell, the OP's intent was to vent about a mom who may be late picking up her child and the fact that she was at home and not at work should have made it a doable thing to do yet it somehow turned into a thread about how mom's shouldn't be considered moms if they aren't directly parenting their child.


Sandee, I know you didn't mean this statement the way I am taking it but according to your words, I wouldn't be considered a mom either then because my kids aren't here.

No matter where my kids are and whether I am with them or not, I am still mom!

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I thought that same thing you did about sandee's post, but then understood what she meant.

I am one who does not care what parents are doing. I have parents that are SAHM that have their kids here full time or even part time.

To be fair, we can't say that all SAHM are what is being described. BUT I have been victim to one and let me say that it was the worst time of my life.

I watched her kids for her almost 11.5 hours a day, fed them every meal and all the SAHM (with no kids at home) had to do was come to my house pick up and then go home and put them to bed. So SandeeAR statement fit this mom to a T

I also thought about what you are talking about too. People complain that they have no clients, but then come on this thread and complain.

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I agree, I know Sandee didn't mean it the way I took it (I know her better than that ) so I knew it isn't what she necessarily meant...however, I did think this thread was a bit judgmental and I think if I were a parent who stumbled across this thread and read some of the comments without "knowing" the posters, I would be really offended and I can honestly see why some parents feel so negatively towards daycare providers.

I think this thread would have been better in the off topic area.....kwim?

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Hi all,

I am the one who started this thread, and I really was just venting about the situation yesterday. I have no problem watching children of stay at home moms, as long as they follow my rules. I probably wouldn't choose to put my child in daycare full time if I had the option of being home, but every family has it's own style of parenting.

What frustrated me yesterday was that the mom lay the groundwork in the morning that she would be late due to the weather. I know she had the capability of being here early, or at least on time, but she was trying to finagle a way to extend her child's already super long day. She tends to push the envelope a lot with my policies, and it is unnecessary as I know she has the ability to follow them and make it here on a schedule.

I have nothing against stay at home moms - I envy them! I just wish that she could be a bit more respectful of the fact that I am also a mom, and that I treasure my family time as much as she treasures her alone time. Being late is never ok with me - but being held up at a meeting is a bit more tolerable than being late because you were prepping your dinner. I have a dinner to cook, too!

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I think there is a huge difference between a SAHM using a "mommy's morning out" program and a SAHM who kids are in daycare a lot and the mom is still late to pick them up. I would not feel comfortable working with a family where I watch the kids so mom can have hours and hours (we are taking 15+) of kid free time. Any mom that is okay with that, is not okay with me. Yes this is judgmental. I am okay with that.

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I do see what you are saying here BUT...Just as we have to read parents complaints about us, they see what we have to deal with too.

AGAIN I don't think it's fair to throw this around at all SAHM....only the ones that ABUSE the daycare rules and privileges.

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Sorry to Offend anyone, again. First time I test the waters and post again.....Seems like everytime I speak on here, it is taken the wrong way. No problem. I just go back to lurk mode and keep all my thoughts to myself.

Just for the record.....
I was a SAHM....from when my children were born to the school years.
I was a WAHM....From High School to College. (Had a full time craft business with 27 booth in 7 states. I could no longer be considered a SAHM)

I was just a MOM....Once they were out of the house.

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OP~ I understand your vent....you had a right to it. You weren't focusing on the fact that she was/is a SAHM, that was just a factor that made it harder to understand why she couldn't be on time. I have zero issues with the fact that you vented...

My issue is with people judging. I think that is very unfair. What we each find acceptable or not acceptable as far as parenting is our own opinions..... I just feel that as child care providers we have a moral obligation to not behave as if we are better than others or that we think one person's style of parenting is better or bad.

If a mom wants to put her kid in daycare for 10 hours a day every day of the week and go back home to watch Jerry Springer and shop QVC, then that is her right as a parent.... I am in NO position to judge that. I can feel sad for the child and I can think the mom is a horrible parent but I surely am not going to tell her she cannot buy my services.....not unless I am honest in how I advertise.

I mean there are a lot of providers here who say they only provide services to parents that work, I get that and that is their choice, but then they better be honest in advertising that way. It isn't fair to sell a service and then complain about how it is used....that was basically my point.

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I agree that it shouldn't be directed at ALL SAHM's but I also think that if a mom wants to buy my services every day for as many hours as I allow so she can go home and watch TV or have "me" time, that is her perogative.

I might feel sorry for her kid and I might feel bad that she is missing out on all the fun things about being a parent but I am not going to judge her for it and say she is a bad parent. No one can know what really goes on in someone's private life.

I have several kids here who have parents that buy my services so the parent can have all day every day at home alone. Yes, I feel bad but part of me feels they (the kids) are better off here. kwim?

I also answered in bold above

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I sell a service. Parents are free to buy that service. What they do while using it, is nobody's business but theirs.

Do I personally think that children should be in day care 12 hours a day? No. In fact I think it's horrendous. But that's my opinion.

I advertise that I am open 6AM to 6PM. Just like a store. The mall is open 9-9. What time of day people shop or how many hours they shop there is not the mall's business. Just be out by 9PM.

Be gone from my day care by 6PM and I'm happy.

Yes, I have had days where everyone is gone except that one child who's mom is getting her nails done. Would I like to be at home instead of waiting on her? Of course! But she's paying for me to be here until 6PM......so I just suck it up.

I bet there's time's a store in the mall is empty from 6PM to 8:45PM and the clerks want to shut down and go home....and yet here comes a shopper at 8:45PM. Too bad. They have a right to be there.

Now if the parent is late picking up.........LATE FEES baby!!!!!!!

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Blackcat I'm pretty sure we all know it's "her perogative" and most of us don't really care we just think it's funny and ironic. Everyone is in a different situaton and views things differently. I don't like being judged for my point of view on it either. Judgement about being judgmental is also funny and ironic

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touche You are so very right....

I guess I am playing parent advocate today and opinionized according to how offended I would be if I were a parent reading this thread.

....I just get a little bent out of shape when I read so many vents about not having clients and not being able to make it financially and yet on the other side of it, providers complain about what paying clients are doing when they are using their services..... we just can't have it both ways.

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I understand how you feel- but you are offering a service. If you don't want to extend beyond certain hours, then you should make that plain. If she is paying you for your services, well you work!

Our own families have to understand that we work. Even thou we are home, we are home working. Our day ends at closing time. It's no different then being at an office and counting down the time till you get to go home- except your home, counting down your time till you close. Parents mentality is that they are paying for a service, they are not looking at the providers life outside of work.

I do understand how you feel- What helps me is to treasure those very few and far between times when pick ups are early. Stop resenting and think of yourself as a working parent. Make sure your being paid well/fair so that you don't build up resentments.
Hope this helps-

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I think this is an interesting thread....I find it odd that providers are supposed to act completely neutral on every topic so as not to offend. I feel differently. Of course, here I would just say what I think. If i was speaking to a potential client, I would try and be professional in my response. BUT that doesn't change how I feel. I don't offer childcare to any family for 12 hours a day. 10 is my max. Sure they can just go find someone else to watch the kids while mom tans all day.....BUT I refuse to be a part of that type of scenario. It goes against my moral standards to knowingly be a part of a family that is okay with parents being away from kids for that long, all day, every day when there is not a legitimate reason for it (like school, work, serious illness or handicaps, etc). I am not going to change my values just to make a dollar.

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I totally get it!! And eventhough we have these judgements doesn't mean we're bad providers or that we treat our clients with disrespect, it just means we're humans who have different ways of looking at situations. I'm sure the mom judges me on all sorts of points too...maybe she thinks I'm obsessed with my kid, or that I'm trying t win "mother of the year award" etc.!!

Also the people complaining about not being able to make it financially might not be the same people complaining about parents. I also know that I'm a damn good provider and if your child is with me they get treated with the utmost respect and care. If people are reading posts on here and thinking "oh that person is a crappy provider because she has judgments on parents" then they're deluding themselves. My particular issues with parents have NOTHING to do with the kids in my care and the care they receive.

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I don't think anyone took you the wrong way, maybe just have different opinions or views. Keep posting it makes things interesting and its how we all learn. Don't cop a tude

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and this is me, i even wrote it in my contract, that i only work for families who need me, not go tanning. I don't mind watching kids of my reg. who need to get things done because they don't abuse my service, they come and go at reg. time. I think thats why I dont' get stressed at my job. I control who is in my house. I did have parents in the past who loved to abuse my job and it made me resent them. I got tired of hearing how they went tanning, got a hair cut, got their nails done....it was like they were rubbing it in my face, I put a stop to it. If you needed all the "me time" then they shouldn't have had kids.

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oh and we are all sahm's HELLO PEOPLE, we are surrogate mothers to all the children in our care.

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I agree with most of this but if you have contracted hours you can avoid a lot of this. I tell my parents during interview that if they are going to be late past 5 to come in hand with cash and we will have no worries, never to rush getting here because I don't want someone getting in an accident to be here on time. You have those that abuse and those that are sincere and then you have those that just follow the rules and bring cash in hand......makes me sooooooo It's like getting a tip, and I don't feel resentments. The parent understands right from the get go how I feel. I also put it right out there in the interview that I don't like to have to chase for late fees or to be paid. The human side of me understands we don't live in a perfect world, the don't abuse me side understands that extra cash is nice

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I agree that the kids might be better off with the provider if a SAHM has NO intentions of being with their child.

I don't think anyone called SAHMs bad, but it is very sad and wrong when they are not following the rules and are showing up late for pick ups or early for drop offs because of reasons as we listed..

I have had moms tell me oh I feel asleep watching soaps, sorry I am 3 hours late for pick up
Or I am late because my nail polish was still wet and I could not get my keys out of my purse....
I think we all know those kind and yes they are not bad, but they are not right either.

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I do not resent the families that I work with - I love most of them. I have a waiting list, and I am particular about who I accept. I am well paid, and run a tight ship. This one particular mom, who is here from a recommendation od another DCM, just pushes the envelope. I am incredibly clear about my policies, and she knows that I close at 4:00. She didn't come at her contracted ending time - she came 10 minutes later. I also made it a point in the morning to tell her to plan accordingly to ensure an on-time pick-up. She really is just an entitled, self important woman.

I have no problem having the children here during my paid, working hours. I just am tired of being disrespected by this particular mother when it comes to my own personal time. I also get tired of the attempted manipulation ("I may be late due to the snowstorm." "I have a doctor's appointment and he ALWAYS runs late.") I am an intelligent person - when I hear these statements from parents, I know they are laying groundwork for a late pickup later. Drop the disclaimers and be a responsible parent who is entered into a mutual contract for the safe and loving care of your child.

My family is supportive of the work I do each day. I have developed my program to meet our needs as a family, and that includes my contracted hours. I treat each child and family here with respect. I just would like to be treated with the same respect. I deserve it - I am taking care of their most important people every day.

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AMEN SISTER!!!!

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Well, thanks! I sure am interested in the discussion this thread has lead to ~ I really was just having a moment yesterday when I needed to vent ~

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OP, I understand your frustration, and it is only human to resent her taking advantage of you when our perspective tells us she has it so easy (may not be true, she may be married to an *** and sneaking around getting an education with plans to get out).

It DOES add a bit more salt in the wound than a young couple working 4 jobs between them, making the same mistakes.

Off topic a tad. So the term Housewife is no longer PC?

I know a local home daycare provider who sends her own two kids to another provider (1 hr before her opening, 45 minutes past her closing) because they make it too hard to do her job. The other provider charges less for her two kids than she charges for one. Here, our own kids count into our ratios.

I don't think the issue is Moms vs. Providers.... we are all the same.

I am just a bit more jealous of some than others....

I love my kids, I love my life, I love the freedom that comes with earning my own income but if you think I would not jump at the opportunity to have Alice (Brady Bunch for you younger folks) here with me all day.... Your crazy.

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My first inclination when reading the initial post was, "What kind of mother would leave her children in daycare all day when she doesn't work?" That is just a reflection of my personal bias, because if I only was a SAHM and didn't have to WAH, I would be SOOOO Happy!

But then I read the other replies and I came to the conclusion that one does not really know what that other mother is doing during the day. Sure, she could be tanning and sleeping and watching soaps- but, as someone mentioned, maybe she is getting an education? Maybe shes padding her stats to escape an abusive marriage, etc? Who really knows, therefore we should not judge. I also agreed with the post that stated that the parents are paying for a service that we offer, and that what they do during that time is not our business. That is very true.

Sure, little Johnny looks out of my window and sees dad sitting on the porch with the newspaper all morning and wonders why he's at daycare while daddy's home. And Katie is missing out on the love of a mother while she goes shopping for 12 hours a day, 5 days a week... That's not always the case, obviously, but I guess that's what makes our role as providers that much more important. We have to be there for that child when their own parents can't (or won't) be.

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Exactly!

Sometimes, threads take on a life of their own!

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I had an epiphany after reading all the posts.

Not everyone mom is a super mom like I am! Not everyone is as good with kids as I am Not everyone can do this for as many hours as I do and still have a positive impact Not every provider is as good as I am

There is something to be said for mothers that know their limits and entrust us as daycare providers to lend them support in raising their children. Wether that mother be a CEO, food service worker, or no actual employment at all.


Here is an example of a story where I had the initial reaction to get angry.

So I had a DCF, dad worked and SAHM. Brought daughter m-f 3.5 hours in the morning.

One day it was one of our DCKs birthdays so me and all the DCKs went out to the bakery to pick out cupcakes and then to Target to get some decorating supplies. All 7 of us (myself and 6k under the age of 4) were in target and ran into SAHM of daughter. She was very defensive and explained how she used the time she was at daycare to run errands, go grocery shopping. I said, oh I understand. We explained what we were doing there and moved on our way. An hour later, mom came to pick up daughter at her scheduled time and was all teary eyed. I gave her a hug, sat down and we talked. She just felt so inadequate as a mom because she sent her daughter to daycare so she could do chores. I realized, not very many people can do what I do! As for me and my judgements, I realized every time I judge a mother, she has probably judged herself 3 times as much.

A few times after that we would go to the store or fieldtrip for something and I invited her to come with. About 6 months after that they stopped regular services with me so DCD could stay home with mom. DCD would still come occasionally for drop-ins so mom could rejuevenate.

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I have been on both ends.

I have a sahm right now that I love to death and she is super amazing. Her DCG comes part time full days and mom does everthing in her power to be with her. MOm just can't handle doing errands when child is in tow and that's ok, I understand how hard it is. AND YOU are so right, NOT many people can do what we do. I hear it every day and I love to hear it, makes me feel important and needed.

ON the other hand, recently I was emotionally beat up by a PITA SAHM who would bring her kids here full time 5 days a week all day, call me on weekends to see if I could watch the kids too. BUT this mom would come in and complain about how I am doing a horrible job with her kids because for the 1.5 hours per day that she HAD to spend with them they were MONSTERS. ( her words, not mine)

I took one heck of an emotional beating from this woman because I knew her kids were better off with me. I played with them, gave them love, attention and affection, She gave them TV and Ipads. I made the mistake of attending a birthday party of a DCK and this DCM was there at the party too. Her children ruined the entire party and DCM had the never to turn and look at me and fault me for her children's behavior.

This is the mom that those not so nice post go out to. While I don't regret this woman in my daycare, I thank her for giving me a better back bone, but it is MOMs like her that upset us to the point of venting in the manner of some of these posts....She never respected me or my services....

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MrsB, thanks for that story. so great that you were able to help this mom. I think it is a reflection on our society that many women who become mothers have no previous experience with children and are quickly overwhelmed with even one child. I am glad you were able to support her and that she stepped up to the plate, mommy-wise.

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For what it's worth, I am not "coping a tude". I was sincere in my statement and simple walking away silently so as not to offend further. The few that have really gotten to know me on this board, KNOW I do not "cop a tude". At 53, I stopped that many years ago.

So now I will polietly and quietly walk away, shaking my head, as I tried to the first time.

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Please don't walk away! I think you have valuable input, and I would like to hear more. I don't have actual co-workers, and this is my only sounding board. I think we need you, so stick around!

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