I have a 10 month old. Not the easiest baby. Been here for 2 months.

She used to scream bloody murder every time I put her down, but I've made leaps and bounds progress. She will play a little now. However, if I don't pick her up when she wants she screams like I've never heard. It's pure fit, nothing is wrong.

I'm trying to ignore, but she will go on and on without stopping, so it doesn't give me an opportunity to pick her up when she stops screaming. Then I pick her up and it's like a reward for screaming.

This will probably pass in a few months, but ugh. Any suggestions? The screaming is so loud!

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stick her in her bed every time...tell her she can come out when she's done

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I have tried that. She wins the battle of the wills. She could cry all day if she doesn't get what she wants.

I want to give her the attention she needs, but in a positive way and not feel forced to do it.

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Ten months old...sheesh. Are the parents concerned? Does she do it at home (that they admit to)? Could you start asking what the doctor says about it?

Does she take good naps? What are her hours?

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This.

My screamer had staying power too and for a short time I honestly thought they'd stay in the crib forever and I doubted my method and wondered when I'd have to cave as the babe wasn't getting anything positive at all....

But alas! One day, I prevailed... I noticed after 10 minutes in the crib, the screeching has stopped. I waited with baited breath..... no, quiet. No screeching, no whining, no crying.

So of course I went in and made a HUGE deal out of it and what do you know.... babe still screams now and then (very short fuse and automatic tantrum) but a few minutes of calm down time in the crib seems to hit the reset button and it's all good. So I think the trick is you have to be more stubborn or patient (which ever word you prefer ) than they are.

But I will agree...the level of stubborn-ness in these kids now days is astounding! ...and impressive.

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I must be the wuss of the group because I'd pick her up. I know my 12 mo has been going through separation anxiety for a couple weeks or so. And dcg won't let anyone pick her up except me, dcm, and grandma. Granted, I can't/don't/won't rush to pick her up if I'm busy doing something else important but I will talk with her and reassure her she's okay and I'll be right there.

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Naps always start out by screaming. But after 10 min, she's down.

This is a baby that's held all the time. Parents won't cop to it, but it's so very clear.

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I'm envisioning an hour of her screaming. Isn't that...child abuse?

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How is this child abuse? Is crying all day long beneficial for the child? Any time you are trying to do what is best for the child in the end is the opposite of child abuse.

At some point this child is going to have to be broken of this atrocious habit she has gotten into. It sucks that you have to do it as a caregiver but you have two options. Break the habit, or recreate her home environment at your house. There is no in between when you have a screamer.

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Forcing her to stay is probably child abuse (term used lightly) but she is choosing to be separated from others. (screaming)

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I was using child abuse lightly, but you know...that gets thrown around alot. I can't tell you how many times I've read about so-and-so daycare provider who left a crying kid in a pack and play for a long time. I don't want to be the provider everyone is talking about

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Do you think a 10 month old has the ability to truly understand this consequence? Anything 12 months and under isn't my specialty as I take so few of them.

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I get what you mean but I think putting a kid in a pack and play and ignoring their basic needs for no reason is child abuse. Trying to help a child break a bad habit is not in my opinion. I mean if she was crying for 8 hours a day for 3 days then I would call it quits and term but I can bet she doesn't do this. The problem is people are giving into the crying and it has become a learned response. To me THAT is abusive. It is setting the child up for a miserable life at daycare full of anxiety because the parents did not have the sense to help her transition to not being held all day.

If a 10 month old can see that the consequences of crying for prolonged period of time gets her picked up she can also unlearn it.

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Yes, she can go sometimes a half hour without needing me. And then I try to do positive reinforcement. But the first time I'm doing someone else's diaper or reaching for something and she decides it's time to be held...crying fit!

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I’m gonna squeeze my 10 month old a little tighter tomorrow. His cat naps drive me nuts and his refusal to hold his own bottle but man I can’t imagine him being a screamer like that. My niece that attends a different daycare and only comes here when it’s closed is 9 months and she’s a screamer. With her when she gets like that if her basic needs are met and she’s not wet or hungry it’s in the pack & play she goes.

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I have a 14mth old that has become very clingy and will throw tantrums if I'm not holding her because I'm holding/feeding/changing one of the two infants that I have. Some days it's just a whining and a tugging at my legs for me to hold her instead of whatever it is I'm doing and other days it's a brutal screaming and throwing herself on the floor. On the just whiny days I remind her that I have to take care of the babies too and not just her and then I try to redirect her to another activity. On the bad days it's hard because her screaming fit will make the infants cry too. And she can do it for what seems like endless amounts of time. For the screaming tantrums, she gets put in the pack in play and I don't get her out until she calms down. I do not consider this abusive because her needs are met in that she is fed, safe, changed and receives ample attention throughout the day. It does let her know that tantrum throwing isn't going to get her what she wants which is my attention. It has helped and when she does have a tantrum, they don't last as long now because she wants out of the pack and play. What has helped me somewhat in preventing the tantrums to begin with is buying her a babydoll with a little carrier and a baby bottle. This way she can mimic what I'm doing. For example, When I'm about to feed a baby, I'll tell her to go get her baby and we "feed" our babies together. Also, I try to make her a helper and assign her tasks. For example, If I'm changing a baby, I have her help hand me specific things. Some days this works to keep the tantrums at bay and some days it doesn't. They're definitely less than they were before. I'm working on being consistent about it and feel the tantrums and need to be the only one getting my attention will fade more in time.

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Nice to hear my future looks brighter When my dcg is 13-14 months old, I will have a new little one. So same exact situation. I'm dreading it already

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It's in our regulations that we need to attend to a child's cries within 3 minutes.

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This is what has me concerned about the strategies discussed.

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I attend to cries. I do not attend to yelling.
There is a difference.

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That's what I'm wondering too. It's not specific, just says crying, Plus I cannot find it now where the 3 minutes was specified, maybe a network meeting or cannot see it in this book?

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While I agree we should be attending to children crying to get their needs met, i think you are intelligent enough to decipher when they are crying to get a need met and when they are trying to get their own way. Some of these rules take away the idea that a caregiver is not an automated machine and can make judgement calls.

In group care there is just no way to hold a child while simultaneously changing a diaper for example. If the diaper changes takes longer than 3 minutes what happens then?

Some of these rules are ridiculous. If you feel uncomfortable with letting the child cry for long periods put it back on the parents to correct.

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Absolutely! Its just simple cause/effect.

At 10 months, that is how they learn.

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YES! You are undoing whats been done.

She learned to scream to get attention.
You are teaching her that is not an appropriate way to "ask" for it.

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I'm curious about her personality. For instance, I have a 17 mo that is so confident, funny, independent, sassy...

When you are so dependent and clingy, how does that affect your personality?

It reminds me of those children I see that don't want to go to preschool and kindergarten, clinging to mom's leg. The ones that are so shy they can't do extracurriculars for years or go to sleepovers.

I don't think this behavior of coddling is helpful.

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I had your exact baby a number of years ago. I dealt with it just as BC and Ariana advised. She was an extremely difficult baby, a clingy, whiny toddler, and insecure preschooler. Oddly enough she has turned into a gregarious, smart and independent teenager. So I guess you just never know until you get there

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This is my concern as well with these kids. They are not taught any sort of emotional regulation. That requires a certain amount of uncomfortableness on the kids part (crying) and the adults part (hearing the crying). The valuable lesson she will learn is that crying is OK and she can get over it on her own. This will instill confidence in herself and her abilities. I also find that the more a child is coddled the more anxious they are. They are not in charge of their own emotions, someone else is.

It is sad

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You can be both loving and give your child independence. Heck, we co-slept with DS for 4 years. But I never answered every single cry. I would have been crazy if I had.

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Exactly! Lovingly enforcing boundaries. Sometimes when my kids are upset about a boundary I listen to their anger and I empathize with them. Sometimes we hug, but they do not get their own way. I support them in their dealing with negative feelings.

We have such a dysfunctional relationship with any feeling other than total happiness all the time which is not realistic. We need to learn to deal with all of our feelings. They are all normal. I truly believe that this is key to future mental health and if I can have a positive impact on a childs mental health because I enforced boundaries then that is well worth the crying.

I watch a lot of documentaries on crime and I truly believe that 99% of criminals are in jail because of poor impulse control and emotional regulation.

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INSANE. No other word for it!

(PSA not that I find responding to a child's cries in an appropriate manner insane, I find the need for a specific regulation with a blanket 'time' insane. Every child, every cry, every need, is DIFFERENT) I had a child scream for 20 minutes outside today because I said he couldn't dump bubbles. Is responding to his cry to just allow that? Or am I supposed to do whatever I can to make the crying stop? Or just address the crying? Hmmm... FTR- he was told that I understood his upset feelings, given a hug, offered something else to dump (water/bubbles) and when he chose to continue crying, he was asked to go to the cry spot, where he cried for 20 minutes.

I am seeing SO MANY more kids like this. I'm so saddened by it. NO coping skills whatsoever!

Being in charge of one's own emotions and KNOWING that you have a degree of control over them is a crucial skill, being able to self soothe, reason, be upset and know that upset feelings pass in time, etc.

Yes. Drugs (euphoria). Suicide. Mental health. Depression at an all time high (are we depressed or do we not understand the difference between life sucks sometimes and true depression?)


I wish we could get ECE to focus on social and emotional skills like they do academics. (Oh wait, maybe not!)

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OMG I wish I could fly you in to talk with the dcm of my 3 yo twins. I swear mom reacts every single time they cry or whimper. I can tell from their play that she does exactly that. One twin will pretend to be mother and walks away. The other twin will bend over and start fake crying, mother rushes in and says 'don't cry sweetie'. Ugh. And I've seen dcm do it here too.

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Just to add that when these 2 3 yos I have start crying about silly little stuff(and they can really milk it!), I'll point out that they're choosing to cry instead of choosing to play. By 3 yo it's definitely their choice.

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Yep. That inability is the root of a lot (if not most) of society's issues.



If this issue (both social emotional maturity/coping skills and the above statement in red) was tackled with the same aggressive action and intensity as gun control, we might not have an issue with gun violence. Or ANY kind of violence and/or aggression towards others.

Society continues to believe the one common denominator in tragedies like NV are guns. But the true constant is really the person's/perpetrator's ability or inability to manage their frustrations and cope with a traumatic or life changing event. Society was on the right path when they referred to these types of situations as "going postal"...at least it was a general acknowledgement of a person's inability to cope and veering from their normal.

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