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Old 03-04-2021, 10:37 AM
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Default Gender Identity

I am doing required milestone observations & assessments and we still have the sections on gender identity to document. It is under Social and Emotional Development, ages 2-3.
  • Show awareness of gender identity.
  • Know gender identity.

Anyone else nervous to even touch this section recently? How are you handling it, if at all?
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Old 03-04-2021, 11:21 AM
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I just checked them all "met".

I went with the simplest thing I could come up with, anatomy.

Specifically, Pull-Ups. I put two stacks in the bathroom, pink and blue. They went in one at a time and picked their own. Done.

Surely that won't offend?

Blue are made with more absorbency up front for the location of a urethra in a penis and pink have more in the middle for the location of a urethra in a pelvic floor.

Good? Bad? I mean they are 2-3 years old.
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Old 03-04-2021, 01:18 PM
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Licensing hasnít required this area of training in my state yet but itís probably not long before they will.

Iím not looking forward to it.
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Old 03-04-2021, 01:32 PM
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Licensing hasnít required this area of training in my state yet but itís probably not long before they will.

Iím not looking forward to it.
It came when they changed our titles from "providers" to "educators" and "Family Child Care Home" to "Family Child Care Learning Homes".

Injuries, employee turnover, job abandonment and child abuse claims have skyrocketed. No one is surprised. They stopped teaching care. Now it is reporting data, parenting parents and providing "evidence" to the state so they keep getting federal funding for their self created jobs.

But no one wants to talk about that.
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Old 03-04-2021, 04:28 PM
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Default Pink pull ups

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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I just checked them all "met".

I went with the simplest thing I could come up with, anatomy.

Specifically, Pull-Ups. I put two stacks in the bathroom, pink and blue. They went in one at a time and picked their own. Done.

Surely that won't offend?

Blue are made with more absorbency up front for the location of a urethra in a penis and pink have more in the middle for the location of a urethra in a pelvic floor.

Good? Bad? I mean they are 2-3 years old.
I had one boy come with the pink pull ups. You know, pink is his favorite color and he picked them!

Last edited by Michael; 03-04-2021 at 04:47 PM.
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Old 03-04-2021, 04:48 PM
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I had one boy come with the pink pull ups. You know, pink is his favorite color and he picked them!
I prefer salmon instead of pink.
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Old 03-04-2021, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I just checked them all "met".

I went with the simplest thing I could come up with, anatomy.

Specifically, Pull-Ups. I put two stacks in the bathroom, pink and blue. They went in one at a time and picked their own. Done.

Surely that won't offend?

Blue are made with more absorbency up front for the location of a urethra in a penis and pink have more in the middle for the location of a urethra in a pelvic floor.

Good? Bad? I mean they are 2-3 years old.
I can't roll my eyes enough

People have way to much time on their hands.

Why is it okay for girls to like and wear the color blue but Heaven forbid the boys who like and wear pink?
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Old 03-05-2021, 04:17 AM
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I had one boy come with the pink pull ups. You know, pink is his favorite color and he picked them!
He would have been marked "met", too. I really don't have a better plan. I am just winging it here.

The expectations of us rarely come with specific guidelines. I think it is so the writers hold plausible deniability. Of course, that does not mean I am right.

I was happy when they stopped labeling the iron, mop, broom, play kitchen, dolls and clean-up toys "girls" toys. If there is anything this world needs is more awesome dad's and husbands and fewer women who feel it is all their responsibility.

No, I am not ignoring lgbtq couples. I am not aware of a long history of one sided labor roles in their history. As a latchkey girl who was responsible for all chores afterschool while her brother played atari, I imagine breaking free from that must feel glorious. I know it is not that simple. Having an equal partner was just something that sounded like a fancy fairy tail to me. Stuff of daydreams.
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Old 03-05-2021, 07:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I am doing required milestone observations & assessments and we still have the sections on gender identity to document. It is under Social and Emotional Development, ages 2-3.
  • Show awareness of gender identity.
  • Know gender identity.

Anyone else nervous to even touch this section recently? How are you handling it, if at all?
Hmmm...it might be time to omit gender identity from assessments or at least update according to the times...?

Whose observation/assessments do you use?

Gender identity is so complex today. We've had children from heterosexual couples and same gender couples identify as opposite gender, including dressing, hairstyle and choosing and insisting on being called names and pronouns of opposite gender. We've had a family who did not want to assign a sex/gender nomenclature to their child, leaving it to child to determine organically. For these scenarios, how does one answer those gender identity question?
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Old 03-05-2021, 07:50 AM
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And grammar is still nascent, so my most-verbal girl uses female pronouns to refer to every person, and my most-verbal boy uses male pronouns to refer to every person. Does that mean they flunk gender awareness?

I'm not steering my kids toward two different groups of activities, I'm not prepping my girls to be domestic dynamos and my boys to be airline pilots, as long as nobody pees on the floor it's not really relevant at this age what junk they've got under their clothes, and I scrape the poop off whatever tackle they come in with.

As the concrete operational phase takes full force, don't we spend more time correcting gender over-awareness?
"You can't play with that toy; you're not a boy."
"Girls like horses."
"Yes, Sarah has a girl's name and a fluffy pink dress and little white shoes, but she hasn't lived long enough yet for her hair to grow long so I'm going to insist she's a boy."

I found a crummy knockoff Little Golden Book among my grandmother's collection; it's mind-numbingly dull and has no story line to it, just a few sentences about each of the cast of dimple-cheeked midcentury tykes it features. But there's one page where a boy wants to play with another boy who is already occupied with an activity he doesn't want to share, so instead he plays dolls with a little girl, and he's not super-into it but he is satisfied to play with a friend.

Guys, the 1950s were not as regressive as we represent them. I think the super-gendering of prepubescent kids got a huge boost in the '80s and '90s when toy manufacturers realized they could market directly to kids and duplicate everything by putting in a pink or a blue box.

Anyway, we're all potty training right now in a 1/2 bath that opens to the playroom, so there's no question about what sex all these kids are. "Why are you walking back out here with your penis hanging out," I say. "We don't show other kids those parts of our bodies."
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Old 03-05-2021, 10:27 AM
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I prefer salmon instead of pink.
Me, too. It is my favorite color to wear along with spring green. It is not too red, too orange or too pink, it is just the right shade of happy.
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Old 03-05-2021, 10:28 AM
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Originally Posted by dolores View Post
Hmmm...it might be time to omit gender identity from assessments or at least update according to the times...?

Whose observation/assessments do you use?
My states'.
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  #13  
Old 03-05-2021, 11:54 AM
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I'm not familiar with these type of assessments. My state doesn't do that, so I may be completely off base when I say what I'm about to say. Please correct me if I'm not understanding. Wouldn't it be "met" so long as they are familiar with their own gender, whatever that may be, and recognize that their gender isn't necessarily the same as a peer's gender. For example my newly two year old who has a budding vocabulary, doesn't yet use pronouns, or gender in reference to anyone. I'd say "not met". However my 3 year old declares herself a big girl, and uses pronouns when speaking about others, not just using their name. I'd say "met."
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Old 03-05-2021, 12:08 PM
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I'm not familiar with these type of assessments. My state doesn't do that, so I may be completely off base when I say what I'm about to say. Please correct me if I'm not understanding. Wouldn't it be "met" so long as they are familiar with their own gender, whatever that may be, and recognize that their gender isn't necessarily the same as a peer's gender. For example my newly two year old who has a budding vocabulary, doesn't yet use pronouns, or gender in reference to anyone. I'd say "not met". However my 3 year old declares herself a big girl, and uses pronouns when speaking about others, not just using their name. I'd say "met."
You are thinking the same way I am. The kids are the easy part. It is the parents questioning/debating I am not prepared for anymore. It used to be easy, "Girls, jump up and down. Boys spin, spin around. Now, everyone, shake it out, shake it out."

For the parents who don't want gender pressure, labeling or segregation, that simply does not work, anymore. I am left with figuring out something new. This is new to me, too.

Clearly, the pull-ups idea won't work long term. Luckily, my current parents just found it funny. It won't stay like that in the next 10 years, though. I need a better plan or I may just start skipping the section..
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Old 03-05-2021, 12:21 PM
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I can't roll my eyes enough

People have way to much time on their hands.

Why is it okay for girls to like and wear the color blue but Heaven forbid the boys who like and wear pink?
Yeah. I know, it was not the best idea. It was just the only one I had that seemed less offensive than the previous one. It's been a couple years since I had two year olds and I forgot the questions were on there (it is not on any other age group). I had 1 hour to get done before the baby woke up and I did what I could with what I had. It was not great.

FTR, I don't like doing these assessments. I don't want to. I think they are a ridiculous waste of time that should be between the parents and their pediatricians. I just want to do child care, but here we are.
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Old 03-05-2021, 01:13 PM
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I found a crummy knockoff Little Golden Book among my grandmother's collection; it's mind-numbingly dull and has no story line to it, just a few sentences about each of the cast of dimple-cheeked midcentury tykes it features. But there's one page where a boy wants to play with another boy who is already occupied with an activity he doesn't want to share, so instead he plays dolls with a little girl, and he's not super-into it but he is satisfied to play with a friend.

Guys, the 1950s were not as regressive as we represent them.
True. My uncle gave me a big green Tonka bulldozer when I was four (in the '50s.) And when I was twelve, I asked for an erector set. My mom was rather dismayed, but I did receive it, one with a motor, and I loved it. I still love building toys.
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Old 03-05-2021, 01:29 PM
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Guys, the 1950s were not as regressive as we represent them.
I know.

I grew up in the 70's - 80's. I think it was the pendulum swing after the 60's.
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Old 03-05-2021, 03:39 PM
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He would have been marked "met", too. I really don't have a better plan. I am just winging it here.

The expectations of us rarely come with specific guidelines. I think it is so the writers hold plausible deniability. Of course, that does not mean I am right.

I was happy when they stopped labeling the iron, mop, broom, play kitchen, dolls and clean-up toys "girls" toys. If there is anything this world needs is more awesome dad's and husbands and fewer women who feel it is all their responsibility.

No, I am not ignoring lgbtq couples. I am not aware of a long history of one sided labor roles in their history. As a latchkey girl who was responsible for all chores afterschool while her brother played atari, I imagine breaking free from that must feel glorious. I know it is not that simple. Having an equal partner was just something that sounded like a fancy fairy tail to me. Stuff of daydreams.

I completely agree.

Last summer I had a bunch of school age kids. The boys & girls were playing restaurant. The boys got rambunctious, as usual, and the girls got tired of playing with them. It became the ďgirls turn to orderĒ and the boys kept bringing plate after plate, plastic food upon food, thinking they were funny. When I asked them all to pick up and sit down for lunch, the boys came bouncing out to the kitchen asking what was for lunch while the girls picked up all the mess they made.

I was livid. I immediately told the girls to sit down and informed the boys they werenít allowed to sit down for lunch until everything had been picked up.

I can already guess the roles theyíre taught at home, but they wonít be taught that way at my home.
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Old 03-05-2021, 05:18 PM
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What about that 3 year old girl, wearing the frilly dress grandma picked out who says, "I'z a boy. I need a pee stick (penis)" This child told us he was a boy and was forced by society to "coform". He is now a sweet, 22 year old boy.
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Old 03-05-2021, 06:53 PM
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What about that 3 year old girl, wearing the frilly dress grandma picked out who says, "I'z a boy. I need a pee stick (penis)" This child told us he was a boy and was forced by society to "coform". He is now a sweet, 22 year old boy.
I'm so sad for anyone who is forced to live an inauthentic life, but so happy he now is able to be true to himself. I'm real confused by this state's assessment requirements and the need for a child's awareness of gender identity. To me, I'd think him stating he is a boy, is him being aware of his gender identity and would be labeled as met.

Truthfully such a thing seems unnecessary to be on an assessment, but if it is there, without specific guidance, and required then really all that the provider needs to do is update their definition of gender.

Does the child have the vocabulary and social awareness to define themselves or define their peers in any sort of way? No. Then not met.

Does the child have the vocabulary and social awareness to declare themselves a gender, including non-binary, with the ability to differentiate what their peers gender identities are? Yes. Then met.

It shouldn't be about if their idenity matches their genitals. It is about rather they have the awareness and vocabulary to identify their gender.
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Old 03-06-2021, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
My states'.
My state does not require observation/assessment for family daycare however I do use them to determine if my munchkins are meeting their milestones, for curriculum planning as well as to provide parents with information about their child's development. I've used generic assessments found online and recently Mother Goose/Experience Early Learning which do not mention gender identity in the social-emotional or any other domain.

I recently subscribed to Daily Connect child care app and do see 'know gender identity' and 'show awareness of gender identify' for 2-3 year olds under observation. Interestingly, gender is not mentioned for 3-4 or 4-5yo which is where I've observed gender identity strongly emerging from child's perspective. I will be inclined to choose 'not assessed' since gender is fluid and it is a lot to put on providers, not to mention toddlers/preschoolers to determine based on traditional expectations.
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Old 03-07-2021, 06:11 AM
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I recently subscribed to Daily Connect child care app and do see 'know gender identity' and 'show awareness of gender identify' for 2-3 year olds under observation. Interestingly, gender is not mentioned for 3-4 or 4-5yo which is where I've observed gender identity strongly emerging from child's perspective. I will be inclined to choose 'not assessed' since gender is fluid and it is a lot to put on providers, not to mention toddlers/preschoolers to determine based on traditional expectations.
Exactly, it is only in the 2-3 year assessment. I think I am going to do this, too, from now on. Thank you!!
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Old 03-08-2021, 10:21 AM
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What about that 3 year old girl, wearing the frilly dress grandma picked out who says, "I'z a boy. I need a pee stick (penis)" This child told us he was a boy and was forced by society to "coform". He is now a sweet, 22 year old boy.
That is actually really easy. I don't allow frilly dresses since we play in mud and water every day. This child would have been changed into dark colored cotton play clothes and crocs upon arrival like everyone else. At three he would have been able to pick them out, himself. I supply, launder and keep them here. They go home in their own clean clothes.

It is discussing it with the parents that present the issue.

I am still researching, no worries guys. You have to remember I an oldish and re-learning here. Give me some of your ideas, please.
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Old 03-09-2021, 07:25 PM
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I don't believe in these ridiculous assessments for TODDLERS whatsoever. I was never a school. I also don't believe in the nonsense being sold these days. We are perpetuating a dysphoria, and minimizing the underlying causes of mental illness by allowing these changes to deny reality. Parents want to feel less judgmental or maybe they wanted the opposite sex child, or maybe they were told "boys don't play with dolls and girls don't play with trucks " so they then feel like they need to live through their child. Children live in a world of pretend, and that should NOT be messed with by forcing these new age thoughts down their throats. FFS a 2 YO is incapable of comprehending such ideas in the first place. Born a girl, you're a girl. Point blank. Period. Doesn't matter what we want to believe. I feel this is a huge mistake what society is doing. I would QUIT daycare before I conform to this unhealthy way of lying to ourselves just simply hecause we don't like who we really are. We don't need to fill out forms and try teaching children this crap. We need to seek psychological help so we can figure out how to manage our issues, not let them rule our lives.
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