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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Son Kicked Off School Bus WWYD?
Unregistered 11:28 AM 03-31-2011
I have a 7 year old son who is basically a very good sweet little boy, although he does have his moments. He is super when he is home with me but often gets into trouble as he is very easily led by other kids and likes to show off. He is unfortunately a follower not a leader. :-(

We have 3 boys who live in our neighborhood who ride the school bus with him whom I do not allow my son to hang with as they are not nice boys. These boys are not allowed anywhere near our property and there are other neighbors of ours who are the same way with these boys. The boys have little to no parental supervision and are allowed to pretty much do as they please.

For the past few months my son has been having problems on the school bus and all of the episodes included these boys as well. My son has been told by my husband and I to stay away from these boys! He does at home!

These problems on the bus were mostly with sitting still/standing up, not staying in his seat, tossing things like his hat, mittens yelling/speaking loudly to the other children etc.

My husband and I have spoken with him several times regarding this and have threatened him with him losing EVERYTHING he owns should he ever end up being suspended from riding the bus. Yesterday morning the bus driver handed my husband a report which will result in my son being suspended from the bus for 3 days.

My plan is this. Tonight when my daycare children are all gone for the evening my husband and I ARE going to remove everything from his room except for his bed and his dresser. My son will be allowed no TV at ALL for 2 weeks as well. After 2 weeks he will be allowed to watch one half hour tv show per day but ONLY if he earns the right to do so. If he has good days at school and on the bus only then has he earned the right to watch TV. Also after 2 weeks we are going to start allowing him to earn back his belongings one item at a time.


We are supposed to drive him to school for these 3 days however I refuse to do so! Being driven to school is something he will enjoy too much so I don't see the point in driving him. I have decided that he is going to remain home, in his room doing school work from the time he is supposed to be in school until the time he is to return home. So from 9 am until 3 pm my son will be doing school work and will not be allowed to leave his room.

What would you all do in a situation such as this?

OH this time he received a bus report for "exchanging inappropriate language with another student" which in my opinion is totally not acceptable!!

The boys who he is not allowed to hang with sit directly across from him on the bus and one of these boys were the ones he was exchanging words with.

I am not blaming anyone but my son for this as it was he was the one who made the choice to do such thing.


I am a registered user I am just using my laptop right now and don't remember my password which is saved on my home computer so I have not been able to log in from here.
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cheerfuldom 11:55 AM 03-31-2011
I would not keep him home from school. If at all possible, I would drive him to and from school knowing that his is not mature enough to resist so much peer pressure (with no supervision on the bus), especially if they have assigned seats. I would give him a consequence but stripping his room bare and having the punishment drag on for weeks is too severe for the age as far as I am concerned. Yes he choose to behave so but you have to remember that he is seven. He doesn't have the impulse control or maturity to make great choices right now especially considering his personality of being a follower. I would give him a consequence but overall, I think you are being too harsh.
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jen 11:55 AM 03-31-2011
In addition to everything else you are doing, I would ask the bus driver to save my child the seat directly behind him for the remainder of the school year.
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jessrlee 12:10 PM 03-31-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
In addition to everything else you are doing, I would ask the bus driver to save my child the seat directly behind him for the remainder of the school year.
I totally agree with this!

I am a really really mean mom. I would work out a deal with the school, I would ride the bus to and from school with ds for a week and work on his bus behavior. I would then tell him for ever note home, he would need a reminder course.

I agree that the older kids are egging him on, but he has to learn to ignore him or some day someone could help him get into really big trouble.
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Unregistered 12:16 PM 03-31-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
In addition to everything else you are doing, I would ask the bus driver to save my child the seat directly behind him for the remainder of the school year.
I like this idea! I would drive him to school so he doesn't miss school b/c he may do other naughty things later in life assuming he will get out of school.

I would try to find a way he can "repay" you for your trouble of driving him to school. Washing your vehicle, use his allowance for gas, etc. Make him do some community service preferably at/for the bus company where the offense took place. Intentionally schedule it at a time where it forces him to miss out on something else he really wanted to do (b-day party, hockey, etc). Love and logic stresses that you need to make mistakes their problem not yours and they will learn how inconvienient it can be to break rules. Google them for more info- they have a great website.
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DBug 12:36 PM 03-31-2011
I have a friend whose child was also suspended from the bus. She made him walk to school while driving right beside him (he was in gr. 2 or 3 at the time). It was a good couple of miles to and from school, but he never got kicked off the bus again

The other punishments are a bit harsh though, like PP said. If you threatened it, then you've got to follow through, but for next time I would suggest picking a more natural consequence ... like walking to school for getting kicked off the bus. If he gets to stay home or gets a lift from you, it may be more of a positive thing for him, rather than a negative ...
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Jewels 12:43 PM 03-31-2011
Originally Posted by jessrlee:
I totally agree with this!

I am a really really mean mom. I would work out a deal with the school, I would ride the bus to and from school with ds for a week and work on his bus behavior. I would then tell him for ever note home, he would need a reminder course.

I agree that the older kids are egging him on, but he has to learn to ignore him or some day someone could help him get into really big trouble.
I think riding the bus with him would be really cruel to the child, Seat behind the bus driver that I would do, but by having mommy on the bus with him, He would be ridiculed so much by the kids, that it would just be mean, and I know you said your mean, but this would give other children way to much ammo, and could just send the kid home crying everyday,,,,way to far. And anyways it would do no good, he would never even move a muscle with you there, he needs to learn to behave well without his mom by his side, he already knows how to behave with his mom by his side.
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mac60 12:45 PM 03-31-2011
What happened to the other kids involved. It does matter. While I understand your child was wrong in exchanging words, just what was said to him for the word exchange.

My theory is it always takes 2 to tango, and there needs to be a consequence for the others involved also. The other boys should be in assigned seats as well as your son. Action needs to be taken on all involved, not just 1 child.

And lastly, why did the driver allow things to go this far? Years ago my son got in trouble on the bus and suspended for 3 days, the other kid involved got nothing. That in itself is wrong....both boys need to be addressed and given the same punishment. It takes two, unless you stand in front of a mirror and argue/fight with yourself. The kid my son got in trouble with was a trouble maker,,,,,he was always picking fights, then would cry wolf to mommy.
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youretooloud 12:54 PM 03-31-2011
You asked WWYD... So, this is truly JUST what I would do. Not what is necessarily right. It's just what I'd do.
He'd go to school.

OR.. if I couldn't drive him to school. (I had too many daycare kids by the time school started, so I wouldn't have been able to drive them) If I couldn't drive him to school.. he'd know THAT is why he's sitting at home in his room. Not that "you were bad, I'm not letting you go to school" but, "You made the choice to get thrown off the bus, and I CAN'T take you or pick you up, so you have to sit at home instead...BUT, lucky boy that you are, you are going to be doing makeup work for your teacher for over a week, because she's going to save each and every page you are missing in a little folder and we'll just add that to your homework". Yay for long nights of makeup work.

I wouldn't (again, this is just me) I wouldn't take anything else away from him, unless it had something to do with his crime. So, taking his toys away wouldn't really fit the crime. But, Making him walk to school would. *obviously I have no idea how far away the school is*
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countrymom 02:18 PM 03-31-2011
ok, my kids drive the bus. First, if you and the bus driver knew this was going on (issues) why didn't you or the driver move your child. We've had problems that I had to speak to the driver to move my child because of the nonsense. Also, what happened to the other child, did he get suspended. And if nothing is done about the problem why are you not going up higher to the company and compaining.
As for the punishment, I don't believe in removing furniture, because I think this issue could have been avoided and you should have done something, yes I know it sounds like I'm mean, but I have 4 kids who ride the bus so I know what its like, you need to stay on top of these things. Also, your boys is 7, (my ds is 8) sometimes they just don't understand. I would make him walk to school, to me that is enough punishment. save the removing the furniture and tv time for something bigger. Make the punishment fit the crime. (we live in the county, imagine the walk my kids would have to take, but this is the punishment for missing the bus too)
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laundrymom 02:26 PM 03-31-2011
I would do as you planned but make him walk to school beside you driving. It took my oldest walking once to cure all four of mine from behavior on the bus. I would also request sitting directly behind the driver from now on.
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momatheart 02:37 PM 03-31-2011
By everything I assume you mean extras like tv, games, all the entertainment stuff in his room. Not harsh.

I would sit down and tell him that after thinking about taking all his stuff out of his room that you have decided that this would be a better fit:

Walking to school while you drive beside him. And He will have a new seat behind the bus driver for the rest of the school year. (this would be enough to straighten me out)

Wait upon thinking on this and doing what you say would do I would do what you originally said but add the walking and assigned seat to the list.
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Lucy 02:49 PM 03-31-2011
As far as mom riding the bus, I doubt this is allowed. The company that works for most of the school districts in my 3-county area does not allow ANY body but school kids on the bus. No exceptions except for emergency personnel, of course.

I like the idea of making him walk. It is a direct consequence of losing his bus privilege. The logic is -- you can't ride the bus, so you walk. Drive beside him, or have a friend, relative or neighbor drive beside him. But this is the most directly related punishment as far as I see it. I would also add some kind of extra chore at home. Losing tv privileges is good.

Whatever you tell him the punishment is - STICK TO IT!! That is the most important thing. Even if you second-guess yourself, or he seems like he has learned his lesson after half the amount of time, it doesn't matter. Stick to what you said from the beginning.

Chicago? I just noticed my info says I live in Chicago??? And that picture is not one I picked either. Where did all this come from Michael???
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jessrlee 03:39 PM 03-31-2011
I'm sorry if I offended you. My point is that my child getting kicked off the bus would affect a lot of people. It would affect the school, the poor bus driver that has to deal with an awful lot from kids, myself, my spouse, my daycare families. That is an awful lot of people to affect because you didn't behave. The OP certainly has a lot of good advice to follow. Sorry again for stirring the pot.
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Unregistered 04:15 PM 03-31-2011
I would go to the school and stick up for my son, ask that he be kept away from the other boys and FIND A WAY to take him to and from school myself. If it means getting an assistant, so be it. This is YOUR kid.

If problems continue I would consider changing schools or home schooling.

I would sit down tonight with him and get HIS side of the story.

Ask him to tell you what he could have done about the situation that would not have broken the rules.

If he can't tell you, help him come up with a plan, and alternative and a back up.

Ask him to tell you who he can ask for help on the way to, from and at school.

If he can't name these people, tell him who they are, and go with him to make sure they know who they are.

Do not leave him unattended in the presence of these other kids, and do not punish him further.
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mickey2 07:24 AM 04-01-2011
Thank you all for your advice. I am the original poster of this post and I am just so frustrated with my son!

I will not blame other people for my son's inappropriate choices or actions and my child will respect and listen to his parents, his teachers, his bus driver......etc

At 7 years old, soon to be 8 he does not lack the maturity to know right from wrong and he should be able to listen. He is not 2 or 3 and I will not treat him like he is. I do have high expectations of my son and I want him to be a good person.

Some of you seem to think that I am being too harsh but it is my job as a parent to make sure he learns now that there are all kinds of people in this world and he needs to do the right thing and follow rules whether the others do or do not.

For the past several months he has been warned by my husband and I regarding his not listening to the bus driver for little things. Rather than write reports the bus driver chose to tell us in the hopes that we would deal with these things which we were doing. We support the bus driver as this is HIS bus, his rules. The poor guy has 30 kids to get safely to school. I am not doing my son any favors by taking my sons side and getting angry at the adults in his life who need to lay down the law. I will listen to what my son has to say but ultimately I will side with the grown up in charge.

We all do child care and we see all this happening day in and day out with our day parents where a dck tells them something that is not the way it was. We know how that works!! Parents take their kids side and poor Sally or Tommy, you actually said no to them and disciplined their kid how dare you?? That is why so many kids run their parents. Because parents allow it.

At first whenever we were told something we would speak with our son and explain why he was not allowed to stand, speak loudly to , throw things back to these other kids etc. on the bus yet still every so often he would "forget" so we started sending him to his room after school for a period of time and telling him that if these things continued he would be losing some items very dear to him.

Things would seem to get better for a period of time but then he would do something else that the bus driver had to speak with him about several times.

We are just done with our son doing things continually AFTER he has been told and explained the reasons why he can not do these things more than once or twice. He should not have to have things repeated to him constantly.

I think he needs to see that we mean business when we say "listen to the bus driver"

He does however do many of these things to get a reaction from 3 other boys who ride the bus as well. Like I said he is a show off and a follower. He will do anything to get attention from these kids who do "egg him on"

The swearing at the two boys and the suspension from riding the bus is the last straw. This is out of character for him and I was actually shocked and could not believe that he used the word that he did and he denied it at first. Then he admitted to me that he did. I may seem mean but he was warned that if he ever got suspended from riding the bus that he would lose everything! As badly as I feel about doing this, and I really do, I must follow through. This is going to be much harder on me than it is him trust me!

Monday Tuesday and Wednesday are the days that he will not be allowed to ride the bus.
These 3 days I must provide care and my day children start arriving at 6 30 am so driving him is not an option unless I cancel my days which will greatly inconvenience my parents. I will need to cancel 7 children!
Him walking to school is not an option because we live a 20 minute drive from the school so it would take a good 1 1/2 hour for him to get there by foot and where we live it would be a very long cold slippery walk this time of year.

My son will be sitting in his room at his desk doing school work from 9 am until 3 pm each of these days! It will not be fun to stay home with mommy trust me!

I have decided that he will lose everything! All his toys, his wii and all his wii games, ds and ds games, all his music (ipod) his TV etc for 2 weeks.
He will be allowed to read books or draw pictures or be just be involved in conversation with us from the time he gets off the bus each day which is roughly 4 pm until we eat at 6. So for 2 hours a day for 2 weeks to not have his things is not that harsh of a punsihment and he will see that I mean business.

After 2 weeks he will be able to earn things back.

I will be speaking with the bus driver daily as well as getting a daily report from his teacher each day. Each day that he has earned it he will be allowed to watch a 1/2 hour tv show until the end of this school year. He may or may not be allowed more TV time after school is done for the year but we will see how it goes.

This is not going to kill him and in my opinion will make him a better little person who is likeable by all adults.
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Jewels 07:42 AM 04-01-2011
I agree with you, I do not think you are being to harsh, he is paying for his mistakes after being warned, and you are carrying out your threats, good for you, for disciplining your child, I also would never go in and stick up for my son, he does something wrong he needs to pay for. Your good, you love your child, and your teaching him a lesson.
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jen 07:56 AM 04-01-2011
I agree with you as well. I don't think that you are being too harsh.

By teaching him these things now, you'll avoid a whole host of problems later on; not to mention raising a strong, independent child who knows how to think and act for himself.

Kuddos to you Mom!!!
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youretooloud 08:42 AM 04-01-2011
I agree that I would NOT ever go stick up for him, or bail him out of this mess, OR ask if the other boys were also thrown off the bus. The other boys may have provoked him, but they may not have done the misbehaving. (there ARE times when you have to stick up for him... but, this isn't one of them)

If other kids can talk a seven year old into getting in trouble, then when he's seventeen, he will be easily talked into much more serious issues. He needs to learn now at age seven that he's responsible for his choices.

I watched a kid about 10 years ago that was always being thrown off the bus for fighting, or fighting at the bus stop. Mom would take a day off of work to go stick up for him. Her point was "What happened to the kids he was fighting with.. they obviously provoked him, they should have the same punishment" But, it wasn't always the same kid... so, the school tried to reason with mom, that if it's always a different kid, clearly YOUR kid is the common denominator here, and HE'S responsible. But, she'd argue his way out of a punishment every time. Until he turned 16. He beat up a 17 yr old so badly that the kid has permanent brain damage. The 17 yr old was just sitting on M's car. M is being tried as an adult, and is sitting in an adult prison right now waiting for trial.

I really believe that if Mom had handled the problem when we was five and six, that he'd be on the wrestling team or the star of the football team right now instead of waiting for his trial.
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Unregistered 08:52 AM 04-01-2011
Way too harsh! I'm glad you're not my mom.

If you want to punish him, fine, punish him. I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve a punishment. But what you're doing is akin to putting him on lock down. There are convicted criminals with more than what you're going to be allowing him. Even those in segregation get an hour of yard time a day before they have to go back to their cells! He's 7 and he said some bad words... he didn't knife anyone!

I'm pretty tough on my kids, but this is way overboard. You asked wwyd, but it seems that you already had your mind made up, so why did you bother to post?
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mickey2 04:42 PM 04-01-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Way too harsh! I'm glad you're not my mom.

If you want to punish him, fine, punish him. I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve a punishment. But what you're doing is akin to putting him on lock down. There are convicted criminals with more than what you're going to be allowing him. Even those in segregation get an hour of yard time a day before they have to go back to their cells! He's 7 and he said some bad words... he didn't knife anyone!

I'm pretty tough on my kids, but this is way overboard. You asked wwyd, but it seems that you already had your mind made up, so why did you bother to post?


Lucky for my son that I am his mom because I care! He will only have 3 days of experiencing "lock down" and not a life sentence.

I will betcha a million $$$ he does not do anything again that will ever result in suspension of his bus privileges. I will also bet that he does not turn out to be a convicted criminal by the time he is 16.

I love my son more than anything in the world and although I am very tough & firm, I am still very fair with my child. I have raised 4 other children much the same way as I am raising my young son and despite me being "too harsh" they have turned out to be very successful wonderful young men and women who have great jobs and have started their own families. They are now 30, 27, 26 and 23 years of age so in the past my harshness has resulted in producing great grown kids.

Being harsh and strict in my opinion is the best thing you can do for your kids.
I am not out to be their best friend when they are little.

I will say though, that my older kids ARE my friends now and they all love me and thank me.
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Abigail 12:38 AM 04-02-2011
To the OP, I agree with your punishment. I had a strict mom growing up and turned out well! LOL.

You should stick to your word about taking away all his electronic toys as you mentioned. I do have two other recommendations though. I would get a quote from a cab company to drive him to/from school for three days and have him do chores to pay you back for the cab. Here it is $10 to and from each day for cabs to bring students, but I'm not sure if that is a flat rate or not. It was $5 each way and my friend payed me that to bring his daughter to school because he knew me and not the cab driver. LOL. The other recommendation I have for your son to do is to write a letter to the bus driver saying he is sorry, etc.

Removing his electronics (I would for one week because I know how hard it is to go without technology and think two weeks is too long) and making him attend school with a cab and work for you to pay you back for those days, and writing a letter to the bus driver is plenty for a punishment of this kind.
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MyAngels 07:01 AM 04-02-2011
Originally Posted by Children First:
Lucky for my son that I am his mom because I care! He will only have 3 days of experiencing "lock down" and not a life sentence.

I will betcha a million $$$ he does not do anything again that will ever result in suspension of his bus privileges. I will also bet that he does not turn out to be a convicted criminal by the time he is 16.

I love my son more than anything in the world and although I am very tough & firm, I am still very fair with my child. I have raised 4 other children much the same way as I am raising my young son and despite me being "too harsh" they have turned out to be very successful wonderful young men and women who have great jobs and have started their own families. They are now 30, 27, 26 and 23 years of age so in the past my harshness has resulted in producing great grown kids.

Being harsh and strict in my opinion is the best thing you can do for your kids.
I am not out to be their best friend when they are little.

I will say though, that my older kids ARE my friends now and they all love me and thank me.
No advice here, but I just wanted to say good for you! It's nice to see parents who are responsible for actually parenting their children, and not trying to be their best friend at the expense of raising them to be good, responsible citizens. You go girl.
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Blackcat31 07:28 AM 04-02-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Way too harsh! I'm glad you're not my mom.

If you want to punish him, fine, punish him. I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve a punishment. But what you're doing is akin to putting him on lock down. There are convicted criminals with more than what you're going to be allowing him. Even those in segregation get an hour of yard time a day before they have to go back to their cells! He's 7 and he said some bad words... he didn't knife anyone!

I'm pretty tough on my kids, but this is way overboard. You asked wwyd, but it seems that you already had your mind made up, so why did you bother to post?
Which is exactly why a majority of criminals are repeat offenders! The punishment for a crime needs to make a strong impact! If it doesn't it does not detour the person from doing it again!

The OP asked wwyd because she wanted other opinions...parents do that sometimes....even if they already had an idea of what they had planned...it is still nice to throw it out there and see if you are on the right track or not.
THAT'S what makes her a good mom!

When I was a kid, I purposely missed the bus after my dad would not give me permission to catch a ride home with an older friend who just got their license. So when this friend dropped me off at home I walked in thinking I was so smart and my dad drove me straight back to school and made me walk home! We lived 9 miles from school!

My parents were strict and I can honestly say that I thought they were harsh, but I look back now and I see how their harsh way of thinking paid off...they raised 6 productive, dependable, and law abiding children. RARELY did we ever repeat a bad behavior as children......because the punishment was strict enough to detour us from repeat behavior!

Children First: I think you are handling it right and teaching your son a valuable lesson.
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cheerfuldom 08:07 AM 04-02-2011
Children First, after re-reading your entire posts and all the backstory, I have now changed my mind. This obviously was far from an isolated incident and you have given your son numerous consequences with no permanent change. The fact that you have stayed consistent, have various authority figures involved, etc. shows that you have really done your homework and taken this situation seriously. Also, I now understand that this is 3 days, not 2 full weeks. I agree that it is better to err on the side of strict than permissive and see that you are doing this in your son's best interest and as a last resort. He can keep up with his schoolwork (as there is no alternative to get him to school) and he will not die from a few days of "lockdown". Good for you to remain firm on boundaries. Disregarding authorities, swearing, following the crowd and doing bad things for attention are all things that need to stop now.
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Unregistered 10:35 AM 04-02-2011
What a waste of a thread if you come on here and ask wwyd and then are only prepared to listen to the people who agree with you.

I'm tough on my kids, but I make the punishment fit the crime.

But hey, whatever works for you. As you said, you've successfully raised children already, don't know why you needed to come here to get confirmation on your parenting style.
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Unregistered 10:40 AM 04-02-2011
Don't you think staying home from school is a privledge? I believe your child will again act up knowing that his punishment is avoiding school, somthing many kids work hard to find a way out of.

You might be mean and make him stay in his room and do his homework etc but missing school should never be an option. Missing school might be just what this kid is looking to do in the first place.
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jen 03:12 PM 04-02-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
What a waste of a thread if you come on here and ask wwyd and then are only prepared to listen to the people who agree with you.

I'm tough on my kids, but I make the punishment fit the crime.

But hey, whatever works for you. As you said, you've successfully raised children already, don't know why you needed to come here to get confirmation on your parenting style.
I'm fairly certain that she is free to chat about and discuss anything on this board that she'd like...probably more so than some as she is a registered member.

Please feel free not to participate if you don't agree with the topic of conversation.
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cheerfuldom 04:02 PM 04-02-2011
sometimes it helps to post things and that gets all your thoughts straight. Sometimes you change your mind, sometimes the posting confirms what you originally felt was right.
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mickey2 04:30 PM 04-02-2011
Thank you so much everyone especially those of you who have been supportive. Trust me I am not having a fun day today!

My son is NOT happy so neither is anyone else in this house.

Yes my mind was pretty much made up before I posted but I felt so bad I needed to see what others thought. I hoped a few of you would be supportive and at least make me feel a bit better about punishing him. We have been having problems with him for a while so we had to do something drastic as the warnings and sending him to his room after school for a period of time did not work.

I hate to do this to my son, I love him terribly and hate to see him upset. But that is the problem with so many parents. We see it all the time those of us who do daycare. Many do not want to have the aggravation of dealing with a child who gets so upset and continuously lets you know about it. Not having any peace at all because the child you are disciplining won't stop and leave you alone is the reason why parents give in and give up. I won't give in and I won't give up no matter how tough it gets and trust me. Today it is tough going!

We are on Day #1 today and wow is it brutal for me! I knew this was going to be harder on myself than him!

He is now watching his 1/2 hour of TV and then it is bedtime. I think he earned it today.
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Unregistered 02:30 PM 04-03-2011
Originally Posted by jen:
I'm fairly certain that she is free to chat about and discuss anything on this board that she'd like...probably more so than some as she is a registered member.

Please feel free not to participate if you don't agree with the topic of conversation.
So being a registered member gives you more priviledges to speak your mind?
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Unregistered 10:42 AM 04-04-2011
Originally Posted by Children First:
Thank you so much everyone especially those of you who have been supportive. Trust me I am not having a fun day today!

My son is NOT happy so neither is anyone else in this house.

Yes my mind was pretty much made up before I posted but I felt so bad I needed to see what others thought. I hoped a few of you would be supportive and at least make me feel a bit better about punishing him. We have been having problems with him for a while so we had to do something drastic as the warnings and sending him to his room after school for a period of time did not work.

I hate to do this to my son, I love him terribly and hate to see him upset. But that is the problem with so many parents. We see it all the time those of us who do daycare. Many do not want to have the aggravation of dealing with a child who gets so upset and continuously lets you know about it. Not having any peace at all because the child you are disciplining won't stop and leave you alone is the reason why parents give in and give up. I won't give in and I won't give up no matter how tough it gets and trust me. Today it is tough going!

We are on Day #1 today and wow is it brutal for me! I knew this was going to be harder on myself than him!

He is now watching his 1/2 hour of TV and then it is bedtime. I think he earned it today.
Already said the punishment should be HIS and not yours. He gets to goof off and get in trouble and you have to pay for it. Too bad for him your not teaching him anything when this great lesson/learning opportunity presented itself. Good Luck when he does something serious and/or illegal and you cant do the community service/jail time for him.
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jen2651 02:25 PM 04-04-2011
I think that the decision you have made will definitely teach him how to restrain himself enough to not get kicked off the school bus. Life isn't fair, we all know that. My mom always told me things weren't fair so I had to learn to play the game...meaning, if you have gotten kicked off the bus because you truly were the only one who got caught, then you have to be smarter...and not say anything at all. Don't sit there, don't look at them.

She wasn't teaching me to be sneaky, just to understand that yes, the rules are different for some people. And your rules here are hard, but the punishment will be even harder. So you better figure it out, because when you are young, it is no toys, it is no TV, then no video games, then no phone, then no internet, then no car, then no extra money (every college student needs to eat). It is much easier to learn when you are young!
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daycare 04:26 PM 04-04-2011
Whether the punishment is too harsh or not, the right thing to do was to follow through with your consequences that you discussed with your child. To not follow through would have been the wrong thing to do.

I bet you next time he goes to think about whether or not to make a bad decision that this punishment will weigh in heavy on his mind. I bet he will really rethink making another bad decision. Set the ground rules now. You are very smart.

Good for you.....but sorry to hear this..

As for the one who said that this is to be his punishment not yours... Well that is part of being a parent. Until your child is 18 years of age, you are legally responsible for EVERYTHING that he/she does.
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mickey2 06:17 PM 04-04-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Already said the punishment should be HIS and not yours. He gets to goof off and get in trouble and you have to pay for it. Too bad for him your not teaching him anything when this great lesson/learning opportunity presented itself. Good Luck when he does something serious and/or illegal and you cant do the community service/jail time for him.
To unregistered, whoever you are. What are you talking about? The punishment is HIS! He is suffering greatly by not being able to do all of the fun things he likes to do whenever he wants to do them! Being a parent involves doing whatever it takes to teach your child right from wrong whether it is difficult or not for yourself. Yes my Saturday was tough. It was mentally exhausting. I had a whiny, miserable 7 year old boy who was constantly bugging me for his things back which he is NOT going to get back for at least two weeks. How is that not teaching him anything?
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mickey2 06:38 PM 04-04-2011
Yesterday morning as well as Saturday morning my son was up by 8 am. He was told Friday night when we tucked him in that he could only read books when he woke up or play legos. He was good with this for about 2 hours Saturday morning and then he started!

He decided he wanted to play Wii. I asked him what he was doing and he said picking a game. I told him not! He then asked if he could play his dsi. I said not! Then he wanted TV and I said no turn it off!

Well I had to listen most of the weekend to how its not fair and its no fun and I'm bored. I told him how sorry I am that he feels bored and that he has 2 more weeks before he gets his things back. I explained how sitting on the bus quietly for 20-25 minutes everyday is a lot less boring than having to endure the loss of whatever he likes to do at home.

He is allowed to read, play legos or any other type of building blocks or construction sets that he has which are lots, or play with his cars which he likes to do.

He has asked many times to play on the computer the answer to that was no too.

For the next 3 days when he is supposed to be going to school his routine will be the same as any school day only it will be done at home.
He will wake up at 7 like he always does and have his shower.
He will then get dressed and have his breakfast. After breakfast I will allow him to socialize with the few dcks who are here.
At 8 am when he is supposed to be riding his bus he will sit in a chair and be quiet and not move for 20-25 minutes which is about the length of time it takes to get to school.
At 8 30 am he will be allowed to go out in my yard and play until 9 at which time school will be starting but it will be in his room. Teacher and principal sent home LOTS of work for him to do!
He will be allowed breaks for washroom and snacks as well as an hour for lunch and outside time. I will let him have 2 15 minute outside breaks. At 3 pm he will sit for another 20 minutes for the bus ride home and then he is free to choose from the items I have allowed him to have. Books, legos, construction toys, tinker toys, cars.
If he has earned his 1/2 hour of TV time by following my direction during the day he may choose one 1/2 hour show to watch after dinner.

He asked tonight if daddy was working tomorrow and my husband is off so he asked if daddy could drive him to school and I said no, why? He said because this is boring! He said recess at home is more fun than at school but that is all. I asked him if he was going to get in trouble on the bus again and he said no way!

My son is already saying he can't wait to get back to school on Thursday and this is only 1 day into this! This just might work!
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momofsix 07:59 PM 04-04-2011
You know your son, only you know the history of the issues on the bus and with the other kids. You decided how you, as his parent, thought he should be disciplined. You discussed it with him, and are now following through with it. You are doing the HARD work of being a parent!
GOOD FOR YOU!!! Your son will learn through this!
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Unregistered 01:22 PM 12-06-2012
The same situation just happened to my son and i came here to get a clue on what i should do. I think that you decided on a very good disciplinary method that he wont forget. I will try the same thing. Hopefully this will work on my kid. Sometimes kids don't listen after all that and still continue to get into trouble and they need everything they can possibly have fun with taken away to bring them back to that reality that if they don't listen to you later on the line they might do something even worst and will have to listen to authority. They will listen to someone if not u the judge that will give him his sentence. So to avoid those possibilities that might or not happen down the road, i think it reasonable you follow through. Your story is so similar to mine about the boys and your son only its those boys and my twins. I can relate to your frustration and i'm also at my wits end. Good luck and god bless.
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KIDZRMYBIZ 10:29 AM 02-19-2016
I didn't read all the responses, but I agree with OP's course of action. She is using a tried and true John Rosemond technique. Too harsh? Oh, no, no no! Right on, OP! You are being the good parent, the one that uses tough love when necessary. You ROCK!

One of my DSs rides the bus (we have 3 DSs in 3 different schools - elementary, middle, and high) and we have no other means to get him to and from. If this was my DS and he was jeopardizing our option for him to use the bus service, he would be in very much the same boat.

Then I would see to it that he has something to occupy his time on the bus with books or wordfinds or something. My boys love all the graphic novels available these days, and we can check them out at the library.
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Blackcat31 10:39 AM 02-19-2016
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
I didn't read all the responses, but I agree with OP's course of action. She is using a tried and true John Rosemond technique. Too harsh? Oh, no, no no! Right on, OP! You are being the good parent, the one that uses tough love when necessary. You ROCK!

One of my DSs rides the bus (we have 3 DSs in 3 different schools - elementary, middle, and high) and we have no other means to get him to and from. If this was my DS and he was jeopardizing our option for him to use the bus service, he would be in very much the same boat.

Then I would see to it that he has something to occupy his time on the bus with books or wordfinds or something. My boys love all the graphic novels available these days, and we can check them out at the library.
Just in case it matters...

This thread is from 2011
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ChelseaB 10:41 AM 02-19-2016
Originally Posted by Jewels:
I agree with you, I do not think you are being to harsh, he is paying for his mistakes after being warned, and you are carrying out your threats, good for you, for disciplining your child, I also would never go in and stick up for my son, he does something wrong he needs to pay for. Your good, you love your child, and your teaching him a lesson.


I also agree that it would not be a bit helpful to your child to let him slide under the radar or to blame other people. I'm certain you're right that he's aware of his actions. There is a huge difference between standing up for your child when they can't advocate for themselves and standing up for him because you simply don't like a situation and want to blame other people...especially when he's the one responsible for his own actions. Good for you for not being that passive parent!
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ChelseaB 10:42 AM 02-19-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Just in case it matters...

This thread is from 2011
Lol dang it! I usually read all the way to the bottom...not this time! I got suckered!
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Tags:bus, follower, getting in trouble, punishment
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