Name-Calling in Preschool/ Daycare

[addiiee]

So my 2 year old son has just preschool / daycare (which has kids going up to age 5). When I went to pick him up on Friday as we were leaving there were older kids - maybe 4 year olds - sitting on a bench and I told my son 'say bye to your friends'. One of the girls started saying "bye bye stinky winky" and laughed. I was a bit taken aback by this. Name-calling in a preschool is not something I had imagined. Luckily, my son doesn't understand all of this, but I just have been going on and on with this incident in my head. Should I let it go, or should I just go and talk informally to the teacher about it? Am I being a total tell-tale/ pesky parent? I just feel that name-calling should be discouraged as a rule and if it continues, that name would just stick. Has anyone experienced this? What did you do? Any advice?

[storybookending]

My first thought was did the child actually do this with malicious intent? Was the child just trying to be a class clown? Do they watch Teletubbies? There is a teletubby named Tinky Winky. Was she trying to say that?

[CalCare]

I just always tell the name caller, "Use his real name." Then I would tell the child (depending on their age/ability), "You can tell her, "Use my real name" next time." And just repeat that Everytime. I would probably let the teacher/director know if I saw it more than just the once. I would tell the teacher that it bothers me for Johnny to be called different words or nick names and I don't think it's appropriate so if you could tell the children to just use real names, that would be great thanks!

[Hunni Bee]

This is par the course for 4 years olds. I know its not fun to hear it directed at your child, but it was most likely not done with malice, but to be funny.

You can teach your child to say "Use my name, please. It's Jason." If you hear it again, you can help him say this.

[addiiee]

Thank you for replying storybookending, calcare and hunni bee

I’m guessing my son must’ve pooped in his diaper and sometimes it does smell a lot so she must’ve been around him and made that remark

I’m sure the child didn’t have malice when she said it - I think she’s only 4 or so. My concern was that if these remarks go unnoticed by the teachers then it may get repeated.

I love the suggestion of telling the other child “you can use my name “ My son can’t talk full sentences as yet - he just turned two but that’s what I’ll teach him to say anyway

[Blackcat31]

My DH and I have funny nick-names we call all our daycare kids...they love it! I've never looked at any of it as name calling and I doubt any of the kiddos feel as if we are being mean. None of the nick names are insulting or meant in anyway to be cruel at all.

In some ways I think it helps the kids grow a sense of humor and understand the difference between just messing around and actual mean or bullying behavior.

There are times in which I think our society is overly sensitive and there are times in which I think parents make a bigger deal of things than necessary. I understand in some situations but over all I think our society as a whole is offended by everything. There are times in which things can be a learning experience verses outright banned or looked at so severely. Just my two cents.

[addiiee]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

In some ways I think it helps the kids grow a sense of humor and understand the difference between just messing around and actual mean or bullying behavior.

There are times in which I think our society is overly sensitive and there are times in which I think parents make a bigger deal of things than necessary.

I totally agree. Sometimes we as parents are too sensitive. But when I think about it, it may also be cultural. I know growing up we never experienced any kind of name calling, not even things like “cry baby” but out here i see that it’s starting pretty early. You’re absolutely right that it would help kids get a sense of humour and perhaps even help them in ignoring or facing up to bullying, if in case it becomes mean. That little girl for sure wasn’t saying anything mean and my son didn’t understand any of it. But I did and I got affected by it - so typical of a paranoid parent. Lol

[MyAngels]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

My DH and I have funny nick-names we call all our daycare kids...they love it! I've never looked at any of it as name calling and I doubt any of the kiddos feel as if we are being mean. None of the nick names are insulting or meant in anyway to be cruel at all.

In some ways I think it helps the kids grow a sense of humor and understand the difference between just messing around and actual mean or bullying behavior.

There are times in which I think our society is overly sensitive and there are times in which I think parents make a bigger deal of things than necessary. I understand in some situations but over all I think our society as a whole is offended by everything. There are times in which things can be a learning experience verses outright banned or looked at so severely. Just my two cents.

Totally agree with this - we use funny mostly rhyming nicknames all the time. Silly Billy, cutie patootie, and on and on. It's not done in a mean way and the kids all get a kick out of it. I've never had a parent seem upset over it, but I guess you never know. I hope not, it's all done in a fun and loving way.

[addiiee]

Myangels: sure, but cutie patootie has a totally different meaning than stinky winky.

[MyAngels]

Originally Posted by addiiee

Myangels: sure, but cutie patootie has a totally different meaning than stinky winky.

Oh my gosh what a facepalm moment for me - I had to actually look up slang for "winky" to get it. Learn something new every day

Just out of curiosity, did you end up addressing this with your child's teach/provider? What did they have to say about it?

[Snowmom]

I also kid around with my kids.
It lightens up our day and puts a little fun & rhyme time into transitions.

I say things like "nap time sugar boogers", "potty time peanut butters". We have also very loudly say "peee youuu someone has a stinky diaper"... kind of stating the obvious.


As long as it wasn't with malicious intent, I wouldn't worry about it. But again, if it bothers your child, you can always say "please say my name".

[addiiee]

Originally Posted by MyAngels

Oh my gosh what a facepalm moment for me - I had to actually look up slang for "winky" to get it. Learn something new every day

Just out of curiosity, did you end up addressing this with your child's teach/provider? What did they have to say about it?

Yes I did actually. I spoke to my son’s teacher casually about it during drop off. I told her that I didn’t want to make a big deal as it doesn’t matter to my son.

She in turn told the lady who runs the school and they addressed it during circle time to all the kids

She then asked me to let her know who the girl was. I told her that while I’m happy they addressed it to all the kids, I wouldn’t want to single out any child.

So that was the end of it.

I can almost see all of you rolling your eyes at me.. lol

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by addiiee

I can almost see all of you rolling your eyes at me.. lol

Not at all... you handled it very nicely!
You’re a good daycare parent

[addiiee]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Not at all... you handled it very nicely!
You’re a good daycare parent

😊 long way to go before I sleep

[MyAngels]

Originally Posted by addiiee

Yes I did actually. I spoke to my son’s teacher casually about it during drop off. I told her that I didn’t want to make a big deal as it doesn’t matter to my son.

She in turn told the lady who runs the school and they addressed it during circle time to all the kids

She then asked me to let her know who the girl was. I told her that while I’m happy they addressed it to all the kids, I wouldn’t want to single out any child.

So that was the end of it.

I can almost see all of you rolling your eyes at me.. lol

Nicely done! We should all be so lucky to have parents that can communicate with us to resolve a concern rather than going off the deep end