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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Advice on Relative Stopping By
mommyneedsadayoff 01:52 PM 05-12-2015
I have been doing daycare in our new house for about 9 months and while I love my dad and so do my kids, I am getting so frustrated with him dropping by at nap time. I have told him numerous times that we nap from about 1-3:30, so if you want to swing by to see the kids, come before or after. After him stopping by at naptime 3 different times, I finally got a little snippy with him and he stopped coming by for awhile. Well, today, he stopped by again and it has been a long day, so nap time was something I was looking forward to so I could have some quiet for a bit. My dad is old school, so he doesn't call before coming and he usually asks what's for lunch. I don't have issue if he wants to come have lunch with the kids and I have no issue providing that lunch, but at 1:30, my lunch is cleaned up and put away and I am NOT going to drag out more food to feed a 65 year old man, when I should be on "break". When I get sick of it, I get snippy with him, like I did today, and then he leaves right away and I feel bad. I am so sick of it! Anyone else every had issues with friends or family stopping by? I think they sometimes don't realize that I may be home, but I am working and unannounced visitors are one of my pet peeves (no matter what time of day, but especially nap time!).
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childcaremom 02:03 PM 05-12-2015
Yes... except mine calls during rest time (he lives across the country). I have no solution to this as I've mentioned it to him a gazillion times. I just keep reminding myself that one day I will miss having him call me.

It helps but I feel your frustration.
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kitykids3 04:36 PM 05-12-2015
Just curious, not sure about your state, but here I am not allowed to have visitors hang out unless I have done a background check on them. Maybe use that as an excuse? But then he couldn't come at all. Perhaps just don't answer the door during nap times when he comes but have a sign up that says something like 'shhhh, children sleeping' so it reminds him that it's nap time? I have one so in case someone comes they don't ring the door bell. Maybe he'll get that you're serious about not coming during those hours if you don't answer or just answer and give him a brief "sorry the kids are sleeping. can you come later when they wake up?" It's hard to give advice since I don't know him, but I feel you have to have some kind of action to back up your verbal request maybe for him to 'get it.' I have a general rule of no visitors at all during nap time because it will wake up the light sleeper and before I know it all of them are up early and makes for rough afternoon.
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Unregistered 03:38 AM 05-13-2015
I could have written the exact same post.....2 years ago. Always looked forward to my breaks at nap time, my alone time. My dad passed away last year. I would do anything to have him stop by one more time unannounced and ask what's for lunch.
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DaveA 04:18 AM 05-13-2015
When I opened it took a couple of years for my in laws to get it that even though I was home I was working. Even then my FIL never truly thought of it as a "real" job. Not so much stopping by as calling or asking me to come over to fix/ help with something. Very frustrating. Just keep calm and reminding him that this time of the day it is very important to keep your workspace calm and quiet.

good luck
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Annalee 04:55 AM 05-13-2015
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
I have been doing daycare in our new house for about 9 months and while I love my dad and so do my kids, I am getting so frustrated with him dropping by at nap time. I have told him numerous times that we nap from about 1-3:30, so if you want to swing by to see the kids, come before or after. After him stopping by at naptime 3 different times, I finally got a little snippy with him and he stopped coming by for awhile. Well, today, he stopped by again and it has been a long day, so nap time was something I was looking forward to so I could have some quiet for a bit. My dad is old school, so he doesn't call before coming and he usually asks what's for lunch. I don't have issue if he wants to come have lunch with the kids and I have no issue providing that lunch, but at 1:30, my lunch is cleaned up and put away and I am NOT going to drag out more food to feed a 65 year old man, when I should be on "break". When I get sick of it, I get snippy with him, like I did today, and then he leaves right away and I feel bad. I am so sick of it! Anyone else every had issues with friends or family stopping by? I think they sometimes don't realize that I may be home, but I am working and unannounced visitors are one of my pet peeves (no matter what time of day, but especially nap time!).
This i the biggest issue with FCC, in my opinion. NO ONE thinks we work cause we are HOME, ESPECIALLY RELATIVES!!! Some of my relatives have finally gotten it over my 20 plus years but there are still some that don't. I usually tell all my relatives that licensing is very strict about who is around the kids. Occasionally, I don't mind but if it becomes a habit for someone to just hang out I just tell them. My own brother calls me for phone numbers all the time. On the other hand, when my grandfather was taking dialysis, he would stop by every Monday on his way back and the kids looked forward to it and he enjoyed it as well. But it wasn't every day and I felt both parties benefitted. It is the disrespect/just hanging visitors that bother me!
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Lorna 04:55 AM 05-13-2015
hmm hem probably thinks it would be easier for you at nap time because everyone is sleeping. I tell my mom to come during nap. Frustrating when she comes outside nap. My dad actually comes outside nap because he likes to see the kids. Maybe your dad prefers to see you. Sorry but you must be breaking his heart snapping at him. He is your father you need to talk nicely to him. Maybe if you invite him for dinner once a week on the weekend. Obviously he misses you and that is why he is there. Even when you got mad at him he still came back. I would never snap at my dad but I have an extreme amount of respect for my dad. He stops by to see the kids probably 3 times a week.
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CraftyMom 05:22 AM 05-13-2015
Funny, we always want what we don't have. My dad (or mom) never visited, hardly ever (maybe once a year?), and we were 10 minutes away.

They have both passed away over the last few years at a young age.

I would have loved if they stopped in for a surprise visit. One day you will come to miss those visits.

I do understand the nap time frustration though, Maybe you guys could sit outside or something while he is there so the kids don't wake up? Or have him use a different door so he doesn't wake them?
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Play Care 05:28 AM 05-13-2015
I love my family, but one thing I established from the get go is that during the day I am WORKING. This means no visits, no phone calls, etc unless there is an emergency. (I try to behave in this job the way I would at any other - and I've never had a job where I could entertain or visit during work hours... ) Before that I was everyone's "bored at work" call or "I need to chat" call. I finally told them - YOU may have a break in your workday, I do NOT.

Let's be honest, even nap time isn't a real "break." I'm still working and responsible for the children in my care. Add any paperwork, cleaning, etc. And my "break" winds up being less than 20 minutes - and that's the time I eat and use the bathroom. Hardly the two hour utopia some seem to think it is

I make time after working hours and weekends for family. I realize that my parents will be gone at some point but that doesn't mean I can compromise my employment for that reason.
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mommyneedsadayoff 07:23 AM 05-13-2015
Thank you all for the responses. I called him yesterday and apologized for being cranky with him and he said it was no issue at all. My mom passed away and ever since we moved back closer to home, I have been helping my dad out. He can take care of himself, but my mother did everything when she was alive. They had a very traditional marriage, meaning my dad worked very long hours as a farmer/rancher, and my mom handled house stuff and kids (and also worked as a teacher and daycare center owner...she was wonderwoman ).

My dad loves the kids, which is why it bugs me so much when he stops by at nap time, because the kids love to see him too. He usually will bring a special treat and they all have snacks together and tell them all about their day. It is super sweet and believe when I say, I really cherish the relationship my own children have with their grandpa. My other siblings are not very involved, so I get frustrated sometimes, because the brunt of any difficulties gets put on me, and it is like they don't care. They seem to think he is super capable of taking care of himself, but they discount the dfact that he is alone in the country, diabetic, has fallen a few times (had to take him to the ER twice), and doesn't take the best care of himself sometimes (drinks a little too much in the evenings). He also has many financial issues, so my husband and I have been helping as much as we can, and of all of us kids, we are the least financially well off, so it gets stressful sometimes.

Sorry for such a long post, but it feels good to talk this out. I really can't talk to anyone about it, so this board really helps! I will try to keep my head a little better next time he pops in and I always make sure to take the kids out to the farm to see him almost every weekend, so I just have to keep in mind that he won't be here forever, so I need to soak up as much time with him as possible. I sadly regret living out of state when my mom passed and not being with her during the last years of her life. She never got to meet my kids, so I need to remember just how lucky I am to still have my dad. Thanks you for listening and for the advice! And HUGS to all of you have lost your parents also! Not an easy thing for sure!
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Shell 07:51 AM 05-13-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I could have written the exact same post.....2 years ago. Always looked forward to my breaks at nap time, my alone time. My dad passed away last year. I would do anything to have him stop by one more time unannounced and ask what's for lunch.

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kathiemarie 07:54 AM 05-13-2015
My dad use to drop by all of the time also. It was mainly to drop off things for my son. Now that my son is grown he doesn't stop as much.

Any how, my suggestion is to invite him over during the day. If he likes the kids and they like him maybe invite him for lunch and ask him to come early so he can watch the kids while you are getting lunch ready. He gets what he is looking for (interaction with people /something to fill his day) and it wont be as stressful for you because it is on your terms.
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sharlan 08:05 AM 05-13-2015
How about setting up a special time with him. Say every Monday and Wednesday at 10 AM. That way you can expect his visits and plan around it.
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Unregistered 08:36 AM 05-13-2015
I've had the same issue with family coming into town and staying with me. They want to hang out all day, but with no background check, first of all, I could get into trouble in the state of California, secondly, if I go visit them, I don't plan on coming to their work and hanging out with them all day. I don't mind a few minutes, but I've had to put my foot down. I get cranky too, because we are on a routine.
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