Negotiating with Child at Pick-Up

[CountryRoads]

I know there have been lots of posts about this before, and I think I may have even posted one, but I think this might be a little bit different.

I've got a couple parents, but one is more of a problem, that fights with her children when it's time to leave. Dcm has 2 kids here and everyday they refuse to leave. You know how it goes, they lose their minds, don't follow the rules, and don't listen to their mom. When I see dcm coming, I warn them that mom is here and it's time to go. They both say "ok", but when dcm gets out of the car it's running around, refusing to leave and it drives me insane. Dcb also kicks his mom, hits her, bites her, etc. And dcm laughs about it - which makes me so much more frustrated with the situation.

Would you step in? Or would you let mom handle it? If their the last ones here (which isn't often, but it happens), is it rude to tell them bye then close the door while dcm tries to wrangle them?

I HATE parenting other peoples' kids in front of them

[Valerie928]

It's time to start doing bye bye outside. Have mom text you when she arrives. As soon as you get her text quickly have the kids get ready. Mom then comes to the door, you send the children out to her. This is what eventually becomes of all my pick ups. Kids act like fools when parents come. It's pretty universal unfortunately.

[PB&J]

I was just going to suggest the same as PP. Let mom know to text you when she’s a few minutes away, then have the kids ready and push them out the door. At this point in my career, I personally would let her know this is the procedure that works best when parents are too end-of-the-day tired to enforce the consistency of behavioral expectations at my house. This is the procedure that maintains peace for remaining families and staff.

[CountryRoads]

Originally Posted by Valerie928

It's time to start doing bye bye outside. Have mom text you when she arrives. As soon as you get her text quickly have the kids get ready. Mom then comes to the door, you send the children out to her. This is what eventually becomes of all my pick ups. Kids act like fools when parents come. It's pretty universal unfortunately.

My problem is that we're outside at the end of the day, at least for a little longer until the weather changes. So, I typically still have other kids here while her children are running the show. It does go better when we're inside, because I'm able to have them standing on the rug waiting to go home.

Dcm won't just grab her kids and go. She sits there and begs them to leave while they play her like a fiddle. Its the strangest thing. I just wanna scream "PICK THEM UP AND LEAVE!"

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by CountryRoads

My problem is that we're outside at the end of the day, at least for a little longer until the weather changes. So, I typically still have other kids here while her children are running the show. It does go better when we're inside, because I'm able to have them standing on the rug waiting to go home.

Dcm won't just grab her kids and go. She sits there and begs them to leave while they play her like a fiddle. Its the strangest thing. I just wanna scream "PICK THEM UP AND LEAVE!"

Do you have your phone on you? Can she still text, and you send the kids and their stuff to a bench near the gate? If she knows this is a system for kids who (ahem) test the changing of the guard, maybe she will step up? This means you will need to explain that her pick up methods are requiring this procedure.

[Cat Herder]

Take them out to the porch, push them out, go back inside, then shut the door. Audience gone, drama gone.

It is not rude, I do it everyday with every client. They like having the ability to discipline their own way without an audience in needed.

There is absolutely no need for parents to come inside, none. They are not even supposed to be coming in during COVID-19 for safety precautions. Their shoes and coats bring in stuff their kids don't like parking lot and breakroom/public restroom filth.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by CountryRoads

Dcm won't just grab her kids and go. She sits there and begs them to leave while they play her like a fiddle. Its the strangest thing. I just wanna scream "PICK THEM UP AND LEAVE!"

"Jane, grab the kids NOW and go! I will see you tomorrow." (You can easily say that FIRMLY but with a smile)

Turn around and walk away.

Mom needs to step up and parent, I don't care how tired at the end of the day she is. They are HER children. You are tired too.

Also, mom may very well be afraid of being judged so she plays the game and tries to be "gentle" and "calm" and ask the kids.....that nets NOTHING as both of you can attest too... I take this opportunity to let a parent know that I love and respect the parents that are willing to parent their child which means taking charge and being the parent.

How old are these children?

[Annalee]

One of the good perks to signing in/out outside. As soon as client signs out...stick the kids out to her and shut the door.

[CountryRoads]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

"Jane, grab the kids NOW and go! I will see you tomorrow." (You can easily say that FIRMLY but with a smile)

Turn around and walk away.

Mom needs to step up and parent, I don't care how tired at the end of the day she is. They are HER children. You are tired too.

Also, mom may very well be afraid of being judged so she plays the game and tries to be "gentle" and "calm" and ask the kids.....that nets NOTHING as both of you can attest too... I take this opportunity to let a parent know that I love and respect the parents that are willing to parent their child which means taking charge and being the parent.

How old are these children?

They are 3 and 4. We ended up being inside last night at pick-up, so I had them all ready to go and waiting by the door when dcm came - which is always much smoother.

It's when I don't have them ready to go or if we're outside at pick-up, is when it's mass chaos

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by CountryRoads

They are 3 and 4. We ended up being inside last night at pick-up, so I had them all ready to go and waiting by the door when dcm came - which is always much smoother.

It's when I don't have them ready to go or if we're outside at pick-up, is when it's mass chaos

Irregular pick up times? Ugh, that's the worst.

I am very fortunate (depending on your point of view ) that none of mine pick up until after the school bus goes by (4:20). That is our cue to go inside and get ready to go home. Makes things much simpler to plan.

[tenderhearts]

I always let the kids know that if they do not cooperate at pickup time then when they arrive the next day they will sit in time out. I have had kids horrible at pick up and it only took a couple of times for them to hate arriving and immediately having to go sit in time out quiet time is what I call it and it has worked for me.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by tenderhearts

I always let the kids know that if they do not cooperate at pickup time then when they arrive the next day they will sit in time out. I have had kids horrible at pick up and it only took a couple of times for them to hate arriving and immediately having to go sit in time out quiet time is what I call it and it has worked for me.

This has always worked wonderfully well for me but I do know that most kids 3 and under don't really understand that concept really well.

[Rockgirl]

I’ve also randomly handed out stickers during circle time to the ones who had good behavior the previous day at pickup time. Of course I made a big deal out of saying the stickers were only for the ones who acted appropriately when their parents came in. With everyone dropping off/picking up on the front porch lately, I haven’t had any issues, anyway.

[Snowmom]

I think it should be expected to address it with her because it's a liability!
Running around with lax supervision instead of direction... it only takes one car going by to change everyone's family for life.

I'd tell mom that this can no longer go on. Each child needs to listen and behave at pick up, following mom hand in hand to the car. If she can't or won't do that, then you'll either need to hire someone to assist her at a $100/week premium (yes, I would never do it- but I'd SAY it!!!) or she needs to find other care. Because I won't have the lack of supervision and possible injuries on my conscious (and liability insurance!).

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Rockgirl

I’ve also randomly handed out stickers during circle time to the ones who had good behavior the previous day at pickup time. Of course I made a big deal out of saying the stickers were only for the ones who acted appropriately when their parents came in. With everyone dropping off/picking up on the front porch lately, I haven’t had any issues, anyway.

Isn’t funny how eliminating parents from the equation eliminates any problems?

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Isn’t funny how eliminating parents from the equation eliminates any problems?

Bingo.

[Rockgirl]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

Isn’t funny how eliminating parents from the equation eliminates any problems?

Yes, I may keep it this way from now on!

[AmyKidsCo]

ITA about having the parent text ahead of time. Right now parents aren't allowed in my house so I get the child/ren ready, then have them wait by the door. When I see the parent come I stand between the child and playroom, then herd them out the door to the parents.

It's harder when we're outside in the play yard, but I figure it's the parents' problem out there. I'll help head the kiddos toward the gate but am not going to fight with them.

[Ariana]

Originally Posted by CountryRoads

My problem is that we're outside at the end of the day, at least for a little longer until the weather changes. So, I typically still have other kids here while her children are running the show. It does go better when we're inside, because I'm able to have them standing on the rug waiting to go home.

Dcm won't just grab her kids and go. She sits there and begs them to leave while they play her like a fiddle. Its the strangest thing. I just wanna scream "PICK THEM UP AND LEAVE!"

Is there a gate you can pass them through?