Daycare.com Forum
Parents and Guardians Forum>Disciplining Children Violently
CONCERNED MOM 11:20 AM 05-25-2013
Hi all,
I wanted to get some opinions on a situation.
First, I am a very laid-back parent. I believe in spanking for big offenses but picking battles for small things. I usually do not make a huge deal about things.
My kids have been going to a daycare provider the last 2 years, part-time (just after school a couple days per week).
They have never really liked her, but I picked her BECAUSE she rules with a somewhat strong hand and know that this is what my kids need.
The first year has been great, no complaints. This year, things seem to have changed.
The provider's husband sometimes works at home. He seems like he's been a little uppity lately or on edge. I'm not sure exactly what is going on, but I have seen him snap at his child in front of mine and even at his wife. He's not quiet about it either, anyone in that house could hear.
I had them come to my house one day to help me with something, and my daughter was singing. She is who she is. It didn't bug me too much but the father yelled at her to stop. I just kind of looked at him and my dd left the room upset. Mind you, this was in MY house.
I got the impression maybe we should not have this person help us after all because he overreacted to us not being experienced in the project we were asking for as well as he seemed unconfident HE could even handle it, so I cancelled my request.
Over the weeks SINCE I have cancelled my request, I notice him getting more verbally abusive toward his wife and daughter. And I have noticed the provider getting more upset about little things. My dd forgets things sometimes, and happened to forget her eyewear the other day. The dcp flipped out about it and punished her. My dd is just 6 yo. I feel bad because hey, that's a tiny little thing. My dd can function W/O the glasses. Is it advised she do? NO but forgetting happens. We do try to remind her, but sometimes, she still forgets.
So my dd was placed away from the other kids and had to be in time out all day. (A little extreme for this offense, IMO)
Additionally, my kids told me that the husband freaked out and picked up and threw, hard, his son against the wall to the point the child was hurt pretty bad, which I could see when I went to get my kids, something was off.
My kids are now freaked out. As many spankings and crazy they have witnessed, they said they 've never seen anyone do what he did. They told me his eyes were angry and he just flipped!
My kids are requesting we find another daycare.
Is it my business how they discipline their kids since they did it in FRONT of my children or is that separate? WWYD? Take them out and find new care?
Any help is greatly appreciated! Thanks!
I wanted to get some opinions on a situation.
First, I am a very laid-back parent. I believe in spanking for big offenses but picking battles for small things. I usually do not make a huge deal about things.
My kids have been going to a daycare provider the last 2 years, part-time (just after school a couple days per week).
They have never really liked her, but I picked her BECAUSE she rules with a somewhat strong hand and know that this is what my kids need.
The first year has been great, no complaints. This year, things seem to have changed.
The provider's husband sometimes works at home. He seems like he's been a little uppity lately or on edge. I'm not sure exactly what is going on, but I have seen him snap at his child in front of mine and even at his wife. He's not quiet about it either, anyone in that house could hear.
I had them come to my house one day to help me with something, and my daughter was singing. She is who she is. It didn't bug me too much but the father yelled at her to stop. I just kind of looked at him and my dd left the room upset. Mind you, this was in MY house.
I got the impression maybe we should not have this person help us after all because he overreacted to us not being experienced in the project we were asking for as well as he seemed unconfident HE could even handle it, so I cancelled my request.
Over the weeks SINCE I have cancelled my request, I notice him getting more verbally abusive toward his wife and daughter. And I have noticed the provider getting more upset about little things. My dd forgets things sometimes, and happened to forget her eyewear the other day. The dcp flipped out about it and punished her. My dd is just 6 yo. I feel bad because hey, that's a tiny little thing. My dd can function W/O the glasses. Is it advised she do? NO but forgetting happens. We do try to remind her, but sometimes, she still forgets.
So my dd was placed away from the other kids and had to be in time out all day. (A little extreme for this offense, IMO)
Additionally, my kids told me that the husband freaked out and picked up and threw, hard, his son against the wall to the point the child was hurt pretty bad, which I could see when I went to get my kids, something was off.
My kids are now freaked out. As many spankings and crazy they have witnessed, they said they 've never seen anyone do what he did. They told me his eyes were angry and he just flipped!
My kids are requesting we find another daycare.
Is it my business how they discipline their kids since they did it in FRONT of my children or is that separate? WWYD? Take them out and find new care?
Any help is greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Unregistered 11:38 AM 05-25-2013
Seems pretty obvious to me. Even if he is not laying a hand on your kids they should not be exposed to that. They are telling you that they do not feel safe based on what they see and hear. Even without them being physically harmed, the punishments and anger they are exposed to are excessive. Pull'em.
cheerfuldom 12:30 PM 05-25-2013
I would remove your children immediately, call licensing to report what you are seeing if this place is licensed (because the husband is apparentally around the daycare kids a lot) and then call CPS. report what you have seen and let them decide what to do next.
Familycare71 01:53 PM 05-25-2013
Just want to say how sorry I am that you family is going thru this and that I completely agree with the other posters... My children would not be returning and I would commend them on sharing with you a dangerous situation!
CONCERNED MOM 02:09 PM 05-25-2013
Thank you. My husband thought I was overreacting by removing them and reporting saying it wasn't my business since they weren't bothering OUR kids, but I say that is NOT ok for my kids to see that either. I have seen some dcp's hit their kids bottoms, and that never bothered me. I'm all for disciplining your kids as needed no matter who's around, but this was NOT discipline. When I report, you think they'll interview my kids or shall I just say my kids saw this happen and they would rather NOT interview (they are still friends with DCP's kids and I don't want retaliation)
I have arranged for some interviews to find other care and luckily, we dno't need any care the next 2 weeks anyway.
I have arranged for some interviews to find other care and luckily, we dno't need any care the next 2 weeks anyway.
kendallina 03:29 PM 05-25-2013
You are definitely doing the right thing by removing your children immediately and contacting licensing. Your children will probably be interviewed as well as other children in their care. Please report this, it does sound very serious.
kimmills 05:24 AM 05-26-2013
I would also say that you should remove the children as soon as possible because any such behavior with teh kids and its family is unacceptable. Don't take any more chance, just remove the kids.
CONCERNED MOM 08:08 AM 05-26-2013
I showed my dh this thread and explained that I asked because I really just wanted to solidify my decision was right.
I found someone I think will be perfect! We're going to do a couple of interviews to make sure we are all comfortable in the next week since I got the time off, but so far I like her best out of the other 2 I interviewed yesterday. The ONLY problem is that she does not live in my kids' school district, but that's OK we can figure all that out later. For now, I'm needing summer care and she is looking forward to older kids.
As far as the report, I was given a case # and was told I can follow-up but that I would not get very much information so I won't know what really happens.
I really hope that things work out in favor of those kids.
I found someone I think will be perfect! We're going to do a couple of interviews to make sure we are all comfortable in the next week since I got the time off, but so far I like her best out of the other 2 I interviewed yesterday. The ONLY problem is that she does not live in my kids' school district, but that's OK we can figure all that out later. For now, I'm needing summer care and she is looking forward to older kids.
As far as the report, I was given a case # and was told I can follow-up but that I would not get very much information so I won't know what really happens.
I really hope that things work out in favor of those kids.
sharlan 08:27 AM 05-26-2013
While I feel terrible for the family, right now, it's your responsibility to get your kids out of that situation. There's probably a lot more going on that what your children already told you.
I'm glad you made the decision to move your kids immediately. If they have anything left there, just leave it, do not go back after it.
I'm glad you made the decision to move your kids immediately. If they have anything left there, just leave it, do not go back after it.
CONCERNED MOM 08:51 AM 05-26-2013
I forgot, I did pay her for the next 2 weeks. The kids didn't leave anything there, but she was paid on Thursday, before the incident happened Friday. 
Since I have taken this week off due to this, I don't have to worry about this week, but next week I do have to pay the new provider. If you were in my position, would you just let her keep the money to be done w/ her family?
Since I have taken this week off due to this, I don't have to worry about this week, but next week I do have to pay the new provider. If you were in my position, would you just let her keep the money to be done w/ her family?
nannyde 03:32 PM 05-26-2013
Originally Posted by CONCERNED MOM:
I forgot, I did pay her for the next 2 weeks. The kids didn't leave anything there, but she was paid on Thursday, before the incident happened Friday. Since I have taken this week off due to this, I don't have to worry about this week, but next week I do have to pay the new provider. If you were in my position, would you just let her keep the money to be done w/ her family?
Do you have a notice clause in your contract with her? You have the right to remove your children but you might still owe her money.I forgot, I did pay her for the next 2 weeks. The kids didn't leave anything there, but she was paid on Thursday, before the incident happened Friday.
Since I have taken this week off due to this, I don't have to worry about this week, but next week I do have to pay the new provider. If you were in my position, would you just let her keep the money to be done w/ her family?
Leigh 01:33 PM 05-26-2013
I wouldn't even be asking this question. Someone who hits children need not be caring for them. This kind of behavior is unacceptable. Your children should not be hit at daycare, NOR should they be witnessing the provider or her husband hit any other kids, even if they ARE the parents.
Run away from there!
Run away from there!