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Old 02-13-2012, 09:08 AM
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Default 3 1/2 Yr Old Throwing Dishes In The Trash

I have a 3 1/2 yr old, very defiant, doesn't listen. Time outs do nothing.

Thursday, he threw his sandwich in the trash at lunch. I found out when his mom picked up and he told her. I heard him say it to her, and I said you "What??". "We don't throw food in the trash, ever." Mom said nothing.

Today, I made homemade beef n noodles over mashed potatoes and corn. He ate the corn. I told him a couple times to quite messing around and eat. I stepped out of the kitchen into the dining room, heard the trash can close, he was now in the daycare room. I looked at the table, no plate, opened the trash lid and he had thrown the food/plate/silverware in the trash can and got up and went to play. OMG, I am peed off. You don't do that Ever. I had this conversation with him about throwing food in the trash on Friday morning after the incident on Thursday, explaining we don't do that ever. He is old enough to know better and to understand that we don't do that ever.

This behavior is not acceptable. I will be telling the mom, I am sure she won't have much to say.
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:27 AM
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I would give him finger foods and a paper plate with very small portions and by small portions I mean teaspoon size. If he throws it away that's his problem if he's hungry. Snack would be something very healthy like raw veggies.

I have a 3 year old that will throw out his plate when he is done. At least his plate is empty. He has to dig it out of the trash at least twice a week.
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted by mac60 View Post
I have a 3 1/2 yr old, very defiant, doesn't listen. Time outs do nothing.

Thursday, he threw his sandwich in the trash at lunch. I found out when his mom picked up and he told her. I heard him say it to her, and I said you "What??". "We don't throw food in the trash, ever." Mom said nothing.

Today, I made homemade beef n noodles over mashed potatoes and corn. He ate the corn. I told him a couple times to quite messing around and eat. I stepped out of the kitchen into the dining room, heard the trash can close, he was now in the daycare room. I looked at the table, no plate, opened the trash lid and he had thrown the food/plate/silverware in the trash can and got up and went to play. OMG, I am peed off. You don't do that Ever. I had this conversation with him about throwing food in the trash on Friday morning after the incident on Thursday, explaining we don't do that ever. He is old enough to know better and to understand that we don't do that ever.

This behavior is not acceptable. I will be telling the mom, I am sure she won't have much to say.
I bought a dishpan and when all the kids are done....I send the dishpan down the table. They put their dishes in. I can then throw away what I want in the garbage and then put what I want in the compost. My kids used to throw dishes and silverware away all the time! Even when I bought nice sectioned trays...they threw them away! This solved it all for me.
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by mac60 View Post
I have a 3 1/2 yr old, very defiant, doesn't listen. Time outs do nothing.

Thursday, he threw his sandwich in the trash at lunch. I found out when his mom picked up and he told her. I heard him say it to her, and I said you "What??". "We don't throw food in the trash, ever." Mom said nothing.

Today, I made homemade beef n noodles over mashed potatoes and corn. He ate the corn. I told him a couple times to quite messing around and eat. I stepped out of the kitchen into the dining room, heard the trash can close, he was now in the daycare room. I looked at the table, no plate, opened the trash lid and he had thrown the food/plate/silverware in the trash can and got up and went to play. OMG, I am peed off. You don't do that Ever. I had this conversation with him about throwing food in the trash on Friday morning after the incident on Thursday, explaining we don't do that ever. He is old enough to know better and to understand that we don't do that ever.

This behavior is not acceptable. I will be telling the mom, I am sure she won't have much to say.
Good Morning Mac60,

I've been having a similar problem too with my 3yr old and 18mo old dck's.
But first my solution for you
1). Maybe get a trash can with a latch(seen at target/wal-mart)

2). Hide the trash can from him... you will catch him in the act.

3). Maybe give him smaller portions (very small, I to hate waste)

4). Lastly tell mom she will have to start bring his meals...she'll have something to say then.

Hope it gets better soon!

Their siblings and when the older one is done eating the youngest wants to throw out her food too even though she not done! The other issue I have is with the 3yr old and my own 5yr old playing and talking way to much at the table "I mean I love that they talk among themselves" but not to the point it holds up our daily routine. I've been thinking about timing snack and lunch time w/a kitchen timer. I'm on the food program which state's I have to allow 2 hours for feedings "that's crazy...way to long". So I plan to use the timer the same way the schools here do (when the kids get to loud, they flicker the lights on/off) when it's time to wrap it up they lower the lights and blow the whistle...I never seen kids eat so fast What do you think?
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:42 AM
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This kid is not doing this to be helpful, he is doing it because he doesn't want to eat what is served. This is the second time in 3 days. It is not ok. The kids have never cleaned up their dishes, when they are done they are allowed to get up and I do all the cleaning up.
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:48 AM
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This kid is not doing this to be helpful, he is doing it because he doesn't want to eat what is served. This is the second time in 3 days. It is not ok. The kids have never cleaned up their dishes, when they are done they are allowed to get up and I do all the cleaning up.
How is he getting away from the table without you noticing??

I'd consider moving the trash can, gating off the kitchen if you are in another room, or just sticking the trash can outside or in the garage during mealtimes. I know it's a hassle but it sure beats digging in the trash or replacing dinnerware.
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:59 AM
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This kid just started doing this last week. He is 3 1/2. He knows it is wrong. He has been talked to and it has been discussed. I will not move my trash can. I heard the lid come down. Once the kids are done eating they go from table back to daycare room which is open to the kitchen. I am not the one that will be doing anything different.

When they are done eating, they are allowed to get up, because some of them take what seems like forever to eat, while others eat and are done.
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Old 02-13-2012, 10:39 AM
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If you aren't willing to do anything different, don't expect much for results.

You can talk to this kid until your blue in the face. He knows he's not going to get in trouble and doesn't care what the consequence is. Talking is just words.

The paper plate idea with little bits of food is a great idea but it is going to take some effort on your part to stop this from happening...whether that be direct supervision of him over mealtime, moving the trashcan, paper plates, etc.

You taking control and changing things up might just be the key to him changing his ways.
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Old 02-13-2012, 10:45 AM
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We eat family style with our day care kids. We all sit down and eat together. (Sometimes, my son and I will just sit with them and we order something yummy and bad for us after they are asleep!) But we never leave the table while they eat. I think it's important to have conversation at the meal table. I know too many of them eat in front of the tv or alone when they are at home.

If someone is done, they just sit and have conversation with us until everyone else is done. Then, they are all excused together and throw away their plates, spoons etc. (I use disposable everything and claim it on my taxes.) Clean up takes seconds. The only dishes I wash are the serving dishes if I use them. I often use disposable foil containers.

I do not bother about how much each child eats. That is completely up to them. All I am required to do is OFFER the food. I am paid for it whether they eat it or not.

Gone are the days of plates and spoons in the trash, worries about how much they have eaten etc. Mealtimes are smooth and easy for the most part. New kids have to learn the rules and we have a few tantrums about wanting to leave the table after 30 seconds etc. but they soon learn.
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Old 02-13-2012, 11:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wdmmom View Post
If you aren't willing to do anything different, don't expect much for results.

You can talk to this kid until your blue in the face. He knows he's not going to get in trouble and doesn't care what the consequence is. Talking is just words.

The paper plate idea with little bits of food is a great idea but it is going to take some effort on your part to stop this from happening...whether that be direct supervision of him over mealtime, moving the trashcan, paper plates, etc.

You taking control and changing things up might just be the key to him changing his ways.
I agree with wdmmom that unless your willing to change something nothing will change. I don't think they hear much past the first few words. If he's just being defiant he would lose the privilege of leaving the table when he's done. I would make him sit there until I told him he could leave. I don't use time out much but I do use losing your privileges if you can not go by the rules. Usually just a couple of times of losing their privileges they quit whatever it was they were doing.
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Old 02-13-2012, 12:37 PM
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We eat family style with our day care kids. We all sit down and eat together. (Sometimes, my son and I will just sit with them and we order something yummy and bad for us after they are asleep!) But we never leave the table while they eat. I think it's important to have conversation at the meal table. I know too many of them eat in front of the tv or alone when they are at home.

If someone is done, they just sit and have conversation with us until everyone else is done. Then, they are all excused together and throw away their plates, spoons etc. (I use disposable everything and claim it on my taxes.) Clean up takes seconds. The only dishes I wash are the serving dishes if I use them. I often use disposable foil containers.

I do not bother about how much each child eats. That is completely up to them. All I am required to do is OFFER the food. I am paid for it whether they eat it or not.

Gone are the days of plates and spoons in the trash, worries about how much they have eaten etc. Mealtimes are smooth and easy for the most part. New kids have to learn the rules and we have a few tantrums about wanting to leave the table after 30 seconds etc. but they soon learn.
Same here, although we use "real" plates. I am in the process of moving them from plastic "toddler" plates to the stoneware ones, and open cups. Dollar General had these adorable little espresso cups, so I bought 12 of them.
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Old 02-13-2012, 01:27 PM
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I am surprised how so many think this calls for me to change the way I do things. The child is in the wrong, not me. He only started this because he doesn't want to eat what is served, and only does it when I take a step out of the room, and each room is open to the next so it isn't even like I actually step away. The consequence will be on him, not more work for me, even if it means him eating alone with the timer on for 10 min and me staring at him. It is never ever ok to throw your plate, silverware and food you don't like in the trash. Never happened before. He fully knows what he is doing. I believe in consequences for bad behavior, not changing the way things have been done for 12 years because a unruly 3 1/2 year old decides to misbehave. JMO
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Old 02-13-2012, 01:43 PM
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I am surprised how so many think this calls for me to change the way I do things. The child is in the wrong, not me. He only started this because he doesn't want to eat what is served, and only does it when I take a step out of the room, and each room is open to the next so it isn't even like I actually step away. The consequence will be on him, not more work for me, even if it means him eating alone with the timer on for 10 min and me staring at him. It is never ever ok to throw your plate, silverware and food you don't like in the trash. Never happened before. He fully knows what he is doing. I believe in consequences for bad behavior, not changing the way things have been done for 12 years because a unruly 3 1/2 year old decides to misbehave. JMO
Not sure I am understanding the throwing aaway of food part.

So in your program children are required to eat everything on thier plate.

If so how is it decied how much is put on thier plate?

I totaly agree that the plate and silverwear should not be thrown away, and that the child is doing that because they do not whant to eat.
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Old 02-13-2012, 01:53 PM
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This kid has become very picky and has started to push his food away and say he doesn't like it, things he has eaten for over 3 years. When you allow one to behave this way it becomes a trickled down effect with the others then doing it. I decide how much food is put on their plate. I do start with very small portions. Today it was beef n noodles over mashed potatoes and corn, then they could have peaches. He ate the corn and threw the rest away. Yes, they are required to eat their lunch, I don't believe in wasting, but at the same time I only put a very small amount on their plate then they can have more.....they can have all they want (with in reason), I don't allow wasting it. Plus, if we have special treats, like today someone brought in cupcakes, if you don't eat your lunch no special treat. Bottom line, throwing your food, plate, and silverware in the trash is never ok.
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:04 PM
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maybe I missed this part.

Are they allowed to get up from the table when you tell them they are done, or when they think they are done?

All of my kids are required to ask if they may be excused and are NOT allowed to get from the table until they say the words" May I please be excused" I will then inspect their meals and cups and make a decision. The one's that can't talk yet, use sign language to show me that they are all done. If you get up from the table, you are done.

NO one plays toys until everyone is done....

Sorry if I repeat anything already said
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:09 PM
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When they are done, I let them get up. Some eat and are done in 10 min, some it takes them 30 min, I don't think a child that sits down and eats and doesn't mess around should have to sit and wait on someone who takes 30 min to eat. When they are done I let them know they can leave the table, I want to clean them up first. This child just got up on his own and threw the plate and walked out of the kitchen, I was less than 6 ft from him but my back was to him. I heard the lid of the trash can close. He knew better, just defying the rules.
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:09 PM
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I am surprised how so many think this calls for me to change the way I do things. The child is in the wrong, not me. He only started this because he doesn't want to eat what is served, and only does it when I take a step out of the room, and each room is open to the next so it isn't even like I actually step away. The consequence will be on him, not more work for me, even if it means him eating alone with the timer on for 10 min and me staring at him. It is never ever ok to throw your plate, silverware and food you don't like in the trash. Never happened before. He fully knows what he is doing. I believe in consequences for bad behavior, not changing the way things have been done for 12 years because a unruly 3 1/2 year old decides to misbehave. JMO
Who is the adult here? What you have done for 12 years is currently not working with this child. YOU have to change what YOU'RE doing. You can either sit at the table, give him very small portions, or continue to do nothing. You're the adult and it's your choice as to how you deal with this.

Why ask for advice and continue to have a "I'm not changing anything I do attitude?"
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Old 02-13-2012, 03:51 PM
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So I understand compleetely not whanting wasted food.



The thing is as a role model you are now forcing a child to eat. This is my book is never ok. Many people children and adults in America have food

issues. Do you realy whant to risk the possibility that you are contrubiting to a possible food disorder later in the lives of the children in your care.


I know you will probaly say I am trying to blame you. I am not trying to place blame. I believe in not role modeling bad food habits so much I can not just let this go and not say something.
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Old 02-13-2012, 04:18 PM
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My kids do alot better eating when they have direct supervision. I have went away from trying to clean up counters and loading the dishes to sitting or standing right at the table with the kids. My group has gotten to be pickier in the last three months and I am doing alot of encouragement and praising. For the most part once on child is praised for eating a green bean then every one starts eating there green beans.
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Old 02-13-2012, 04:56 PM
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You all seem to be missing the point here. This child did not start doing this until last week, which was the first time he threw his lunch in the trash. What I have been doing the past 12 years has worked. Kids sit down and eat. When they are done they are allowed to get up and not have to wait on the slow pokes. If you don't eat your lunch you don't get special treats. This child, who has been with me for going on 4 years just stareds this behavior. And as far as eating all their lunch, there is NO way to force it, because I can't. There has been many a day I have thrown his lunch away after he sat there for 45 min. But once a child starts throwing the food in the trash along with the eating utensils, doing it so I "think" he ate his lunch. Nope, that is what is wrong with this picture. And they do have direct supervision.

And I am not so sure I asked for advice. It was more of a vent than anything. Another one of those cases, I should of just kept it to myself.
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Old 02-13-2012, 05:14 PM
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The point is, meals are supposed to be a pleasant, peaceful experience, not a battle.

Yes, you can change the way you're doing things, because just because you are doing it for 12 years doesn't mean it's the right way to do it!

I am not trying to pick on you, but if you were a teacher for 40 years in a school, do you think it would be appropriate to teach the children the same way now that you did 40 years ago? How about 100 years ago? Maybe we could get out the chalk and blackboards. That's a total exaggeration, I know, but you know what I'm saying, right? There is always a new way to try. Also, not every child is the same, clearly. What works for 300 children might not work for #301.

Would you consider trying "family style" dinning for a week? Even if you only eat a little of what the kids are, just for show, and then enjoy your own lunch at nap later, would you try it? So many of our kids never sit with their families anymore. It would be yet another wonderful way you are serving these kids, AND you'd be dealing with that behavior.

My feeling about food: Food is a very intimate thing. It goes in your body. How do we tell children it's their body, and they shouldn't let someone else touch them without permission (whether it's a young child or a teenager) and then say "oh yeah, but EAT THIS!"

If you serve family style, you don't even have to waste food. Give him a plate , and if there is no food on it because he turns it down, then he sits and visits while the rest of you eat (I've found this is a good time to read stories...captive audience). Or, have him choose ONE thing on the table he will try, but he can't have 2nd's unless he's tried something else.

Nothing else until the next meal time. It's really that simple!

Please know, I am only trying to be helpful, not mean or judgemental...

I see while I was writing you said it was just a vent. sorry, but sometimes we because the rest of us aren't emotionally invested in this scenario, we give another perspective. Take it or leave it...it's you're choice. Just try to be open minded.
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Old 02-13-2012, 05:15 PM
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So if I understand your latest post the real problem is that the child is throwing the plate and silverwear away. I recomend that when you talk to

mom you keep it focused on that and do not mention food unless mom ask about wiether or not their was food on the plate. I would make the child pick

the things out of the trash that they threw away that where not trash.
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Old 02-14-2012, 04:44 AM
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If I'm reading this correctly your biggest and most recent problem is that he is throwing dishes away with the food. The natural consequence for me would be to take the plate and cutlery away and give him bites a few at a time like I do with littles. Similar to when I'm teaching them to sit at the table and eat from a little plate instead of a high chair tray. If he can't act appropriately I would take away the choices where he is choosing the wrong thing (throwing the plate away).

As for getting him to eat....you can't. BUT you can minimize the stress for yourself by not allowing complaining and perhaps setting a timer for mealtimes. I had a super picky, super disruptive eater for years. I decided several months ago to stop caring if he ate or not and to aid me with that I started setting a timer for meals and snacks. He HATED not being coddled, coaxed and badgered to eat and hated it even more that we stopped sitting at the table for long periods of time. When the timer buzz's I dump the plates. He eats much, much better now. Mom and Dad set a timer at home too and it works for them as well. He was controlling all of us and we took away the control by stopping him from dictating meal length and taking the focus totally away from him and his food. It might work for you.
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Old 02-14-2012, 06:36 AM
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I agree with you mac. I don't care what you all say, but throwing away food is not ok. In ontario no one is on the food program, maybe thats why we care more about the food issue. This kid is doing it on purpose, I bet you that he's doing it at home or he wants to play with the other kids. I have divided plates, and when kids are done they are to come and show me what they ate, if I think its not enough I send them back. I find that they all want to be done all together. I'm not putting up with and crabby kids who beg me for snacks all day. I have to have these kids for 4 yrs before the go to school, if you add that up that would be alot of food waste per kid.

I had a kid like this, so I sat with them till they were done, and I hid the trash can from them. I would also make him bring you the plate when he's done, if he throws it away make him dig it out of the trash.
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Old 02-14-2012, 12:06 PM
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Originally Posted by familyschoolcare View Post
So if I understand your latest post the real problem is that the child is throwing the plate and silverwear away. I recomend that when you talk to

mom you keep it focused on that and do not mention food unless mom ask about wiether or not their was food on the plate. I would make the child pick

the things out of the trash that they threw away that where not trash.
THis is what I was going to say. I'd make him pick it out of the trash himself (no playing until he does). Don't make it a food battle, just teaching him respect for other peoples things and to be honest. I tell all my picky eaters when they start to complain about a certain food item. (and other kids tell them this too)
"If you don't like it, don't eat it!"

I also give my picky eaters very small portions of food I think they may not eat.
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Old 02-14-2012, 01:10 PM
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So if I understand your latest post the real problem is that the child is throwing the plate and silverwear away. I recomend that when you talk to

mom you keep it focused on that and do not mention food unless mom ask about wiether or not their was food on the plate. I would make the child pick

the things out of the trash that they threw away that where not trash.
That's what I do. I give them a glove and make them pick it out the trash. I have have one really bad eater and he does that when he's unhappy with what we had for lunch.

But I do understand your point, mac60. Him throwing everything in the to make you "think" he has eaten is not okay. I have one who does that to get seconds.
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New Kid Throwing Off Schedule... What To Do? SilverSabre25 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 5 10-01-2010 11:19 AM


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