So this is what was said to me by one of my DCG this morning. I look at DCM and child and I said oh why is that. The child says, I want to go somewhere else. I dont like your house anymore.

I tell DCK well you had a great day yesterday all expect when you decided to dump all of the books off of the shelf, you had to stay behind from our activity and clean it all up. You missed the first 5 minutes of our activity time because you made a bad decision. There were a few other small things that happened through out the day and the same thing occurred. They fixed the issue.

With summer her we have really vamped up our summer fun..... THe child has had MANY times where she has had to sit out for the first few minutes or sometimes had to play with something else due to behavior issues.

This child has a very difficult time following rules and I see that DCP are not consistent with how they parent the girl.

With this child, I conduct the one and your done, because giving a warning does not work. I will say please be nice to your friends just to have her turn right around and do it again.

I talk with DCG after mom leaves and ask why do you want to go to a new school, they say because I won't go to time out there. BTW DCG is 4

DCM is looking at me with question or concern that their child is very unhappy here. I told DCM I leave DC at DC. Unless I really feel that I need to let you know, I deal with things here the best that I can.

DCM also informed me that DCG cried one day last week at night saying the same thing. DCM however is aware that the child has behavioral issues.

I dont even know where to start with this issue, how to address it

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No way would I even let this DCM drag me into that kind of game.

As soon as DCG said that, I would have said "Well that is too bad. We love having you here."

If DCM tried to tell me that her child was crying about coming, I would just say that the child has fun while she is here and if she didn't I would call mom for pick up each and every time the child appeared to not be having any fun.

Tell mom to keep her phone by her ALL day because you will call the second the DCG seems to be upset, sad or not having any fun.

If she continues to go on about it, I would simply ask her if she is thinking of changing child care programs and if so, make sure she gives me proper notice.



I don't play these kinds of games with the DCK's and I certainly wouldn't play them with a parent.

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thank you for your advice. Seeing how the situation has passed, what would you say to the parent at this point? This morning, the parent did NOT say anything at all to the child.

I did tell the child well maybe you should make better decisions and you wont have to sit out...

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Just the vibe I'm getting, but it just all seems like too much.

If a kiddo would have said that to parent or in my presence I would have been sympathetic, but short.

"Awww, I'm sorry you feel that way! Let's try to make today a great day!"

Then jotted a quick email to parent letting them know that it's typical for four year olds to buck rules to test those boundaries. That when they do you kindly but firmly address the issue and she doesn't like that you're following through on those occassions lately. Reassure them it'll pass, and let them know if they have any questions they can ask via email or set up a meeting without kiddo because you'd like to remain a united front in her eyes.


Do your best not to make a huge deal out of it unless it actually takes a turn that way.

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Negativity breeds negativity.

You could make the point of your above without being so harsh imho.

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I would have said "Other schools have consiquences (or time outs) too when you break the rules"

Like you said, it seems like the parents are either very inconsistant or laxed on the rules and she probably thinks you are the only person in the world who give consiquences for misbehavior (especially if no one else watches her but her parents).

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Thank you for this information. I have never had a child rebel against rules like this before. Do you know where I might be able to find an article about this that I could send to the mom????

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I do agree that I could have said it in a better way. Not to justify my reasons for saying that, I am beyond frustrated with this DCm and daughter.....

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Don't even give it a second thought.
She is unhappy because you have rules that need to be followed and likely there are no rules at home.
Keep doing exactly what you are doing and if DCM approaches you with it again, just tell her that DCG has a great time while in your care but if DCM wishes to look for another place where she feels DCG may be happier, she is free to do so.

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I had this happen. DCB told DCM that he didn't like coming to my house (it was not in front of me). I was not aware of this until DCM was running extremely late one day and I addressed the fact that she really needs to call me. Well when I addressed it she got all pi**y and said "well DCB doesn't even like coming here". (Please visualize this mom kicking and screaming like a 2 year old just because I asked her to let me know if she was running late) I was completely taken by surprise. I responded: "well I enjoy having him."

I did reflect on the conversation later and could only come up with the reason being is that DCB has to follow rules at my house.

It gets better:

So the DCM pulled the DCB out of my program at a very young 3 years old and put him into a preschool classroom of all older 4 and 5 year olds!

I still cared for younger sibling, DCG, and heard all of the horror stories that DCM told me about DCB getting into all sorts of trouble at his "new school".

I know DCM pulled DCB out of my program bc he "didn't like coming here" and the only one that suffered was the DCB

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I get that, really I do. We all get super fed up from time to time, we're human!

And it's not even that what you said was wrong, because really it is the truth!


Email to mom, copy and paste if you'd like:

Dear mom,

I just wanted to drop you a line about what kiddo said this morning. I'm sure it bothers you as much as it bothers me. At four years old I think she is testing boundaries a bit lately like many her age do. I am requiring she follow the same rules I've always had, and always enforce them with kindness, but it's obvious she's had a bit of a rough go of them lately. My plan is to remain consistent, and I hope we can back each other up. In my experience a kiddo who begins testing to this level at daycare, is also testing at home. I'm wondering if you've experienced any of the same there lately? As always if you have any questions or concerns don't hesitate to bring them to me. I just ask that we keep the discussion private as discussing these things in front of a kiddo often creates more trouble. Feel free to email me back, call tonight before ___pm, or set up an appointment so we can sit down and figure this out together.

Thanks!
Provider

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I'm going through the exact same thing with a 5yr old dcb. He probably tells me this everyday. Argues with anything I ask him to do or direct him to because he only wants to do why he wants to do. Tells me his mom lets him do whatever he wants, his old babysitter let him do whatever he wants, he's allowed to do it at his house.

Constantly is getting in the other kids faces and making faces at them. When I ask him to please give them space he answers ' I wasn't doing nothing' , or 'I was just teasing' or 'god you are always bothering me'. Is constantly taking toys from the other kids or of they are riding bikes will chase the other kids and bump them with his bike. He loses his bike privileges, and also either has to miss out on an activity or is redirected to something that is more constructive.

This is the same boy I mentioned a couple weeks ago that is obsessed with my 18month old. Constantly touching him.

He is ADHD. And mom has basically just said e I the same for her.

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My kid is also constantly throwing toys and can't figure out why that's not allowed because he can do whatever he wants to his toys at his house. Wrestling and fighting are also allowed at his house when his cousins come over. Sorry to hijack your post!

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when they get to that point that they hate coming to you then you know that they have outgrown the program and its time to move on.
also, we don't know if mom is feeding her the lines
also, infront of mom, ask the child why she doesn't like it here, then both of you can hear the answer and do something about it together.

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Maybe it's just because parent's that don't expect ANYTHING of their children really annoys me (seriously, this whole "entitlement generation" thing is one of my biggest pet peeves) but this is how I would address it with DCM .... (read it semi slowly, VERY politely and like if you were reading a story to a 2yo ... also read it with a smile on your face).

"DCM, it's apparent to me that DCG likes to push the limits and boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. This is a normal part of development for a child her age. I have rules that I enforce in order to maintain the safety of the children individually and as a whole group which come with consequences if they are broken. When toys are dumped or left on the floor then the child responsible is given a reasonable amount of time to clean them up and cannot move on to the next activity until the task is completed. I am teaching the children about responsibility by making them a part of caring for the daycare toys and materials.

DCG is unhappy because she is required to follow the same set of rules, boundaries and limitations that the other children are also required to follow and does not want to be responsible for the consequences of her own actions. She does not want to clean up after herself, which is only fair and appropriate, and therefore is rebelling against the rules. Her "unhappiness" stems from the fact that she simply does not want to be required to clean up her own mess that she herself has created.

If you feel that I am being unrealistic to attempt to teach her at 4 years old to be able to follow the same set of rules and about consequences to opposing behavior that even my 2 year olds follow and you feel that it is in her best interest to be at a different daycare that is less structured then please by all means, do not let me stop you. Like I said, I completely understand that you want your DCG to be happy."

And maybe ...
"Don't forget that I require a two-week notice of termination in writing,"

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do you think that it has anything to do with the fact that we are now on summer break and our activities are way more fun than normal. DCK is seeing that everyone is having fun, but her. I think that it she is finally understanding that when she makes a bad decision, there will be a consequence.

I wonder too if she is doing it because at home there is not consistency and therefore is continuing to do this hoping for a different result but instead is getting the same result every time.

I am bothered by this and I am some what worried that DCP will pull........

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If you do more that can definitely be stressful and overwhelming, even if the things you are doing are fun.

A LOT of kids push boundaries if they get overwhelmed.

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I think it's a game. A game I don't have time to play-with the child or the adult.

I have dealt with this in daycare and when I taught kindergarten.

My response to a kid saying they don't like it here or don't want to come..."I'm sorry you feel that way". I don't try to reason it out or put any more energy into it. I think sometimes at this age they are really looking for a response and when they don't get one, they move on.

My response to parents that are concerned about their child's happiness in coming and while being here is "He/she seems to have fun during the day, except when behavior corrections occur. If you think he/she would be happier somewhere else, remember I need 2 weeks notice." I don't say it rudely, just matter of fact.

I know it can be a concern to lose and child and then have to find a replacement, but sometimes it just has to happen. Don't take it personally.

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Here is an article. I just happened to read it this morning since I have a child that does the same as yours. http://extension.missouri.edu/p/GH6119
I thought it had good info.

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So I did what willow suggested and talked with mom. Mom informed me that this has been going on for sometime. DCG is coming home crying or as soon as they have to get in the car she starts crying that she does not want to come here anymore.

I fell really really sad that the child is doing this....DCP requested a meeting with me and I just don't even know what to say now....

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I think you've already gotten some great advice on what to say to mom. But honestly it sounds as if this child is no longer a good fit for your care. "Dc mom, I have loved caring for Sally, but it seems as though she has been unhappy, perhaps she would thrive in another environment."

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I would write up a "Parting Ways" letter to give to them first thing tomorrow. No meeting necessary.

Dear DCP,
I enjoy caring for your daughter. However, due to the fact that your child is so unhappy here and no longer enjoys the care I provide, I respectfully step down from being her care provider. I can give you 2 weeks to find alternative care, if needed. I hope you can find a new environment that she will thrive in, as we all want what is best for her.
Sincerely,


In my experience, once this power struggle starts between you/parent/child, it is a no win situation. You cannot bend over backward to make this child happy at all times. You do not want to worry each day what she says when she leaves. If the girl continues to complain, the parents will eventually terminate anyway.

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