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Unregistered 06:01 PM 12-09-2015
So I take care of a 4 year old little girl whose parents are divorced and have split custody. When it comes to her dad's day even though she loves him and she never says anything bad about him she acts like she doesn't want to see him and asks for her mommy and makes it really awkward and uncomfortable for him not to mention me when she won't leave with him. Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful because I hate dealing with this several times a week! I'm actually on here quite a bit but I'm having trouble creating an account so I always do unregistered, sorry! Oh also this little girl has fairly significant behavior issues periodically, usually on her dad days actually always on her dad's days.
Thriftylady 06:27 PM 12-09-2015
The separation and back and forth is very stressful for some children. And maybe she just misses mom. I would try to help her find positive things about going to dad's. Make it seem special she gets to go.
Michael 06:59 PM 12-09-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I'm actually on here quite a bit but I'm having trouble creating an account so I always do unregistered, sorry!
Write to me at director@daycare.com and I will set you up an account. Just give me the name you want and password.I'm actually on here quite a bit but I'm having trouble creating an account so I always do unregistered, sorry!
childcaremom 12:54 AM 12-10-2015
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
So I take care of a 4 year old little girl whose parents are divorced and have split custody. When it comes to her dad's day even though she loves him and she never says anything bad about him she acts like she doesn't want to see him and asks for her mommy and makes it really awkward and uncomfortable for him not to mention me when she won't leave with him. Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful because I hate dealing with this several times a week! I'm actually on here quite a bit but I'm having trouble creating an account so I always do unregistered, sorry! Oh also this little girl has fairly significant behavior issues periodically, usually on her dad days actually always on her dad's days.
Oh, that's hard. I had one that age whose parents were split and she had such a hard go of it. So I take care of a 4 year old little girl whose parents are divorced and have split custody. When it comes to her dad's day even though she loves him and she never says anything bad about him she acts like she doesn't want to see him and asks for her mommy and makes it really awkward and uncomfortable for him not to mention me when she won't leave with him. Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful because I hate dealing with this several times a week! I'm actually on here quite a bit but I'm having trouble creating an account so I always do unregistered, sorry! Oh also this little girl has fairly significant behavior issues periodically, usually on her dad days actually always on her dad's days.
I don't have any suggestions, other than to handle it how I would any other pick up/drop off that was getting out of hand. Quick in and out. Maybe have dcg all ready to go and do a quick pass off.
Is this a schedule visit? Maybe dcps need to prepare her a bit more that dcd is going to be doing pick up today?
Josiegirl 03:05 AM 12-10-2015
Ooh that's a tough one. 
It must be hard on little ones, shifting back and forth between parent, house, routine.
Maybe you could have dcg make dcd a card or something so she can look forward to giving it to him at pick up?
I'm sure she's confused, maybe she even harbors guilt about her parents? Sometimes we have no clue what's going on inside a little one's mind. Definitely get both parents on the same page, be consistent and have dcps help you with this dilemma.
It must be hard on little ones, shifting back and forth between parent, house, routine. Maybe you could have dcg make dcd a card or something so she can look forward to giving it to him at pick up?
I'm sure she's confused, maybe she even harbors guilt about her parents? Sometimes we have no clue what's going on inside a little one's mind.
Definitely get both parents on the same page, be consistent and have dcps help you with this dilemma.
Snowmom 07:41 AM 12-10-2015
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
Ooh that's a tough one. It must be hard on little ones, shifting back and forth between parent, house, routine.
Maybe you could have dcg make dcd a card or something so she can look forward to giving it to him at pick up?
I'm sure she's confused, maybe she even harbors guilt about her parents? Sometimes we have no clue what's going on inside a little one's mind. Definitely get both parents on the same page, be consistent and have dcps help you with this dilemma.
I like that idea.Ooh that's a tough one.
It must be hard on little ones, shifting back and forth between parent, house, routine. Maybe you could have dcg make dcd a card or something so she can look forward to giving it to him at pick up?
I'm sure she's confused, maybe she even harbors guilt about her parents? Sometimes we have no clue what's going on inside a little one's mind.
Definitely get both parents on the same page, be consistent and have dcps help you with this dilemma.Also, maybe talking it up about an hour before pickup. Ask what she & dad will be doing together, what she loves about her time with dad, etc.
If mom is open to it, maybe bring a stuffed animal from Mom's house to keep in her cubby to bring with at Dad's- do not bring it out until Dad's here.
Unregistered 12:09 PM 12-10-2015
Thanks for the ideas, I already had her make something for dad and I'll try the toy idea if I need to. I used to not tell her who was picking her up because it would cause fairly significant tantrums (I think she was feeling out of control and like she had no choices at home). Now that she's older I'm going to try getting her excited to see her dad and see if that helps or hurts the situation. Luckily I have pretty open communication with both parents so they are always great with these things.
Unregistered 12:22 PM 12-10-2015
Thanks for the ideas, I already had her make something for dad and I'll try the toy idea if I need to. I used to not tell her who was picking her up because it would cause fairly significant tantrums (I think she was feeling out of control and like she had no choices at home). Now that she's older I'm going to try getting her excited to see her dad and see if that helps or hurts the situation. Luckily I have pretty open communication with both parents so they are always great with these things.
Ariana 12:32 PM 12-10-2015
Will the dad allow the child to call the mom to say "hello"? for my split daycare family this helped tremendously. She would be going with dad and be upset and just telling her that she can call mom as soon as she gets to dads house was what helped. It can be tough because kids need their moms so much for comfort (not that dads don't provide that but lets face it they need it more from mom) so just hearing her voice could help settle her down. It really takes maturity and lack of ego on the dads part to go along with this. Luckily I had a super dad who really cared about his kids!
daycare 12:58 PM 12-10-2015
my own child did this.
its going to take work on everyone's part to fix this.
mom and dad need to be VERY proactive and talk about schedule every night before bed and in the morning at drop off.
example: lets get ready for bed, you have school in the morning and daddy is going to pick up up from school, how exciting.
morning wake up: time to get up, get dressed for school, how exciting, daddy is going to pick up up today!
at drop off: mommy kisses dck, ok have a great day, daddy will be here to pick up.
before pick up you remind dcd, lets get ready daddy is on his way to pick you up, how exciting.
dcd needs to do the same.
to add to it. I would ask the parents to create a calendar of her visitation schedule. seeing it with pictures will help her know where she is going to be and when.
if all of the adults in her life ease her fear of not knowing where she is going to be day to day, she will have a much better understanding and won't be so upset about the changes.
i went through this with my own kids and it was horrible before we did this.
its going to take work on everyone's part to fix this.
mom and dad need to be VERY proactive and talk about schedule every night before bed and in the morning at drop off.
example: lets get ready for bed, you have school in the morning and daddy is going to pick up up from school, how exciting.
morning wake up: time to get up, get dressed for school, how exciting, daddy is going to pick up up today!
at drop off: mommy kisses dck, ok have a great day, daddy will be here to pick up.
before pick up you remind dcd, lets get ready daddy is on his way to pick you up, how exciting.
dcd needs to do the same.
to add to it. I would ask the parents to create a calendar of her visitation schedule. seeing it with pictures will help her know where she is going to be and when.
if all of the adults in her life ease her fear of not knowing where she is going to be day to day, she will have a much better understanding and won't be so upset about the changes.
i went through this with my own kids and it was horrible before we did this.