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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Can’t Believe I Am Saying No... Maybe?
Mister Sir Husband 07:43 PM 03-19-2014
So... I am currently licensed for daycare, but don't have any kids yet. We are ok with this as financially we are doing fine. My wife makes a good amount of cash and my being home all day helps a lot as we have 3 kids of our own ages 5,6 and 11. Anything that comes up that they need.. be it a ride home from school cause they don't feel well or an after school thing, or getting them on the bus in the am.. I am here. My wife and I currently enjoy the peace of mind that the kids are well cared for and safe with me instead of paying someone else to watch them. I am basically a "soccer dad"

So anyways... a previous employer of mine called me tonight and offered me a serious amount of money to come back to work. (I left this company on my own decision years ago... wasn't laid off or fired, just had a better offer at the time) He offered me more money than I would make if I had 4 kids enrolled full time, plus benefits, vacation time, an office, etc..

I cant believe I am going to do this, but with all the effort and time I put into opening my own business, and even though I am actually thousands of dollars in the hole getting my daycare ready to pass inspections, and have no prospects yet lined up to actually make any money.. I am leaning towards calling him back and turning down the job.

I'm not really sure if I am looking for advice here, or just venting.... or sharing to get it out. I was just floored when I was offered this opportunity. I am actually feeling that I don't want it because the idea of being my own boss is very appealing, but am also feeling horrible because they offered it to me before it was posted because I am a perfect fit for it... and by turning it down I am letting them down. Kinda like they are asking for my help and I am saying no.

Anyways... Thanks for reading this far.. I guess I just needed to lay it all out here for some input?
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Naptime yet? 08:06 PM 03-19-2014
I wish I had some advice, other than trust your intuition. Would you lose all the flexibility, as far as your own children go? Would you be "working for the man" (I'm teasing)?

Have you & your wife made the pro/con list? If it's not about the money, then follow your heart. It's awesome your former employee thinks highly of you to offer you this job, but I don't think you'd let them down by refusing (greener pastures?).
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Mister Sir Husband 08:39 PM 03-19-2014
I would be losing flexibility... I would need to arrange to have someone get my youngest daughter on the bus as she leaves at 8:30 and I would need to be at work by 7:30... plus my step son would need daycare as he isn't in school yet. Plus anything my oldest daughter wants to join after school, be it her music or a sports thing would be depending on if I could be there in time to help with transportation.. plus when there is no school I have all three kids home with, well,.. I dunno. I guess pay someone to watch them?

I have pretty much decided to turn it down, but like I said I hate to disappoint them by doing so. I worked for this company for over 10 years and consider everyone there in upper management my friends as well as former coworkers... and the job they are offering needs to be filled by the end of the month. I am seriously qualified to just step into it with minimal training and if I don't take it, they are gonna have to scramble to find someone to fill it in time, plus fully train them.

The more I have thought about it, the more I am leaning towards saying no and being here for my family. The stereotype dictates that the husband should be the bread winner, but in our case, my wife makes the bigger check, and still would by 2x what I am being offered. My being here with our kids allows her to be able to have the time to do this, and even though its a tremendous opportunity for me, I think its better for my family that I be the stay at home husband.
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Naptime yet? 04:11 AM 03-20-2014
Then I say, good for you! I have a friend who is a stay-at-home dad, has basically raised his 2 kids by himself, as his wife travels a lot for work, and he's doing a great job of being Mr. Mom (is that sexist?).

You know your family comes first, it sounds like you're making the right decision. You may still feel some kind of obligation to your friends/former coworkers, but in reality, it's not your problem, they'll figure it out. You're doing what's best for you & your family, that's all that counts.
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KidGrind 04:16 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by Mister Sir Husband:
I would be losing flexibility... I would need to arrange to have someone get my youngest daughter on the bus as she leaves at 8:30 and I would need to be at work by 7:30... plus my step son would need daycare as he isn't in school yet. Plus anything my oldest daughter wants to join after school, be it her music or a sports thing would be depending on if I could be there in time to help with transportation.. plus when there is no school I have all three kids home with, well,.. I dunno. I guess pay someone to watch them?

I have pretty much decided to turn it down, but like I said I hate to disappoint them by doing so. I worked for this company for over 10 years and consider everyone there in upper management my friends as well as former coworkers... and the job they are offering needs to be filled by the end of the month. I am seriously qualified to just step into it with minimal training and if I don't take it, they are gonna have to scramble to find someone to fill it in time, plus fully train them.

The more I have thought about it, the more I am leaning towards saying no and being here for my family. The stereotype dictates that the husband should be the bread winner, but in our case, my wife makes the bigger check, and still would by 2x what I am being offered. My being here with our kids allows her to be able to have the time to do this, and even though its a tremendous opportunity for me, I think its better for my family that I be the stay at home husband.
People often say women are too emotional (feelings) when it comes to business. At the end of the day, it’s a business. They didn’t crumble & fall to ruin when you left. They won’t when you turn down the job opportunity. Hiring, training, people come and go are all part of business.

The fact they offered you a great opportunity speaks to the quality of your work and the lasting impression you’ve made. The greatest opportunity is you CAN be there for your family to fully support your spouse in her career. Your kids don’t have a dad who pays the bills, golfs and barely knows who they are let alone their interests. You have the luxury (a lot of males don’t) to be the kid winner instead of the bread winner.

You don’t seem at all tempted to accept the position beyond not wanting to disappoint your former coworkers. If there is even a 5% chance you’d take the job an au pair could be your answer.
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LadyPearl 05:47 AM 03-20-2014
Just a thought: Can you work part-time and still maintain some flexibility?
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melskids 05:51 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by LadyPearl:
Just a thought: Can you work part-time and still maintain some flexibility?
Also....Is it anything you can do from home?
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CraftyMom 05:55 AM 03-20-2014
Sounds like you've already made your decision. Would you look back in 10 years when the kids are much older and regret that you weren't home for them like you wanted to be?

If you financially don't need the job then refuse the position in such a way that the doors are still open should you change your mind down the road.

There will always be job opportunities and time to make money when the kids are grown. They are only little for a very short time and they will remember that you were there for them and that can't be replaced
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Mister Sir Husband 06:19 AM 03-20-2014
Part time and work from home are not an option. I did even ask if I could flex the hours and go in a bit later after my kids are off to school and they cant do it. The job description requires my being there the entire first shift as nothing would be shipped out the door until I have signed off on it for quality and completion.

Having thought about it all last night and this morning, I have decided I really cant take it. It is a real decent amount of money being offered, but at the end of the day, my children would have spent time with someone else watching them, asking how their day went, helping them with homework, etc.. and I cant see it being worth it to trade this time with them for a few dollars in my pocket. Plus, I am confident that at some point I will get some kids enrolled and will have both the time with my family and the cash.
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CraftyMom 06:23 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by Mister Sir Husband:

Having thought about it all last night and this morning, I have decided I really cant take it. It is a real decent amount of money being offered, but at the end of the day, my children would have spent time with someone else watching them, asking how their day went, helping them with homework, etc.. and I cant see it being worth it to trade this time with them for a few dollars in my pocket. Plus, I am confident that at some point I will get some kids enrolled and will have both the time with my family and the cash.
You will get some kids enrolled soon! Then you will have the best of both worlds
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spinnymarie 06:25 AM 03-20-2014
Sounds like turning it down is the right fit - you can always turn them down nicely and tell them that maybe in the future it would be a good fit, but not at the moment.
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slorey 06:54 AM 03-20-2014
Not trying to convince you otherwise, because it sounds like you have already made the best decision for your family, but keep in mind that once you have other kids enrolled, your flexibility to do some of the things you listed as pros to staying home will be affected. It is much harder to transport to after school activities with 4-5 extra kids! So, you will most likely lose some of that flexibility anyway. That being said, I still believe you have made the best decision for you and your family. Even though they offered a decent amount of compensation, you also have to remember that a lot of that will have to go towards paying someone to watch 3 kids. I wouldn't worry too much about letting them down. I am sure they will find someone else. Plus, you could leave it open for something you would consider in the future, but not something you can do at this time. Good luck with everything!
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Mister Sir Husband 07:10 AM 03-20-2014
I though about the money a bit more myself.. they are offering more than I would make with 4 kids enrolled, but after my expenses are added up to take the job.. someone to watch my kids, get them on the bus, gas for my van etc.. I would now only have left an amount less than what I would make with 2 kids enrolled. Plus to pick up and drop off my kids every day would have me leaving at 630 am and getting home at 530 pm. Now that the shock of being offered this opportunity has settled down, my decision to turn it down is making lots more sense.
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llpa 07:15 AM 03-20-2014
Having left thirteen yrs in the corp world to open my little center and being thousands in the hole from paying rent, I applaud your decision not to take the job. This first six months has been harder than anything with only two enrolled and rent due every month! I am really trying hard to keep a positive outlook. You can def be of some influence to your family! Your children are lucky to have "soccer Dad" and if you don't have a go at DC you will always wonder whether it would have been what you thought. It is such a compliment to you that they want you back! Feel good about that!
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KIDZRMYBIZ 07:31 AM 03-20-2014
Look back at your old posts here. I remember reading how excited you were to start your daycare!

I, for one, would be sad to see you take the job, only because I thought it was way awesome for a man to open a daycare!

But you, sir, need to follow your heart. Ask yourself where you want to be now...next year...5 years...10 years. Then go with what fits that. Good luck!
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melilley 10:36 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by CraftyMom:
Sounds like you've already made your decision. Would you look back in 10 years when the kids are much older and regret that you weren't home for them like you wanted to be?

If you financially don't need the job then refuse the position in such a way that the doors are still open should you change your mind down the road.

There will always be job opportunities and time to make money when the kids are grown. They are only little for a very short time and they will remember that you were there for them and that can't be replaced

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daycarediva 10:59 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by Mister Sir Husband:
I though about the money a bit more myself.. they are offering more than I would make with 4 kids enrolled, but after my expenses are added up to take the job.. someone to watch my kids, get them on the bus, gas for my van etc.. I would now only have left an amount less than what I would make with 2 kids enrolled. Plus to pick up and drop off my kids every day would have me leaving at 630 am and getting home at 530 pm. Now that the shock of being offered this opportunity has settled down, my decision to turn it down is making lots more sense.
I think it's the right decision, as well.

It makes sense to stay home and 'earn less' (actually net more, since you have fewer expenses) and spend more time with your children.

My husband is self employed, and my kids LOVE LOVE LOVE when he doesn't have work for a few weeks and is a stay at home Dad. The flexibility it allows our family is PRICELESS. He just turned down a full time/regular job to continue to pursue his company.

I am the breadwinner this year. It hasn't affected our relationship one bit.
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TwinKristi 11:39 AM 03-20-2014
The only option that would be worth going back is if you could afford a personal nanny that was able to get kids off to school, take youngest places during the day, get kids at school, to sports, etc. but would that benefit you financially? And do you want to do that? Sounds like no!
The only reason this would really help you is if you weren't able to stay empty for a period of time. The reason I got my license was because I was being asked to watch more than one family's child per day and needed a license to do so. I wasn't advertising or "trying" to get work. Then the kids fizzled out (1 started Kindy, 1 started PT preschool, one mom quit to be a SAHM...) so I was working very little and started advertising. I filled one spot quickly and then the others followed in the next year. For me to work outside the home and make money I would have to make a LOT of money! We have 6 kids, 3 need after school and summer care and 1 would need FT care. Add sick days, holidays, sports... It's just not possible for ME to make that much now aside from doing this but my dh's income alone doesn't allow for many extras that we enjoy with me working from home. At this point I basically pay for rent and either all the food or all the utilities. So now dh's income isn't as necessary and he's been able to lighten his work load and be home more as well. It works out well and I'm not even at capacity.
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Margarete 02:53 PM 03-20-2014
You can always let them know you could do the job temporarily on your terms if they are really in a bind, and can't get someone in, and trained as fast as they would like. Well if it can't go out the door till you approve it, then they will just have to wait to go out the door. Tell them this is when I could come in, and this is when I would have to leave. I can help to train the new person who will be able to meet the hours you need someone to be there. Then you get some 'training experience' on your resume, you update your personal references, and move on.
If they pass on your offer, then that's fine too.
That is IF putting your youngest in someone elses care temporarily is something you are willing to do.
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Crazy8 05:50 PM 03-20-2014
honestly, it sounds like you are happiest being a SAHD and not in much of a rush to even start your daycare. Like a previous post said, taking on daycare children will probably put a damper on some of the flexibility in the things you mention as the reasons you don't want to take the outside the home job. I can't get my children to their 4:30-5:00pm practices - I need to rely on others to do it for me. So when weighing pros and cons I think I'd come up with a different answer weighing as SAHP vs. the job offer than I would weighing it as full time DC Provider vs. the job offer, especially once my children are all in school full days (which I assume yours will be since youngest is 5 now).
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Tags:parental life choices, super dad
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