Unregistered 04:50 PM 06-18-2010
Hi Everyone! I appreciate any help I can get at this point. I have be operating my daycare for almost three years now and have worked in daycare for five years before that. I have a child that has been in my care for exactly three months now. She is completely uncontrollable! My workers and I have tried everything!! She cries (actually it's screaming crying) all day long! It's constant tantrums. She doesn't play or interact with any of the other children including her cousin who is also enrolled with us and is exactly the same age as her. She doesn't eat any meals because all she does is scream/cry throughout the entire meal. She won't play outside. When we do bring the children out i'm afraid that my neighbors are going to show concern because her crying/screaming sounds like she is being hurt or abused. I can't stress or even explain in words how severe it is. She will be 2 years old in August. I honestly believe that she might be autistic because of her behavior and certain things that she does. I've never had a child with her traits. My other daycare parents have even asked me if she is autistic. I don't know if it is my place to say anything to her mother about this. I'm not a licensed teacher so I don't know for sure and feel funny telling her mother that she should be evaluated. Has anyone ever recommended evaluation to a parent before????? I've been trying to explain her behavior to her mother more and more and explain how she is disrupting all of my children in care and the mother always makes excuses and says its her teeth bothering her. It's definitely not her teeth! Not after 3 straight months every day for 10 hours straight! I've dealt with cranky children before but there has always been something that works for them. Either being held, a certain toy, etc. NOTHING works for this child. I'm to the point that I'm lightheaded by the end of the day dealing with it. And it looks bad to my other parents as well. I feel that I have no other choice to terminate because there has been no improvement at all since day one. Should I give a warning first? Should I give warning/termination in writing. I feel horrible to have to do this especially because the mother is in complete in total denial. The child kicked my worker in the face on purpose while diaper changing and when I told the mother she didn't even apologize. I don't know if she is in serious denial or totally clueless. I've never seriously considered terminating a child before because I can deal with a lot but this is taking a serious toll on me, my workers and my daycare children. How should I go about this? I appreciate any help!!!! Thanks in advance!!!!
misol 07:01 PM 06-18-2010
IMO you have already given the mom plenty of "warnings" when you explain dcg's behavior every day. I would terminate. Especially if my other parents have started to express their concerns. In the termination letter you can tell her that she has 2 weeks to find another provider.
As far as her being autistic, I am not sure that doctors will even make a definitve diagnosis that early. Maybe someone else can confirm that.
originalkat 07:41 PM 06-18-2010
I don't know how you have kept up this long. I would terminate for sure. Give her a written notice (along with verbal) and follow through with whatever notice policy you have in your contract.
As far as telling the mom about the the possibility of her being autistic...I would stay away from any specific words like that because you have no way of knowing. But, I have (on several occasions) suggested parents take the child to be evaluated. However, 2 is still young for this. The kids I dealt with were 4-5 years old.
Daycare Mommy 08:10 PM 06-18-2010
I had a dck who scream/cried most or all of every day for over a year with me before we figured out she had a milk sensitivity. We cut out the dairy and now she's an angel. You of course can't do anything about that if mom isn't interested in acknowledging there's a problem though. Point out to mom that this is way beyond the typical crying for her age or any age past colicky infant for that matter. If you want to make a last ditch effort, you could suggest speaking to the child's doctor about the behavior possibly being linked to a food sensitivity or have mom put her on an elimination diet. If she blows you off or doesn't follow through right away then you know what to do. gl with this!
sahm2three 10:20 PM 06-18-2010
One of my best friends son's is autistic, and actually, early intervention is key here. He was diagnosed at age 18 months. He is now 9, and you would never tell is is autistic. So if you think there is reason for concern, I would try to come up with a gentle way of bringing it up with mom. Good luck!
My4SunshineGirlsNY 05:55 AM 06-19-2010
I would not hesitate to terminate but would stay away from recommending autism...it does sound like she is in denial so that tells me she may be offended by that. She will learn soon enough when the behavior continues.
I have had children in my daycare that cried all day and it is VERY wearing on even the most patient person. Thankfully the children I have/had did adjust after a couple of weeks...I would never be able to hang on that long with the crying all day long. It is NOT easy at all.
I would just tell mom that I'm sorry, but it is not working out and if you can stand it, give her 2 weeks to find someone...if not, it's your nerves..if you need to terminate now, I would do so for your sake. You could simply say I don't think she is adjusting to the group of kids, or she's not a good fit for the group of kids, or you think maybe she would be better off in a smaller daycare because you feel she is over-stimulated with all the other children.
It's always hard to terminate a child, good luck.
Unregistered 07:02 PM 06-19-2010
I know how you're feeling! We have two children that we think may be autistic. They don't scream and cry (except when they're having a tantrum. Which happens ALLL the time with one of the children. Any change in activity seems to set him off, and then he screams so loud, sounding as if I'm abusing him or something). The main thing with these two is their behavior. Its absolutely terrible. Whacking the other's over the head with toys or whatever they happen to have in their hand, hitting all the time (seriously, it's like they wonder around looking for the next child to hit), kicking the toddlers after they push them down and they cry, tantrums every few minutes... even hitting the teachers when they try to sit him in time-out or redirect him where he needs to be going, or any other time he might get mad or have a tantrum and are within his reach. He even leaves bruises on us. He's only 2 1/2! It's been awful, and we're terminating now. We couldn't have that kind of behavior going on, without even so much as an evaluation to see if there's something wrong with them. Other parents were, of course, getting worried about the behavior, and leaving their child at daycare with them there. If only there was some way for the parents to have them evaluated without anyone actually having to say what we think is wrong with their child. They wouldn't like to hear that at all! And what if we were wrong?
So I don't have any ideas to help you out, but just wanted to let you know I can sympathize. Good luck, and let us know how it goes
momma2girls 07:15 PM 06-19-2010
Originally Posted by My4SunshineGirlsNY:
I would not hesitate to terminate but would stay away from recommending autism...it does sound like she is in denial so that tells me she may be offended by that. She will learn soon enough when the behavior continues.
I have had children in my daycare that cried all day and it is VERY wearing on even the most patient person. Thankfully the children I have/had did adjust after a couple of weeks...I would never be able to hang on that long with the crying all day long. It is NOT easy at all.
I would just tell mom that I'm sorry, but it is not working out and if you can stand it, give her 2 weeks to find someone...if not, it's your nerves..if you need to terminate now, I would do so for your sake. You could simply say I don't think she is adjusting to the group of kids, or she's not a good fit for the group of kids, or you think maybe she would be better off in a smaller daycare because you feel she is over-stimulated with all the other children.
It's always hard to terminate a child, good luck.
I have dealt with this as well more than once, it is totally not worth it!! I even tried a month with a little girl, because she only came 2-3 days per week, it needless to say, got worse!!! She was fine as long as I was holding her, but the second I left her, she screamed bloody morder, and didn't stop!! She didn't even sleep!! Why I put up with it for a month, I don't know!!! She had never been away form her mother, and had big time seperation anxiety!!! I have a 2 week trial period now, and I stick with it!!!!! Good luck, and I say you need to terminate!!! I have learned so many things along the way yr. after yr. of doing childcare!!!
fctjc1979 07:07 AM 06-20-2010
I've seen several threads similar to this one since I joined a few months ago. It usually entails a provider not knowing how to suggest to a parent that their child should be tested and most people saying to terminate. I'm not disagreeing with terminating. This may be your only option. But if you terminate, you WILL upset the parent. Why is it harder to upset the parent by suggesting their child should get tested? I've never been in this situation, so there may be elements to this that I'm just not aware of, but if you're already contemplating termination, wouldn't it be easier to explain to the parents that there is behavior going on that is dangerous to other children and then tell them that you will have to terminate unless they have their child evaluated for several things? Maybe give them a standard list of like 10 things that they should be evaluated for? Maybe if it's a standardized list along with the provider's notes on the witnessed behavior, the parents wouldn't be as upset about it because there could be things like food sensitivity on there that the parent can dilude themselves with until the child is actually evaluated? I don't know, it just seems like there should be options other than just terminating or being worried about having these children in daycare. Like I said, I've never dealt with anything like this before.