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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Why Does This Bother Me So Much?
Josiegirl 04:01 PM 08-08-2013
It's like a pet peeve of mine or something. But when I see a child being carried everywhere it bugs me. Why is that? I've got a little 5 yo dcg who gets carried out to the car a lot of the time. Then I have another little girl who's turning 4 soon; she gets carried a lot, loves acting like a baby and of course the older kids play right into it. My SA dcks are always carrying around my 15 month old when she clearly just wants to be left to discover her own adventures.
We were outside playing games this afternoon. The 12 yo dcb was carrying the almost 4 yo and I asked him why? 'Because she wanted me to.' So I said 'let her down to play and run, that's why we came outside'

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just weird?
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Brooksie 04:05 PM 08-08-2013
That drives me crazy too!! I have all little ones right now but I have a MASSIVE 15 mo old who's mom still carry's him around in a baby carrier (car seat). The first time she walked him in in that thing I couldn't help it, I said "girl, what is he doing in there? That must weigh 35lbs." She said "Oh I know! Every one thinks I'm crazy, I still carry him around in it like a baby." Then she leans down and says something like "Mommy just spoils you rotten."
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MyAngels 04:06 PM 08-08-2013
You're not weird, it bugs me too! I used to have a girl who insisted on being carried in and handed off to me. Even after I put a quick stop to that business, her mom still carried her everywhere. Ugh. She was a really big girl for her age, too.
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craftymissbeth 04:13 PM 08-08-2013
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
You're not weird, it bugs me too! I used to have a girl who insisted on being carried in and handed off to me. Even after I put a quick stop to that business, her mom still carried her everywhere. Ugh. She was a really big girl for her age, too.
How did you stop it? I have a 15 mo dcg and dcd hands her off to me every morning. I want to say something, but don't want to be rude, kwim?
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EntropyControlSpecialist 04:17 PM 08-08-2013
I used to have a 20-month-old that they attempted to hand off to me. So, I began opening the door and either saying, "You're a big girl! Let's see you walk and put your shoes away! " or I would just crouch down to where her level would be and begin talking to her from way down there LOL! It mostly stopped. Occasionally she would try to be handed off, and I would say, "You're so silly! You're a big girl and Ms. __ doesn't carry big girls!"

I have an almost 4-year-old that gets carried to and from the car every single day. Everything in this child's life is like this. When baby talk occurs, I will tell the child that I can't understand them or I will ignore it and wait for them to use their actual voice. I have only had to discipline a few children in front of their parents. The other children I never had to discipline more than once. This child I have had to discipline at least 4 times.

I have a new 3-year-old who had his Mom pick him up in a big hug one day. She got distracted talking to me, eventually looked in her arms and said, "What am I doing?!? You're a big boy! Use your legs to stand!" I told her I loved her at that point.
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Willow 04:25 PM 08-08-2013
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
How did you stop it? I have a 15 mo dcg and dcd hands her off to me every morning. I want to say something, but don't want to be rude, kwim?
Crouch and hold out your hands encouraging her to walk. I've never had a parent ask why, they just follow my lead, but if they did I'd tell them that establishing confidence during transitions is important. It shows not only a solid bond between parent and child (child trusts that they will be back) and shows there is a solid bond between provider and child (in that they want and like to be there)



Drives me nuts too OP. Kids with legs should be required to use them.
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Starburst 04:27 PM 08-08-2013
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
How did you stop it? I have a 15 mo dcg and dcd hands her off to me every morning. I want to say something, but don't want to be rude, kwim?
Make it a rule (add to policies) and say its apart of encouraging self help skills. If you have to maybe even say its a part of preventing childhood obesity by getting kids to be more active and self reliant. Or just say that it's part of promoting more active life style as young as possible.

ETA: It was just an idea, some parents are concerned about childhood obesity.
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Willow 04:33 PM 08-08-2013
Originally Posted by Starburst:
Make it a rule (add to policies) and say its apart of encouraging self help skills. If you have to maybe even say its a part of preventing childhood obesity by getting kids to be more active and self reliant or that it's part of promoting more physical activity.
I would not bring up childhood obesity when discussing transitions. As a parent that would seem like a passive aggressive way to insinuate my child is fat and would totally overshadow any other point you were trying to make. Imho, most parents would not make the connection and would instead run with the idea that you think their child is obese.
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daycarediva 04:36 PM 08-08-2013
I have a 4yo dcg that is big for her age be carried in and out daily. Here she is amazing, and can do EVERYTHING for herself but when her parents show it's baby talk and holding up her foot so they can put her shoes on. I just completely ignore it. It doesn't affect me AT ALL since there is zero carry over here.
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KSDC 07:20 AM 08-09-2013
I always feel that it isn't my place to tell parents how to parent their child when they aren't in my care. So, if they want to carry the child in - that is their decision.
But, once the child is here, my munchkins are expected to behave at their maturity level.
And, none of my children are allowed to carry each other. If a "big" kid wants to hold the baby, they have to be sitting down.
Just my 2 cents...
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Play Care 10:27 AM 08-09-2013
Originally Posted by KSDC:
I always feel that it isn't my place to tell parents how to parent their child when they aren't in my care. So, if they want to carry the child in - that is their decision.
But, once the child is here, my munchkins are expected to behave at their maturity level.
And, none of my children are allowed to carry each other. If a "big" kid wants to hold the baby, they have to be sitting down.
Just my 2 cents...


The only issue I would have if parents expected me to continue the babying - handing the child off to me with the idea I will carry them in. To be honest, I still baby *my* babies (7 & 8) sometimes. I just don't expect anyone else to.
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Familycare71 10:42 AM 08-09-2013
Drives me nuts too! I have a dcb 4 almost five who rarely walks when his parents are around... He is starting kindergarten this sept!! up side is he never asks me to carry him
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ShyMommy 12:11 PM 08-09-2013
Originally Posted by KSDC:
I always feel that it isn't my place to tell parents how to parent their child when they aren't in my care. So, if they want to carry the child in - that is their decision.
Thank you for this. From a working mother's perspective, the walk into daycare is an almost sacred thing between my daughter and myself. It's a time for last minute snuggles and letting her know that even though I have to leave her for a while, I'll miss her. It's a time for me to reassure her and comfort her, but most importantly it's -my- time. I don't get as much of it as I'd like, so if I want to spend it holding my daughter I don't really see the problem so long as I'm not expecting anyone else to do it and there are no problems during the transition (crying, clinging, etc.) when I put her down to play.

Just offering the other side. That goodbye is hard on us, too, even if we can't show it. Parents are people too.
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Hunni Bee 12:19 PM 08-09-2013
Originally Posted by KSDC:
And, none of my children are allowed to carry each other. If a "big" kid wants to hold the baby, they have to be sitting down.
Just my 2 cents...
That's what stood out to me. I have never allowed that, even between siblings. If anybody needs to be carried, the adults do it. If they don't need to be carried, then nobody does it.
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Blackcat31 12:27 PM 08-09-2013
I do not care if a parent choses to carry their child in or out of daycare.

However, while AT daycare I expect those that can walk to walk. I don't allow any child that can walk to ride in a stroller or wagon...when we go for a walk they walk.

I DO encourage the kids to be independent by praising those that walk and don't insist on being carried.

I also have a rule at daycare that NO ONE CARRIES anyone. Related or not makes NO difference. (Other than my DH and/or any assistant or sub I have)
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Blackcat31 12:27 PM 08-09-2013
Originally Posted by ShyMommy:
Thank you for this. From a working mother's perspective, the walk into daycare is an almost sacred thing between my daughter and myself. It's a time for last minute snuggles and letting her know that even though I have to leave her for a while, I'll miss her. It's a time for me to reassure her and comfort her, but most importantly it's -my- time. I don't get as much of it as I'd like, so if I want to spend it holding my daughter I don't really see the problem so long as I'm not expecting anyone else to do it and there are no problems during the transition (crying, clinging, etc.) when I put her down to play.

Just offering the other side. That goodbye is hard on us, too, even if we can't show it. Parents are people too.
Welcome to the forum!
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Familycare71 12:31 PM 08-09-2013
Originally Posted by KSDC:
I always feel that it isn't my place to tell parents how to parent their child when they aren't in my care. So, if they want to carry the child in - that is their decision.
But, once the child is here, my munchkins are expected to behave at their maturity level.
And, none of my children are allowed to carry each other. If a "big" kid wants to hold the baby, they have to be sitting down.
Just my 2 cents...
. Yeah- I would never say anything or make a policy... I just don't do it.
And also- no one carries anyone here but adults- siblings included.
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nannyde 03:45 PM 08-09-2013
Parents carrying their able bodied child irks providers because it comes off as royal treatment. What human, that can easily walk, is carried by another human? Answer: the humans that have the highest of high positions.

So the parent is bringing the child into your house and trying to pass the child off to you arms to arms because they want the royal treatment to go from them giving it to you giving it. Both ways the child GETS it. That's what the parent and child both want.

Most providers don't get paid to do royal treatment. They don't view the child's position as a high position in the home. The child is one of many and very far down the totem pole in position in the providers house.

It's not personal. The provider just doesn't view the child the same because her role is not that of an admiring subject. If the child displays behavior that insists on staying in the royal realm the provider will spend a lot of energy doing the opposite to get the kids feet firmly planted in “you are one of the KIDS" soil.

I don't get too rapped up in the royal procession. It's boring after two decades of watching it through my front window and my doorway threshold. I know what it is and I understand why parents do it. I understand why the kid insists on it. Who wouldn't if they could make it happen?

What parents need to know is that it looks very unattractive to the adult receiving the child. The provider doesn't want to start their day watching the show. They DEFINITELY do not want to receive the child in the HIGH position where they HAVE to hold the kid up. If the provider immediately puts your kid down the second you hand them off and you immediately pick your child back up and rehand the child to the provider, I can promise you the provider will be very unhappy. It's on you if you want to do the prince princess thing with your child. Forcing someone to either confront you and tell you they don't want to do it, endure it because they want your money, will lead to the provider to make sure the child becomes a commoner the second the door shuts behind you.

It's better to do the loving squeezing cuddle Huggins at your car door and then take your kid hand in hand walking to the providers doorstep. Then you send the message to your kid that they are now just one of the kids and you bless that. The provider won't spend a second getting your child back to the real world if you bring them in on foot ready to be one of many in group care.
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Unregistered 05:24 PM 08-09-2013
Originally Posted by ShyMommy:
Thank you for this. From a working mother's perspective, the walk into daycare is an almost sacred thing between my daughter and myself. It's a time for last minute snuggles and letting her know that even though I have to leave her for a while, I'll miss her. It's a time for me to reassure her and comfort her, but most importantly it's -my- time. I don't get as much of it as I'd like, so if I want to spend it holding my daughter I don't really see the problem so long as I'm not expecting anyone else to do it and there are no problems during the transition (crying, clinging, etc.) when I put her down to play.

Just offering the other side. That goodbye is hard on us, too, even if we can't show it. Parents are people too.
I wish parents did all their goodbye routines outside before even kocking on the door at drop off and also at pick up some of the parents make a big production.Very annoying, I say nothing just stand there and wait for them to be done.
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craftymissbeth 05:28 PM 08-09-2013
Parents carrying their children doesn't bother me so much as when they want to hand them over. Although, really we try and try so hard to teach our babies to walk and be more advanced than other babies and then carry them everywhere? I think a lot of it is that some parents don't have the patience or desire to help their 1-2 year olds walk from the car to the door.
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MotherNature 06:41 AM 08-12-2013
Doesn't really bother me at all. Many of my friends and acquaintances wear 30 pound toddlers in wraps. I know someone who will occasionally wear their 6 year old when they are out & tired or just to get some snuggling time in. As long as the wrap/carrier is sturdy, who cares? I have a small AP centered business though, so I'm constantly around people wearing their babies and toddlers. Hell, half the time I wish my 2 & 1/2 year old would let me wear him still. He's heavy and doesn't want to stay in the shopping cart.
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Crystal 07:25 AM 08-12-2013
Originally Posted by MotherNature:
Doesn't really bother me at all. Many of my friends and acquaintances wear 30 pound toddlers in wraps. I know someone who will occasionally wear their 6 year old when they are out & tired or just to get some snuggling time in. As long as the wrap/carrier is sturdy, who cares? I have a small AP centered business though, so I'm constantly around people wearing their babies and toddlers. Hell, half the time I wish my 2 & 1/2 year old would let me wear him still. He's heavy and doesn't want to stay in the shopping cart.
I understand what you are saying and respect the culture of attachment parenting. It only becomes a problem when the child must participate in group care where there is one or two providers for 6-14 children and it is not at all feasible. It also becomes an issue if the provider is not a proponent of AP. This comes down to finding the right "fit", finding a nanny who values AP or staying home with your child until they no longer are in need of the carrying, snuggling, etc. on an all day basis.
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Kaddidle Care 08:09 AM 08-12-2013
I'm guilty of it myself - first time Mom syndrome. My kid was a chunk too. Learned my lesson when I herniated a disc when he was 4!

Warn them that it can do some damage to their backs. Maybe that will help.

Needless to say - #2 child learned to do lots without my lifting.
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MotherNature 10:07 AM 08-12-2013
Originally Posted by Crystal:
I understand what you are saying and respect the culture of attachment parenting. It only becomes a problem when the child must participate in group care where there is one or two providers for 6-14 children and it is not at all feasible. It also becomes an issue if the provider is not a proponent of AP. This comes down to finding the right "fit", finding a nanny who values AP or staying home with your child until they no longer are in need of the carrying, snuggling, etc. on an all day basis.
yup, I totally understand that. I couldn't see carrying several kids around...or trying to. I only care for 2 plus my son, and have a newborn signed up for winter, so 4 total, including my son. I would't try and carry everyone either if I had more kids.
Also trying to get my son to walk more. He walks a lot, but fdoes like to be carried, but my huisband has some severe back problems from a car accident..lifetime disability..and he can't always lift him, which upsets my husband more I think. :/
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My3cents 10:42 AM 08-12-2013
Originally Posted by ShyMommy:
Thank you for this. From a working mother's perspective, the walk into daycare is an almost sacred thing between my daughter and myself. It's a time for last minute snuggles and letting her know that even though I have to leave her for a while, I'll miss her. It's a time for me to reassure her and comfort her, but most importantly it's -my- time. I don't get as much of it as I'd like, so if I want to spend it holding my daughter I don't really see the problem so long as I'm not expecting anyone else to do it and there are no problems during the transition (crying, clinging, etc.) when I put her down to play.

Just offering the other side. That goodbye is hard on us, too, even if we can't show it. Parents are people too.
I see this too. These kids are only babies and toddlers and kids for so long. It doesn't bother me, it would if the parent expected me to hold the child all day- that wouldn't and couldn't happen. It is hard for parents to drop off kids and go to work.
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