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mrsnj 08:48 AM 04-25-2014
My annoying, always big drama issues, divorce mom picked up late as usual last night. So late that I in fact took the child with me to church for choir prac that I had and made her pick up there. Normally I would be charging a hefty late fee and was really irritated. But mom comes rushing in. She felt bad (for a change) and sat down to talk to me. She just got a call that she has two brain tumors on her brain stem along with a brain hernia. She was having issues with her arm for a while. They even did carpel tunnel surgery over the holidays. But she still was having issues. Her leg and hip started and it was all on the same side. So the ortho sent her for an MRI thinking damaged disk....she got the call it was not. She said she has been having issues with headaches and being so tired and falling asleep. She stopped home to get her older DDs baseball stuff and while her daughter got dressed she sat down and fell asleep. Her DD could not wake her. She did not hear her or the phone. She was in a panic which she normally isn't cause she has a tude of the world owes her. Now normally.... I would be thinking "Here we go, another sob story" cause believe me I have about heard them all with this woman but I just didn't know what to say to THAT! She is currently right now at the first oncology meeting.

So you know what I am going to ask.....Would you charge her the late fee or skip it this time? This isn't her first offense. It will never be her last. I WANT to reach out and say "I will be here for you" but that will open a Pandoas box I do not want with kids here all hours and over night (I joke not) She will milk it till there is no milk left in the cow. So I am struggling with the marshmellow want to help everyone side of me and the if I let it go this time....side. This is bad. I mean BAD. I looked it up....this will only get worse.

What would you do?
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ihop 09:04 AM 04-25-2014
I know its tough but you should Charge her. Let her know you are there for her and to let you know in advance if there is anything you can do to help. If you don't keep the line between provider and friend clear, she will take full advantage of you. She has already proved that.

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KidGrind 09:23 AM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
My annoying, always big drama issues, divorce mom picked up late as usual last night. So late that I in fact took the child with me to church for choir prac that I had and made her pick up there. Normally I would be charging a hefty late fee and was really irritated. But mom comes rushing in. She felt bad (for a change) and sat down to talk to me. She just got a call that she has two brain tumors on her brain stem along with a brain hernia. She was having issues with her arm for a while. They even did carpel tunnel surgery over the holidays. But she still was having issues. Her leg and hip started and it was all on the same side. So the ortho sent her for an MRI thinking damaged disk....she got the call it was not. She said she has been having issues with headaches and being so tired and falling asleep. She stopped home to get her older DDs baseball stuff and while her daughter got dressed she sat down and fell asleep. Her DD could not wake her. She did not hear her or the phone. She was in a panic which she normally isn't cause she has a tude of the world owes her. Now normally.... I would be thinking "Here we go, another sob story" cause believe me I have about heard them all with this woman but I just didn't know what to say to THAT! She is currently right now at the first oncology meeting.

So you know what I am going to ask.....Would you charge her the late fee or skip it this time? This isn't her first offense. It will never be her last. I WANT to reach out and say "I will be here for you" but that will open a Pandoas box I do not want with kids here all hours and over night (I joke not) She will milk it till there is no milk left in the cow. So I am struggling with the marshmellow want to help everyone side of me and the if I let it go this time....side. This is bad. I mean BAD. I looked it up....this will only get worse.

What would you do?
PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE WRONG WAY!

You are NOT there for her. You offer a service with policies. Her life troubles shouldn’t be your burden. Her family and friends will hopefully be there for her in her time in need. One of my dearest friends shared with my what her FCC Director use to tell all her providers, “Don’t start anything, you can’t finish.”

Charge her but if you feel like you want to be understanding in your pocket tell her the normal late charge would be ABC but you’ll take half of it off. REMEMBER she had a chance to pick up DCK on her way home. But it was okay for DCK to spend every second and then some in your care on YOUR TIME.

Do not allow her life issues to be visited on your business. As we read time and time again; as I have LIVED it when you allow it, YOU’LL REGRET IT.
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mrsnj 09:44 AM 04-25-2014
I agree. I know it. But her oldest and my youngest are BFFs. I often have the oldest one here a lot. I admit it comes to the point that I offer more so to daddy when he has the girls than I do to mommy cause I have been burned so many times with that woman. She just rubs my last nerve. But I love the girls and we walk the line of business and after hours friends (the girls that is). I just try not to do it with mom. She will expect and keep going till you want to strangle her. I know I know.....I agree. I just feel bad. I know if that were dad with the medical issues I wouldn't have charged. But then he never picks up late
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Naptime yet? 09:47 AM 04-25-2014
Express your heartfelt sympathy and ask her how her FAMILY & FRIENDS are going to pitch in & help her during this difficult time (ie, who's going to be picking up dcg by closing?).

If you know she's a drama mama & will abuse your kindness, don't offer it. If she thinks your a cold hearted b****, oh well, makes it easier for you to enforce your rules.


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Unregistered 09:55 AM 04-25-2014
I know you feel bad for her but charge her...even if you just turn around and use the money to do something special for her later. She is lucky in a way. In many places if she was that late picking up child protective services would have been called on her after being 1 hour late.
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Josiegirl 10:35 AM 04-25-2014
I guess I'm the odd duck but I'd let it go this time and have a talk with her about having responsible pick-ups planned for her as you cannot care for her child as she goes through this. And of course, express your sympathy with the struggle she will be going through.
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MissAnn 10:37 AM 04-25-2014
I would not charge her. Looks like I'm in the minority though. Prayers for her.
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Annalee 10:43 AM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
My annoying, always big drama issues, divorce mom picked up late as usual last night. So late that I in fact took the child with me to church for choir prac that I had and made her pick up there. Normally I would be charging a hefty late fee and was really irritated. But mom comes rushing in. She felt bad (for a change) and sat down to talk to me. She just got a call that she has two brain tumors on her brain stem along with a brain hernia. She was having issues with her arm for a while. They even did carpel tunnel surgery over the holidays. But she still was having issues. Her leg and hip started and it was all on the same side. So the ortho sent her for an MRI thinking damaged disk....she got the call it was not. She said she has been having issues with headaches and being so tired and falling asleep. She stopped home to get her older DDs baseball stuff and while her daughter got dressed she sat down and fell asleep. Her DD could not wake her. She did not hear her or the phone. She was in a panic which she normally isn't cause she has a tude of the world owes her. Now normally.... I would be thinking "Here we go, another sob story" cause believe me I have about heard them all with this woman but I just didn't know what to say to THAT! She is currently right now at the first oncology meeting.

So you know what I am going to ask.....Would you charge her the late fee or skip it this time? This isn't her first offense. It will never be her last. I WANT to reach out and say "I will be here for you" but that will open a Pandoas box I do not want with kids here all hours and over night (I joke not) She will milk it till there is no milk left in the cow. So I am struggling with the marshmellow want to help everyone side of me and the if I let it go this time....side. This is bad. I mean BAD. I looked it up....this will only get worse.

What would you do?
Used to, I would have given this lady a break and overlooked her being late. But after 20 plus years of daycare and my own hardships, I realize that the average parent is out for themselves. My dad passed away several years ago and I was off a week and I had to deal with a parent calling other parents trying to get them not to pay me, my brother has had health issues and, while no parent says anything when I close daycare, I still feel the "miffs" and the "sigh"s. So that being said, I think it is better if we follow our contract and remain on a business level with parents. I have went both ways through the years but following the contract and charging for late fees is probably going to reap positive dividends in the end.
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melilley 10:57 AM 04-25-2014
I honestly don't know if I would charge or not, but I do agree with others that if you do let it go, she will keep thinking she can get away with things.

I have a dcf, we'll mainly the dcm, who always asks for favors and I will admit I have gone above and beyond with her and during Christmas week she apparently thought we were friends and had the nerve to say that since we have known each other for over a year, she didn't want to pay for that week because I lost power and didn't open the three days and dcd couldn't work because the power was out which was a lie....heck no! They have money to help friends or get a new dog. Then last week dcd was in the hospital so they asked if they could be a little late and I felt bad so said it was OK and didn't charge. They picked up and dcd was driving and that had their other son who is in preschool so low and behold, they passed my house to get their other son from preschool so they wouldn't be late picking him up, but it was OK to be late here. No more favors!

Sorry to go on and on, it just goes to show that if you give a little, they may think that they can take advantage of you.
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Mom2TLE 11:02 AM 04-25-2014
I would charge her if you think it will lead to additional feelings of entitlement with her. If you feel bad and want to do something for her do it separate from daycare services. Make double of a meal and send one home with her, something like that. I would also make her set up an alternate pick up for when she is unavailable or can't be reached.
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melilley 11:09 AM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by KidGrind:
PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE WRONG WAY!

You are NOT there for her. You offer a service with policies. Her life troubles shouldn’t be your burden. Her family and friends will hopefully be there for her in her time in need. One of my dearest friends shared with my what her FCC Director use to tell all her providers, “Don’t start anything, you can’t finish.”

Charge her but if you feel like you want to be understanding in your pocket tell her the normal late charge would be ABC but you’ll take half of it off. REMEMBER she had a chance to pick up DCK on her way home. But it was okay for DCK to spend every second and then some in your care on YOUR TIME.

Do not allow her life issues to be visited on your business. As we read time and time again; as I have LIVED it when you allow it, YOU’LL REGRET IT.
I am starting to see this!
I have worked in childcare forever, but just opened my home dc a little over a year ago. I am seeing and coming to the realization that parents (almost all) are out for themselves and do not care about you. I'm lucky to have almost all great patents, but definitely have 1 or 2 that think of themselves only. I am starting to veer away from my too nice, letting people get away with things self, to having a more business like attitude.
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Josiegirl 11:20 AM 04-25-2014
Sometimes even businesses help out in times of need. When we lost our 9 month old son, people came out of the woodwork to help but one that stood out in my mind was we needed to have our tires changed over for the season and the mechanic didn't charge us. Just sayin'....
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rosieteddy 11:22 AM 04-25-2014
I would not charge for that day.However I would write a letter explaining it.I would express my condolances for what she is going through.Then I would include notice of late charges and express the need for her to have alternate pick-up people. I to have found when we blur the line of provider and friend we mostly get taken advantage of. At the end of the day the parents are our clients not family or friends.Good luck it is hard to keep the line drawn.Nan
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Jack Sprat 11:40 AM 04-25-2014
That is a tough one. However, since this isn't the first time and as you said it won't be that last I would probably charge. I agree with the others who have mentioned as the sense of entitlement. As I get more experience under my belt I am seeing clearly that if you give dcf an inch many will take a mile!


I do like the idea of a letter. Explaining that you understand the stress and worry she is going through. And that it would be a great idea to have a backup person to pick up kids when she is running late.
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mrsnj 11:41 AM 04-25-2014
Well she shot that one down..........Like usual

I asked her how her appointment went. "NO CANCER!" she says. "Great news!" I say But what about the tumors and brain hernia? They said they don't need to follow up with her for THREE MONTHS. *sigh* Now I know from what I read that IF she truly had two tumors on her brain stem with a herniated brain going into her spinal cord, cancer or not, with symptoms of passing out, headaches and pain on her right side, they would NOT say "See you back in three months".

*sigh* NVM......drama momma still lives!

Oh yea....and so charging.
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MissAnn 11:49 AM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
Well she shot that one down..........Like usual

I asked her how her appointment went. "NO CANCER!" she says. "Great news!" I say But what about the tumors and brain hernia? They said they don't need to follow up with her for THREE MONTHS. *sigh* Now I know from what I read that IF she truly had two tumors on her brain stem with a herniated brain going into her spinal cord, cancer or not, with symptoms of passing out, headaches and pain on her right side, they would NOT say "See you back in three months".

*sigh* NVM......drama momma still lives!

Oh yea....and so charging.
Ok...changed my mind. Charge away!
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Annalee 11:53 AM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
Well she shot that one down..........Like usual

I asked her how her appointment went. "NO CANCER!" she says. "Great news!" I say But what about the tumors and brain hernia? They said they don't need to follow up with her for THREE MONTHS. *sigh* Now I know from what I read that IF she truly had two tumors on her brain stem with a herniated brain going into her spinal cord, cancer or not, with symptoms of passing out, headaches and pain on her right side, they would NOT say "See you back in three months".

*sigh* NVM......drama momma still lives!

Oh yea....and so charging.
Tell this lady about the boy that cried wolf too many times.
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mrsnj 11:56 AM 04-25-2014
God she just pisses me off. When I said "three months?!" Her comment bk was "crazy right?!" *sigh*

Crying wolf is right!

Brain tumors. NOW I can say I have heard it all
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KidGrind 12:01 PM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
Well she shot that one down..........Like usual

I asked her how her appointment went. "NO CANCER!" she says. "Great news!" I say But what about the tumors and brain hernia? They said they don't need to follow up with her for THREE MONTHS. *sigh* Now I know from what I read that IF she truly had two tumors on her brain stem with a herniated brain going into her spinal cord, cancer or not, with symptoms of passing out, headaches and pain on her right side, they would NOT say "See you back in three months".

*sigh* NVM......drama momma still lives!

Oh yea....and so charging.

I am going to die from laughing. I am a nice & giving person too. I really truly get it. Even so, when you said, “…not the first time…” I just had a feeling you were getting a sob story.

**bursts out laughing again**

I’ll keep my story short.

DCK has been congested. I requested DCF to take to the doctor. They drop off and say doctor says nothing. 8 hours later, at pick up DCM shares she’s really sick and stayed home. Then continues, “I caught what _____ has.”



Liars can’t keep their stories straight.
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NeedaVaca 12:09 PM 04-25-2014
Honestly, as soon as you said she got a call and has the brain tumors...first thing I thought was they don't tell you that kind of stuff on the phone? I thought the story was a little off...
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KidGrind 12:14 PM 04-25-2014
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
Honestly, as soon as you said she got a call and has the brain tumors...first thing I thought was they don't tell you that kind of stuff on the phone? I thought the story was a little off...
You are spot on!!!

I didn’t EVEN THINK OF THAT! I love this site if I miss something others find it with a quickness!
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mrsnj 02:56 PM 04-25-2014
Ok...no that isn't true. I went for a routine xray for my allergies thinking it was asthma related issues I was having and got a call that night that said "No you have a mass in your chest and its likely cancer. I am referring you to an oncologist" Was a lovely and unexpected call to get (no....it turned out to be non cancer but still....scared the life out of me.) And of course they call at the end of the day when you can't do anything but lay awake all night long worrying about what ifs!
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Josiegirl 03:12 PM 04-25-2014
Well I'll be damned. I trust people too much. Nope, no breaks whatsoever, from here on in.
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CtheLove 03:21 PM 04-25-2014
Same here mrsmj I was diagnose with a brain tumor when I was 14. They called very late in the day and had to wait days before I found out that it was not cancerous. Even thu it was not cancerous you wouldn't believe everything I went through for months for a tumor the size of your pinky nail.

But with this lady I would term her!! I can't stand for people lying to me and its very obvious she did and I would just get that drama out of my left!!
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TwinKristi 03:35 PM 04-25-2014
Wow, I started this thinking No way, give her a break! But now I'm like oh hell no! You better charge her! Otherwise the next thing you know everyone's gonna have a cancer scare, everyone's gonna have some emergency and she'll pull this every time. If it wasn't such an inconvenience for you I might entertain the idea of a warning, but what if you couldn't have taken him or missed something because of her. The day I missed my son's only up at bat and big hit because Nana was late picking up DCB I put my foot down and said no more! Pickup by 5:30, 5:00 on game days. It really pissed me off and things have been easier since then.
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saved4always 03:36 PM 04-25-2014
I was about to say not to charge her. Then I read your update....definitely charge.
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mrsnj 04:04 PM 04-25-2014
CtheLove-And did they make you wait three months for a follow up? Doing nothing in the meantime?
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wdmmom 07:58 PM 04-26-2014
Given the potential medical conditions this mom has, I don't think I would be comfortable sending her child home with her driving a vehicle if she's falling asleep on a whim and don't wake up to someone shoving her or a phone ringing!!!

I would charge her the fee and tell her that you understand the medical conditions she's facing but she needs to keep all lines of communication open in the future. Failure to do so will not necessarily absolve late fees but failure to contact you will result in immediate termination of services.

NOW I read the update...and that's a whole other can of worms.

I would charge each and every time she is late and I would issue her a probationary period warning. I would tell her that if she continues to be late, you will be terminating services. See how she does over a months time. If she's later more than twice, I'd term. It really sounds like she's taking advantage. Save yourself the headache and get rid of the drama llama.
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CtheLove 07:34 PM 04-27-2014
Originally Posted by mrsnj:
CtheLove-And did they make you wait three months for a follow up? Doing nothing in the meantime?
NO WAY!! I had surgery about a month later. I had a few appts before hand for prep and I had a lot after. I had some complications due to swelling in my head that put me back in the hospital for another week. Then I had physical therapy for almost 2yrs cause I lost muscle control in the left side of my face. Its been 15yrs and I still don't have most of it back.

Doctors don't mess around when it comes to the brain. There's so much that can go wrong quickly. If a tumor starts to grow in the wrong direction it could press up against the wrong nerve and you could go blind or you could lose the control of your arm, leg whatever or it could just kill you depending where it's located. Its not something you just sit and wait on.

........

I just looked up what a brain hernia was on wikipedia and one of the first thing it says is extremely fatal!! No doctor would tell her to sit around and do nothing and come back for a follow up in 3 months. She could be dead before that. Here's a good page about it http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/e...cle/001421.htm
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