Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>My Traumatic Story From Earlier This Year
small_steps 12:18 PM 06-19-2014
Unfortunately I'm not able to get on here as much as I would like to. I do visit occasionally and make posts, comment on some and read most. This past January I posted about a new baby that I had and would only have for 3 weeks. A lot of you agreed with me (I was thinking of terming because he cried a lot and wouldn't take a bottle). Anyway, I ended up terming after the first week, the kids were only here Mon-Thurs because Friday big brother (2) was sick. I termed after that. I was very honest with why, that even though he had made a lot of improvement in that first week, that I was just going to go ahead and term and wished them the best and all that good stuff.
Let me start from the beginning of the week. Both kids were adorable. Little brother was almost 6 months old and older brother was 2. Baby cried and cried. He was strictly breastfed. She did say that dad and grandma gave him a bottle with no problem at all. The first two days I couldn't get him to take the bottle however he did eat baby food very well so I wasn't real worried. However he did cry a lot unless I was holding him. He didn't nap but just a few minutes and he was here from about 6:30am-4:30 pm. You guys know how miserable it is for everyone when someone cries all day. It didn't just affect me but it was frustrating for my helpers I'm sure along with the other children. By day 3 I was able to get him to eat with a medicine dropper and fed him his milk with that. Mid morning I went to walmart and bought a couple different nipples and tried it the next day and guess what? He took it on day 4. But I went ahead and let them go since they were only 3 weeks anyway and the week had been hard.
Things are fine the next few days and that next Thursday I hear from another daycare parent that the baby had an episode at the new daycare. Also a home daycare. I read info about his incident on Facebook and it happened on Wednesday afternoon. He had a seizure and was unconscious. The provider did CPR (I'm not sure if he actually stopped breathing or if she just thought he did). They care flighted him to a hospital and treated him for some brain injuries.
I had messaged the parents when I found out that I was sorry to hear that this happened and that I was praying for their baby.
From what we read on Facebook updates we all believed that the brother had hit him in the head with a toy and that this causes the reaction. But baby appeared to be doing ok.
Thursday about an hour or two after I found out about this I had a detective visit my home and visit with me. He questioned me and my helper for a couple hours. We just figured it was routine and we cooperated.
Later that day licensing visited us an closed us down pending an investigation. I was devastated. They closed my daycare and the other daycare. The following two weeks I was questioned, given a polygraph, questioned again. It wS traumatizing because questioning turned into accusations and at first I thought there's no way they think this happened at my daycare. After the first week or so I knew they must've thought it happened there. They were horrible.
After the polygraph the continued I question me for hours and try to get me to break and confess to something I did not do. Apparently they believed the baby had shaken baby syndrome. Yes the baby cried a lot and yes it was frustrating but no I've never shaken a baby. I have no issues at all with letting a baby CIO in a pak n play in another room if I ever got too frustrated. But I'm a pretty patient person. It was annoying but not so much that I would ever hurt that baby.
During the time the baby was here i had at least two helpers on duty for half the dAy and then one the last half of the day. I thought that alone would prove that nothing like that happened at my house. I finally had to get up and just leave that last interview because I had already told them all I knew but they didn't seem to get that. The following Monday a CPS caseworker visited my children at school and questioned them. I only know this because my children told me. CPS to this day has not contacted me at all (this happened in January).
I hired my attorney that Thursday and by the following Monday I was open again and never heard from the detectives again. I still have questions that I guess won't ever be answered. It was the most traumatic thing I've ever been through. The other daycare remains shut down but I'm not sure if it's because state hasn't let her reopen or because she is too traumatized to do this work any longer. From what I hear they are trying to charge her with this. This event caused me well over $5000 due to attorney fees and lost wages. I lost 4 kids from this. Not because they thought we did anything but because after the first they had to find alternate care.
I guess I posted this for two reasons: one to tell others to protect themselves in any way you can. We installed security cameras and are just so cautious now with any incidents at all. I still really don't feel protected though.
The second reason was just to share my story with those who would relate the best. It's been months and I've talked it over with friends but I still haven't been able to put it behind me. I used to believe you were innocent unless proven guilty but those detectives made me feel like a criminal when I wasn't one. I really hope to move past this. I'm open and almost full again. Business was booming within about a month of the incident so luckily it didn't hurt my business much. But its been traumatic to me. I really hope to one day feel at ease and normal again. I worried everyday after CPS visited my children if they would try to take them from me. I still cringe when an officer passes by my home or I see a law enforcement agent in a restaurant. I used to respect authority and had no issues with our justice system. I guess I do still respect authority because I'm certainly not a law breaker but I don't like them anymore and that makes me so sad :-(
Sorry so long!
Let me start from the beginning of the week. Both kids were adorable. Little brother was almost 6 months old and older brother was 2. Baby cried and cried. He was strictly breastfed. She did say that dad and grandma gave him a bottle with no problem at all. The first two days I couldn't get him to take the bottle however he did eat baby food very well so I wasn't real worried. However he did cry a lot unless I was holding him. He didn't nap but just a few minutes and he was here from about 6:30am-4:30 pm. You guys know how miserable it is for everyone when someone cries all day. It didn't just affect me but it was frustrating for my helpers I'm sure along with the other children. By day 3 I was able to get him to eat with a medicine dropper and fed him his milk with that. Mid morning I went to walmart and bought a couple different nipples and tried it the next day and guess what? He took it on day 4. But I went ahead and let them go since they were only 3 weeks anyway and the week had been hard.
Things are fine the next few days and that next Thursday I hear from another daycare parent that the baby had an episode at the new daycare. Also a home daycare. I read info about his incident on Facebook and it happened on Wednesday afternoon. He had a seizure and was unconscious. The provider did CPR (I'm not sure if he actually stopped breathing or if she just thought he did). They care flighted him to a hospital and treated him for some brain injuries.
I had messaged the parents when I found out that I was sorry to hear that this happened and that I was praying for their baby.
From what we read on Facebook updates we all believed that the brother had hit him in the head with a toy and that this causes the reaction. But baby appeared to be doing ok.
Thursday about an hour or two after I found out about this I had a detective visit my home and visit with me. He questioned me and my helper for a couple hours. We just figured it was routine and we cooperated.
Later that day licensing visited us an closed us down pending an investigation. I was devastated. They closed my daycare and the other daycare. The following two weeks I was questioned, given a polygraph, questioned again. It wS traumatizing because questioning turned into accusations and at first I thought there's no way they think this happened at my daycare. After the first week or so I knew they must've thought it happened there. They were horrible.
After the polygraph the continued I question me for hours and try to get me to break and confess to something I did not do. Apparently they believed the baby had shaken baby syndrome. Yes the baby cried a lot and yes it was frustrating but no I've never shaken a baby. I have no issues at all with letting a baby CIO in a pak n play in another room if I ever got too frustrated. But I'm a pretty patient person. It was annoying but not so much that I would ever hurt that baby.
During the time the baby was here i had at least two helpers on duty for half the dAy and then one the last half of the day. I thought that alone would prove that nothing like that happened at my house. I finally had to get up and just leave that last interview because I had already told them all I knew but they didn't seem to get that. The following Monday a CPS caseworker visited my children at school and questioned them. I only know this because my children told me. CPS to this day has not contacted me at all (this happened in January).
I hired my attorney that Thursday and by the following Monday I was open again and never heard from the detectives again. I still have questions that I guess won't ever be answered. It was the most traumatic thing I've ever been through. The other daycare remains shut down but I'm not sure if it's because state hasn't let her reopen or because she is too traumatized to do this work any longer. From what I hear they are trying to charge her with this. This event caused me well over $5000 due to attorney fees and lost wages. I lost 4 kids from this. Not because they thought we did anything but because after the first they had to find alternate care.
I guess I posted this for two reasons: one to tell others to protect themselves in any way you can. We installed security cameras and are just so cautious now with any incidents at all. I still really don't feel protected though.
The second reason was just to share my story with those who would relate the best. It's been months and I've talked it over with friends but I still haven't been able to put it behind me. I used to believe you were innocent unless proven guilty but those detectives made me feel like a criminal when I wasn't one. I really hope to move past this. I'm open and almost full again. Business was booming within about a month of the incident so luckily it didn't hurt my business much. But its been traumatic to me. I really hope to one day feel at ease and normal again. I worried everyday after CPS visited my children if they would try to take them from me. I still cringe when an officer passes by my home or I see a law enforcement agent in a restaurant. I used to respect authority and had no issues with our justice system. I guess I do still respect authority because I'm certainly not a law breaker but I don't like them anymore and that makes me so sad :-(
Sorry so long!
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:24 PM 06-19-2014
That does sound like shaken baby syndrome and it is likely that the other daycare did it.
I am so sorry you were dragged into the mess.
That sounds horribly traumatic and I would be very shaken up over it all. 
I am so sorry you were dragged into the mess.
That sounds horribly traumatic and I would be very shaken up over it all.
preschoolteacher 12:25 PM 06-19-2014
I am so, so sorry you went through this. It is absolutely horrible how you were treated. I could write so much about how angry reading that made me feel, but it's like words aren't even enough.
Thank you for sharing your story here.
Was the baby okay?
Thank you for sharing your story here.
Was the baby okay?
small_steps 12:30 PM 06-19-2014
Originally Posted by preschoolteacher:
I am so, so sorry you went through this. It is absolutely horrible how you were treated. I could write so much about how angry reading that made me feel, but it's like words aren't even enough.
Thank you for sharing your story here.
Was the baby okay?
The baby is ok. He turned a year old recently. I am not in contact with the parents at all but I did see some Facebook photos. We have several mutual friends. I am so, so sorry you went through this. It is absolutely horrible how you were treated. I could write so much about how angry reading that made me feel, but it's like words aren't even enough.
Thank you for sharing your story here.
Was the baby okay?
And thank you. I hope it was a fluke thing. I never want to experience anything like this again.
small_steps 12:32 PM 06-19-2014
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
That does sound like shaken baby syndrome and it is likely that the other daycare did it.
I am so sorry you were dragged into the mess. That sounds horribly traumatic and I would be very shaken up over it all.
Thank you! It did end up being shaken baby for sure as far as I know but I still do not know who or when? Seems like brother was very rough and would pick up baby and drop him. And also some other things I knew about that led me to think it could've happened at home. But it could've happened at the other daycare. She was open for 20 years and no incidents like that. I feel bad that she is going through this too! Eventually the case will surely have to be closed. Maybe we will find out one day exactly what happenedThat does sound like shaken baby syndrome and it is likely that the other daycare did it.
I am so sorry you were dragged into the mess.
That sounds horribly traumatic and I would be very shaken up over it all.
nanglgrl 12:37 PM 06-19-2014
If I'm understanding this right the child developed symptoms a full week after last being in your care and they still shut you down? I know with shaken baby the symptoms can appear at a later time but I think that's usually 48 hours not a week! I know of a provider who had a similar thing happen and was forced to close (she never reopened). The child left her house fine and many witnesses could attest to that fact and then later that evening was rushed to the ER. The last I heard the child had brain damage and would also be blind. The child didn't show any signs of distress for the entire evening but they provider was still treated as the guilty party even though the parents had been the ones with the child for the previous 5 hours or so. I think the investigation on the provider is still open but also heard the father had been charged so I don't know how it turned out it just made me glad that I don't accept newborns.
Blackcat31 12:39 PM 06-19-2014
Lots of valuable info there. Thank you for posting that.
I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that.
nanglgrl 12:40 PM 06-19-2014
If I'm understanding this right the child developed symptoms a full week after last being in your care and they still shut you down? I know with shaken baby the symptoms can appear at a later time but I think that's usually 48 hours not a week! I know of a provider who had a similar thing happen and was forced to close (she never reopened). The child left her house fine and many witnesses could attest to that fact and then later that evening was rushed to the ER. The last I heard the child had brain damage and would also be blind. The child didn't show any signs of distress for the entire evening but they provider was still treated as the guilty party even though the parents had been the ones with the child for the previous 5 hours or so. I think the investigation on the provider is still open but also heard the father had been charged so I don't know how it turned out it just made me glad that I don't accept newborns. I hope you feel comfortable doing this job again.
SilverSabre25 12:42 PM 06-19-2014
((hugs))
nannyde 12:48 PM 06-19-2014
Small... they had from Thursday afternoon to the following Wednesday and they thought you were within the window of opportunity?
small_steps 12:55 PM 06-19-2014
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Small... they had from Thursday afternoon to the following Wednesday and they thought you were within the window of opportunity?
Apparently so. They did mention at the first visit to my house (when I asked them why they were there since it had been almost a week since I had even seen the baby) that there was possibly an old injury and a fresh one. I want to say they said hemmorage. Small... they had from Thursday afternoon to the following Wednesday and they thought you were within the window of opportunity?
That's probably misspelled. I guess they though maybe it happened once at my house and once at hers? The whole thing didn't make sense to me from the beginning.
small_steps 12:56 PM 06-19-2014
Originally Posted by nanglgrl:
If I'm understanding this right the child developed symptoms a full week after last being in your care and they still shut you down? I know with shaken baby the symptoms can appear at a later time but I think that's usually 48 hours not a week! I know of a provider who had a similar thing happen and was forced to close (she never reopened). The child left her house fine and many witnesses could attest to that fact and then later that evening was rushed to the ER. The last I heard the child had brain damage and would also be blind. The child didn't show any signs of distress for the entire evening but they provider was still treated as the guilty party even though the parents had been the ones with the child for the previous 5 hours or so. I think the investigation on the provider is still open but also heard the father had been charged so I don't know how it turned out it just made me glad that I don't accept newborns. I hope you feel comfortable doing this job again.
Yep almost a full week!If I'm understanding this right the child developed symptoms a full week after last being in your care and they still shut you down? I know with shaken baby the symptoms can appear at a later time but I think that's usually 48 hours not a week! I know of a provider who had a similar thing happen and was forced to close (she never reopened). The child left her house fine and many witnesses could attest to that fact and then later that evening was rushed to the ER. The last I heard the child had brain damage and would also be blind. The child didn't show any signs of distress for the entire evening but they provider was still treated as the guilty party even though the parents had been the ones with the child for the previous 5 hours or so. I think the investigation on the provider is still open but also heard the father had been charged so I don't know how it turned out it just made me glad that I don't accept newborns. I hope you feel comfortable doing this job again.
llpa 01:08 PM 06-19-2014
So sad for you to go through this! And the family. The scary side of our business! Thank you for sharing this story
Unregistered 01:15 PM 06-19-2014
Oh boy, I've lurked here for a while learning from you guys and this is what makes me not want to do childcare
NightOwl 01:45 PM 06-19-2014
TwinKristi 02:19 PM 06-19-2014
Wow, definitely scary to say the least... So sorry you went through that!
small_steps 02:58 PM 06-19-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
I sincerely feel your pain. Here's why.
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...542#post468542
I am so very sorry! You're experience was probably much worse than mine because of losing that sweet baby. But you do know exactly how I feel. How are you now? I need to read the responses. I only read your first post. Are you moving on from it ok now? It's gotta be extremely difficult.I sincerely feel your pain. Here's why.
https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...542#post468542
daycare 03:02 PM 06-19-2014
wow I am so sorry to hear this...my heart melted when I read it. I can only imagine your stress, pain and fears....
Years ago when I started I had a baby choke on a cheerio. Nothing happened other than me getting it out, but it scared me so bad that after than baby I never took another one.
You did the right thing by terming the baby only to have this come back and bite you anyways.
I am happy to hear that you are back to business and that you are moving forward.
welcome back to the form....
Years ago when I started I had a baby choke on a cheerio. Nothing happened other than me getting it out, but it scared me so bad that after than baby I never took another one.
You did the right thing by terming the baby only to have this come back and bite you anyways.
I am happy to hear that you are back to business and that you are moving forward.
welcome back to the form....
small_steps 03:28 PM 06-19-2014
For the first few months afterwards I didn't take any infants. But I realized a long time ago that infants are my absolute favorite and I'm good with them (except for the occasional one that hasn't bottle fed before but even him I had tons of patience with. That was more his parents fault for not being completely honest. The other daycare told me that the parents told
Her he has never had a bottle until the night before he came to my daycare). Anyway I'm good with babies and I've decided not to let this steal my joy in caring for precious infants
Her he has never had a bottle until the night before he came to my daycare). Anyway I'm good with babies and I've decided not to let this steal my joy in caring for precious infants
daycare 04:41 PM 06-19-2014
Originally Posted by small_steps:
For the first few months afterwards I didn't take any infants. But I realized a long time ago that infants are my absolute favorite and I'm good with them (except for the occasional one that hasn't bottle fed before but even him I had tons of patience with. That was more his parents fault for not being completely honest. The other daycare told me that the parents told
Her he has never had a bottle until the night before he came to my daycare). Anyway I'm good with babies and I've decided not to let this steal my joy in caring for precious infants
good for you for staying strong. it really stinks when people are dishonest. Don't flame me, but when people lie, it always catches up with them. So sad that this happened to you and to the baby....For the first few months afterwards I didn't take any infants. But I realized a long time ago that infants are my absolute favorite and I'm good with them (except for the occasional one that hasn't bottle fed before but even him I had tons of patience with. That was more his parents fault for not being completely honest. The other daycare told me that the parents told
Her he has never had a bottle until the night before he came to my daycare). Anyway I'm good with babies and I've decided not to let this steal my joy in caring for precious infants
midaycare 05:07 PM 06-19-2014
Wow ... I was thinking about security cameras, and now you made up my mind.
Thank you so much for sharing your story
Thank you so much for sharing your story
daycare 05:12 PM 06-19-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
good for you for staying strong. it really stinks when people are dishonest. Don't flame me, but when people lie, it always catches up with them. So sad that this happened to you and to the baby....
I wanted to add that I meant the dishonest part about the parents.....not yougood for you for staying strong. it really stinks when people are dishonest. Don't flame me, but when people lie, it always catches up with them. So sad that this happened to you and to the baby....
NightOwl 05:43 PM 06-19-2014
Originally Posted by small_steps:
I am so very sorry! You're experience was probably much worse than mine because of losing that sweet baby. But you do know exactly how I feel. How are you now? I need to read the responses. I only read your first post. Are you moving on from it ok now? It's gotta be extremely difficult.
I'm way better than I was that first year, for sure. I had a mini emotional breakdown three days after he died. I say mini because I didn't require hospitalization. I am so very sorry! You're experience was probably much worse than mine because of losing that sweet baby. But you do know exactly how I feel. How are you now? I need to read the responses. I only read your first post. Are you moving on from it ok now? It's gotta be extremely difficult.
As for now.... I think about him every single day. The good and the bad. I'll never forget my experience in doing cpr. That's something that has scarred me for life, I think.
But I had a good support system thru it all. The authorities treated me like a criminal and the nursery teacher was even investigated personally. It bothers me so bad that when a baby dies at home in their crib from SIDS, the authorities treat it just like it is: sids. But when a baby dies in a center or home daycare, everyone is put under a microscope and treated like they are a baby killer. I don't get that. And neither did Sal's mom. That's why she stuck up for us so whole heartedly. She said he slept in his crib with the door closed at home, so we gave him a better chance than she could have if it happened there.
Life moves on. The world doesn't stop turning. And it gets a little easier each day.