Need a Pep Talk...Some Days I Wish I Could Quit!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

I have done unregistered daycare for 10 years before getting registered last Sept. It was so much easier/less stressful when it was just for extra money, when my husband's job paid the bills.

I have only been registered for almost one year and most days I'm ready to throw in the towel! I think it's the summer that is getting to me...if I can only make it to Sept. when school starts, I will be fine.

My own kids give me stress every day, they don't listen to me (despite all the time outs with my 4 1/2 year old) and I feel like a grouch all day long most days! I have 4 girls and when I ad daycare kids to the mix, arguements intensify. My daycare kids have their little issues too but mine seem to act out a lot because I'm mom, plus other daycare kids make more stress on them.

I want to be home with my kids and be there for them, but some days I feel that adding daycare kids is only making their behavior worse...the older girls get cranky because 9 year old daycare girl won't leave them alone...my youngest daughter is difficult by herself and she picks up any negative behavior she can. Some days I just feel like this daycare stuff isn't worth it and wish I had a part time job outside the home...yet I know if I did, I would miss my kids like crazy!! I have already been in those shoes when I went back to work for a short time when my youngest was 3.

I just need some motivation to keep going...I don't like feeling like a grump all day long and that's how it has been for the past few weeks now.

[swaddlebees]

when i feel like that i just go outside and get some sunshine. Sometimes it really helps. And thing about all the positive things about doing daycare

School starts back here next week...

[legomom922]

Did you take on more kids for the income only? Otherwise, I would say maybe you could cut back and let some go? Or sometimes it's just the wrong mix of kids. Is your DH working?

[nannyde]

Four of your own plus dck's.

Ugh

I can't even imagine.

[DWTC]

Originally Posted by legomom922

Did you take on more kids for the income only? Otherwise, I would say maybe you could cut back and let some go? Or sometimes it's just the wrong mix of kids. Is your DH working?

I agree...unless that isn't an option?

But like you said, things may calm down when school age kiddos are out of the picture. Just hang in there and maybe re-evaluate how many you will have next summer.

[melskids]

im having a tough summer too....hang in there. when the last one leaves at night i go lock myself in the bathroom for 1/2 hour to unwind. my kids KNOW not to even come close to the door...lol sometimes i read a mag, but most times i literally just sit there and veg out. in the a.m., before my kids are up and anyone else is here, i sit with a cup of coffee and just relax for 1/2 hr as well. coming here and hearing others issues (and advice) has also helped tremendously (sp)!!!!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Originally Posted by legomom922

Did you take on more kids for the income only? Otherwise, I would say maybe you could cut back and let some go? Or sometimes it's just the wrong mix of kids. Is your DH working?

Yes, my DH is working and is making good money now (last year we were in the worst financial situation but now he's doing well at a good job). I know we could swing our bills with his income now and one or 2 of my daycare families but with 4 of my own kids, there is so much extra I always need....school clothes/supply shopping, birthdays, christmas, school pictures, cheerleading...oh the list could go on I'm sure.

I only have 3 year round families right now (took in my neice for the summer and part time kids 1-2 days/week). I have a health insurance issue I'm thinking about as well...I am losing my Healthcare insurance as I'm slightly over income now with my 3 year round families....if I downsize one family I can still qualify for my health insurance....however, that leaves me no room to take an extra kids here or there as I would be over income again...if I'm over income, the health insurance cost is going to be high so I'm trying to weigh if it's worth the few extra bucks by keeping all my families and paying high health insurance...I would have a whopping $27/week extra by keeping all my families and paying the higher health insurance....but if I downsize to keep my health insurance, I won't have the option to take in extra for extra money from time to time.

It's really a tough decision for me. Yes, I could use a lot less stress but I'm afraid to ever slip back into financial disaster that we just got out of. I don't have that bad of a daycare bunch (it's just all of them together all the time gets crazy most days!), in fact I have the BEST parents I am working with right now and it took a little weeding out to get here...I wouldn't even know which one I would let go or how to say it....all 3 would be devistated if I let them go. I have a ton of thinking to do...thanks for listening ladies!!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Originally Posted by melskids

when the last one leaves at night i go lock myself in the bathroom for 1/2 hour to unwind.

I don't think that would work for me, the moment I would do that, the kids would be banging on my door and I would spend all my time telling them to go away....my 4 1/2 year old is rather difficult and she would be pulling her sister's hair or hurting her in some way.

All my girls started Cheerleading practice yesterday so this evening I dropped them all off and came home for a little peace and it feels so good! I like to watch them, but I needed this for at least one night.

[legomom922]

Well you could always take one kid under the table, if you would be comfortable with that, and still keep the health insurance?

[jenh171]

I know exactly how you feel. I cared for 2 school age girls when my daughters were about 10 and 12 and it was extremely difficult in the summer. My daughters felt that their space was being invaded and it was just a constant tension every day. Now that I am caring for much younger children, it is a billion times easier. My daughters love the babies/toddlers and I don't think I'll consider caring for school age again until my daughters are much older. I'm just writing to let you know that you'll get through it, just like I did. I know how stressful it is to balance your own children's needs with the business you're trying to run, but there is a great benefit too, in having your children learn flexibility and tolerance every day. Stay calm and positive in the weeks to come and they'll take these cues from you. You can do it!

[boysx5]

oh I have been having a summer like that but this summer I filled all my daycare spots and the money has been so good. So what I do is treat myself to special things and take time for just me. I also have five boys of my own plus daycare so the summer days are long I just keep saying its not forever and school will start soon. Hang in there

[katie]

I soooo needed to hear that someone else was struggling today. Took on 3rd dck starting yesterday. He's 3 months, added to 1 yr old, 3 yr old and my 9 yr old, 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 6 month old! 2 babies! I keep telling myself it's going to get easier as babies get older. Need the money. Have to have it. I feel you on the own kids feel like they don't want to share mom. I know if I was out working I would hate it and hate being away from my kids. I too did it before part time and hated it. I tell myself, I'm here with my kids and making an impact on other kids in a positive way. I know we will look back and smile that we had the time with our own kids. Thanks to the person who said it did get easier when her own kids got older. Hang it there!

[MN Mom]

VERY rough summer here also...you are not alone.

I actually broke down crying to my husband last night. I said (and this is going to sound terrible) "I didn't realize how much I disliked kids until I did day care." It's not that I don't like children...I do. I LOVE my own kids to death, I LOVE my nieces and nephews to death. I enjoy other children also, but not for 10+ hours a day 4-5 days a week =/

I am not a religious person, normally...but last night I prayed for God to either give me more strength or to shoulder some of the burden, because I was starting to take it out on my family in the evenings. I did not register for this semester of college because I couldn't handle the stress, lack of sleep, headaches last semester. Today, my prayer was answered. DCM informed me that she is quitting her job to be a SAHM, she said she has missed so much of their childhood and she has been spoiling them to compensate (HI eating issues w/6 year old, anger issues with the 9 year old, 8month old baby on the way to brat city). I told her "GOOD for you! I am so happy for you! You really deserve this time with them." and let a rather large sigh of relief after they left.

God does answer prayers...
Not only were my issues solved, these children are going to have a mother at home to raise them. So, he performed 2 miracles today.

[Lilbutterflie]

MN Mom, you are right on! I have struggled with "grumpy mom/daycare provider" issues a lot since I opened daycare a year ago. I really have found that when I just take a moment to pray for patience, I am so much happier and less angry throughout the day. I know not everyone is religious, but God really does answer prayers!
Also, I have read the book 1-2-3 Magic and one of the main topics of the book is how to discipline your children without EMOTION. I am still training myself to do this, but it does work & everyone is happier for it!!

[DanceMom]

the only thing that gets me through those days is knowing that I dont have to do this forever. There is no way I can do this forever. AT least not with 8 kids..its too much for one person to handle sanely. If it isnt the kids acting crazy its the parents...sometimes its too much.

I have worked outside of the home for most of my life however, so I do tell myself this is a heck of a lot better going to a job everyday and not seeing my kids all day, dressing up for an office, having a boss, driving hours to and from work etc etc..it beats that any day !

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Originally Posted by MN Mom

I actually broke down crying to my husband last night. I said (and this is going to sound terrible) "I didn't realize how much I disliked kids until I did day care." It's not that I don't like children...I do. I LOVE my own kids to death, I LOVE my nieces and nephews to death. I enjoy other children also, but not for 10+ hours a day 4-5 days a week =/

I know what you are saying...it does get very wearing on even the most patient person. I started daycare up 2 1/2 years ago (unregistered for over a year) and went into it with a very positive attitude, very calm and mellow and the past year I feel that I have become very short tempered, and less tollerant on the kids behaviors. I don't like being this way but wow, it's different when you are around all these kids all day long (and my own 24-7) vs. getting away at a job or just a little time away and coming back to them. I don't think some people understand what it is like or why I get so uptight at times because if I do get some time away (which seems to be rare lately), I do come back with a revived attitude and more tolerant of the kids.

[boysx5]

what also helps me is I have two providers who live in my neighborhood and we try to get together a few times a week and let the kids play and chat. We often vent to each other and it does help me out alot. The one women has been doing daycare for 20 years and the last two weeks she took vacation and then her mom died last week so she is still off and boy do I miss her I think thats why I have been so down lately I need my pick me up and its nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way at the end of the summer I get at the end of my rope

Originally Posted by My4SunshineGirlsNY

...the older girls get cranky because 9 year old daycare girl won't leave them alone...

Why? Why are your kids forced to socialize, let alone be in the same room as the daycare kids? That's likely your problem.

My kids are homeschooled so they are here the whole daycare day and if they chose they don't have to spend a single second with a dckid in view. I like it that way.

I think your kids need THEIR home back. THEIR space. You know? Try to set things up so the daycare is in one part of the home. Serve two lunches - one for the daycare kids and then when the dckids go down for nap serve lunch and eat with YOUR kids only.

Having a seperate daycare space really, really helps in this situation.

YOUR kids should never feel that THEY are at work or they become resentful. And really..what kid wouldn't??

[MN Mom]

Originally Posted by judytrickett

Why? Why are your kids forced to socialize, let alone be in the same room as the daycare kids? That's likely your problem.

My kids are homeschooled so they are here the whole daycare day and if they chose they don't have to spend a single second with a dckid in view. I like it that way.

I think your kids need THEIR home back. THEIR space. You know? Try to set things up so the daycare is in one part of the home. Serve two lunches - one for the daycare kids and then when the dckids go down for nap serve lunch and eat with YOUR kids only.

Having a seperate daycare space really, really helps in this situation.

YOUR kids should never feel that THEY are at work or they become resentful. And really..what kid wouldn't??

It's quite possible that her setup won't allow that? I know mine doesn't.

Originally Posted by MN Mom

It's quite possible that her setup won't allow that? I know mine doesn't.

Yeah, I get that, really I do. But there are still ways, I am sure, that she can minimize forced time within the daycare for her kids. You just have to get inventive. Small things like making the bedrooms and bedroom floors/area completely off limits to daycare kids. Or making the basement off limits and just for family use etc etc.

[MarinaVanessa]

I have to agree here. And I'm curious to know how a home daycare would not allow for your own child's personal bedroom space. A child's bedroom should be just that, the child's bedroom. That way if the child does not feel like being social with the DC kids then they can go into the bedroom. I would keep that space dedicated to only for my own children unless DC kids were invited in (and everyone was invited in not just one or some of the DC kids). Have the DC area in the living room area or spare bedroom/space. This is how it works here. My set-up is arranged so that all of my DC furniture is lightweight and can be easily moved and my house looks like ... well, my house, when I have company over. Things just get moved into the garage.

[Crystal]

I think we all get to that point at times, where we wish we could find another career, or just be at home with our own children and not work at all. It is tough sometimes.

What I have found that helps me through these times is networking with other providers, attending workshops and conferences that address specific situations I am dealing with in my program, exercising - which is a HUGE stress reliever for me, and sometimes, just getting away for the evening with my husband or a friend helps. Also, I get out of the house for a full day every weekend. We go hiking or bike riding or to the lake, etc. as a family....away from the house so I don't have to feel like I am at work during my precious time off, and my own children get away from it too.

big hugs, I know it's hard, but make sure you nurture yourself, so you can continue to nurture your own children as well as the DCK.

[Crystal]

My4SSGirlsNY: is it possible for you to let the 9 year old go? Seems that has been a significant addition to the stress you AND you older children are feeling. Perhaps that would be the most logical solution to that dilemma?

[momma2girls]

Originally Posted by Heather

the only thing that gets me through those days is knowing that I dont have to do this forever. There is no way I can do this forever. AT least not with 8 kids..its too much for one person to handle sanely. If it isnt the kids acting crazy its the parents...sometimes its too much.

I have worked outside of the home for most of my life however, so I do tell myself this is a heck of a lot better going to a job everyday and not seeing my kids all day, dressing up for an office, having a boss, driving hours to and from work etc etc..it beats that any day !

I hear you!! If it's not the children in daycare acting crazy, it is their parents!!!!!!! UGHHHH!!!!!

[professionalmom]

Originally Posted by My4SunshineGirlsNY

I don't think some people understand what it is like or why I get so uptight at times because if I do get some time away (which seems to be rare lately), I do come back with a revived attitude and more tolerant of the kids.

During the interview process, I used to explain the NEED for providers to take time off from time to time. I would explain that caring for multiple children (of varying ages) for 10-16 hours a day is very draining, even on the most patient person. So I would explain that vacation time is meant to "revitalize" me so that I do not hit burn out and so I can give my all to the children each and every day. So MY vacation time is not just for ME, but also for THEM. Most people found this explanation enlightening. Especially when I tell them that a burnt out provider is at risk of making mistakes, and that I want to give them 100% everyday.

[boysx5]

Originally Posted by professionalmom

During the interview process, I used to explain the NEED for providers to take time off from time to time. I would explain that caring for multiple children (of varying ages) for 10-16 hours a day is very draining, even on the most patient person. So I would explain that vacation time is meant to "revitalize" me so that I do not hit burn out and so I can give my all to the children each and every day. So MY vacation time is not just for ME, but also for THEM. Most people found this explanation enlightening. Especially when I tell them that a burnt out provider is at risk of making mistakes, and that I want to give them 100% everyday.

I take a two week paid vacation each year if they don't like this during the interview I don't even bother everyone deserves a vacation

What I find helpful is I have a person that can come in on certain days. She has all of her background checks, CPR certified and trustworthy. She basically ran my day care for me when I was pregnant and on bed rest.

If you can put out and add on craigslist.com and screen possible candidates this may help a little bit and allow you to have more family time.

Of course everything comes at a price but I find it so worth being able to spend time with my own 3 instead of making them part of the head count.