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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Off Subject~ Children at Wedding??
JeepGirl6 10:08 AM 06-15-2012
We are getting married in October. I have some family members saying invite children, some saying don't invite children. I have NO CLUE what I should do. I added up the children, if everyone that has children brings them, there will be around 45 children there. Its $3.50 a person for chair rental so that's $157 for the children to come + (buffet) food. I don't want for parents to leave their children unattended to. I am inviting my daycare families because I feel they are a part of my life. But if someone brings their child and someone else gets mad they couldn't bring theirs?? I am just soo stressed out over this. I don't want anyone upset with me. I understand its my wedding but I am having such a hard time with this decision..I know some of the adults would like a night out for themselves and find a sitter...My bridesmaids have children, two of them which are my nephews, I would love for them to be there but my brother in law and sister are both in the wedding...My one nephew is in the wedding so he will be there for ceremony but not reception...but my other bridesmaid I don't know if she is planning on keeping her children there with her husband for the reception...I have been told just to allow them at ceremony, not reception...Anyone???
Unregistered 10:21 AM 06-15-2012
Forget about the chair rental!.What about feeding them? We decided against children under 12,mostly because it was $25 per person for food and I was not going to pay that.Plus it was an evening wedding,super fancy and I don't think kids would of fit into that atmosphere.
Decide what you want,children or no children.If you say yes than you can't pick and choose what kids can be there(unless you go by age).
It really depends what kind of wedding you are having. I would suggest if you do have kids there make sure you have stuff for them to do.
My sister had kids and offered child care and they did crafts,played games. She hired two girls and paid them $100 each to keep the kids entertained. Hope some of the suggestions helps.
If you do decide against don't let people make you feel bad about it.It's your wedding,you get to decide who comes and who doesn't.I had a few people decide not to attend my wedding because"We do EVERYTHING as a family!" Said it was rude! Good grief people,get out without your kids once in awhile-it's good for your marriage and your kids.
jojosmommy 10:31 AM 06-15-2012
I think kids should be welcome. I also think its a parents job to decide if their own child is well behaved enough to attend. I have been to many weddings and never had a kid ruin the ceremony.

At our wedding we allowed kids to both ceremony and reception. We offered kid friendly food (kids menu) which our catering company sugested. It was great. Everyone was thankful there were kid options.

You mentioned some people wanting a kid free night. I think if they want a kid free night they find somewhere on their own for their kids to go. For our wedding I invited the mother/father or MIL FIL of the bridal party so that if mom or dad (or both) are part of the wedding they have someone at the ceremony and reception to help out with their kid.
My3cents 10:47 AM 06-15-2012
If families have children, they will decide to bring them or not even if you ask for no children to attend- Just the way it is. People seem to conveniently forget that no kids are allowed on the invitation.

I think you should allow kids- kids can make a wedding special. Allow the parent to be in charge of them and don't worry about it.

Do you have children of your own?

but.. it comes down to the fact that it is your own wedding, do what you WANT. Its your memory to be made. Don't worry if so and so doesn't like your choice.

Can't make up your mind, allow children to attend the wedding but not the reception- adult reception only, due to it being in the evening hours.

You will offend someone no matter what you chose if not this issue, it will be over something else- nature of a wedding, so it seems
JenNJ 10:49 AM 06-15-2012
I did not want children at my wedding. However, this was touchy because I had a child myself and my husband's sister was 5 at the time.

We invited no one under 18 EXCEPT children in the bridal party. One newborn came as well because his mom was my bridesmaid and she was breastfeeding. Those kids left at 8pm (my child and sister in law) with a sitter.

Not one person was upset with me. And honestly, it was OUR day. I wanted it to be what I wanted it to be. I did not want my 20+ younger cousins running around like maniacs. They are great kids, but they are kids. I was throwing an ADULT party.

The decision is YOURS, not your guests. I have been invited to weddings with my kids and without. I am never insulted when kids aren't invited. If I can get a sitter, I go, if not, I stay home. It is really simple. But remember it is about what YOU want. It is YOUR day!!!
Solandia 10:56 AM 06-15-2012
Forget about others' expectations, and forget about the additional costs for a moment (not that they don't matter, but are minor in the scheme of things). It comes down to if you feel a wedding is a family event or a couples/adult event.

*I*, personally, feel that weddings, funerals, grad parties, baptisms, etc....are culturally important to ALL the members of the family, not just the non-annoying ones. I have a hard time with leaving out a significant portion of the family (the youngest and most impressionable) for events that are so important. I have very fond memories of my many, many cousins' weddings, my aunt's....I also have fond memories of funeral and baptisms, too. Had I never been to any of those things as a child, I doubt I would be so compelled to celebrate those things (or only make the effort if convenient) as an adult.

OTOH, I know of several people who feel the opposite. That children have no place in any of those places/event, it is strictly for adults who can behave.
Country Kids 11:04 AM 06-15-2012
What we did for ours was hiring someone to watch the children. If children came they had to go in with the sitter but were still available for mom and dad if needed. It was right there just off in a different room. You could order very kid friendly food like pizza, mac n cheese, chicken strips, etc.
countrymom 11:08 AM 06-15-2012
I would only invite immediate family (like close immediate family) thats how we do it. And some people are really stuck and have no one to watch their kids, thats an exception.

now, last aug. we went to a families wedding. My children are older (14,11,9 and 7) well, I have a cousin who is a harmless drunk. Omg, my kids had the best time with him. He entertained all of us, and my children to this day will talk about him. Oh and that they had mcdonalds and taco bell at the wedding (they ordered the food for everyone at midnight) they couldn't get over that.
mema 11:11 AM 06-15-2012
I think it is all up to you. It is your wedding. There are ups and downs to having them and not having them there.

I had them at our wedding. For the most part they were entertaining and well behaved. A few of them, not so much, but I didn't make it my problem. I went on with my "fun". Then again, there were a few "adults" that weren't very well behaved either.

We have a wedding coming up that is no children/no booze. That is their choice-it is their day. Some family members are upset, but oh well. We will not be attending, but it is not because of the no's. It is a 2 hour drive and the wedding is on a Friday night. I cannot close early and dh cannot ask for time off right now. If that wasn't the case, we would probably try to find a sitter and go.

You need to decide what you want and don't worry about what others think. It is your day and for you to decide how to celebrate it!

Congratulations and good luck!
Ariana 11:13 AM 06-15-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
What we did for ours was hiring someone to watch the children. If children came they had to go in with the sitter but were still available for mom and dad if needed. It was right there just off in a different room. You could order very kid friendly food like pizza, mac n cheese, chicken strips, etc.
This is what I've heard people doing as well....but 45 kids is a LOT!!! Thats like a full staffed daycare centre
DBug 11:42 AM 06-15-2012
We were young and broke when we got married, so we didn't want too many kids purely for the money factor. We decided that children of extended family and the kids of our pastor (who was officiating) would be invited, but no one else. We felt that by keeping it to certain groups (ie. family) that others would be able to understand it more and hopefully not get too offended. It seemed to work -- we didn't hear about anyone who was unhappy with it.

If all 45 kids are family, you could do something like only inviting the kids of the wedding party participants ...
JeepGirl6 11:44 AM 06-15-2012
Out of the 45 children 15-19 of them are family, the rest are children I have babysat for/daycare families...We do not have any children of our own yet.
spud912 01:36 PM 06-15-2012
I don't think I will be much help because we eloped. We didn't want the family drama and the expense. In the end, weddings become everyone's business, not just the two getting married. I love love love our eloped wedding (one random Tuesday at the local courthouse, with 2 witnesses we rounded up).

As far as your question, if it were MY wedding, the children would absolutely no doubt be invited. They are what make the wedding magical (even if there are occasional meltdowns).'s not my wedding, so do what you want to do and can afford.
AfterSchoolMom 01:49 PM 06-15-2012
I think that if you don't want/can't afford to have kids, then don't - it's your special day and you should have exactly what you want without worrying about what other people want. However, it's also important not to get upset with people (if you choose not to have kids present) if they choose not to attend the wedding or if they can't find a sitter.

We had that happen twice this year - two different family members got married and specified no kids at the wedding, and we couldn't go because of it (they were both out of town locations). One of them, from what I understand, was quite upset with us over it...but there was nothing I could do about it.
GretasLittleFriends 03:40 PM 06-15-2012
Before my DH and I were married, my DH's cousin got married. When they sent the invite to my SIL and BIL it was only addressed to Mr & Mrs. So my SIL (the relative) called and asked. The mother of the bride (aunt to my SIL) said "Who is the invitation addressed to?" Indicating that my nephews were not invited. They are decent kids. My SIL hired a sitter for her boys 5 & 7. When she got there she saw the rest of the family (cousins and all) had brought their kids anyway. She was furious. She hadn't sealed her envelope, so she decided to write a note to the bride and groom explaining that she didn't have money for a gift since she had to hire a sitter at the aunt's (mother of bride) request. She voided the $100 check that was in there and left it in the card.

In my opinion a wedding is a family event (unless of course you're eloping) and children are part of the family. This would hold true to close friends as well.

Originally Posted by :
Out of the 45 children 15-19 of them are family, the rest are children I have babysat for/daycare families...
In my opinion, with this statement, I don't think it's necessarily fair NOT to invite the children. Would have known their parents if you didn't provide care for their children?

Just my take on it. Keep in mind that no matter what, it's your day, and as long as you and your (soon to be) DH are happy, that's all that really matters. You can't make other people happy all of the time...
Meeko 10:06 AM 06-18-2012
We had a "no child under 8 years old" rule at our wedding.

I had been to a friends wedding a few months before and was so upset for her. One of the guests let her baby scream through the whole wedding ceremony...which was being recorded. Another had her toddler decide to run up and down the isle behind the bridal couple. You could not hear the vows clearly. The woman with the baby was asked to leave the church and I personally think she was a moron to let her child scream through a wedding. Her argument afterwards was she didn't want to miss it. She laughed as she said "sorry" to the if it was no big thing. But their recording is of a screaming baby, with muffled vows in the background.

Later.....dozens of kids ran riot through the reception. Their parents wanted to visit with each other and so let the kids go with the mindset that they were "having fun", so who cares. people got tripped up, food was all over the was not the elegant wedding my friend had intended.

I came straight home and made my "no small kids" rule!!! Nobody minded at all.
Unregistered 10:02 PM 06-18-2012
It's your wedding, do what works for you. If there are people you really want there, and know they would need to bring their kids then maybe find someone to look after the children. I personally feel it's rude to bring small children and let them run rampant, etc. Weddings aren't always intended to be a family party and it's up to the bride and groom how they want the day/evening to go.
granny04 02:38 AM 06-19-2012
I read some of the replys to this query--all good.......

Cost is Always a factor unless you have money to burn. Providing seating and food for children who will see the event as an opportunity to "play" in a bigger venue needs consideration.
There is nothing wrong with having an "adults only" wedding. At my wedding MANY years ago--my new husband's only grandchild was allowed to run rampant in the church prior to the wedding by parents who thought she was "just the cutest".......
Just last year my son and DIL went to a wedding with thier three children. There was an incident at the hotel prior to the wedding and my son was forced to sit out the entire reception holding the middle child. His comment was "all dressed up and ......." Next wedding they hired a sitter.
If you allow children, hoping parents will see to thier behavior ,you may come away disappointed---think of how well parents "corral" their children at day care pick up time!
most parents do not see their children's behavior in an unbiased light.

The bottom line is this---IT IS YOUR WEDDING--

You don't get a "do over"
Unregistered 06:37 AM 06-19-2012
"In my opinion a wedding is a family event"

Not if the bride and groom don't see it that way.

Some people want the focus to be on the reason everyone is there. My BIL/SIL take their kids everywhere and let them do whatever they want. In SIL's opinion her kids are "super cute." Well, that's wonderful. However.. every event isn't a stage for someone's "super cute" kids.
Meeko 10:25 AM 06-19-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
"In my opinion a wedding is a family event"

Not if the bride and groom don't see it that way.

Some people want the focus to be on the reason everyone is there. My BIL/SIL take their kids everywhere and let them do whatever they want. In SIL's opinion her kids are "super cute." Well, that's wonderful. However.. every event isn't a stage for someone's "super cute" kids.
Exactly this. I love and adore children, but I didn't want to hear a "cute" three year old yell that he wanted to go pee at the very second I was about to say "I do". And lets face seem to prefer yelling in places they aren't supposed to.

In England, LDS members have to be married in the church before being sealed in the temple. So my husband and I decided to marry in England in the church and get sealed in the states in Utah. Our Utah reception was more informal and we had some younger kids there. Even so, we made a point of printing "please control your children" on the invites.
lil angels 10:45 AM 06-19-2012
Wow lots and lots of opinions and ideas here. I had my wedding and we had a good size wedding and I didn't even think of not inviting the kids. I guess I don't even think of that as an option. They are your friends and loved ones to right? A lot of the things I remember had to do with something one of those naughty kids did.

Unless I was doing a super small very elegant fri night wedding or something I don't think I could have any other way.
itlw8 11:19 AM 06-19-2012
I think it depends on what kind of reception you are having. a big dance and alcohol....late at night... children should be home.

a more casual wedding during the day then invite the children you want to come. You put their names on the invitation.

As far as the childcare if you are worried about costs. That is a biggie because each of those children come with parents.

You could invite those children to the church as that is what they want to see. Well that and cake.Maybe do a cake and punch reception at the church with kids and then an adult party later.
Tags:offtopic - wedding
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