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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>New Parent Just Pulled Child, Stressed....Need Advice
Sprouts 02:40 PM 07-04-2012
Okay so after dealing with this high maintenence mom (i should have known) ...she brings her child in (14 months) on monday to help get aquainted with me and the other children (mind you his first official day was supposed to be tuesday)...so when I do this "phase in" i ask if a family member can stay just so the child doesn't have anxiety..so his grandma stays...during this hour he does great! were playing, hes exploring, the other child i watch and my son when they get excited they start to "wrestle" and hug a lot, the new boy not used to this started to cry when one of the babies was hugging him and didnt want to let go....it was fine i held him, calmed him down, all was well...
anyways, next morning when child is supposed to start Mom texts me "from what my mother and I observed from the kids rough playing, i discussed with my husband and he doesnt want our son to attend and would like to have a more structured environment...blah blah blah"....
so now the issue is getting her payment back, in our contract it states deposit non refundable if it is to hold a spot for more then 2 weeks...she gave me deposit on 6-16 and the day she decided to pull him was July 3rd...which makes that 2 weeks 3 days...she told me her husband is going to call me to discuss this because they obviously dont agree...
I dont want issues, i rather end this on good terms, and i honestly was releived she told me this because i didnt want to deal with her high maintence, and i truly feel she was looking for something more "convenient" (drop in whenever she felt like) and this was her excuse...ugh i hate these situations....
anyways, next morning when child is supposed to start Mom texts me "from what my mother and I observed from the kids rough playing, i discussed with my husband and he doesnt want our son to attend and would like to have a more structured environment...blah blah blah"....
so now the issue is getting her payment back, in our contract it states deposit non refundable if it is to hold a spot for more then 2 weeks...she gave me deposit on 6-16 and the day she decided to pull him was July 3rd...which makes that 2 weeks 3 days...she told me her husband is going to call me to discuss this because they obviously dont agree...
I dont want issues, i rather end this on good terms, and i honestly was releived she told me this because i didnt want to deal with her high maintence, and i truly feel she was looking for something more "convenient" (drop in whenever she felt like) and this was her excuse...ugh i hate these situations....
Michael 03:18 PM 07-04-2012
Stick to your contract. It was her responsibility to read it and abide by it. For her, it should be "lesson learned".
sharlan 03:42 PM 07-04-2012
I agree with Michael. Tell them to reread their contract.
Wigglesandgiggles 03:54 PM 07-04-2012
I would not refund it.
Former Teacher 04:15 PM 07-04-2012
I agree as well. What is the point of having a contract if exceptions are being made?
At least its a relief to you!
At least its a relief to you!
Hunni Bee 04:31 PM 07-04-2012
Nope, your contract says nonrefundable after two weeks, so it's nonrefundable. That was a personal decision on her part to pull him, not something wrong you did. You can't compromise for every angry parent that wants special, kwim?
MizzCheryl 07:47 PM 07-04-2012
You wasted alot of your time dealing with this family. You should be compensated. You could have started another child. Stick to your contract. They chose to drop out.
cheerfuldom 08:07 PM 07-04-2012
I would keep the deposit and in the future, alter it to say that ALL deposits are non refundable. I wouldnt talk to the parents at all anymore. I would send one certified mailed letter that outlines your policy, details that deposit will not be returned, contains a copy of the signed contract as well as details regarding the check date and start date. Then cease all contact, do not get into any arguments via email, text, or phone. Do not answer the door if they come by.
You are well within your right to do this.
You are well within your right to do this.
Sprouts 09:10 PM 07-04-2012
Thank you all for the encouragement! My back bone will stay strong on this 4th of July!
The father emailed me and basically said the children here are to rough for his son blah blah blah, he wants all his money back, blah blah..some more excuses, blah blah blah....to which i replied...and heres the letter
***X,
As a parent I understand your concern with "rough play", but children are encouraged to interact with one another. We don't accept hitting, biting, pushing or anything of the sort. *** and the other child were simply excited to have a new friend, the other child was simply hugging *** and it surprised him causing him to cry which I tended to immediately. We apologize if *** was afraid when approached by the other child. Saturday June 16th when *** first brought the deposit (which is mandatory to hold a child's spot) he had contact with *** and there was no foul or rough play. I feel the rough play is being a bit over-exagerated.
The week he was supposed to come in for "phase-in" is not mandatory, I don't ask for pay for those days even though I give my time. *** did not want *** to come in because he had a blister on his lip early that week and one of the children were getting over a cold. I never cancled on thursday, *** told me she wanted to bring him friday instead which she did briefly to drop off the check, and again we didn't want to expose him to a cold. I can forward you the email she sent me on the 27th stating this.
As far as the contract is concerned, *** read it, agreed to it and signed it. The deposit is to hold a child's spot here at *** for 2 weeks. Upon *** signing the Statement of Understanding on June 16th, 2012, we tunred down all parents who inquired about an open infant position at our daycare. The two weeks for refund entitlement ended on June 30, 2012 as per our agreement. In all fairness, you are being refunded the difference of the full time and part time slot.
Tomorrow at 3:30 (as per my conversation with ***), *** belongings will be ready for pick up along with the $250.00 Refund.
sooo lets see what happens now, i feel like the mom is trying not to look bad and making up stuff too, whatever theyre all full of u know what.
And yes cheerful i did change my contract that same day to making the deposit non-refundable...forget dates and time limits, if parents want the spot they will pay for it.
The father emailed me and basically said the children here are to rough for his son blah blah blah, he wants all his money back, blah blah..some more excuses, blah blah blah....to which i replied...and heres the letter
***X,
As a parent I understand your concern with "rough play", but children are encouraged to interact with one another. We don't accept hitting, biting, pushing or anything of the sort. *** and the other child were simply excited to have a new friend, the other child was simply hugging *** and it surprised him causing him to cry which I tended to immediately. We apologize if *** was afraid when approached by the other child. Saturday June 16th when *** first brought the deposit (which is mandatory to hold a child's spot) he had contact with *** and there was no foul or rough play. I feel the rough play is being a bit over-exagerated.
The week he was supposed to come in for "phase-in" is not mandatory, I don't ask for pay for those days even though I give my time. *** did not want *** to come in because he had a blister on his lip early that week and one of the children were getting over a cold. I never cancled on thursday, *** told me she wanted to bring him friday instead which she did briefly to drop off the check, and again we didn't want to expose him to a cold. I can forward you the email she sent me on the 27th stating this.
As far as the contract is concerned, *** read it, agreed to it and signed it. The deposit is to hold a child's spot here at *** for 2 weeks. Upon *** signing the Statement of Understanding on June 16th, 2012, we tunred down all parents who inquired about an open infant position at our daycare. The two weeks for refund entitlement ended on June 30, 2012 as per our agreement. In all fairness, you are being refunded the difference of the full time and part time slot.
Tomorrow at 3:30 (as per my conversation with ***), *** belongings will be ready for pick up along with the $250.00 Refund.
sooo lets see what happens now, i feel like the mom is trying not to look bad and making up stuff too, whatever theyre all full of u know what.
And yes cheerful i did change my contract that same day to making the deposit non-refundable...forget dates and time limits, if parents want the spot they will pay for it.
Meyou 03:54 AM 07-05-2012
It kinda sounds like Mom made a huge deal over nothing because she's super over protective.
Kaddidle Care 04:13 AM 07-05-2012
If she considers hugging rough play, she's in for a rude awakening. 
Wait until it's truly cold/allergy season. Over protective big time - you dodged a bullet.
Wait until it's truly cold/allergy season. Over protective big time - you dodged a bullet.
texascare 06:21 AM 07-05-2012
Originally Posted by Former Teacher:
I agree as well. What is the point of having a contract if exceptions are being made?
At least its a relief to you!
Amen! If you take the time to write and draw up a contract you need to stand by it. Otherwise, what's the point of having one? In this business there will be issues her and there but that is why you have a contract!I agree as well. What is the point of having a contract if exceptions are being made?
At least its a relief to you!
Sprouts 09:58 AM 07-05-2012
okay so the mother is stating she wasnt referring to her son and the other child playing, she was referring to the way my son and the other girl i watch played. They do love to wrestle and sometimes it can seem rough. I did review my cameras to see what she referred to and I can see I might be concerned too from her point of view, but at the same time if she was concerned about it I am always open to talk about it and see what we can do to ease her. I also noticed I did give mom too much attention and not enough to the kids and I probably should have handled their play a little more.
At the same time, if she had noticed this play a day after the two weeks or a month after the two weeks it still doesnt change the contract and what she signed.
This is all a learning experience for me and I continually try to improve my parenting and handling situations and behavior and discipline, and I do hate confrontation, but I also know I dont want to be a push over....and on top of that the father writes me .."this is the most rediculous game ive seen, it is completely unprofessional ..."
UGH i hate this
At the same time, if she had noticed this play a day after the two weeks or a month after the two weeks it still doesnt change the contract and what she signed.
This is all a learning experience for me and I continually try to improve my parenting and handling situations and behavior and discipline, and I do hate confrontation, but I also know I dont want to be a push over....and on top of that the father writes me .."this is the most rediculous game ive seen, it is completely unprofessional ..."
UGH i hate this
cheerfuldom 10:08 AM 07-05-2012
Originally Posted by Sprouts:
okay so the mother is stating she wasnt referring to her son and the other child playing, she was referring to the way my son and the other girl i watch played. They do love to wrestle and sometimes it can seem rough. I did review my cameras to see what she referred to and I can see I might be concerned too from her point of view, but at the same time if she was concerned about it I am always open to talk about it and see what we can do to ease her. I also noticed I did give mom too much attention and not enough to the kids and I probably should have handled their play a little more.
At the same time, if she had noticed this play a day after the two weeks or a month after the two weeks it still doesnt change the contract and what she signed.
This is all a learning experience for me and I continually try to improve my parenting and handling situations and behavior and discipline, and I do hate confrontation, but I also know I dont want to be a push over....and on top of that the father writes me .."this is the most rediculous game ive seen, it is completely unprofessional ..."
UGH i hate this
No matter what you say to them at this point, they dont care. They want their money back and they want you to apologize profusely and beg for forgiveness. You didnt do anything wrong. Yes the kids got rough...thats not the point. Even if the kids were swinging from the chandelier, they STILL signed a contract that says deposits are nonrefundable after 2 weeks. Do not get into any further discussion about WHY they are not sticking with your daycare or why you have to enforce the rule. Discussions tell parents that things are negotiable. You dont have to justify any rule in the contract. The time for those discussions was in the interview process. okay so the mother is stating she wasnt referring to her son and the other child playing, she was referring to the way my son and the other girl i watch played. They do love to wrestle and sometimes it can seem rough. I did review my cameras to see what she referred to and I can see I might be concerned too from her point of view, but at the same time if she was concerned about it I am always open to talk about it and see what we can do to ease her. I also noticed I did give mom too much attention and not enough to the kids and I probably should have handled their play a little more.
At the same time, if she had noticed this play a day after the two weeks or a month after the two weeks it still doesnt change the contract and what she signed.
This is all a learning experience for me and I continually try to improve my parenting and handling situations and behavior and discipline, and I do hate confrontation, but I also know I dont want to be a push over....and on top of that the father writes me .."this is the most rediculous game ive seen, it is completely unprofessional ..."
UGH i hate this
I would follow up with one final email and then ignore ALL contact from them.....
Dear Parent,
Again, please find attached a copy of the contract you signed which states that no refunds are given past two weeks from the check date. There is no verbiage that gives exceptions to this rule based on a particular reason that the refund is requested. There are no exceptions to this rule.
Good luck in your daycare search and please read all future daycare documentation closely, for your own protection.
No further contact of any sort is needed in this situation and no contact will be responded to.
XYZ daycare
cheerfuldom 10:12 AM 07-05-2012
and be prepared for a final flurry of nasty texts and so forth from this dad. we all know that he is the one being unprofessional in not abiding by a signed contract. He is never going to admit that at this point. you have nothing to gain from responding to them in anyway so dont do it.
Lilbutterflie 10:18 AM 07-05-2012
Originally Posted by Sprouts:
okay so the mother is stating she wasnt referring to her son and the other child playing, she was referring to the way my son and the other girl i watch played. They do love to wrestle and sometimes it can seem rough. I did review my cameras to see what she referred to and I can see I might be concerned too from her point of view, but at the same time if she was concerned about it I am always open to talk about it and see what we can do to ease her. I also noticed I did give mom too much attention and not enough to the kids and I probably should have handled their play a little more.
At the same time, if she had noticed this play a day after the two weeks or a month after the two weeks it still doesnt change the contract and what she signed.
This is all a learning experience for me and I continually try to improve my parenting and handling situations and behavior and discipline, and I do hate confrontation, but I also know I dont want to be a push over....and on top of that the father writes me .."this is the most rediculous game ive seen, it is completely unprofessional ..."
UGH i hate this
Oh boy. I'm so sorry. I hate when things get ugly just for sticking to your contract! Continue to stick to your guns! Try not to take it personally, things get ugly when there is a dispute over money, that's just a pure fact. Try to stay professional but firm. okay so the mother is stating she wasnt referring to her son and the other child playing, she was referring to the way my son and the other girl i watch played. They do love to wrestle and sometimes it can seem rough. I did review my cameras to see what she referred to and I can see I might be concerned too from her point of view, but at the same time if she was concerned about it I am always open to talk about it and see what we can do to ease her. I also noticed I did give mom too much attention and not enough to the kids and I probably should have handled their play a little more.
At the same time, if she had noticed this play a day after the two weeks or a month after the two weeks it still doesnt change the contract and what she signed.
This is all a learning experience for me and I continually try to improve my parenting and handling situations and behavior and discipline, and I do hate confrontation, but I also know I dont want to be a push over....and on top of that the father writes me .."this is the most rediculous game ive seen, it is completely unprofessional ..."
UGH i hate this
Perhaps in the future you may want to think about not allowing family members to be present during daycare hours. For the exact reason you mentioned, you might pay more attention to the family member and new child than to your own group. And when that happens, your group is BOUND to act out!! It is hard for parents to understand this, but it happens every time.
I love your attitude in this whole thing, take it as a learning experience and move on!!
cheerfuldom 10:22 AM 07-05-2012
Originally Posted by Lilbutterflie:
Oh boy. I'm so sorry. I hate when things get ugly just for sticking to your contract! Continue to stick to your guns! Try not to take it personally, things get ugly when there is a dispute over money, that's just a pure fact. Try to stay professional but firm.
Perhaps in the future you may want to think about not allowing family members to be present during daycare hours. For the exact reason you mentioned, you might pay more attention to the family member and new child than to your own group. And when that happens, your group is BOUND to act out!! It is hard for parents to understand this, but it happens every time.
I love your attitude in this whole thing, take it as a learning experience and move on!!
Oh boy. I'm so sorry. I hate when things get ugly just for sticking to your contract! Continue to stick to your guns! Try not to take it personally, things get ugly when there is a dispute over money, that's just a pure fact. Try to stay professional but firm.
Perhaps in the future you may want to think about not allowing family members to be present during daycare hours. For the exact reason you mentioned, you might pay more attention to the family member and new child than to your own group. And when that happens, your group is BOUND to act out!! It is hard for parents to understand this, but it happens every time.
I love your attitude in this whole thing, take it as a learning experience and move on!!
good point! we were just talking about this in another thread and I posted about why I dont do playdates. one of the reasons why is because helicopter moms come in looking for reasons why you arent doing good enough, not looking for ways to help their child adjust. she came in ready to see the problems (if two kids playfully wrestling for a minute is even a problem....) and not coming in encouraging her clingy child to get involved. she wanted your attention and coddling and for her kid to have the same. really this whole thing was a disaster from the beginning so like you said OP, lesson learned. If you do decide to allow parents to come in, make sure you are prepared to monitor closely, have a structured activity that helps the new kid get involved and makes parents feel better about the arrangement. .
Sprouts 10:27 AM 07-05-2012
Thank you all for your positive words, i am writing up that letter ASAP!
My husband made me feel horrible after watching the video, he was like this is unacceptable u should be more firm with our son, obviously mothering and fathering arent exactly the same and just another issue UGH!!! but thank you all, i really do appreciate your words of motivation.
My husband made me feel horrible after watching the video, he was like this is unacceptable u should be more firm with our son, obviously mothering and fathering arent exactly the same and just another issue UGH!!! but thank you all, i really do appreciate your words of motivation.
My3cents 11:58 AM 07-06-2012
Originally Posted by Sprouts:
Thank you all for your positive words, i am writing up that letter ASAP!
My husband made me feel horrible after watching the video, he was like this is unacceptable u should be more firm with our son, obviously mothering and fathering arent exactly the same and just another issue UGH!!! but thank you all, i really do appreciate your words of motivation.
was not going to respond as everyone else nicely gave you great advice--Thank you all for your positive words, i am writing up that letter ASAP!
My husband made me feel horrible after watching the video, he was like this is unacceptable u should be more firm with our son, obviously mothering and fathering arent exactly the same and just another issue UGH!!! but thank you all, i really do appreciate your words of motivation.
until this
your hubby is not running your daycare, just as you do not go into his place of employment and tell him how to do his job. Your human and I must say you have a great attitude- move forward Hubby needs to know that he needs to support you and not bring you down when you are already feeling down enough!!! UGH
This is why I don't do playdates or what not during daycare hours. When a parent is there to pick up the child they are in charge at that point and I make sure they know it. They are in charge of their child!
hugs to you-
texascare 12:16 PM 07-06-2012
To keep it "professional" I would stop texting him and go to email or letters that are registered. That way you have proof of your communications with him as you may accident;y delete the text messages.....
Unregistered 12:31 PM 07-06-2012
Originally Posted by Sprouts:
Thank you all for your positive words, i am writing up that letter ASAP!
My husband made me feel horrible after watching the video, he was like this is unacceptable u should be more firm with our son, obviously mothering and fathering arent exactly the same and just another issue UGH!!! but thank you all, i really do appreciate your words of motivation.
I would tell my husband to discipline the lo as he sees fit. My time, my job. But my husband would never step on my toes like that.Thank you all for your positive words, i am writing up that letter ASAP!
My husband made me feel horrible after watching the video, he was like this is unacceptable u should be more firm with our son, obviously mothering and fathering arent exactly the same and just another issue UGH!!! but thank you all, i really do appreciate your words of motivation.