I have a DCF that alternates between Gma, DCM and DCD for pick up. The DCK can at times be a challenge. The pick up is not really too consistent, they like to pick up early, so I don't always have them ready to go. Inside of the house, I take control and get them out the door. We had behavior issues inside, and I nipped it right away by taking over and pushing out the door.

Well now I am having the issue that once they are outside the door, Gma and DCM CAN NOT control the child. The child takes off running or has bad behavior that ALWAYS ends in the DCK throwing a massive SCREAMING at the top of the longs tantrum. Today it was so bad that Neighbors came out of their house to see what was wrong. I had come out and thought oh no did they get hurt???


NOpe, the kid was having a melt down, didn't want to get in the car..............Of course you could see the look of concern, disgust, and anger on all of the neighbors faces.....

I don't even know what to do about this. I have NEVER had an issue like this occur before ever.......

The only thing that I have in my policies is that I expect the parent to control their child's behavior when they are here. I also have a small line about respecting my neighbors.

WWYD.....I need to say something to this family, but I don't even know what to say.......................

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I am assuming you can't take the kid out to the car. If I had an assistant that is what I would do- take over every aspect of pick up. But I'm also to the point that if the family was going to hear me when I said this wasn't acceptable it probably wouldn't happen in the first place kwim?
If that isn't an option I think I would talk to which ever parent had the least issue and explain that while you don't mean to be rude but you can't have upset neighbors. Then I would ask what ideas they have a build off those.

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ok here is the kicker.......I should have said this from the start.....DCM is a teacher (kinder) G-ma is a child behavioral specialist (not even sure what this is) BUT they can't control the DCG. I just don't even know how to bring it up....

BY the time this child is picked up, my asst is off. So walking straight out to the car is not an option, although, it is a good idea.

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this is a common happening for me at pick up time..it is frustrating to see usually well behaved children, totally disrespect their parents and lose control (run away, kick, scream etc) the way they do ...I wish for once to see a parent stand up to the kid and demand respect

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I dont know WHY on earth the parents just won't say NO.........its such an easy word to say. THEN all they have to do is take CONTROL...

The other day one of my favorite DCks got mad at the mom during pick up because he was not going to get a special TOY from the store that day. He picked up a fake banana and hit me in the face with it. kid is almost 4. DCM just says, come on JOhnny lets go so you can watch your new DVD I got you...............I was soooooooooo mad and soooo jaw dropped that I could not say anything...

Sorry so off topic......... I really think that parents just don't want to say anything while in front of us, thinking maybe we might judge their parenting or maybe upset us by the way that they do it....I don't care who you parent YOUR child, just do it.......

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I have one dcb who kicks and screams at the top of his lungs when his mom comes if we are outside at pick-up. I also have another child who is a pretty good child, but when mom or dad come to pick up, he's a totally different child! He will cry and hide and not go to his parents. Luckily though, both sets of parents seem to care and don't take it.
The first child's mom will carry him to the car (he is 23 mo.) kicking and screaming because he just falls out and won't walk. She does tell him to stop, but he probably can't hear her because of the screaming. You can tell she gets embarrassed. This is my tornado child though who never stops and is a hair puller and former biter so it doesn't surprise me that he would do this.
The second child's parents make him walk (he just turned 3), crying to the car and won't let him say bye or anything. They tell him his behavior is not ok and he can sit in the car because Ms. M and everyone else does not want to hear crying (or something like that) then mom will come back in and get the younger brother and talk to me.
As far as the neighbors go, I'm pretty luck in that aspect too. I am friends and/or friendly with most of them. Actually the 2 on each side rarely talk to anyone in the neighborhood so they never have said anything (plus the one neighbor has a rooster that wakes me up every morning so he has no room to complain...lol) and the other neighbors my husband and I talk to regularly or are friends with so no one complains...at least to us anyways...lol I did have the son in law of the woman across the street come over after one of the screaming fits happened and he said "boy they must really like coming here, they don't want to leave" and he laughed.

I guess if I were you and the neighbors complained or gave dirty looks, I would have to talk to gma and mom (as much as I would hate it) and tell them that neighbors are complaining and they have to just physically pick the child up and go as fast as they can...I know, easier said than done though.

We always joked when I worked at a center that it was always the teacher's kids who acted up or the parents who were teachers actually acted like they didn't know anything about children. I do have a saying though. I call it the mom or parent syndrome. When kids are good for everyone else but their moms/parents (or whoever is a staple in their lives) because we all have seen good kids gone bad when parents or grandparents come.

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He hit you?! And the mom didn't do anything? How sad!

I wonder if it is that the parents are embarrassed to discipline their children in front of us. My parents that I have now will do it in front of me, but when I worked in a center, your situation was all too familiar!

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Of course they are!!!
Geez- that makes it even more diff! I would do what a pp said and blame the neighbor complaints... I don't see how you would be able to have a purposeful convo with them where they would hear you...

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I have a kid like that, too. Mom stood in my entry pleading with him to stop kicking my walls, hitting her, and basically acting like a drunk monkey on crack, so I picked him up, brought his eyes up to my level, looked him in the eye and told him that his behavior was out of control and unacceptable. And, (probably not the right thing to do, but I truly meant it) that if his behaviors started up again, I would not allow him to come back to my house ever again (he loves it here). I DID actually carry him to the car (nearly 5 years old) and strap him into the car seat that day after I'd had it with his meltdowns.

I told Mom that I would do so until the behavior improved. I'd see her coming up the street, take my kids onto the porch, pick him up and carry him to the car. After he realized I wouldn't put up with his attention seeking behaviors, I was able to take it down to simply talking with him before pickup every day. I told him that until that car pulled out of the driveway, MY rules were still in place, and that he would follow them. After that, I get him ready to go, and walk him down the steps and put his hand into Mom's. She didn't like it when I told her that was how it would be, and I still think she doesn't like it, but it works, and pickups go smoothly now.

As a parent, you fantasize about pickups being about "Mommy! I missed you, I'm so happy to see you!". What you get is a child angry about being left with someone else all day and wondering where you are. I suggested to this mom that she actually take him to work one day for an hour at the beginning of her day and show him around and let him know what she is doing while he is here (he asks me where she works, why, what she does there). She refused, even though I offered to come pick him up after 15, 30, 60 minutes. And her job WOULD have allowed it, I know this.

I think insecurity about being cared for is what makes some kids act this way. They want Mom to spend more time nurturing and less time working and running errands, doing laundry, etc. It just isn't feasible for many families-time at home is stressful for everyone trying to cram a day's worth of child rearing and housework into 2.5 hours. I feel sorry for these moms, they're missing out on the most important moments, and their kids are anxious and resentful, but I can not excuse their refusal to deal with it, give the kids some limits, and give them some sense of security.

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I thought about blaming neighbors too they were upset and while this was te first time they came outside to see what happened, I don't know how often they are annoyed by it but don't come outside.

I'm just blown away by this child's ability to control the parents. All 3 of them.

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you then need to take control. When the kid starts to behave like this, take the child by the hand and put them in the car and give them the stare. I will also use my mean voice so the child knows I mean business.

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I disagree with those who have suggested the provider take control.

NO WAY would I take responsibility for a parent's failure to control their child.

I would however, make it a rule that the child is either carried or led BY THE HAND to and from the door. I would have who ever is picking up to text that they are either on their way or already there.

I would then have the child ready to go and hand off IMMEDIATLEY from MY hand to the parents (grandma's) hand. DO NOT leave this child without an adult attached to him.

I would let the parent know that THEY are responsible for the child from the second his hand leaves yours and enters theirs. I don't care if they have to drag him, carry him or push him to the car. It's their child.

If they let him loose or he runs off, they are to go get him IMMEDIATELY.

If they cannot do this, it is seriously time to term. Set a limit to the number of "run offs" he has.

I don't care if they did or didn't teach him to mind them....it's not MY problem once he leaves my hand.

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I wouldn't worry too much about the neighbors....as a matter of fact I might secretly be happy if they stood outside doling out dirty or unhappy looks to the parents....the parents SHOULD be embarrassed or ashamed of how they allow their child to act.

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And to you. No advice. Sorry.

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I don't think they worry about the provider judging them. I think they worry about the crying their kid is going to do when they tell them no and give a consequence.


I think parents who raise kids who feel comfortable hitting adults are parents who believe the provider works for them and it's their job to tolerate whatever behavior their child does.

If a kid hit me and the parent acted the way that parent did they would be gone that day. The child's behavior was BAD. The mom's behavior was way worse. Too disrespectful for me. I couldn't care for the kid fir another day. I would pack their belongings and refund any unused care money and get the mom out of my life that day.

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Ditto all of the above.

My concern would be liability if the child got hurt on my property because the parent wasn't watching him. I had a child who would run down the driveway into the street the moment Mom left with him so I added this to my policies:

Keep in mind that as most important person in your child's life, you are responsible for your child during arrival and departure, as well as any other time you are on the center premises. Please keep your child in your sight to ensure your child's safety and your child's safe and appropriate play with other children, toys, and equipment. We cannot be held responsible for accidents occurring on our property while your child is under your supervision.

(Feel free to use the idea, but if you want to put something similar in your policies please rewrite it in your own words; don't copy and paste word-for word. Thanks!)

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