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Old 05-22-2013, 02:15 PM
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Default How Do You Feel About Out Of Town Guests?

How do you who are daycare providers feel about out of town guests staying at your house during the weekend? I know for me that weekends are practically sacred. With people in and out of our house all week, the last thing I want to do is host people over the weekend. I really need the time to unwind and get ready for Monday morning.

My problem is an upcoming birthday party for one of my kids. My parents live about 2 hours away--they will drive here to come to the party and then drive back home. Since they are my parents, they are a lot like me and don't really care to stay with us anyways. I think everyone from my side of the family values personal space! My husband's family is a different story. They live farther away--6 hours--so too far to drive there and back in one day. They always want to stay with us, and they always arrive really early (like Friday afternoon) and stay until our kids' bedtime on Sunday. It's a lot for me. Throw the in-law factor into the mix and it becomes even more difficult as you can imagine. The last thing I want for this birthday party is to have to host guests as well as plan and throw a party. My husband gets where I'm coming from and supports me even though he doesn't have the same feelings (but he doesn't have the daycare kids or the party planning, either!!)

What would you do in this situation? I'd like to invite them to come for the party, and the party only, like everyone else. But I suspect they will expect to stay with us. I really just want a nice birthday party for 3 hours on Saturday and then the rest of the weekend with my immediate family. Too much to ask??? I know they would be coming from out of town so it seems so mean not to spend more time with them. I feel like it would be worse just not to invite them, though. How would you approach this?
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:22 PM
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They're family.,.... just grin and bear it once in a while. BUT, if money is not an issue maybe they can get a motel room?
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
How do you who are daycare providers feel about out of town guests staying at your house during the weekend? I know for me that weekends are practically sacred. With people in and out of our house all week, the last thing I want to do is host people over the weekend. I really need the time to unwind and get ready for Monday morning.

My problem is an upcoming birthday party for one of my kids. My parents live about 2 hours away--they will drive here to come to the party and then drive back home. Since they are my parents, they are a lot like me and don't really care to stay with us anyways. I think everyone from my side of the family values personal space! My husband's family is a different story. They live farther away--6 hours--so too far to drive there and back in one day. They always want to stay with us, and they always arrive really early (like Friday afternoon) and stay until our kids' bedtime on Sunday. It's a lot for me. Throw the in-law factor into the mix and it becomes even more difficult as you can imagine. The last thing I want for this birthday party is to have to host guests as well as plan and throw a party. My husband gets where I'm coming from and supports me even though he doesn't have the same feelings (but he doesn't have the daycare kids or the party planning, either!!)

What would you do in this situation? I'd like to invite them to come for the party, and the party only, like everyone else. But I suspect they will expect to stay with us. I really just want a nice birthday party for 3 hours on Saturday and then the rest of the weekend with my immediate family. Too much to ask??? I know they would be coming from out of town so it seems so mean not to spend more time with them. I feel like it would be worse just not to invite them, though. How would you approach this?
I would tell them that licensing requirements dictate that you are NOT allowed to have overnight guests who are over the age of 18. And act as if you are terribly upset about it. Then offer them a hotel room in the next county lol
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:26 PM
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I know EXACTLY where you are coming from - both hubs and I are super private and hate overnight/weekend company... so honestly, I'd probably avoid even inviting them!

If this just isn't an option, hubs can invite them and let them know if they come they need to get a hotel because you have too much on your plate this weekend to have guests beyond the party
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Happy Hearts View Post
They're family.,.... just grin and bear it once in a while. BUT, if money is not an issue maybe they can get a motel room?
This. It isn't all the time. They probably don't get to see their grandsons as much as they would like because of the distance.
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:35 PM
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Eh...there you're parents. It's temporary and one weekend so I wouldn't make a big deal about it. Anyone I know on my side or dh side would be offended if asked to get a motel room. And I love when my sister or mom stay with me, they are a huge help with my own kids and party planning! Any who, parents aren't around forever so enjoy them while they are
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Old 05-22-2013, 02:48 PM
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Maybe I'm the exception, but I LOVE out of town guests! It means that I didn't have to do the driving, for one thing, but also, it's my family, and I WANT them around.
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:13 PM
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Maybe I'm the exception, but I LOVE out of town guests! It means that I didn't have to do the driving, for one thing, but also, it's my family, and I WANT them around.
Same here!
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:15 PM
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I'm going through the same thing. My ds birthday party this weekend and my SIL is coming tomorrow night and probably staying until Sunday night or Monday morning. Not looking forward to that....but I do it anyway.
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
Maybe I'm the exception, but I LOVE out of town guests! It means that I didn't have to do the driving, for one thing, but also, it's my family, and I WANT them around.
Same! And also it gives me something different to do than the same old boring "get ready for my work week" routine
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
How do you who are daycare providers feel about out of town guests staying at your house during the weekend? I know for me that weekends are practically sacred. With people in and out of our house all week, the last thing I want to do is host people over the weekend. I really need the time to unwind and get ready for Monday morning.

My problem is an upcoming birthday party for one of my kids. My parents live about 2 hours away--they will drive here to come to the party and then drive back home. Since they are my parents, they are a lot like me and don't really care to stay with us anyways. I think everyone from my side of the family values personal space! My husband's family is a different story. They live farther away--6 hours--so too far to drive there and back in one day. They always want to stay with us, and they always arrive really early (like Friday afternoon) and stay until our kids' bedtime on Sunday. It's a lot for me. Throw the in-law factor into the mix and it becomes even more difficult as you can imagine. The last thing I want for this birthday party is to have to host guests as well as plan and throw a party. My husband gets where I'm coming from and supports me even though he doesn't have the same feelings (but he doesn't have the daycare kids or the party planning, either!!)

What would you do in this situation? I'd like to invite them to come for the party, and the party only, like everyone else. But I suspect they will expect to stay with us. I really just want a nice birthday party for 3 hours on Saturday and then the rest of the weekend with my immediate family. Too much to ask??? I know they would be coming from out of town so it seems so mean not to spend more time with them. I feel like it would be worse just not to invite them, though. How would you approach this?
I'm a 100% the same way and my in-laws are great. I don't really enjoy having guest ever. I think it would be different if I didn't do childcare but who knows because I have of social anxiety and really like just being alone.
My parents live 1/2 hour away but my in-laws live about 5 hours away so when they come it's always for the weekend which throws off two weeks for me. The week before I feel like I have to make the house nice and clean and try to get some of the stuff done I would do on the weekend and the week after I just don't feel as relaxed and have a ton of stuff to catch up on.
When they come they don't expect me to entertain them (anymore) or put off running my errands and now my MIL doesn't even get upset if I hang out in my room for a few hours (it's the entire 2nd floor of the house) to do "paperwork".
I just suck it up though, well kid of. About 2 days before they come I get grumpy and complain to my hubby a lot but he's smart enough just to nod his head and not say a word. Then they come and the first day I just go about getting my stuff done and then by the 3rd day I've warmed up and they leave that night. It will probably always suck for me but the most important things to me are my children and husband they cherish that time and are making memories so I suck it up.
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
Maybe I'm the exception, but I LOVE out of town guests! It means that I didn't have to do the driving, for one thing, but also, it's my family, and I WANT them around.
No, I agree. I totally see the need for downtime, but if my job was so overwhelming/exhausting it interfered with fun, out of the ordinary plans, it would be time to look into doing something else

Of course, there are certain family members I would not want staying,but that would be true no matter what!
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Old 05-22-2013, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Cradle2crayons View Post
I would tell them that licensing requirements dictate that you are NOT allowed to have overnight guests who are over the age of 18. And act as if you are terribly upset about it. Then offer them a hotel room in the next county lol
I don't understand this. Why lie? If it's really an issue for you, just explain to them that you can't handle overnight guests at this time.

My sister comes several times a year for a month or so and usually stays at my house, sleeps on my sofa. I don't have a problem with it, normally. Last Oct, I heard through the grapevine that she AND her dh (whom I can't profess to love) were going to stay here for 10 days. My niece was going to take a week off of work and they would be coming and going late at night. All 3 smoke, so they're in and out 1/2 the night to go out to have a cigarette. The constant in and out, plus the smoke, wakes up my dd, sil, and grandson. I told her, sorry, not happening. Yeah, she got hurt, but she lived.
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Old 05-22-2013, 04:25 PM
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I love my family and I love even more than we live about 3.5 hours from each other. We have my parents or my sister and her family visit about 6 times per year. Out of 52 weekends a year, I can give up 6 to accommodate them. Sure it's more food and laundry to do and my oldest has to bunk in the basement or with her sisters but to me for them to pay the outrageous gas prices and visit means more to me. If they had to fork out extra money for a hotel they'd never visit.

I think opening your home to family is part of marriage. Grin and bear it!
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Old 05-22-2013, 04:41 PM
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I totally see the need for downtime, but if my job was so overwhelming/exhausting it interfered with fun, out of the ordinary plans, it would be time to look into doing something else

Of course, there are certain family members I would not want staying,but that would be true no matter what!
My job is really fulfilling to me, and I love it! But I agree with the second part. Some of your comments made me realize that there are many people I would look forward to hosting... I guess just not this particular group..

But the overall consensus is probably right. Maybe the thing to do is just grin and bear it.
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Old 05-22-2013, 05:15 PM
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I have always hated out of town guests also. I never attributed it to my work but I bet that does have a lot to do with it. Fortunately my family all lives in town so out of town guests are pretty few and far between.

I probably would not invite them, just because they live so far away you wouldn't normally expect someone to come that far for a birthday party..
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Old 05-22-2013, 06:42 PM
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I don't understand this. Why lie? If it's really an issue for you, just explain to them that you can't handle overnight guests at this time.

My sister comes several times a year for a month or so and usually stays at my house, sleeps on my sofa. I don't have a problem with it, normally. Last Oct, I heard through the grapevine that she AND her dh (whom I can't profess to love) were going to stay here for 10 days. My niece was going to take a week off of work and they would be coming and going late at night. All 3 smoke, so they're in and out 1/2 the night to go out to have a cigarette. The constant in and out, plus the smoke, wakes up my dd, sil, and grandson. I told her, sorry, not happening. Yeah, she got hurt, but she lived.
First of all, sometimes it's easier to not hurt feelings, depending on the situation.

Second of all, I read her post wrong where she said " throw the in law " and I read throw in the law... Some states don't allow overnight guests or have restrictions. But regardless I read the post wrong.

But anyway, I'm not afraid to admit that sometimes I've lied to family so as to NOT hurt feelings, only in extreme circumstances.

As far as overnight guests are concerned, family already knows its not happening. It does throw off my schedule and it does interfere. Maybe once a year wouldn't be so bad. But I have dck on weekends too so for me it's not the weekend thing but the days I DO get off which are very rare.
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Old 05-22-2013, 09:46 PM
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Personally I am not a fan of overnight visitors. But then again I honestly don't like hosting even just dinner/lunch visitors.

We used to live nearly 5hours away from all of our family and when they came to visit they stayed in hotels or at the state park DH worked at (both our families are outdoorsy) but never with us. At first it was because our place was literally way to small (500 sq ft!) but even after we moved to a bigger place I made it clear to my family they needed to stay elsewhere but with my family i really didn't need to say anything as we're not really that kind of family. DH's family never stayed with us because they are not really "big dog" people (we have a 60lbs dog) and I refuse to board or lock up our dog just so they (their little dogs) could stay with us so instead they camped.
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Old 06-22-2016, 09:33 AM
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I totally get it. I hate having overnight guests, too. My SIL bought season tickets to our local MLS team (we also have season tickets) so she comes up here and stays with us 18 weekends each year. A lot of times she brings her 10 year old and they fight and bicker all weekend.

Not to mention they can't come 3 feet in the door without bringing a huge mess (her 10 year old still brings like 5 stuffed animals with him when they come....and a laptop...and a kindle...and he immediately plugs in all his electronics to the first outlet he sees when he walks in.

AND THEN THEY COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR CAT (and their allergies) and how "everything is covered in cat hair". I clean and vacuum my home very regularly and YES, I have a white cat and cat hair does show up on stuff, especially my dark brown sofa. BUT I always clean it before they come, I spend a lot of time getting my house ready for guests that are unappreciative and just expect expect expect!
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Old 06-22-2016, 10:18 AM
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I would just be happy to see friends and family that I don't get to see often. So what that they mess up your every day, same ole' same ole' routine. They just want to see their son and grandchild for a while and be able to truly focus on a personal visit with them without all of the other guests of the party and without the focus being on the activities of the party.

My one sister and I don't quite mesh perfectly. She smokes, can't go 1/2 hour without a cigarette and I can't breathe through smoke. She raised, I think 4 show collies. But now she seems to absolutely HATE any animal and is on the meaner side to my dog and cats. She shoes them away like they're gnats while saying, "Go away, dog". Or "Okay, cat, you have to go, come on, go!" Now that I'm thinking about her visits, I don't think she's ever had a nice word to say or complimented me on anything when she has visited. She constantly tries to correct my grammar, my cooking, the things I do or don't do with the daycare kids, etc. You guys think I have issues... HA! She comes across to outsiders like she has it together because she fakes it well. But she constantly has phone calls from her job about problems that are immediate emergencies that get her all in an uproar which then gets me flustered. It's really not the happiest, nice, relaxing visit when she comes here (or anywhere because she's like that with everyone). But I love her and since she lives in Florida, I only get to see her a couple of times a year when she comes up to visit. So the times that she asks to stay at my house, even though I know that it is not going to be the most pleasant visit, I JUMP at the chance to have her stay at my house just so I can see her and spend some time with her.

Every separate family will live differently than another even within the larger family group. But, you need to cherish the moments that you have with friends and family, especially if you aren't able to see them often.
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Old 06-22-2016, 10:29 AM
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This thread is from 2013.

Just in case anyone is responding to someone specific
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Old 06-22-2016, 11:38 AM
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oh my god, I am so sorry! I can't believe I resurrected an old thread by accident

My bad, I'll pay more attention. I think the title caught my eye and I just HAD to put in my two cents. Sorry again everyone!
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Old 06-22-2016, 12:23 PM
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oh my god, I am so sorry! I can't believe I resurrected an old thread by accident

My bad, I'll pay more attention. I think the title caught my eye and I just HAD to put in my two cents. Sorry again everyone!
No worries...

Old threads often have relevant and useful info in them.

It's not a bad thing to resurrect them.

I only point them out if someone is maybe expecting a reply from an old poster etc... or if they are asking new questions or have a new issue relating to the topic.

So....

old thread = good!
wanting a reply from old poster = looooooong wait
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Old 06-23-2016, 01:55 PM
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i would ask them to get a hotel room for the weekend. or an Air B&B, which is cheaper.
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Old 06-23-2016, 04:12 PM
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^^^ See above post about old threads.

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i would ask them to get a hotel room for the weekend. or an Air B&B, which is cheaper.
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Old 06-24-2016, 08:58 PM
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I'm pretty much of a loner however I don't mind when family comes to visit. As long as you don't expect for me to wait on you hand and foot. My parents and brothers live at least an hour away from me so when they come to visit they stay the weekend.My in laws live on the other side of the country and don't visit too often. My kids love when their grandparents and uncles come to visit and that makes me happy. I lost my grandmother a little under a year ago and that was a reality check for me. I know my parents will not be here forever and even though my mom tests my patience I want me and my kids to spend time with her while we still can.
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Old 06-24-2016, 10:00 PM
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I would prob just pay for a hotel room (tell them I had a coupon for a free night) and then let kids swim there and do Pizza. No cooking, no cleaning, kids wear our swimming, no house guests...win, win, win😁
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