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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How to Explain to a Parent....
jenboo 11:34 PM 12-03-2019
I have a parent who is upset that I have not been telling them every negative behavior their child does while with me.... i.e, that they throw toys a couple times a day. I want to explain that anything that is a typical toddler behavior I handle immediately and anything outside the norm or disruptive or not improving I share with them so we can collaborate on a plan of action for handling the behavior.
It honestly never occurred to me to tell the parent their child throws toys. I find that most toddlers do this. I redirect and move on. I don't want every interaction with parents at pick up to be a list of all the things their child did wrong that day. I couldn't imagine listing all the typical things toddlers are redirected for each day.

I know what I want to say but I can't figure out how to say it
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rosieteddy 05:13 AM 12-04-2019
I used to joke with parents saying "what goes on at Daycare stays at daycare". Then of course explain exactly what you said. Normal behavior is expected. That its your job to redirect and teach appropriate behavior. I always added that they do not need to be spoken to about something that happened at the beginning of the day when it was taken care of then.I would assure them you will let them know when needed.
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e.j. 05:21 AM 12-04-2019
I think the way you've worded it for us is the perfect way to word it for the parent. I've said almost the exact same thing to a couple of my dc parents, including rosieteddy's suggestion, "What happens in day care stays at day care." The only other thing I've added is that at day care, I'm the authority figure and that basically "telling on" the kids at the end of the day is tantamount to saying, "Just wait until your father gets home!" It tends to usurp my authority with the kids so I don't do it.
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Cat Herder 05:49 AM 12-04-2019
"I only discuss negative issues that are not age-appropriate and require a team approach for intervention. Are there any specific issues that you are concerned about? Would you like to schedule a conference?"

My bet is her kid is giving mom a hard time and she wants confirmation that it happens at your house, too since you probably make it look too easy to believe or she feels she is doing something wrong and needs encouragement.
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jenboo 06:18 AM 12-04-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
"I only discuss negative issues that are not age-appropriate and require a team approach for intervention. Are there any specific issues that you are concerned about? Would you like to schedule a conference?"

My bet is her kid is giving mom a hard time and she wants confirmation that it happens at your house, too since you probably make it look too easy to believe or she feels she is doing something wrong and needs encouragement.
They are actually withdrawing from daycare over this. I had about a 2 min conversation with dcd about a couple things dcb does not thinking much of it since it's all typical behavior. Then dcm texts me saying my lack of communication is frustrating. How she phrased DCB behavior makes it sound like a game of telephone... not close to what is actually happening at all.
It's funny she mentioned communication because she didn't speak to me at all about it... she just heard a 2 min convo 3rd party from Dcd. I honestly think she was just looking for an excuse as dcd mentioned when leaving that she was having a hard time with DCB being in daycare.
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Snowmom 06:30 AM 12-04-2019
Originally Posted by jenboo:
They are actually withdrawing from daycare over this. I had about a 2 min conversation with dcd about a couple things dcb does not thinking much of it since it's all typical behavior. Then dcm texts me saying my lack of communication is frustrating. How she phrased DCB behavior makes it sound like a game of telephone... not close to what is actually happening at all.
It's funny she mentioned communication because she didn't speak to me at all about it... she just heard a 2 min convo 3rd party from Dcd. I honestly think she was just looking for an excuse as dcd mentioned when leaving that she was having a hard time with DCB being in daycare.
That's definitely your "why".

It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with mom.
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jenboo 06:32 AM 12-04-2019
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
That's definitely your "why".

It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with mom.
Oh for sure. It just sucks getting blamed for it.
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Cat Herder 06:33 AM 12-04-2019
Originally Posted by jenboo:
They are actually withdrawing from daycare over this. I had about a 2 min conversation with dcd about a couple things dcb does not thinking much of it since it's all typical behavior. Then dcm texts me saying my lack of communication is frustrating. How she phrased DCB behavior makes it sound like a game of telephone... not close to what is actually happening at all.
It's funny she mentioned communication because she didn't speak to me at all about it... she just heard a 2 min convo 3rd party from Dcd. I honestly think she was just looking for an excuse as dcd mentioned when leaving that she was having a hard time with DCB being in daycare.
Ahhh, got it. The "I want to be a SAHM Triangulation" drama creation. I have been hit by that bus a few times. Usually at the beginning of summer or the holidays.

She had to convince Dad it was in kids' best interest and try for a "get out of paying vacation" and "get my deposit back" loophole by claiming it is your fault.

The tri-fecta. Sorry. That stinks.

I always try to get both parents to conferences for this reason. It is difficult to do, though. Sometimes it backfires into divorces.
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jenboo 06:46 AM 12-04-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Ahhh, got it. The "I want to be a SAHM Triangulation" drama creation. I have been hit by that bus a few times. Usually at the beginning of summer or the holidays.

She had to convince Dad it was in kids' best interest and try for a "get out of paying vacation" and "get my deposit back" loophole by claiming it is your fault.

The tri-fecta. Sorry. That stinks.

I always try to get both parents to conferences for this reason. It is difficult to do, though. Sometimes it backfires into divorces.
Yeah it sucks but oh well. I would rather not have a family who jumps from DCB throws toys a couple times a day to withdrawing from care.
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Cat Herder 06:49 AM 12-04-2019
Originally Posted by jenboo:
Yeah it sucks but oh well. I would rather not have a family who jumps from DCB throws toys a couple times a day to withdrawing from care.
Oh definitely. In my experience, these moms just keep inflating the accusations until they get their way. They can do serious damage to reputations for no other reason than manipulation of their husbands into pulling the full financial weight of their decisions. It's sickening.
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Bookworm 10:45 PM 12-20-2019
Originally Posted by jenboo:
They are actually withdrawing from daycare over this. I had about a 2 min conversation with dcd about a couple things dcb does not thinking much of it since it's all typical behavior. Then dcm texts me saying my lack of communication is frustrating. How she phrased DCB behavior makes it sound like a game of telephone... not close to what is actually happening at all.
It's funny she mentioned communication because she didn't speak to me at all about it... she just heard a 2 min convo 3rd party from Dcd. I honestly think she was just looking for an excuse as dcd mentioned when leaving that she was having a hard time with DCB being in daycare.
This is a no win situation. If you were reporting every negative behavior, she would then say you were picking on her child because you didnít like him.

Let them go and move on.
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jenboo 06:53 PM 12-23-2019
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
This is a no win situation. If you were reporting every negative behavior, she would then say you were picking on her child because you didnít like him.

Let them go and move on.
Right?! On the last day, she asked if she could bring him as a drop in when needed
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coloradoprovider 09:56 AM 12-24-2019
Originally Posted by jenboo:
Right?! On the last day, she asked if she could bring him as a drop in when needed
Sure, $100 a day! (or whatever amount you feel is worth it!)
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Cat Herder 05:52 AM 12-26-2019
Originally Posted by jenboo:
Right?! On the last day, she asked if she could bring him as a drop in when needed
And the cherry on top.

I bet she thinks she is the first to come up with that plan. Watch facebook groups, she'll be begging for free kids stuff soon enough. Won't be surprised if she is not using the "single mom" card in 12-24 months. Seen it many times.
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CeriBear 05:32 AM 12-27-2019
I definitely do not tell a parent every time a child misbehaves. My kids are 3-4 and they are occasionally doing to test their boundaries. If a child does something repeatedly and is not normal preschool age behavior I will mention it to the parents. If the issue is handled at the time it occurs and the child is redirected I feel I donít need to report it to the parents all the time. The only exception is if the child does something potentially dangerous such as unplugging the floor lamp or purposely injuring another child. (Ex: biting)
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jenboo 10:43 AM 12-30-2019
Originally Posted by coloradoprovider:
Sure, $100 a day! (or whatever amount you feel is worth it!)
Oh I'll always be full
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Tags:behavioral observation form, conferences, created drama, triangulation
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