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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Just Have To Vent About Parents Who Let Their Kids Run The Show!!!
Buttercup 10:37 PM 01-04-2015
I'm sure you guys are tired of reading threads like this, but OMG!!!! I have so many kids at my center that I can just tell ONLY get disciplined by me and the other teachers, NOT their parents! What is it with this trend? It's probably a number of things, but my guess is that both parents are tired from working long hours, so they just give in to their kids to get some peace.

Anyways, I just have to share this with people who will understand. I have many many MANY more stories than these, but this one recently happened so it's fresh in my mind: I have a kid in my class who is coddled to the max. He's 4, and mom talks to him in the most sickening baby-talk voice I've ever heard. Anyway, he came in the other day throwing a HORRIBLE tantrum. Screaming, hitting mom, etc. Mom explained that the fit was because "I didn't take him to McDonalds today to get breakfast." If that wasn't bad enough...wait for it...guess showed up the very next morning with a Mcdonalds bag in his hand and a big smile? He had this look on his face that I swear was like, haha I won! If he had been my kid, he would have never seen the inside of a McDonald's again if he had treated me that way! I mean, am I crazy??? If you throw a screaming fit like a toddler and HIT YOUR MOM just because she said no McDs today, then there should NOT be a second chance! At the very least, not the next freakin day!!!!!!!! That's his mom though...I swear she lacks the common sense gene.

Ugh...anyone else have stories like that to share? I love reading about stuff like this...it's like an addiction! (It bothers me to no end that parents coddle and give in like this, yet I can't stop reading posts on here about it, go figure!)
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Unregistered 12:53 AM 01-05-2015
I had a mother like that when I worked in a Head Start. I'm not sure who was worse her or her son. She had no problem telling my aide "I wouldn't have choose this place. We're stuck here, because you can't get kicked out Head Start". Yes, he was kicked out of every private and public preschool option in his city. I would get him out of bad habits only to have her give him sugary treats for lunch. When I sent them back and gave him the provided food, she would throw out the McDonalds, and other junk, wrappers in my class. She had that "I won look". This woman loved that her son had issues and made them worse. The "best" part is this woman's mother was an aide in another room. Our key could open other classrooms and the main door. Who knew? Because who does that?! They actually opened my classroom and stole things. A lot of these parents enjoy their child's behavior. They think it means they need them. I also think they like the negative attention.
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nannyde 07:27 AM 01-05-2015
It's not a complicated answer. It's not because they work long hours and are tired. We see the same behavior with parents of part time kids, moms on maternity leave who send their older child to care and just have one newborn at home, and sahms who put their child in daycare.

They don't want their child to cry. It's that simple.

They have no cry infants because they have read or heard that crying causes brain damage. Once the child is beyond infancy they continue the no cry. It isn't just for infants... it's for their childhood.

There are a large contingent of parents who really take pride in that their child's special and giftedness is that they get to defy normal human behavior that is fair, others thinking, respectful, and shows selflessness and self control. They like it when their kid gets to be violent and NOTHING happens except more loving and cuddles for the child. They wish they could be their child and do as they wish when they wish.

They don't address it until it affects them in a way that affects their money and time.
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Controlled Chaos 08:37 AM 01-05-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
It's not a complicated answer. It's not because they work long hours and are tired. We see the same behavior with parents of part time kids, moms on maternity leave who send their older child to care and just have one newborn at home, and sahms who put their child in daycare.

They don't want their child to cry. It's that simple.

They have no cry infants because they have read or heard that crying causes brain damage. Once the child is beyond infancy they continue the no cry. It isn't just for infants... it's for their childhood.

There are a large contingent of parents who really take pride in that their child's special and giftedness is that they get to defy normal human behavior that is fair, others thinking, respectful, and shows selflessness and self control. They like it when their kid gets to be violent and NOTHING happens except more loving and cuddles for the child. They wish they could be their child and do as they wish when they wish.

They don't address it until it affects them in a way that affects their money and time.


Thought of this during an interview last week. Dcm said dcg insists on being called princess I just busted up laughing.
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Unregistered 07:20 PM 01-05-2015
I had one a lot like the kids you all are describing. DCG was always extremely physical, with mom, dad and other kids. She tried it with me a few times, but it doesn't fly well- I would grab her hand mid-flight and walk her over to time out (and turn her around facing the wall 201345 times). She would truly beat on her mom every day at pick up, while the mom ignores or LAUGHS, yes, mom thought the behavior was funny. 7 years later, she STILL thinks it's funny and "fiercely independent". I wanted to term them so many times, but could never do it... because she (DCG) is my niece.
Lucky me. She's gone now, but holidays are still... interesting.
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midaycare 05:10 AM 01-06-2015
I have a dcg like this. Dcg is fine for me because I won't give her any attention for her acting out, but the moment dcm walks in, dcg is throwing a fit. Dcm tries to reason with her - a 2 year old! I tell dcm that dcg is playing her, but she is not strong enough to try real parenting.
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Buttercup 11:48 AM 01-06-2015
I think you hit in on the head, nannyde! It's become like an epidemic...parents not wanting their child to experience any sort of sadness. They refuse to believe that their child could be crying to manipulate them or to get their way...nope, if their special snowflake is crying, then they are going to have terrible self esteem and brain damage unless they are coddled to at once.

LOL at the little girl who wanted to be called princess...really??? she clearly is the one in charge at her house...
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Sugaree 11:53 AM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
It's not a complicated answer. It's not because they work long hours and are tired. We see the same behavior with parents of part time kids, moms on maternity leave who send their older child to care and just have one newborn at home, and sahms who put their child in daycare.

They don't want their child to cry. It's that simple.

They have no cry infants because they have read or heard that crying causes brain damage. Once the child is beyond infancy they continue the no cry. It isn't just for infants... it's for their childhood.

There are a large contingent of parents who really take pride in that their child's special and giftedness is that they get to defy normal human behavior that is fair, others thinking, respectful, and shows selflessness and self control. They like it when their kid gets to be violent and NOTHING happens except more loving and cuddles for the child. They wish they could be their child and do as they wish when they wish.

They don't address it until it affects them in a way that affects their money and time.
Meh. I read that study. That study was referring to CIO sleep training where the kid is left to wail for hours on end. I don't see how that crosses over to never letting the kid cry ever. Of course, I have to get after my husband and MIL for coddling DS when he throws a temper tantrum. I simply step around (or over) him and go into the next room until he can ask (or show) me what he wants. He's quickly learned that momma doesn't play that game.
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TheGoodLife 12:36 PM 01-06-2015
I was so frustrated with my DDs not cleaning yesterday that I told them if they didn't get it done by dance class, they weren't going. Guess who was staring at the van pulling out of the garage last night?! My almost 4 year old who refused to clean. She's been looking SO forward to it after two weeks off for the holidays and I didn't want her to miss it... but I had to stick to my guns. (Till feel sad thinking of her little face peering out the window on her tippytoes ) But she made the choice. Parents need to learn to be parents and say no at times! I love my kids too much to let them get away with being spoiled and not having good manners/respect! I am nowhere NEAR a perfect parent but I try hard, and I know that it does no good for them in the long run, just makes it easier in the moment.
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Controlled Chaos 01:52 PM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by TheGoodLife:
I was so frustrated with my DDs not cleaning yesterday that I told them if they didn't get it done by dance class, they weren't going. Guess who was staring at the van pulling out of the garage last night?! My almost 4 year old who refused to clean. She's been looking SO forward to it after two weeks off for the holidays and I didn't want her to miss it... but I had to stick to my guns. (Till feel sad thinking of her little face peering out the window on her tippytoes ) But she made the choice. Parents need to learn to be parents and say no at times! I love my kids too much to let them get away with being spoiled and not having good manners/respect! I am nowhere NEAR a perfect parent but I try hard, and I know that it does no good for them in the long run, just makes it easier in the moment.
Good for you. Its hard, but its so good for them! I threw out the goody bag my DD got at a birthday party last weekend. I told her she had to wait until after dinner for a piece of candy and I found her hiding under covers eating it 5 min later Little stinker!

I use the "I love ____ too much to____" a lot. Especially with in laws. They say things like "You make your child sleep alone?" or "You let them cry at night?!" yep "I love them too much to deprive them from the opportunity to learn to self soothe and get a good nights sleep."
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KiddieCahoots 02:09 PM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by Buttercup:
I think you hit in on the head, nannyde! It's become like an epidemic...parents not wanting their child to experience any sort of sadness. They refuse to believe that their child could be crying to manipulate them or to get their way...nope, if their special snowflake is crying, then they are going to have terrible self esteem and brain damage unless they are coddled to at once.
Epidemic is my fear right now. I think I may be experiencing the 3rd "special" child this yr, just when I was trying to let 2014 go!

Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
Good for you. Its hard, but its so good for them! I threw out the goody bag my DD got at a birthday party last weekend. I told her she had to wait until after dinner for a piece of candy and I found her hiding under covers eating it 5 min later Little stinker!

I use the "I love ____ too much to____" a lot. Especially with in laws. They say things like "You make your child sleep alone?" or "You let them cry at night?!" yep "I love them too much to deprive them from the opportunity to learn to self soothe and get a good nights sleep."
We see and understand this, do you think the parents that are giving "special" to their child, deep down inside see this too? Because I truly cannot fathom their theory. The realistic world is not set up to the way they are coddling their children.
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Controlled Chaos 02:43 PM 01-06-2015
We see and understand this, do you think the parents that are giving "special" to their child, deep down inside see this too? Because I truly cannot fathom their theory. The realistic world is not set up to the way they are coddling their children.[/quote]

I have no idea if they see it... I do hope by saying it over and over again that they will see it as an option as a loving choice. I believe parents in general are overwhelmed and self conscious. I am an optimist lol
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deliberateliterate 02:45 PM 01-06-2015
Originally Posted by nannyde:
It's not a complicated answer. It's not because they work long hours and are tired. We see the same behavior with parents of part time kids, moms on maternity leave who send their older child to care and just have one newborn at home, and sahms who put their child in daycare.

They don't want their child to cry. It's that simple.

They have no cry infants because they have read or heard that crying causes brain damage. Once the child is beyond infancy they continue the no cry. It isn't just for infants... it's for their childhood.

There are a large contingent of parents who really take pride in that their child's special and giftedness is that they get to defy normal human behavior that is fair, others thinking, respectful, and shows selflessness and self control. They like it when their kid gets to be violent and NOTHING happens except more loving and cuddles for the child. They wish they could be their child and do as they wish when they wish.

They don't address it until it affects them in a way that affects their money and time.
I agree with you that a lot of it stems from parents not wanting their kids to cry, but I don't buy that it's because of what they read in some parenting books. I think it's deeper than that. I think there are a lot of factors.

Parents are doing it alone a lot more than in previous generations. There are no more villages, just single families trying to figure it out for themselves. There are soooooo many parenting books out there with completely conflicting parenting advice. It's hard to tell if you're doing it right. A kid that is happy all the time is an easy way to gage how you're doing as a parent.

Social media. The only means we use to have of comparing ourselves to our peers were our families and neighbours. You can't go on Facebook/Instagram/Pinterest these days without seeing pictures of perfect families doing perfect crafts in their perfectly clean houses. The standard that we've set for ourselves is impossibly high to reach.

Young Parents now we're kids in the 90s. I think they were raised similar (yet to a lesser degree) to how they are raising their kids.

But then I'm not an expert, so what do I know
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Unregistered 02:46 PM 01-06-2015
I usually just lurk but I had to comment on this one. Just this morning one of my 4yo dcb brought a RedBox movie to "share." His dad KNOWS my no stuff from home rule. AND my no screen time rule but he said his kid just wouldn't take no for an answer. THEN the kid won't even put the movie in his backpack he insisted on carrying it around proclaiming he was going to carry it until we watched it. Mind you all of this is while pitching a fit, whining, flopping, etc. I just let it happen. Intervention is fruifruitless until dcd leaves.

As soon as his dad left, I told him "dcb, we're not watching this movie today. Hand it to me so I can keep it safe," and he complied with nothing more than a huff. My husband was home this morning which he usually isn't, and he was cracking up. "How'd you do that?" he asked. It's easy really. I set the standard years ago.

Oh and the kicker. The movie was PG-13. Really...
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Mama2aiden 02:52 PM 01-06-2015
I have DCG that doesn't like to eat fruit or drink milk (but likes chocolate milk of course). She is my sister-inlaw niece (not related to me). My sister in law and her brother are telling me not to make her eat what she doesn't like. She is not allergic to anything. I make the same snacks for all the kids including my own son. I don't allow outside food either. She brings in slim Jims and Nutella stick cup. So aggravating. I took them on at a deep discount as favor to family but it's been a hassle. Also finding out he can afford to pay my regular rate, really bites :/
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lovemyjob 04:42 AM 01-07-2015
I have policies specific to candy, gum, toys from home etc. Yet had a kiddo whose mom would give him "potty treats" if he went potty. Even if he refused, peed first in his pants, then ended up trying with nothing on the toilet. He was 4.5 years old! And his "potty treats" were entire candy bars and such. He would proudly come in smacking his large sized blue bubble gum in the morning to tell me he went potty, or licking his fingers from his bag of cheetos and diet dr pepper.

He arrives between 6:30 and 7 am! So the moment mom leaves (since she will not simply say no and offer other choices, despite many talks directly and indirectly) I tell him he needs to spit it out. "We don't have candy in the morning before we eat a healthy breakfast. We need to keep your teeth and body strong and healthy so you can get big like your dad."

Every kid complies when they know where the bar is set! I really believe many parents don't even have a bar at all. No one likes to hear them cry.

I overheard a parent talk about a provider who was just awful for a 2 yr old to sit in a time out for 15 minutes. I wanted to chuckle in her face and ask her if she has ever witnessed a 2 year old throw a tantrum? They can last for an hour or more depending on the kid and their level of stubbornness. I am sorry, but tantrums get set aside until they are through--screaming on the floor, in a "time out" or whatever you want to call it. No matter how long they decide to drag it out for. I would rather hear the fuss now and deal with it, than let it go on for a couple years and deal with tantrums at age 6-7. Parenting isn't easy--it isn't supposed to be. But in the end, the children you raise will be all the better for it.
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Givingthemgrace 06:18 AM 01-07-2015
I used to be one of these parents. I had no experience with children until I had my own. I bought one parenting book from Amazon, The Baby Book by Dr Sears. I truly thought I was doing the right thing by not letting my child cry and talk him through his tantrums, letting the "little things" go like they tell you to in the book. By Age 2 he would tantrum for 4 hours of each day, By age 3.5 he was diagnosed with Disruptive Behavior Disorder NOS. I didn't know any better, and my In Laws still are very permissive and try to give his tantrums attention, and rewards. DH doesn't understand discipline either. My DS is 4 now and still somewhat out of control, but much better, when I have been actually disciplining for the last year and a half. (He may have a different diagnosis coming in the future, we will see). It wasn't until things were really bad with him that I read parenting books with other perspectives, and had the help from therapists. I really may have messed up my child for life. My DD is a different story-she started off being disciplined and does great, but she has an easy temperament too.

Anyway, now I have a daycare family who knows they spoil their child, their excuse is that they had a miscarriage so they want to spoil him. He's really suffering for it-he can't do anything for himself, he screams all the time, always gets his way with mom/dad/his countless other caregivers. I am very close to terming (they are also bad clients).

I do think it's lack of education. Even grandparents now around here don't understand discipline.
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readingiskey 08:57 AM 01-12-2015
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:


Thought of this during an interview last week. Dcm said dcg insists on being called princess I just busted up laughing.
ridiculousness
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Patricia 06:41 PM 03-01-2017
OMG- I am soooo sick of the "special snowflakes" I get in my class every year now! I teach kindergarten, and my colleagues and I always discuss how much worse kids have gotten in recent years. Not ALL kids of course, maybe one third are typical, sweet kids, a few have problems that legitimately may require special attention, but we have a huge chunk of "brats" these days.Sad part is, it's not really their fault. If only we could teach this generation of parents how to be parents! I have hope it will improve again in another ten years or so.
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Josiegirl 04:17 AM 03-02-2017
I know this thread is 2 yrs. old but it's an ongoing problem and not going away anytime soon. It makes me soooo thankful for the parents out there who do tell their kids no, who do threaten something and follow through. I have a dcd who threatens, makes the move to do something but if his dd calls his bluff he backs down. WTH good is that? His threats are no longer credible and she knows what she can get away with so pushes buttons more and more. Oh, but she's 'so darn cute'!! Well, yes, she is but won't be for much longer when she's a certified spoiled little girl!
I have a 6 yo off school this week who is living proof of that. Kids don't want to play with her because she whines, screams, over reacts, etc. She wants something and will demand. She tells me nobody likes her. How can I lie and tell her nono, that's not true when it's absolutely true and the reasons why???

Parents, you are doing your kids a HUGE disservice by giving into their every heart's desire and never saying no. Please think about their future when their world does NOT revolve around them and THEIR wants/demands/desires. It's okay for kids to cry!!!! Really. It won't break their ego, their self esteem; if anything it'll build character, teach compassion, respect, self-control, and kindness!!! Make them earn privileges, don't just hand over ipads at 4 yo or iphones. Don't take their line of bull that says 'all the other parents do it'. I'm not saying beat the kids but dang, if a child is sent to their room for a 'time-out', they usually have a tv, tons of toys and electronics. Where's the discipline in that? What are our modern day methods teaching our kids??!!!
Oh damn, gotta get off my soap box but I could go on all day.
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Unregistered 05:07 PM 08-11-2019
Everyday I see children running the house. Parents should be parents and stop trying to be friends with their young children. You are NOT doing them any favors by letting them run rampant. Children need discipline and consistency. My own kids let their 5 young children run the show. I can scarcely believe it. It is a matter of responsibility to teach them how to be civil and responsible for their actions. Quit trying to be their friend and be a parent. We will all be a lot better off. As it is now it is lunacy.
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HHangout 07:30 AM 08-12-2019
My daughter (6) has behavioral issues with my husband and I and with nobody else. If skmeone dare tell me I dont discipline my kid there would be an issue. Sometimes there are compromises because she is a human being that deserves to be heard and has had some good ideas I didnt think of.

Kids basically reset basically each day, esp when theyre younger. My daughter constantly shows me her level of understanding when I think something is perfectly clear. If I permanently said NO to everything she had a fit about she would not even be alive because she wouldnt be able to exist. Theyre learning and training and time doesnt exist-they do t have a concept of 5 minutes or 1 hour. They can "try again" when calm and be rewarded for the good behavior. Of course there are lengthty consequences to be had for repeated behaviors depending on age. 1 tantrum doesnt mean the consequence should be forever. Multiple tantrums, yes. My daughter has fits over the TV and if she cant handle it being turned off, the next day there isnt tv. She is at the age to understand that non- immediate consequence. But, if she does it repeatedly or throws a BIG tantrum, like she did on Saturday, it is gone for weeks.


No, he didnt earn McD's that day and he has big emotions and cant handle the no. Mom disciplined by not having McDonalds for whatever reason. I threw tantrums until I was 10 about McDonalds and now I wont touch it. He wont even remember the tantrum 2 days later.
However, the next day he probably acted differently and received his "reward" for it. Or circumstances changed and they were able to go, for example they left earlier. The child probably didnt tie two and two together, they dont have that sense of logic at that age.

His smile wasnt about "ha I tricked mom!" It was "I got something yummy and I feel special".

Being a parent is way different than childcare.
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Blackcat31 08:08 AM 08-12-2019
Originally Posted by HHangout:

Being a parent is way different than childcare.
It's really not.

There is just alot more guilt associated with parenting.

What the adult does with that guilt makes the difference for the child(ren) they are caring for, teaching and/or leading.
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Msdunny 04:30 AM 08-13-2019
I was at a party for one of mine this weekend. TWo of my moms were talking with me. They were sharing horror stories about their babies and how they 'just won't sleep'. Then both moms admitted that they co-sleep or run to get their child up when they begin to cry at night. These girls are 1 year and 18 months. They then commented on how they couldn't believe how I got the girls to nap so well. I said, "well, I can't co-sleep, so there's that."

Honestly, I have never had an issue (after a day or two) with putting a little down, and then getting them up when nap time is over - whether they slept the entire time is not relevant. It is amazing how early they can learn that the crying and tantrum game doesn't work at my house.
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Cat Herder 04:46 AM 08-13-2019
Originally Posted by HHangout:
Being a parent is way different than childcare.
The goal is the same. We simply do it differently and with experience to back us.

Childcare plans activities and routines with children at the center, not alongside of. We have a purpose and goal to our actions. We watch the children to know their strengths and weaknesses to find ways to compliment and encourage them. We watch for escalation patterns to disrupt or redirect. We are not reactionary, we know what is coming because we have done this over and over and over.

We don't feel guilty when we discipline because we know it is a bigger gift to the child. Crying is simply communication to us, it is not always about being sad and we don't react to it with emotion but with logic.
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Tags:2015, attachment parenting, no cry parenting, parent - its a verb, parenting styles, parents - are clueless, spoiled child, vent
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