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  #1  
Old 04-15-2015, 09:54 AM
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Default I'm Not Even Sure What to Think or Do

Well, I know what to do. It's just that I haven't. For many reasons...
Today, dcm text me to ask if I would be able to take 5 year old on days off and summers. I told her that since he is going to kindergarten I need to fill some spots and if I had a spot then yes, but I may not be able to take him. Depending on how many kids I have. She texts back saying they should look somewhere else then right? I said probably since I can't guarentee a spot. I was thinking of them. Nothing else. I didn't want to put them in a spot of not having childcare when they needed it. I didn't want to save a space for a once in a while child versus a full time. I told her that. It is a business.
So, she goes to the other dcm, who works with her, and says that she doesn't understand why dck is not good enough and was crying.
Here we go again with all the drama about me playing favorites. It is ridiculous. So, it gets better. I call my husband to talk to him about it. He tells me that I sounded harsh and then he says that if he was them he would tell me to kiss their a##. I am not sure what I said that would get this kind of reaction. I am tired of being a nice person. UGH!!
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Old 04-15-2015, 09:57 AM
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Wow, you have some parents who I would hate to work with. Any chance you can just replace them all?
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Old 04-15-2015, 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Laura5287 View Post
Well, I know what to do. It's just that I haven't. For many reasons...
Today, dcm text me to ask if I would be able to take 5 year old on days off and summers. I told her that since he is going to kindergarten I need to fill some spots and if I had a spot then yes, but I may not be able to take him. Depending on how many kids I have. She texts back saying they should look somewhere else then right? I said probably since I can't guarentee a spot. I was thinking of them. Nothing else. I didn't want to put them in a spot of not having childcare when they needed it. I didn't want to save a space for a once in a while child versus a full time. I told her that. It is a business.
So, she goes to the other dcm, who works with her, and says that she doesn't understand why dck is not good enough and was crying.
Here we go again with all the drama about me playing favorites. It is ridiculous. So, it gets better. I call my husband to talk to him about it. He tells me that I sounded harsh and then he says that if he was them he would tell me to kiss their a##. I am not sure what I said that would get this kind of reaction. I am tired of being a nice person. UGH!!
I wouldn't have called the husband and I would've ignored the fact that dcm went to other dcm... you told her how things are and there is nothing wrong with what you said, if dcm wants to look elsewhere let her, you don't need her drama!
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Old 04-15-2015, 10:09 AM
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I wouldn't have called the husband and I would've ignored the fact that dcm went to other dcm... you told her how things are and there is nothing wrong with what you said, if dcm wants to look elsewhere let her, you don't need her drama!
I agree if my husband acted that way about my running of my business, I wouldn't even discuss it with him.
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Old 04-15-2015, 10:26 AM
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Not happy with him today either.
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Old 04-15-2015, 10:37 AM
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I'm sure you are not. And from the outside looking in, he is wrong lol.
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Old 04-15-2015, 10:37 AM
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Not happy with him today either.
I wish you could find some peace
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Old 04-15-2015, 10:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Laura5287 View Post
Well, I know what to do. It's just that I haven't. For many reasons...
Today, dcm text me to ask if I would be able to take 5 year old on days off and summers. I told her that since he is going to kindergarten I need to fill some spots and if I had a spot then yes, but I may not be able to take him. Depending on how many kids I have. She texts back saying they should look somewhere else then right? I said probably since I can't guarentee a spot. I was thinking of them. Nothing else. I didn't want to put them in a spot of not having childcare when they needed it. I didn't want to save a space for a once in a while child versus a full time. I told her that. It is a business.
So, she goes to the other dcm, who works with her, and says that she doesn't understand why dck is not good enough and was crying.
Here we go again with all the drama about me playing favorites. It is ridiculous. So, it gets better. I call my husband to talk to him about it. He tells me that I sounded harsh and then he says that if he was them he would tell me to kiss their a##. I am not sure what I said that would get this kind of reaction. I am tired of being a nice person. UGH!!
You should simply have answered:

"Yes, DCM IF I have the availability I would love to take him on his days off but please remember that unless a spot is guaranteed via payment space won't always be available so please make sure you have back up."

That allows DCM to make her own decision about HER family and allows you to maintain a fully functioning (income making) business.

You are right about being too nice.... It's awesome to be nice and I am sure your parents appreciate it but when being nice takes from you (income, clients, happy feelings) then its not so nice...kwim?

#1 way to address this is to never assume responsibility for something that is not your responsibility.

DCM was trying to address her needs (care for her DS on off days) and you were under NO obligation to fix that issue for her other than to let her know what you could (take him IF you have space) or couldn't (not take him) do.

As for DCM's comments to the other mom about her child not being good enough...I'd address that at pick up as that is not fair she is trying to make this about something it isn't.

If you are open to it, tell her you will save every off/no school day for her son for $X per week. HER choice to accept or decline. Easy peasy and no hard feelings.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 04-15-2015 at 10:42 AM.
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Old 04-15-2015, 10:40 AM
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You were being nice. The dc family must have their own personal issues if they take a simple answer to their question so personally.
You run a business. The dc family wouldn't have liked any answer that didn't give them what they wanted which was care for their child in your home. Doesn't work for you but doea for them.
You tried to vent with your DH and expected some validation and instead he was harsh. DH doesn't work this business amd probably thinks like a dc family. Don't take it personal. He just doesn't understand.
Sorry. After working in this for a while it seems like many people just s**k. Don't let them get to you.
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Old 04-15-2015, 10:40 AM
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Sorry it's been a rough day for you. I'm in that situation, too. I'm losing 3 to full time kindergarten in the fall. All want before / after school and school breaks. I told them all what you did - this is a business for me. I can't hold a spot for occasional care. I did tell them all they are welcome to pay for a full time spot and I won't need to fill it. 😊 One family said yes, the other 2 are done next month. You aren't mean!
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Old 04-15-2015, 11:50 AM
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I had the same problem last year. DCM was a substitute with a 4 month old. I told her I'd take her when I could, but if I filled my spots, there would be times when I didn't have room.

First month went fine, but then I filled an opening, and there were a few times I had to say no. I WARNED her multiple times, and lo-and-behold, the crying began. "You're keeping me from working". After too much of that drama, I said she should probably find someone else, since I couldn't really accommodate her enough. That meant (to her) that I'd "kicked her out", which of course, she told the whole town.

Ironically, the child that took that spot (full time) was her best friend's child (the one she'd referred to me). Her best friend, who couldn't do the math (apparently), said she "could see both sides of it".

That was the baby I termed after a month because of the parents. Dad would write me 3 page notes on how to care for their child (with all of 3 months experience compared to my 24 years), and they thought I was overfeeding their child (every 4 hours) because she nursed all evening long?
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Old 04-15-2015, 12:32 PM
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I have exactly the same things you all have suggested all except the pay for the spot. All I can think of is who would do that? I know they wouldn't be able to do that so I didn't mention it. I guess I could tonight. I think if she comes in with an attitude I will request a meeting with her and her husband and get everything out in the open. Something has to be done. She is really going to have a hard time when he starts school.
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Old 04-15-2015, 12:45 PM
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I have exactly the same things you all have suggested all except the pay for the spot. All I can think of is who would do that? I know they wouldn't be able to do that so I didn't mention it. I guess I could tonight. I think if she comes in with an attitude I will request a meeting with her and her husband and get everything out in the open. Something has to be done. She is really going to have a hard time when he starts school.
No kidding!

Laura, don't let this woman's drama guilt you. You are good to her child, and she is an attention seeker. Nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, I wouldn't even wait for the attitude. I'd simply tell her that there's clearly been some communication issues, and you'd like to sit down with them to discuss a few things.
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Old 04-15-2015, 12:57 PM
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I have exactly the same things you all have suggested all except the pay for the spot. All I can think of is who would do that? I know they wouldn't be able to do that so I didn't mention it.
Most people wouldn't do it, but when it's presented to them that way, it puts the ball in their court. It is up to them whether to pay for the spot, or take their chances of no availability. We know that's what you meant anyway, but parents don't always think like us. Sorry dcm is causing drama.
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Old 04-15-2015, 01:16 PM
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I wouldn't have a meeting with them and I wouldn't wait for an attitude either. I would simply say at pick up that I guess my messages were misunderstood, that can happen with texting sometimes and would simply explain that you would love to be able to care for dcb on his days off from school but at this time you do not know what your availablility will look like for Fall since you have openings to try to fill, and that unless she'd like to continue to pay full time tuition you can not guarantee a spot will be available for him and that it is best that she look for other options.

Of course she will probably look at you like you have 3 heads and say something like "why would I pay for a full time spot for him when he will only need care 1-2 days a month" and you can reply with "why would I hold a full time spot open without payment for a child who will only need care 1-2 days a month".
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Old 04-15-2015, 02:15 PM
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NOBODY knows what it's like to be a daycare provider until you experience it. My DH was the same about a dcg that would scream in timeout... 'can't you handle it?' type of response until the week he spent at home.He was like omg, I'm sorry.

You did right for your business and your family aka dh. He should be happy you are making the most out of the spots you have available!
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Old 04-15-2015, 02:43 PM
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I'd be tempted to say to dh, "Great--thank you for being cool with me easing up on my workload! It'll be nice only having dck 1-2 days per month, and not having to worry about filling the spot."
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Old 04-15-2015, 02:51 PM
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I'd be tempted to say to dh, "Great--thank you for being cool with me easing up on my workload! It'll be nice only having dck 1-2 days per month, and not having to worry about filling the spot."
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Old 04-15-2015, 04:23 PM
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Here is what happened at pick up...
She came in what looked like a good mood....then when I started talking to her about wanting to make sure she understood where I was coming from....that its not that I don't want dcb here, I don't know if I will have a spot open at that time. Just so you know and have a back up plan. Her whole demeanor changed..wouldn't say a thing to me.
So since she wouldn't talk to me I text her husband and said we need to sit down and have a meeting about your sons care.
He called me back and we talked. I laid everything out there. I stood my ground and even told him that I don't have to explain any of my decisions with him. This is my business and this is how I am running it. He challenged me on everything. From my hours changing to my decision to change my vacation last year at Christmas. He is hung up on that one and it didn't have anything to do with him. He didn't have to change his schedule or pay any money but the fact that I changed my time for the other family is driving him crazy. They didn't like the fact that I changed my week to include 2 days right before Christmas (the other mom was supossed to work those days and didn't and they didn't like the fact that I still had her kids when I thought she was working, I learned a big lesson that week, I had taken so much time off and I needed the money so I did it. I knew she wasn't working, was I mad yes, because I told her that I would only work if she was working, but I got paid so I told myself I shouldn't be mad) There is so much drama. I really hate it!!!!!!
Now his kid has been here for 2 1/2 years and he asks me if dck was here when I changed them. I only changed them in Jan of this year! I really asked him...you know he was here...his response I don't pay attention. I told him that my hours changed because no one was coming for an hour and a half later than I was opening. He then said well my wifes job started offering earlier hours..then I said that is not my job to take care of that..You have to figure that out yourself.
I asked him for specific times that I treated his son differently and he didn't have any. I refreshed his memory of everything that I have done for his child and that family.
I also told him that he could pay for the spot and use it only when needed. He said it might happen. Then fine, if that is his choice. I also told his wife that when she came at pickup and she looked at me like I was crazy.
He wants a meeting with the four of us...my husband included. Not sure if husband will be there due to the fact of how he treated the situation instead of backing me up.
I really feel like I am about to have a panic attack. My face is red and hot, my chest is beat red and my heart is pounding so hard and fast. I really don't know how much more I can take of this.
I just want to say thank you for helping me get this far. If it weren't for you all on here and helping me along, I honestly wouldn't know.
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Old 04-15-2015, 04:53 PM
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Wow I am really sorry you're going through all that crap with this 1 family!! I think I'd have to say "I'm sorry but I don't feel this is working out any longer. I have enjoyed having your ds here and watching him grow and learn. But I feel I cannot accommodate your family's needs anymore. Please accept this as your 2 week(or however long)notice, dcb's last day will be 04/heavenlybliss/2015. Thank you for allowing dcb into our lives and family."

Please take care of yourself. Don't let this job make you ill.
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Old 04-15-2015, 04:54 PM
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I really think you should term this family because it seems like they want to run your business to benefit them which is not how it works. No matter the outcome of the meeting, they will find something to be upset about in the future which is stress you do not need and do not deserve. Also, is your husband part of your daycare operations (decision making, working in the daycare, etc)? If not then he has no business being a part of the meeting because he does not fully understand the dynamics going on in your daycare. My husband is listed on my license only because he is my spouse. He does not make any decisions regarding how I run or my policies for my business, and does not interfere with my dcps.
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:00 PM
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And your dh? He doesn't have a clue about the job being a business. If he lived in my house, he'd better hope the couch was soft for sleeping.
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:08 PM
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I really think you should term this family because it seems like they want to run your business to benefit them which is not how it works. No matter the outcome of the meeting, they will find something to be upset about in the future which is stress you do not need and do not deserve. Also, is your husband part of your daycare operations (decision making, working in the daycare, etc)? If not then he has no business being a part of the meeting because he does not fully understand the dynamics going on in your daycare. My husband is listed on my license only because he is my spouse. He does not make any decisions regarding how I run or my policies for my business, and does not interfere with my dcps.
I agree 100%.
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:10 PM
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It's beyond time to let this family go. Do it for your sanity! No way would I have my husband sit in on a meeting or deal with any more from this family. Enjoy your summer, let them go and relax!
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:15 PM
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Here is what happened at pick up...
She came in what looked like a good mood....then when I started talking to her about wanting to make sure she understood where I was coming from....that its not that I don't want dcb here, I don't know if I will have a spot open at that time. Just so you know and have a back up plan. Her whole demeanor changed..wouldn't say a thing to me.
So since she wouldn't talk to me I text her husband and said we need to sit down and have a meeting about your sons care.
He called me back and we talked. I laid everything out there. I stood my ground and even told him that I don't have to explain any of my decisions with him. This is my business and this is how I am running it. He challenged me on everything. From my hours changing to my decision to change my vacation last year at Christmas. He is hung up on that one and it didn't have anything to do with him. He didn't have to change his schedule or pay any money but the fact that I changed my time for the other family is driving him crazy. They didn't like the fact that I changed my week to include 2 days right before Christmas (the other mom was supossed to work those days and didn't and they didn't like the fact that I still had her kids when I thought she was working, I learned a big lesson that week, I had taken so much time off and I needed the money so I did it. I knew she wasn't working, was I mad yes, because I told her that I would only work if she was working, but I got paid so I told myself I shouldn't be mad) There is so much drama. I really hate it!!!!!!
Now his kid has been here for 2 1/2 years and he asks me if dck was here when I changed them. I only changed them in Jan of this year! I really asked him...you know he was here...his response I don't pay attention. I told him that my hours changed because no one was coming for an hour and a half later than I was opening. He then said well my wifes job started offering earlier hours..then I said that is not my job to take care of that..You have to figure that out yourself.
I asked him for specific times that I treated his son differently and he didn't have any. I refreshed his memory of everything that I have done for his child and that family.
I also told him that he could pay for the spot and use it only when needed. He said it might happen. Then fine, if that is his choice. I also told his wife that when she came at pickup and she looked at me like I was crazy.
He wants a meeting with the four of us...my husband included. Not sure if husband will be there due to the fact of how he treated the situation instead of backing me up.
I really feel like I am about to have a panic attack. My face is red and hot, my chest is beat red and my heart is pounding so hard and fast. I really don't know how much more I can take of this.
I just want to say thank you for helping me get this far. If it weren't for you all on here and helping me along, I honestly wouldn't know.
I would have quit this family a long time ago!...get rid of them!
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:20 PM
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I don't understand why dcd wants a meeting after you talked with his wife and then him. What does he hope to accomplish? If he wanted the meeting because your conversation with him went well and he wanted to mend things with dcm and you then I would say go for it. But his conversation didn't go well with you. Does he expect you to have a meeting during your free time/family time so that they can tell you again what they want? What you can do to better fit their needs? I would ask what he wants to accomplish with this meeying before agreeing to it.
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Old 04-15-2015, 05:33 PM
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I don't either!
I think Laura talked enough, they don't deserve any more of her attention.
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Old 04-15-2015, 06:00 PM
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agreeing with PP's, and it's YOUR business, not your husbands. Why on earth should he be at the meeting?
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Old 04-15-2015, 06:21 PM
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Wow I am really sorry you're going through all that crap with this 1 family!! I think I'd have to say "I'm sorry but I don't feel this is working out any longer. I have enjoyed having your ds here and watching him grow and learn. But I feel I cannot accommodate your family's needs anymore. Please accept this as your 2 week(or however long)notice, dcb's last day will be 04/heavenlybliss/2015. Thank you for allowing dcb into our lives and family."

Please take care of yourself. Don't let this job make you ill.
I don't think a meeting will get you anywhere with this family. It would be a total waste of your time. Unless you enjoy the drama, it's time to let them go.
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Old 04-15-2015, 06:49 PM
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reading your post reminds me of me in the past, pre-backbone.

I would decline the meeting with all 4, your husband does not run this company you do.

I would sit them down and tell them, this is the services i provide
example:

ABC daycare operates monday through friday from 8am to 530pm daily. Your child may attend during these hours.

I would not even offer additional hours before or after that time set for additional fees.

In order to operate my business successfully, the following must occur:

Again fill in whatever your policy is.

example. all spots are paid in full regardless of attendance or not.

To me it sounds like there may have been some switching around of your normal business practices and the parents are not used to you doing that? I do see that it is hard for parents to accept change, especially if they don't understand why it is happening. Of course, you reserve the right to change what you want when you see fit, however, change is not always taken well from my experience.

NO, you don't need to explain yourself every time, you can use generic words like, sorry that is not a service we provide, or if you really want to you can give a very brief reason why.

The one thing that you have to tell yourself is that you cant possibly make every parent in this business happy. SOme will get mad, some will cry, some will just be jerks. BUT you have to do what you have to do for you.

It sounds like this family holds you to a high regard based off of how emotional they are about this situation, sounds like they really care about you and are worried about losing that relationship with you.

They are acting quite childish, but just like most people when they feel they are losing something and their emotions are involved, they act like this.

With a lot of help from the ladies here, I have really mastered finding words to use that are some what generic, but 100% emotionless.

Like- a parent asking me the night before, can I drop my child off at 5am, instead of 8am?

Wow thats early, sorry that is not something I can arrange for you. THen just zip the lip.

Then practice practice practice building your backbone.

one of my favs when parents ask me.... Let me get back to you on that. Then I normally shoot them an an email and give them my answer. This gives me time to think about it and lets them know that I am not saying yes, there is a possibility I will say no.

Hugs to you for going through this. If you really think that your relationship with this family is at the point of no return, I would gently let them go.

If you decide to let them go, then I know ladies here, including myself would help you with a term letter...

Last edited by daycare; 04-15-2015 at 06:52 PM.
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Old 04-15-2015, 06:55 PM
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Gemma...he hopes that if we have a meeting and my husband is there then he will be able to weasel his way into whatever he wants. Not gonna happen. I have already informed my husband he is not to say a word. This is my business and I don't butt into his.
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Old 04-15-2015, 06:58 PM
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Gemma...he hopes that if we have a meeting and my husband is there then he will be able to weasel his way into whatever he wants. Not gonna happen. I have already informed my husband he is not to say a word. This is my business and don't butt into his.
good job!!!
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Old 04-15-2015, 07:03 PM
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Gemma...he hopes that if we have a meeting and my husband is there then he will be able to weasel his way into whatever he wants. Not gonna happen. I have already informed my husband he is not to say a word. This is my business and don't butt into his.


Not only that, but if pressed by anyone, he should be expected to say "This is my wife's business and I have only the utmost respect for what she does. If you have an issue, discuss it with her"
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  #34  
Old 04-15-2015, 07:43 PM
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Here is what happened at pick up...
She came in what looked like a good mood....then when I started talking to her about wanting to make sure she understood where I was coming from....that its not that I don't want dcb here, I don't know if I will have a spot open at that time. Just so you know and have a back up plan. Her whole demeanor changed..wouldn't say a thing to me.
So since she wouldn't talk to me I text her husband and said we need to sit down and have a meeting about your sons care.
He called me back and we talked. I laid everything out there. I stood my ground and even told him that I don't have to explain any of my decisions with him. This is my business and this is how I am running it. He challenged me on everything. From my hours changing to my decision to change my vacation last year at Christmas. He is hung up on that one and it didn't have anything to do with him. He didn't have to change his schedule or pay any money but the fact that I changed my time for the other family is driving him crazy. They didn't like the fact that I changed my week to include 2 days right before Christmas (the other mom was supossed to work those days and didn't and they didn't like the fact that I still had her kids when I thought she was working, I learned a big lesson that week, I had taken so much time off and I needed the money so I did it. I knew she wasn't working, was I mad yes, because I told her that I would only work if she was working, but I got paid so I told myself I shouldn't be mad) There is so much drama. I really hate it!!!!!!
Now his kid has been here for 2 1/2 years and he asks me if dck was here when I changed them. I only changed them in Jan of this year! I really asked him...you know he was here...his response I don't pay attention. I told him that my hours changed because no one was coming for an hour and a half later than I was opening. He then said well my wifes job started offering earlier hours..then I said that is not my job to take care of that..You have to figure that out yourself.
I asked him for specific times that I treated his son differently and he didn't have any. I refreshed his memory of everything that I have done for his child and that family.
I also told him that he could pay for the spot and use it only when needed. He said it might happen. Then fine, if that is his choice. I also told his wife that when she came at pickup and she looked at me like I was crazy.
He wants a meeting with the four of us...my husband included. Not sure if husband will be there due to the fact of how he treated the situation instead of backing me up.
I really feel like I am about to have a panic attack. My face is red and hot, my chest is beat red and my heart is pounding so hard and fast. I really don't know how much more I can take of this.
I just want to say thank you for helping me get this far. If it weren't for you all on here and helping me along, I honestly wouldn't know.
You have talked to them enough. You have more than explained to both of them what you were willing to do and why. This is stressing you out and enough is enough.

I think I would send them an email/text or a written letter so you have it in writing. Then keep a copy.

Something like:

Date

Dear Parents,

After discussing this issue with you both, I have nothing further to say about it so I will not be scheduling a meeting to discuss this matter further.

To be clear, here is what I am willing to do. (Then explain what you did before such as watching them if you have the space available. Maybe explain it as your 'drop in' policy.) Example: When children do not come full time on a regular basis, they are considered 'drop in' children. This means that I would be glad to have them if I have room that particular day. The space is not guaranteed. You must call ahead to make arrangements and see if I have room. For this reason, it would be advisable to have back up arrangements so you won't be without childcare when you need it.

If the above is not going to meet your needs, I completely understand. Please let me know what you decide by such and such date.

Sincerely,

Then let it go. Let them stew, let them act childish. Don't spend one more moment listening to their adult tantrums. They can take it or leave it.

Good luck, you can do this!

Laurel
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Old 04-15-2015, 07:53 PM
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If you talk with them give them numbers.

Say you charge $150 a week x 52 weeks= $7,800.00

They want to bring child for (guessing of course)10 weeks a year=$1,500.00

If you hold a space for them them you are losing out $6,300.00 a year.

Let them know that you can not lose that much money. Even though you love their child you can not take that kind of a hit. You can tell them you would be more than willing to hold their spot for them if they continue to pay even if the child isn't there.

There is NO reason your husband should be there unless he is involved in your business. For them to even ask for him to be there knowing that he isn't involved is an insult. Have your handbook and their signed contract in front of you so you can refer back to it.

Also maybe if you want have some numbers they can call so they can get care for their child. Does the school run an aftercare program?? If they do that might be a good option.

Also document everything!!! Maybe have a print out ready of what you are going to say to them and have them sign it so you have proof of what you said.

Don't feel bad about sticking to your policies. They had a child and should know there are responsibilities to having a child. They need to deal with this not you. Its all part of being a parent.

Also if hubby is giving you a hard time show him the numbers that might open his eyes as to why you will not take these people on as a maybe part time thing.
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  #36  
Old 04-15-2015, 07:57 PM
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I would term immediately. No way would i let these parents bully and guilt trip me. No extra meeting, no discussions......bye bye.
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:02 PM
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I don't think a meeting will get you anywhere with this family. It would be a total waste of your time. Unless you enjoy the drama, it's time to let them go.
Yep. DCD is hoping he can bully you into changing your mind, why else would a meeting be necessary? You have already explained your position. They have two choices, accept your terms or go elsewhere. They don't need to understand why you have policies in place. They probably will not understand no matter what you say, anyway.
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:18 PM
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These parents have blown this WAY out of proportion. It's ridiculous, really. I'd just be done. It's not worth all this for possibly a few days per month, especially if they don't respect you.
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:44 PM
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As soon as I heard that DCD wanted my DH to meet with him over MY business, I'd have been all HEEEEEEEELLLL no! I'd have termed during the phone call. Effective immediately. I may be over-sensitive, but this tells me that he doesn't think you're capable of running your own business, that your husband makes your decisions for you, and he thinks he's going to go over your head to talk to "the boss". Uh-uh. I'd have told him off and told him goodbye.
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Old 04-16-2015, 04:12 AM
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As soon as I heard that DCD wanted my DH to meet with him over MY business, I'd have been all HEEEEEEEELLLL no! I'd have termed during the phone call. Effective immediately. I may be over-sensitive, but this tells me that he doesn't think you're capable of running your own business, that your husband makes your decisions for you, and he thinks he's going to go over your head to talk to "the boss". Uh-uh. I'd have told him off and told him goodbye.
I didn't think of it like this but OH YEH!!! So right.
And yes, like unreg. pointed out, show them(especially your DH)the numbers, explain while dc is such a personalized business, it is still a business.
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  #41  
Old 04-16-2015, 04:45 AM
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I would term immediately. No way would i let these parents bully and guilt trip me. No extra meeting, no discussions......bye bye.


I would term immediately. I had a family who challenged policies in the past. I didn't term them but wish I had. They caused me so much stress and eventually I closed (not the only reason but certainly helped it along). I was never so glad to see a family go.

Dear dcps,

Due to:
*irreconcilable differences between parent and provider
*lack of parental cooperation and/or disrespect
(or whatever you have in your contract)

I am no longer able to provide childcare services for you child effective immediately. (Immediately!) (Insert what you do with child's items)

I have enjoyed caring for your child and wish you well in the future.

Thank you,
Relieved provider

(or something similar, I'm sure someone has a great term letter for this)

I would NOT meet with them, would NOT have my hubby present (seriously? What is that about?) and would NOT tolerate this from dcps. You have explained it to them already. They are not happy. They seem to feel that you work for them, not the other way around. Cut your losses now. You will feel so much better.

If a family is causing you this much stress, it's not worth it!
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  #42  
Old 04-16-2015, 05:12 AM
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Things started getting out of hand back in August when my dad was sick and passed away. Their son was sick, he came here, they took him to the dr, he ended up having croup. I called my dr. because I knew it was contagious but his dr. gave him a note saying he could come back. I said no for the fact that if I would have gotten anything I wouldn't have been able to see my dad while he was in the hospital and I didn't want the three year old to get it. He then text me and said he wanted a meeting because I get too emotional (HELLO, my dad has cancer and is dying, he went into the hospital and in 2 weeks he was gone) and it seems he thinks that my husband has a part in this. Which the only thing he does is the taxes. So, He does think that I don't know how to run this business when in fact I do but have never shown my backbone.
I am going to have the meeting. For myself. To prove to myself that I can do this and say what I have to say. I have not done anything or said anything that is wrong. I follow state regulations even though I don't have to since I am a legal, non licensed in home daycare in oh. I have worked in Head Start facilities and in centers and know what is expected. I keep up with classes even though I don't have to.
The only changes that I have made is to the hours. All this is because they are hung up on the Christmas vacation thing. And it had nothing to do with them...they just want to be nosy and try and get the other dcm in trouble. For what reason other than the fact that I have known them for 6 years now.
Ugh, I don't know. I just want to scream!!
I keep telling myself..just get through the day, it is Thursday. Only one more day. Only one more day......
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Old 04-16-2015, 05:20 AM
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They sound worse than the kids. The more you try to work with them and be nice, explain things to them, then the more they use you to manipulate to their advantage. UGH.

Big hugs to you!!!
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Old 04-16-2015, 05:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Laura5287 View Post
Things started getting out of hand back in August when my dad was sick and passed away. Their son was sick, he came here, they took him to the dr, he ended up having croup. I called my dr. because I knew it was contagious but his dr. gave him a note saying he could come back. I said no for the fact that if I would have gotten anything I wouldn't have been able to see my dad while he was in the hospital and I didn't want the three year old to get it. He then text me and said he wanted a meeting because I get too emotional (HELLO, my dad has cancer and is dying, he went into the hospital and in 2 weeks he was gone) and it seems he thinks that my husband has a part in this. Which the only thing he does is the taxes. So, He does think that I don't know how to run this business when in fact I do but have never shown my backbone.
I am going to have the meeting. For myself. To prove to myself that I can do this and say what I have to say. I have not done anything or said anything that is wrong. I follow state regulations even though I don't have to since I am a legal, non licensed in home daycare in oh. I have worked in Head Start facilities and in centers and know what is expected. I keep up with classes even though I don't have to.
The only changes that I have made is to the hours. All this is because they are hung up on the Christmas vacation thing. And it had nothing to do with them...they just want to be nosy and try and get the other dcm in trouble. For what reason other than the fact that I have known them for 6 years now.
Ugh, I don't know. I just want to scream!!
I keep telling myself..just get through the day, it is Thursday. Only one more day. Only one more day......
Laura, have the meeting if it makes you feel better, but for your own sake while at the meeting,Term this family!! ...you think things are bad now? well they will get even worse if you keep trying to do business with them...They see you as their babysitter and feel they should tell you how when and where, families that feel like this about daycares, will NEVER get it!
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Old 04-16-2015, 06:02 AM
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I would term.You owe them no explination and your Husband should have nothing to do with them. My Husband also does my taxes ,but any interaction with parents is me only. I have found having drop-ins to be very disruptive to the group.You know the parents are talking about all this in front of the child (car at dinner ect) Why set yourself up for a confrontation? My thought would be a short profesional letter to the parents tomorrow(Friday).State that you cannot offer the care they want ,say you enjoyed caring for their child but its best for all to move on.Why would you want them in your home on your down time stressing you out? You do not have anything to defend YOUR BUSSINESS ,YOUR RULES . If you must have a meeting I would send your Husband out ,under no circumstance would he attend.Good luck this can be very hard .
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  #46  
Old 04-16-2015, 06:40 AM
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Also have to add....... If you want to change your hours,requirements,vacation, or whatever that is your prerogative! You can change it every week if you want and the parents can go with it or leave. Don't let this bully steam roll over you.
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  #47  
Old 04-16-2015, 07:57 AM
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Default These are the ONLY words I would say (rinse and repeat)

"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.

"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.

"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.

"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.

"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.
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  #48  
Old 04-16-2015, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.

"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.

"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.

"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.

"I am a self-employed business owner that gets to decide what services I offer to whom and when. You as parents get to decide if those services work for you."
~end of story.
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  #49  
Old 04-17-2015, 04:43 PM
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You are probably so over this DCF that it doesn't matter, but the DCD may have asked for your DH to be there so it wouldn't seem like they (DCM and DCD) were ganging up on you, when you are alone to fend for yourself.

I had a couple come back to my house after hours (they gave me notice to put DCG in a preschool center, then found out it was only 1/2 days, and wanted the spot back and were very angry when I told them they couldn't as I had already filled it). I was in the backyard with my dad, while they said many rude things and rose their voices at me. I was so glad my dad was there as witness to their unbelievable behavior. But I really wish my DH was there because he would have ripped them a new one, and defended my honor like no other!
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