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Old 05-19-2015, 12:49 PM
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Default Lack of Parent Planning

I have this one mom who is so bad at planning and I think it is because she is so used to everyone else coming to her aid, so even though I could help her out, I told her no. This week is the last week of school and I usually only watch her kids on Fridays and believe me, that is one day too many! I asked her a few weeks ago when school was out and she didn't even know. She then tells me that she will check and let me knwo what she needs for this summer. I promptly told her that I can continue doing the fridays but only till June, so I cannot do any more days. She texts me today, 2 days before school is out, and asks if I can watch kids all next week. NO! I have told her this numerous times, including just the week before and yet she still does nothing to find childcare for the summer, even though she has had months to do it! Sorry for the vent! I just cannot believe how many times this mom has done this!
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Old 05-19-2015, 12:58 PM
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"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

I've found myself saying that a lot, even outside of daycare.

Actually, more outside of daycare.

People need to learn to take responsibility for themselves. You are helping mom do just that by putting her responsibility back on her.
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Old 05-19-2015, 01:06 PM
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Some people think we will always find a way to cater to their wants and needs. I am closing, tomorrow before school will be my last day. My new job starts June 1st. I'm taking a week and a few days to get my stuff together. I'll be home with my kids during the day and my husband will be home while I'm working. The parent of 1 child found out from my husband that I'm working nights and just decided that I'm not really closing for them. I'll be available during the day still when they need me. She was very upset when I said no - I won't be watching any more kids. At all. Ever.
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Old 05-19-2015, 01:48 PM
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Originally Posted by AmyLeigh View Post
People need to learn to take responsibility for themselves. You are helping mom do just that by putting her responsibility back on her.
This. I have huge issues right now with grown adults making excuses for their actions, or lack of action in some cases.

I fear for my well being in the golden years.... hopefully my own children will still be as willing to care for me as they say they are now.
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Old 05-19-2015, 02:03 PM
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I have the same dcm! I have told her no before just to make a point.
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Old 05-19-2015, 02:09 PM
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Originally Posted by AmyLeigh View Post
"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
I use this one a lot too, often on my own kids lol. I see no reason why I wouldn't tell a DCM something I tell my 16 yr DD. If DD comes and says "I need a new black dress for a school function tomorrow" my first question is "how long have you known about this?". Then I give her the above line. Except for once when she told me "I told you and you said okay". and I probably did because I have been known to say that when I have my mind somewhere else and really wasn't listening lol. She had me on that one and I knew it so it WAS my emergency lol.
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Old 05-19-2015, 02:30 PM
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"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
I love that one, along with "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
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Old 05-19-2015, 08:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyLeigh View Post
"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

I've found myself saying that a lot, even outside of daycare.

Actually, more outside of daycare.

People need to learn to take responsibility for themselves. You are helping mom do just that by putting her responsibility back on her.
Have this quote posted beside sign-in/out log book.
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Old 05-19-2015, 09:24 PM
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Originally Posted by sally View Post
Some people think we will always find a way to cater to their wants and needs. I am closing, tomorrow before school will be my last day. My new job starts June 1st. I'm taking a week and a few days to get my stuff together. I'll be home with my kids during the day and my husband will be home while I'm working. The parent of 1 child found out from my husband that I'm working nights and just decided that I'm not really closing for them. I'll be available during the day still when they need me. She was very upset when I said no - I won't be watching any more kids. At all. Ever.
what did she say to you?

Ps, congrats on your new job!
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Old 05-20-2015, 05:31 AM
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She came over to sign for her tax papers- because I'm giving them out now and told them I won't be tracking them down in January- and she says " your husband said you're working nights? I said yes I'll will be. Oh then you'll be home and can watch the kids when we need you. Uh No I won't be. That's why I'm closing. She then said well in an emergency you will won't you. I told her an emergency meaning you just can't find anyone else? No. An emergency meaning- someone is bleeding to death and dying and need to rush to the emergency room maybe."
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Old 05-20-2015, 09:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
This. I have huge issues right now with grown adults making excuses for their actions, or lack of action in some cases.

I fear for my well being in the golden years.... hopefully my own children will still be as willing to care for me as they say they are now.
I'm assuming you are talking about my generation (mid 20's)... This is exactly why I don't have many friends. I can't stand people my age. I wish I grew up in your generation.
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Old 05-20-2015, 09:21 AM
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Dcm put a post on facebook looking for care and no one was responding and then she said "never mind, grandma is not working so it is covered!" Poor grandma! I know she loves her grandkids, but she is a preschool teacher, so that is her first week of being on summer break. But, dcm got what she wanted. Free last minute care.
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Old 05-20-2015, 01:33 PM
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I'm assuming you are talking about my generation (mid 20's)... This is exactly why I don't have many friends. I can't stand people my age. I wish I grew up in your generation.
I was just thinking of this...so many 20 somethings that have zero responsibility! Even within my own family! We have nieces and nephews in their early 20's that you would think are 15 year olds by the way they act! Still living at home, no job (or a not so great very part time job) parents pay for everything, no responsibility, no ambition, just want to hang around with friends...I could go on!

In my early 20's I was with my husband. We had an apartment and were saving for a house, which we bought when we were 25. Our first child was born when we were 24. But we were mature and responsible.

I couldn't imagine our nieces and nephews having a child! They are still children themselves
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Old 05-20-2015, 02:31 PM
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I was just thinking of this...so many 20 somethings that have zero responsibility! Even within my own family! We have nieces and nephews in their early 20's that you would think are 15 year olds by the way they act! Still living at home, no job (or a not so great very part time job) parents pay for everything, no responsibility, no ambition, just want to hang around with friends...I could go on!

In my early 20's I was with my husband. We had an apartment and were saving for a house, which we bought when we were 25. Our first child was born when we were 24. But we were mature and responsible.

I couldn't imagine our nieces and nephews having a child! They are still children themselves
Don't be hating on us 20 year olds
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  #15  
Old 05-20-2015, 03:04 PM
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Don't be hating on us 20 year olds
You have a job and responsibilities.......so you don't fit in that "age group"
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Old 05-20-2015, 03:57 PM
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Don't be hating on us 20 year olds


IMO it's not generational, it's individual. My older daughter was more mature at 18 than many 30 year olds I know, and my younger daughter is pretty good at 20.
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Old 05-20-2015, 04:49 PM
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IMO it's not generational, it's individual. My older daughter was more mature at 18 than many 30 year olds I know, and my younger daughter is pretty good at 20.
I totally agree!
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Old 05-20-2015, 06:15 PM
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Originally Posted by sally View Post
She came over to sign for her tax papers- because I'm giving them out now and told them I won't be tracking them down in January- and she says " your husband said you're working nights? I said yes I'll will be. Oh then you'll be home and can watch the kids when we need you. Uh No I won't be. That's why I'm closing. She then said well in an emergency you will won't you. I told her an emergency meaning you just can't find anyone else? No. An emergency meaning- someone is bleeding to death and dying and need to rush to the emergency room maybe."
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Old 05-20-2015, 08:06 PM
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You have a job and responsibilities.......so you don't fit in that "age group"
Where my brother works, they have started only looking at resumes from persons over 30 when hiring. This comes after hiring some people right out of college with great credentials but lacked basic work skills...i.e. just showing up on time, yep respecting the clock.....and this is SAD!
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Old 05-20-2015, 08:07 PM
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Originally Posted by CraftyMom View Post
I was just thinking of this...so many 20 somethings that have zero responsibility! Even within my own family! We have nieces and nephews in their early 20's that you would think are 15 year olds by the way they act! Still living at home, no job (or a not so great very part time job) parents pay for everything, no responsibility, no ambition, just want to hang around with friends...I could go on!

In my early 20's I was with my husband. We had an apartment and were saving for a house, which we bought when we were 25. Our first child was born when we were 24. But we were mature and responsible.

I couldn't imagine our nieces and nephews having a child! They are still children themselves
Dh and I are similar. Married at 20, bought our first house at 22, opened my business at 23, sold our house and moved to a new state at 24 and our first baby will be born by 25 in a debt free family.
I have friends who decided to purposely have a baby when they couldn't afford to live on their own. A few that have done this actually and their parents support them.

We have such a hard time making good friends because others (generally speaking) our age are no where near us when it comes to life. So many are self centered and immature.
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Old 05-20-2015, 08:29 PM
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I got married at 21, DH and I working on buying a house now. Not planning on having any babies until we have no more car payments.

On the other hand, my friend's little sister is 18, lives at home, parents pay for everything, and she's trying to have a baby with a guy she met a couple weeks ago. Seriously.

My sister-in-law had her first kid when she was seventeen, dropped out of high school, and married her boyfriend. A couple years later she had another one. She worked at McDonalds until a couple months ago when she quit because she thought she was getting a job at Wendy's (which I guess pays more?) except that fell through. Meanwhile, her husband, who was working at Taco Bell, got arrest for armed robbery and is now in prison. They got divorced, but she's living with his mother and his sister, neither of whom have jobs either, with her two kids. None of them work, but she keeps asking me to watch her (poorly behaved) kids??
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Old 05-20-2015, 08:30 PM
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Probably depends where you met these 'friends'. My husband's friends are people he met at college. They all make money, don't have kids yet, half are married. They want to be financially prepared because that's the way they were raised. I don't really have any college friends since I only took a few classes here and there for many years! (Only 4 left for my AA!) My current group of friends are other moms from my kid's classes and the people I've worked with and stayed in touch with for many years. Some of those moms are financially responsible. The former coworkers I stay in touch with are responsible normal caring respetful people. I dont hang with jerky losers. If the 20 somethings you know aren't responsible or are self obsessed, its probably just the 20 somethings you're involved with! I just worked the past few days with an AMAZING volunteer at my school. She is prob about 16-17. Doing community service hours as a graduation requirement. She is totally self motivated, initiates conversations and working with the kids, cleans up here and there constantly! I wish she would never leave! Sadly, she's done at the end of the week ;'''( awesome people are awesome. Its not based on age (or 'generation')
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Old 05-20-2015, 08:53 PM
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I agree it isn't an age thing exactly. My DD who is 16 I think is already more responsible than her brother who is 24. She is like her dad and I, always to work early etc. My son is always late (wasn't raised that way). My daughter when it comes to a job will go above and beyond, DS just gets by. Not saying my son is horrible, because he isn't but you wouldn't think they were siblings as different as they are. Some of it is taught, but some of it comes from I don't know where.

I got married at 17 the first time had my son at 18 and grew up pretty fast! My ex still acts like an overgrown child.
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Old 05-20-2015, 09:28 PM
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I wasn't implying anyone on here, of course. Most of us here run our own business out of our homes or work at a center.

I do think it is generational, but yes also individual. This doesn't mean EVERYONE in their 20's are this way. Just that it's a trend I am seeing.

I think it's actually the parents that are too enabling for the ones I'm talking about. For example, in one family there are 3 grown kids in their early to mid twenties (my husband's cousin's kids). They have all graduated college. One is very self sufficient and has a wife and a child on the way. The other 2 still live at home. Mom does all the laundry and cooking and cleaning. Mom and dad pay for everything. One has a part time job, but wants to move to New York where mom and dad will pay for the apartment and expenses.

Another of our nephews, same thing. Still at home. Mom supports him, does his laundry and cooking, etc. He has no job, no desire to have a job. Plays video games until 4am. Mom gives him spending money every day.

And their friends are (mostly) the same way. Content to live at home and have their parents support them. But the real problem (I think) is that parents are allow it and enabling it.
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Old 05-20-2015, 11:35 PM
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I wasn't implying anyone on here, of course. Most of us here run our own business out of our homes or work at a center.

I do think it is generational, but yes also individual. This doesn't mean EVERYONE in their 20's are this way. Just that it's a trend I am seeing.

I think it's actually the parents that are too enabling for the ones I'm talking about. For example, in one family there are 3 grown kids in their early to mid twenties (my husband's cousin's kids). They have all graduated college. One is very self sufficient and has a wife and a child on the way. The other 2 still live at home. Mom does all the laundry and cooking and cleaning. Mom and dad pay for everything. One has a part time job, but wants to move to New York where mom and dad will pay for the apartment and expenses.

Another of our nephews, same thing. Still at home. Mom supports him, does his laundry and cooking, etc. He has no job, no desire to have a job. Plays video games until 4am. Mom gives him spending money every day.

And their friends are (mostly) the same way. Content to live at home and have their parents support them. But the real problem (I think) is that parents are allow it and enabling it.
Totally agree!! The "friends" I mentioned before who moved in with her parents because they couldn't afford to live on their own, then decided to have a baby when neither of them worked full time, have enabling parents. The parents moved into a bigger house so the baby could have their own room my friend just became a stay at home mom even though her husband doesn't work full time and her parents provide for them. They are definitely enablers.

I meet people from various places... People I knew in college, coworkers, church, the community.... Of course not everyone is going to fit the category but I do believe a lot is generational. I notice more self centered, lazy people as well as a general disrespect for most things.
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