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Old 06-22-2015, 11:33 AM
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Default Sensitivity; Is It Genetic or Created?

I have a very sweet little dcg. But she tends to cry if you speak to her the wrong way or someone pulls on her shirt. I just asked her to please lay back down on her cot because quiet time isn't over yet. So she cries.
She gets coddled a lot so I'm wondering if it has made her extra sensitive or born that way.
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Old 06-22-2015, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
I have a very sweet little dcg. But she tends to cry if you speak to her the wrong way or someone pulls on her shirt. I just asked her to please lay back down on her cot because quiet time isn't over yet. So she cries.
She gets coddled a lot so I'm wondering if it has made her extra sensitive or born that way.
I think we are born with certain traits.

Those traits become dominate based on which ones are nurtured more.

A child born a bit more sensitive to things than others may become HUGELY sensitive if the child's caregivers treat her in a certain way.
Thus "growing" the sensitivity.

So depending on which traits we are given by nature and which ones are nurtured more, the answer depends.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 06-22-2015 at 11:51 AM.
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:53 PM
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Oooh, I LOVE a good nature vs. nurture debate! I tend to believe any behavioral traits in a child are 25% nature and 75% nurture, but everyone has a different ratio that they believe in. Parents who have children that are total opposites tend to think that nature had a dominant hand, while daycare providers see "babied" children and are sure that nurture plays the bigger role. Very interesting either way.
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:04 PM
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Oooh, I LOVE a good nature vs. nurture debate! I tend to believe any behavioral traits in a child are 25% nature and 75% nurture, but everyone has a different ratio that they believe in. Parents who have children that are total opposites tend to think that nature had a dominant hand, while daycare providers see "babied" children and are sure that nurture plays the bigger role. Very interesting either way.
I think the ratio between nurture vs nature also takes into consideration birth order.
I think there are LOTS of different variables that play into a person's overall tendencies, traits and personalities.
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Old 06-23-2015, 11:25 AM
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I agree that's there's both in play - and you can definitely, through nurture, develop/diminish someone's/a child's natural tendencies
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Old 06-23-2015, 11:30 AM
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Both, and there are so many variables!
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Old 06-23-2015, 11:43 AM
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I have a sensitive dcb here right now. His parents are sensitive, too. And vegetarians, so you know ... I kid, I kid! I love vegetarians. I used to be one. Now I just eat them.

I agree with BC that it is both, and soooo many other factors come into play, including birth order.
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Old 06-23-2015, 11:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I think we are born with certain traits.

Those traits become dominate based on which ones are nurtured more.

A child born a bit more sensitive to things than others may become HUGELY sensitive if the child's caregivers treat her in a certain way.
Thus "growing" the sensitivity.

So depending on which traits we are given by nature and which ones are nurtured more, the answer depends.


I was going to say the same thing as BC...again.....
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Old 06-23-2015, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice! View Post
Oooh, I LOVE a good nature vs. nurture debate! I tend to believe any behavioral traits in a child are 25% nature and 75% nurture, but everyone has a different ratio that they believe in. Parents who have children that are total opposites tend to think that nature had a dominant hand, while daycare providers see "babied" children and are sure that nurture plays the bigger role. Very interesting either way.
I used to believe this too. My ratios changed after having my oldest dd. She is so much like my husband's sister, it's crazy. Not so much is how she looks, although she is built a lot like her, but in her likes/dislikes, personality, her interests, etc., even the way she speaks. The kicker is that my SIL passed away when DD was only 3 months old. She never met her aunt. So there is not environmental influence there. It's all genetic.

I do believe firmly in the environmental influence, but we have to give a lot of credit to nature, too.
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Old 06-23-2015, 01:46 PM
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I think a lot of things factor into this. I think some of this can be genetic since our biology and chemisty have a lot to do with our emotions. I also think that a child can learn to be needy if they are coddled too much.

Most kids are already born with a temperament type but I have seen naturally curious and inquisitive kids have their light burned out because of overbearing parenting and they no longer try things out on their own and become more reserved and I have seen naturally shy kids flourish when encouraged to try new things and are given some freedom.

I think both play a HUGE part in it.
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Old 06-23-2015, 02:04 PM
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I love this these debated too! Has anyone read the book "Sibling Effect"? Its about the role of birth order and family size in child development and personality- super interesting.

I agree with PPs, there are so many variables. Genes, socio economic factors, culture, birth order, whether they watch Dr. Who...the list goes on and on
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Old 06-23-2015, 02:09 PM
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Default sibling rough play

So I have two dck that are siblings. They tackle, wrestle and are generally rough with each other. They are all giggles until someone gets hurt. when I tell dcm she informs me the never play like that at home. Why do I feel this is not the case? Is it just me?
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Old 12-10-2015, 01:20 PM
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I completely agree.
Now, the question is......... how do you tell the parent(s) that they are only making it worse??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I think we are born with certain traits.

Those traits become dominate based on which ones are nurtured more.

A child born a bit more sensitive to things than others may become HUGELY sensitive if the child's caregivers treat her in a certain way.
Thus "growing" the sensitivity.

So depending on which traits we are given by nature and which ones are nurtured more, the answer depends.
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  #14  
Old 12-10-2015, 01:25 PM
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I was a VERY sensitive kid as well but my parents did not coddle me. I was ridiculed quite a bit and although you'd think that would make me tough it actually made me more sensitive to criticism, especially from authority figures. At my house I was told what to do and how to do it 24/7 and if I didn't do it right there was something wrong with me. I remember being in preschool and I was so afraid to ask to go to the bathroom I peed in my pants. Grown ups terrified me because I couldn't trust them and they clearly hated me.

Don't just naturally assume it is from excessive coddling. I have a very sensitive DCB right now and I often wonder what it's like in their home. He can't do things for himself because they just do it for them because of impatience and not wanting him to screw it all up. He waits for me to give him instruction on everything.
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Old 12-10-2015, 01:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa View Post
I think a lot of things factor into this. I think some of this can be genetic since our biology and chemisty have a lot to do with our emotions. I also think that a child can learn to be needy if they are coddled too much.

Most kids are already born with a temperament type but I have seen naturally curious and inquisitive kids have their light burned out because of overbearing parenting and they no longer try things out on their own and become more reserved and I have seen naturally shy kids flourish when encouraged to try new things and are given some freedom.

I think both play a HUGE part in it.
I am soooo with you on this.

I have a kid that if you say anything to them at all its a 45 min meltdown sometimes screaming and crying...

I found that the DCM seems to be the key to the problem. he is by nature a sensitive kid, but she feeds into so much and tries to hang on in the morning setting off the day on the wrong foot. as soon as I told her you need to drop and go all of a sudden things turned around.

When the dck starts the melt downs I used to let dck go to the safe place to validate the feelings. but now that just starts a huge mess of allowing the kid to scream for an hour or more with a phone call home for pick up. I started telling the kid:

you are safe, you are not hurt, lets move on and we do fine. I hate that I have to do that, but if I don't it's guarantee 45 min tantrum/meltdown.
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Old 12-10-2015, 02:07 PM
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Both. I believe people are born with certain traits, but with proper exposure to different situations ( exposure to loud noises, exposure to pets, exposure to multiple children, etc.), children can learn to adapt to what is considered normal activities and sounds.

For example, I have a new daycare child who is absolutely driving me insane because every time my dog barks, she screams holy hell! She is 2 1/2 years old, and when my dog barks, she screams, cries, throws her arms out as if she's an infant and expects you to pick her up, coddle her, and make her feel safe. IT'S A DOG THAT SIMPLY BARKED!!! But she acts like there's a roaring lion in my house! So, she might have been born sensitive to loud noises or loud noises that happen unexpectedly, but if she had a dog in her household, or frequently visited friends who have dogs, she wouldn't overreact when my dog barks, she would have gotten used to hearing a dog bark and would not be upset by it.

Also, by her throwing her arms out like an infant every time she cries, it's obvious to me that she's used to being immediately coddled as soon as she gets upset. So if she had not been grabbed up and comforted for every little thing that upsets her, she would have learned how to calm herself down when she's startled, upset, scared, etc. But she hasn't learned that. She's learned that someone else is supposed to hold her and make her feel safe.

Last edited by permanentvacation; 12-10-2015 at 02:11 PM. Reason: added last paragraph
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Old 12-10-2015, 02:20 PM
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The child I'm speaking of has gone to the same daycare center for 2 years (almost all of her life). Her mother told me that she STILL screams, cries, throws herself on the floor, and acts as if it's her first day ever going there. She throws her fit at that daycare for the longest time. And throws her fit with crying and throwing herself on the floor throughout the day any time she doesn't get her way.

She started with me yesterday. While her mother was still here, she started crying and threw herself on the floor. I immediately reprimanded her for throwing her fit and within a matter of seconds had her getting a toy from the shelf. Then as her mother walked out the door to go to work, she cried and threw herself on the floor again. I reprimanded her again and within seconds, she was getting a toy.

Today, she cried and threw herself on the floor one time. Again, in a matter of seconds, I had her quiet and getting a toy. She has only thrown her fit that one time today!

So that tells me that the daycare center did NOTHING to teach this child not to throw her fit. They either ignored her or coddled her. But they certainly did not TEACH her NOT to throw her fit. And they did not teach her within 2 YEARS how to properly enter their daycare center and be ready for her day!
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Old 12-10-2015, 05:27 PM
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I think, and know many have disagreed with me irl, but I will say it anyway. Children are smarter and not as nice as society likes to paint them. If a negative behavior (whining/crying in this case) gets them what they want, they want a get out of jail card. 9 times out of 10 in my experience a children will get worse with a behavior before they get better/stop it. Like "Mommy gives me what I want when I cry. I'll just cry louder and louder until Miss. Mary gives me what I want". It's really lazy parenting. They give in once. I've never met a naturally sensitive child. I've met a naturally sensitive adult either. For example, when I first started teaching there was a witch of a teacher who no one would cross, because she would tear people down and then cry and flip it on her being picked up. I saw her once get into a shouting match with another teacher. I was the only witness there. The principal comes in and she stops on a dime and say "I'm calm. Mrs. A is yelling and screaming. I didn't do any thing". Eventually, as with all sensitive people, she deemed I was giving her problems. It's always everyone else to them... Well, I did what I do with these children. I responded very calmly. I kept at it in interactions. Not negative and definitely not positive. I've noticed when you take this approach with sensitive children, they "toughen" up.
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Old 12-10-2015, 07:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I think, and know many have disagreed with me irl, but I will say it anyway. Children are smarter and not as nice as society likes to paint them. If a negative behavior (whining/crying in this case) gets them what they want, they want a get out of jail card. 9 times out of 10 in my experience a children will get worse with a behavior before they get better/stop it. Like "Mommy gives me what I want when I cry. I'll just cry louder and louder until Miss. Mary gives me what I want". It's really lazy parenting. They give in once. I've never met a naturally sensitive child. I've met a naturally sensitive adult either. For example, when I first started teaching there was a witch of a teacher who no one would cross, because she would tear people down and then cry and flip it on her being picked up. I saw her once get into a shouting match with another teacher. I was the only witness there. The principal comes in and she stops on a dime and say "I'm calm. Mrs. A is yelling and screaming. I didn't do any thing". Eventually, as with all sensitive people, she deemed I was giving her problems. It's always everyone else to them... Well, I did what I do with these children. I responded very calmly. I kept at it in interactions. Not negative and definitely not positive. I've noticed when you take this approach with sensitive children, they "toughen" up.
I agree with you. I see it everyday with a DCG-16 mos. Every single morning, mom will no leave until she puts DCG in someone's arms. And on cue, DCG starts crying. Mom claims that she is sensitive to change and spoiled. As soon as mom leaves, all crying stops and she goes to play.
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Old 12-10-2015, 07:39 PM
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I think it is a combination of both. But I also think that some things are just behavior and how it is dealt with leads to how it continues.
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Old 12-11-2015, 05:18 AM
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Human nature is so interesting.

I think that there are so many factors the play into this. Definitely genetics has a role but nurture certainly affects it. Parental perception of valued traits, society, etc etc.

I don't know if you get the show "nature of things" but I watched an episode on Nature vs Nurture that was quite interesting, with a study of identical twins separated at birth. The similarities were uncanny.

However, I do think that you can 'reward' certain traits, resulting in them becoming more prominent. I see that with my dcps and also with my own children. I can also see that with gentle nurturing, you can bring out other, less dominant traits, too.
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