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Old 09-17-2020, 09:08 PM
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LeslieG LeslieG is offline
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Default Daycare Family's Baby Boy Passed Away....

I received a terrible text this evening from one of my daycare families that their 3 week old baby boy passed away in his sleep last night. I am shocked, heart broken for them, sick to my stomach and I can't stop thinking of them. They are the nicest family and have already had a particularly bad year this year. I cannot imagine what they are going through!

I have been caring for their 3 year old for two years now, and have grown very close to this family.

I have never personally known anyone who has lost a child. What do I say? What do I do?

Also, do I pass the news to my other families, or is that not my place? Most of my families are pretty close knit with each other.
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Old 09-17-2020, 10:09 PM
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I am so sorry! I don't know, either, to share or not.
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Old 09-18-2020, 03:30 AM
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Very sad for your family’s loss and how hard it must be for you.
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Old 09-18-2020, 04:26 AM
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Oh no I'm so sorry. That kind of a loss has got to be one of the most heart-breaking. Hugs to the family and you and everybody involved. So so sad.

As far as telling the other dcfs, I wonder if the dcps are already on that? Maybe you could text the dcf and ask if it'd be okay. That's what I did when a baby had died in utero within our dc 'family' and dcm was fine with it. I figured the grieving family could use all the support they could get and wanted to avoid all the heart-wrenching good intentioned congratulations and questions.

I'm so sorry.
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Old 09-18-2020, 05:16 AM
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There is nothing you can say. Don't worry too much about that. Less is more.

If you are close to them be ready to listen to the story. Many times. They will need to talk about it to process and grieve it. Most will avoid them because of that.
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Old 09-18-2020, 07:29 AM
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your DC family.
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Old 09-18-2020, 10:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeslieG View Post
I received a terrible text this evening from one of my daycare families that their 3 week old baby boy passed away in his sleep last night. I am shocked, heart broken for them, sick to my stomach and I can't stop thinking of them. They are the nicest family and have already had a particularly bad year this year. I cannot imagine what they are going through!

I have been caring for their 3 year old for two years now, and have grown very close to this family.

I have never personally known anyone who has lost a child. What do I say? What do I do?

Also, do I pass the news to my other families, or is that not my place? Most of my families are pretty close knit with each other.
I'm so sorry
I know how you must feel, I lost a daycare boy just a few years ago, and I feel selfish saying this, but I'm so grateful he didn't die earlier in the day, at my house
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Old 09-18-2020, 10:09 AM
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In my case I didn't have to say anything to the other parents, some were present in the morning when I got the news.
I did share the Gofundme link on my Facebook page.
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Old 09-18-2020, 10:36 AM
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I'm so sorry! How sad for all involved.

I wouldn't say anything to the other families without first checking with the parents of the baby to ask how/if they wanted me to handle it. I won't even share good news about one family with the others unless I'm asked to do it or get permission first.
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Old 09-22-2020, 11:43 AM
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Kajada Kajada is offline
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How terrible.

I wouldn't say anything to the other families, but I would talk to the parents. Losing a child is a very isolating experience. My third child died an hour after birth. People feel like they don't know what to say, or think they won't say the right thing, so they say nothing. And it's awful. A simple "I'm thinking of you" text means the world. Use their child's name when you can. If possible, send a card, flowers, a gift card, anything. Birthdays and deathdays are important too - a month, 6 months, a year...if you're still involved with the family, say something. I think of my daughter all the time, but the 13th of every month is especially hard and it's been two years. Give the 3 year old extra cuddles if you can. If he or she wants to talk about it, listen. Losing a sibling is so hard and kids need to feel their feelings, without the adults in their lives minimizing their emotions or quickly changing the topic.

Of course, some parents don't want to talk about their loss and that's ok. But in my experience, most do.

Feel free to send me a message if you want. I'm quite involved in the pregnancy and infant loss community in my city and I'd be happy to chat.
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