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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Do You Think
morgan24 06:22 AM 03-03-2011
I'm curious if anyone else thinks that they have gotten hard hearted over the years? I think that I have, I've done this for 16 years and I don't tolerate any crap at all. I am a lot like Nannyde, I have a it's my or the no way attitude. I don't send out letters or memos. If have something to say, I just say it. I'm not rude, but I let them know how I feel about whatever it is that they did.
One person posted about a parent just walking in and scaring her. I would of let that parent know in no uncertain terms that it would never happen again, door would be locked and they can knock. I send people away if they try to bring a sick kid.
I just wondered how other people feel about it.
One person posted about a parent just walking in and scaring her. I would of let that parent know in no uncertain terms that it would never happen again, door would be locked and they can knock. I send people away if they try to bring a sick kid.
I just wondered how other people feel about it.
Zoe 06:31 AM 03-03-2011
I'm still new at this, so I obviously couldn't answer your question. However, I wonder if putting it more as "getting a backbone" rather than "hard hearted" is more accurate? From the posts I've read, the ones with more experience have have to deal with all the crap more and have been able to handle it with more guts than some of us newbies have.
Of course, this isn't the case for everybody. I've always assumed in my situation that the backbone will develop the more experience I get. At least I hope so
Of course, this isn't the case for everybody. I've always assumed in my situation that the backbone will develop the more experience I get. At least I hope so
Blackcat31 06:34 AM 03-03-2011
I too have been doing this for 16+ years and I don't think I've gotten hard-hearted about anything...I just think I have gotten better at speaking up. I have the experience and the knowledge to know when something will or won't work for MY program.
I know what things I will and will not put up with as far as special requests from parents and behaviors of children. I have gotten better at having a backbone and stating the things I need from others or don't want from them. I think that just comes from age.
As people get older, I think the self-confidence levels increase so that I no longer care what other people think and I have learned that at the end of the day, no matter what anyone else does or says, I am only in charge of me and the choices I make. At the end of the day, it is basically just between me and the Big Guy above.....kwim?
I don't feel I have grown hard-hearted, just more sensible. Does that make sense?
.....and yes, I also have no issues telling parents of my dck's what I think and feel about behaviors/stuff from the kids and the parents (in a polite but very direct way
) That is just one of the many perks of growing older...IMPO 
I know what things I will and will not put up with as far as special requests from parents and behaviors of children. I have gotten better at having a backbone and stating the things I need from others or don't want from them. I think that just comes from age.
As people get older, I think the self-confidence levels increase so that I no longer care what other people think and I have learned that at the end of the day, no matter what anyone else does or says, I am only in charge of me and the choices I make. At the end of the day, it is basically just between me and the Big Guy above.....kwim?
I don't feel I have grown hard-hearted, just more sensible. Does that make sense?
.....and yes, I also have no issues telling parents of my dck's what I think and feel about behaviors/stuff from the kids and the parents (in a polite but very direct way
) That is just one of the many perks of growing older...IMPO
missnikki 06:41 AM 03-03-2011
Zoe, you have the right idea. I think I fall into the 'backbone' category, and it is because I believe that in order to do a good job at this, you have to find the balance between professional with parents and silly with kids. It is hard to do! I try to avoid personal relationships outside of the concern for health and welfare of my families....like money problems, I just won't let that conversation get too out of hand...it only makes things way more uncomfortable down the road.
If you aim to keep the 'sob stories' to a minimum, you'll find that you don't need that backbone as often for things like.."Can I just pay you next Friday?" or "He had a rough night last night, but he seemed fine this morning." They learn to not even bother.
If you aim to keep the 'sob stories' to a minimum, you'll find that you don't need that backbone as often for things like.."Can I just pay you next Friday?" or "He had a rough night last night, but he seemed fine this morning." They learn to not even bother.
Christian Mother 07:32 AM 03-03-2011
I am very new at this...only 2 yrs. I am 32 yrs old. I feel like I act very mature even though I look quite young. Most of my parents are younger then me except one couple. I am kind of learning to get a back bone as I felt coming into this that I really want to help these parents...what I have learned is that to make things easier on me I have to have everything completely laid out. My interviews are lengthy so there are not any miscommunications. But recently I have been tested on my rules and regulations. I have had to be firmer. I don't helping the parent out but I have found that if it is affecting my daycare as a whole and causing me stress..there is something wrong...something isn't working and it is best to deal with right away. I am one of those people that don't act right away...I let it bother me til its to much. That is my fault at that point and I feel I need to take responsibility for allowing to continue further. So any stress I get from talking to a parent about behavior or special nap times or a parent lingering is partially my fault for not clearly stating up front that it isn't tolerated. So here I am having to deal with these issue...waaaa!!
momatheart 07:37 AM 03-03-2011
I am in a center and get told what I can an cannot say. So . . . . .
boysx5 08:20 AM 03-03-2011
I have gotten better but I wish I were at 100% saying it like it is
nannyde 08:50 AM 03-03-2011
Did you just put hard hearted and Nannyde in the same sentence? 
morgan24 09:40 AM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Did you just put hard hearted and Nannyde in the same sentence?
Sorry Nannyde! I didn't mean to imply you were hard hearted. I have read quite a few of the posts since I joined and I do some of the same things you do. I admire you and have a couple of your skills. Like the go-play-toys.Did you just put hard hearted and Nannyde in the same sentence?
I recently had a interview with a 3 year old, they made a bunch of silly requests that I said no to everyone of them. One was Junior doesn't like to nap, can he play downstairs in the playroom when everyone else naps. I said no. They wanted to bring choc. milk, poptarts or donuts for him for breakfast, cause that is what he likes, same with bringing a DS game because that is what he likes to do all day or watch TV. I said no. I don't even have TV in my playroom, its a playroom with tons of toys only hardly any of them are battery powered. They ended up going with someone else(who is unlicensed). She called and told me that they were going with someone else because they aren't as strict on their rules and policies.
That made me question myself and maybe me wonder if I have become hard hearted, that's why I decided to ask.
squareone 10:23 AM 03-03-2011
How about "no-nonsense?" I like that better.
daycare 10:30 AM 03-03-2011
I vote for no nonsense....
I am also the my way or highway type as well, but I am a bubble of love with these kids...
I am also the my way or highway type as well, but I am a bubble of love with these kids...
Cat Herder 10:34 AM 03-03-2011
I don't think I am hard hearted, but my BS detector is fine tuned.....
ninosqueridos 10:37 AM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by morgan24:
She called and told me that they were going with someone else because they aren't as strict on their rules and policies.
read: They were going with someone else that they'd be able to walk all over and someone who will do what they are told to do. She called and told me that they were going with someone else because they aren't as strict on their rules and policies.
nannyde 10:50 AM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by morgan24:
Sorry Nannyde! I didn't mean to imply you were hard hearted. I have read quite a few of the posts since I joined and I do some of the same things you do. I admire you and have a couple of your skills. Like the go-play-toys.
I recently had a interview with a 3 year old, they made a bunch of silly requests that I said no to everyone of them. One was Junior doesn't like to nap, can he play downstairs in the playroom when everyone else naps. I said no. They wanted to bring choc. milk, poptarts or donuts for him for breakfast, cause that is what he likes, same with bringing a DS game because that is what he likes to do all day or watch TV. I said no. I don't even have TV in my playroom, its a playroom with tons of toys only hardly any of them are battery powered. They ended up going with someone else(who is unlicensed). She called and told me that they were going with someone else because they aren't as strict on their rules and policies.
That made me question myself and maybe me wonder if I have become hard hearted, that's why I decided to ask.
Sorry Nannyde! I didn't mean to imply you were hard hearted. I have read quite a few of the posts since I joined and I do some of the same things you do. I admire you and have a couple of your skills. Like the go-play-toys.
I recently had a interview with a 3 year old, they made a bunch of silly requests that I said no to everyone of them. One was Junior doesn't like to nap, can he play downstairs in the playroom when everyone else naps. I said no. They wanted to bring choc. milk, poptarts or donuts for him for breakfast, cause that is what he likes, same with bringing a DS game because that is what he likes to do all day or watch TV. I said no. I don't even have TV in my playroom, its a playroom with tons of toys only hardly any of them are battery powered. They ended up going with someone else(who is unlicensed). She called and told me that they were going with someone else because they aren't as strict on their rules and policies.
That made me question myself and maybe me wonder if I have become hard hearted, that's why I decided to ask.
I'm just teasing ya.
I had my staff assistant read your post and now I will never hear the end of it.
See these parents are asking for the worst care in the basic core areas of GOOD child C-A-R-E
Crappy diet
Junk sleep
Electronic point and click play
No break for the caregiver
No independent free play
This is for a THREE year old who shouldn't even know what a DS is. He's at the peak of "go play toys" where he builds the foundational play that will make him a great student, great friend, sweet kid....
But they don't think it's necessary for him. He's the ONE who gets to have everything done HIS way and it's going to turn out just fine.
It's really sad.
Don't doubt yourself. You know what good CARE is. If they don't want to purchase good care then they will have to pay for that decision. It's not on you and it's not about being strict. It's about offering what kids REALLY need to turn out to be solid human beings.
Stay true to what you KNOW is right and pay them no nevermind. Just imagine what it would be like to be around a kid that had THAT life. He got that way for a reason... the junk diet because he wants sugar... the video games and the TV because he wants entertained... the no sleep because he doesn't like taking a nap...
He's going to be so incredibly difficult to manage that it wouldn't be worth any amount of their money to get me to do it.
Meeko 10:59 AM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I don't think I am hard hearted, but my BS detector is fine tuned.....
Amen to that one! I've been doing home day care for 26 years and I've heard PLENTY of BS!!! I don't think I'm harder....just wiser.I don't think I am hard hearted, but my BS detector is fine tuned.....
Unregistered 12:52 PM 03-03-2011
When I first started, I would fall for every sob story in the book. Parents were able to totally use me as a doormat and they knew it. I allowed them to push me into changing my policies to meet their needs. Since then, I've learned that I have to set boundaries and I have to make sure to make them crystal clear. So now I do and I may seem less caring than I was when I first began, but that's not the case. I still care about the children in my care as much as ever but I know that I can't expect the parents to return the sentiment. Parents tend to see providers as tools for them to use, not as people who have lives of their own. I don't think it's true of all parents, but it's been my experience that a good portion of parents are only concerned with making sure that the provider serves her purpose.
Michael 02:09 PM 03-03-2011
Just make sure you are not jaded.
Jaded: Tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something.
Jaded: Tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something.
Cat Herder 02:18 PM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by Michael:
Just make sure you are not jaded.
Jaded: Tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something.
Nah....I was jaded BEFORE I got my backbone, a solid contract and started standing up for myself....Just make sure you are not jaded.
Jaded: Tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something.
Now my daycare is peaceful, joyful and the kids "glow"....
I had a two year old today tell me...." I luff you more than ice creams!!!"
I don't think it had anything to do with the warm banana/blueberry bread I was pulling out of the oven at all......
I adore my kids, I have a good group of parents... I just want less government interference in my home.
happykidschildcare 02:24 PM 03-03-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Did you just put hard hearted and Nannyde in the same sentence?
I love NannyDe! I have been doing this for 7 years and I definitly have learned alot. Hard hearted, nah. Not afraid to speak up and say this is how things work at my house, totally!!!! In this field of work you have to be strong, or you will be taken advantage of over & over!!!!!!!!Did you just put hard hearted and Nannyde in the same sentence?