Daycare.com Forum Daycare Management Software

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-11-2015, 02:07 PM
mommyneedsadayoff's Avatar
mommyneedsadayoff mommyneedsadayoff is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,751
Default dcm keeps telling me dcg doesn't want to come

So I have a dcg who is 2 and she has never had issues coming to daycare, just a few times that she has been a little clingy to mom but even then, no crying or anything when mom leaves. Fast forward to the past week or so. Mom will come in and say "oh she started crying when we pulled up and didn't want to come" and then hug dcg and cuddle her. I am like, what do I say to that?!! I usually say it is normal and we will get busy and she will be fine, but it is annoying me. I get that kids don't want to come, but why would you tell someone that your child really doesn't want to come to their house or cries when they do? It seems kind of mean to me. Best to not say anything at all imo. It doesn't help that dcm is a friend of mine, so it hurts a little more. I just want to say, "oh, well you say she doesn't want to be here, so take her home and we will go about having our fun day! Peace out!" I just think it is rude. Anyone else feel this way or maybe I am being too sensitive.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-11-2015, 02:09 PM
mommyneedsadayoff's Avatar
mommyneedsadayoff mommyneedsadayoff is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,751
Default

Just to add that the main thing that bugs me is that when she says dcg doesn't want to be here, she looks at me like I am suppose to do something about it. Nothing has chaged here so there is no reason for dcg not wanting to come, other than she is two and rules the house and her parents. She has shown up in pjs three times now, because she didn't to get dressed. Since when does a child get the choice and since when do those responsibilites fall on the provider? I am getting burnt out i think. If she doesn't want to come and you are acting all put out by that, then DON"T COME! Please!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-11-2015, 02:10 PM
laundrymom's Avatar
laundrymom laundrymom is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,222
Default

I would probably mention that the extra cuddles she's getting when she cries might be encouraging the tears.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-11-2015, 02:18 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
So I have a dcg who is 2 and she has never had issues coming to daycare, just a few times that she has been a little clingy to mom but even then, no crying or anything when mom leaves. Fast forward to the past week or so. Mom will come in and say "oh she started crying when we pulled up and didn't want to come" and then hug dcg and cuddle her. I am like, what do I say to that?!! I usually say it is normal and we will get busy and she will be fine, but it is annoying me. I get that kids don't want to come, but why would you tell someone that your child really doesn't want to come to their house or cries when they do? It seems kind of mean to me. Best to not say anything at all imo. It doesn't help that dcm is a friend of mine, so it hurts a little more. I just want to say, "oh, well you say she doesn't want to be here, so take her home and we will go about having our fun day! Peace out!" I just think it is rude. Anyone else feel this way or maybe I am being too sensitive.
been there done that.

I think the parents tell us this because it makes them feel better about leaving them. knowing that they are wanted by their child.

I say this to the parent and child. Awe, I know how hard it is to leave all of your favorite things and your mommy or daddy, but you are going to have a fun day all day today just like you did yesterday.

I look at the parent and then say, hey who wouldn't rather stay home in comfort than have to go to school or work.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-11-2015, 02:45 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
Just to add that the main thing that bugs me is that when she says dcg doesn't want to be here, she looks at me like I am suppose to do something about it. Nothing has chaged here so there is no reason for dcg not wanting to come, other than she is two and rules the house and her parents. She has shown up in pjs three times now, because she didn't to get dressed. Since when does a child get the choice and since when do those responsibilites fall on the provider? I am getting burnt out i think. If she doesn't want to come and you are acting all put out by that, then DON"T COME! Please!
I'm not sure I'd have the balls to do this but I would like to think I did, but the next time she says DCG doesn't want to come to daycare call her out on it and tell her that you wouldn't feel right forcing her to do something she clearly doesn't want to do so maybe it would be best if mom kept her that day instead of leaving her at daycare. Or even suggest that since she is so unhappy at daycare that maybe mom should find a different daycare. I wonder if she (DCM) would change her tune if you just put it all on the line like that and called her bluff.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-11-2015, 03:04 PM
hope's Avatar
hope hope is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,520
Default

You can ask dcm how she would like the situation resolved? Ask her what she thinks would help? I would be curious as to how she would respond. Does dcm want you to do more activities, give more hugs? Turn the situation around on her. And you are right.....she is being very rude.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-11-2015, 03:25 PM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 7,308
Default

I would just tell her she shouldn't EVER have to go somewhere she doesn't want to go to. Just let you know when she wants to come back. If she doesn't want to come back make sure you give the notice in the contract.

Hopefully we will see you guys tomorrow... just text and let me know if she wants to come.



When she comes in pajamas just leave them on her and say the same thing to mom that she said to you. "She didn't want to get dressed" "She didn't want to get dressed""
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 09-11-2015, 03:38 PM
daycare's Avatar
daycare daycare is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
Posts: 16,021
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I would just tell her she shouldn't EVER have to go somewhere she doesn't want to go to. Just let you know when she wants to come back. If she doesn't want to come back make sure you give the notice in the contract.

Hopefully we will see you guys tomorrow... just text and let me know if she wants to come.



When she comes in pajamas just leave them on her and say the same thing to mom that she said to you. "She didn't want to get dressed" "She didn't want to get dressed""
lmao oh I love you
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-11-2015, 05:17 PM
sharlan's Avatar
sharlan sharlan is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Chino, California
Posts: 6,040
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I would just tell her she shouldn't EVER have to go somewhere she doesn't want to go to. Just let you know when she wants to come back. If she doesn't want to come back make sure you give the notice in the contract.

Hopefully we will see you guys tomorrow... just text and let me know if she wants to come.



When she comes in pajamas just leave them on her and say the same thing to mom that she said to you. "She didn't want to get dressed" "She didn't want to get dressed""
Yep, I had a parent say that once. I stepped in front of the door and said, "Oh, we'll try again tomorrow!" Shocked parent handed me the child and ran to the car. I never heard that comment again. I tell all of my parents that not all providers are right for the family as not all children fit in with the dynamics of my group. If your child doesn't want to be here than I want the parents to make other arrangements.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 09-11-2015, 06:07 PM
KiddieCahoots's Avatar
KiddieCahoots KiddieCahoots is offline
FCC Educator
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Utopia
Posts: 1,351
Default

Have a mom that does this......1st like BC tells me.....take the emotions out of it, it makes it so much clearer to see, and figure out the best course of action.
My dcm is like most, and needs to feel important and needed to her babe.
I give it to her by saying.....of course your baby would like to stay and play with you for the day, you are his momma! Sometimes I add a little....I can see the love in his eyes for you, so cute...blah....blah....blah...
And all of this is actually true, so it's easy to say.
As much as I hate to say it.....sometimes our job not only includes appeasing the children and babes, but more so the parents.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 09-12-2015, 08:07 AM
Gemma's Avatar
Gemma Gemma is online now
Childcare Provider
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: U.S.A
Posts: 1,221
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I would just tell her she shouldn't EVER have to go somewhere she doesn't want to go to. Just let you know when she wants to come back. If she doesn't want to come back make sure you give the notice in the contract.

Hopefully we will see you guys tomorrow... just text and let me know if she wants to come.



When she comes in pajamas just leave them on her and say the same thing to mom that she said to you. "She didn't want to get dressed" "She didn't want to get dressed""
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 09-12-2015, 10:59 AM
Baby Beluga's Avatar
Baby Beluga Baby Beluga is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 3,900
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
been there done that.

I think the parents tell us this because it makes them feel better about leaving them. knowing that they are wanted by their child.

I say this to the parent and child. Awe, I know how hard it is to leave all of your favorite things and your mommy or daddy, but you are going to have a fun day all day today just like you did yesterday.

I look at the parent and then say, hey who wouldn't rather stay home in comfort than have to go to school or work.
This is similar to how I respond. I mean, what child wouldn't rather stay at home with mom or dad?
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 09-15-2015, 01:29 PM
renodeb's Avatar
renodeb renodeb is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 837
Default

Truthfully, that would annoy me to. Parents need to keep those things to themselves. I used to have a boy who the parents would swear up and down that he only poops his pants at my house and they don't understand why. Then one day Dad starts talking and lets it slip that he does it at home to. I was really at the end of my rope with that family. When something like that happens I just reassure that they will be fun in a matter of minutes. A 2 year old will manipulate the parents with that. It's nothing you have done wrong so she should not be saying anything to you.
Deb
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 09-15-2015, 01:51 PM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,960
Default

This was my friggin' niece! Why did she act like this? because the extra drama got her extra cuddles and positive attention from her dad who did all of the drop offs. I requested that my sister start dropping her off and guess what? no issues. It REALLY is about the behavior of the parent. Some parents just want to desperately create drama for their kids, they thrive on it.

This mother is reinforcing the behavior by talking about it to you and giving cuddles and attention. She is probably asking her all sorts of questions in the car about it and thus giving more attention instead of ignoring the child. Tell the mom that she needs to make drop off super quick and there will be no more talk about the kid hating daycare unless she wants to place her elsewhere. I would also suggest someone else drops the kid off, someone without this drama history.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 09-15-2015, 01:52 PM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,960
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by renodeb View Post
Truthfully, that would annoy me to. Parents need to keep those things to themselves. I used to have a boy who the parents would swear up and down that he only poops his pants at my house and they don't understand why. Then one day Dad starts talking and lets it slip that he does it at home to. I was really at the end of my rope with that family. When something like that happens I just reassure that they will be fun in a matter of minutes. A 2 year old will manipulate the parents with that. It's nothing you have done wrong so she should not be saying anything to you.
Deb
OMG Dads always tell the truth!! I get noting but lies from the moms but the dads always tell the truth I find. I had two transitions with the dads instead of the moms and all the truths came out about their kids! hilarious.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 09-15-2015, 02:33 PM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13,453
Default

"Oh, they all do that sometimes when they don't feel like they had enough mommy time in the mornings. Maybe reading a book or two together, at home, before coming would help?"
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 09-15-2015, 02:53 PM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,960
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
"Oh, they all do that sometimes when they don't feel like they had enough mommy time in the mornings. Maybe reading a book or two together, at home, before coming would help?"
Genius!
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 09-15-2015, 04:12 PM
Thehusbandsperspective Thehusbandsperspective is offline
Member Awaiting Status Upgrade
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 1
Default

"She shouldn't have to go anywhere she doesnt want to"? Who is in charge here? Please remember that we are PRODUCING future adults. As adults, we do not always have a choice in whether we want to go to work, pay a mortgage/bill or get sick and still have to produce. This is a life long lesson that must begin at the earliest ages.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 09-15-2015, 04:45 PM
nannyde's Avatar
nannyde nannyde is offline
All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Des Moines
Posts: 7,308
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thehusbandsperspective View Post
"She shouldn't have to go anywhere she doesnt want to"? Who is in charge here? Please remember that we are PRODUCING future adults. As adults, we do not always have a choice in whether we want to go to work, pay a mortgage/bill or get sick and still have to produce. This is a life long lesson that must begin at the earliest ages.
Ummm I was being facetious.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 09-15-2015, 04:51 PM
crazydaycarelady's Avatar
crazydaycarelady crazydaycarelady is offline
Not really crazy
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,447
Default

I have gotten this too. You could send her a text picture of her daughter having fun minutes after you leave and tell her it is all a show, just for her!
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 09-15-2015, 06:29 PM
AmyLeigh's Avatar
AmyLeigh AmyLeigh is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 875
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
So I have a dcg who is 2 and she has never had issues coming to daycare, just a few times that she has been a little clingy to mom but even then, no crying or anything when mom leaves. Fast forward to the past week or so. Mom will come in and say "oh she started crying when we pulled up and didn't want to come" and then hug dcg and cuddle her. I am like, what do I say to that?!! I usually say it is normal and we will get busy and she will be fine, but it is annoying me. I get that kids don't want to come, but why would you tell someone that your child really doesn't want to come to their house or cries when they do? It seems kind of mean to me. Best to not say anything at all imo. It doesn't help that dcm is a friend of mine, so it hurts a little more. I just want to say, "oh, well you say she doesn't want to be here, so take her home and we will go about having our fun day! Peace out!" I just think it is rude. Anyone else feel this way or maybe I am being too sensitive.
"See? She loves me more than you!"
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 09-16-2015, 06:50 AM
rosieteddy's Avatar
rosieteddy rosieteddy is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1,260
Default

I would send a note home.Dear Parents ,As your child is having a hard time at grop offwe need a new plan.I require all children to be fed and dressed for the day.Please say your goodbyes at the door.I will take child in you may phone me when you are ready.Please do not express any negativity to me pr the program in front of your child.lETS SET THE CHILD UP FOR A HAPPY DAY.It could work and you could add that everyone would prefer to stay home if they could.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 09-16-2015, 07:42 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 13,453
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thehusbandsperspective View Post
"She shouldn't have to go anywhere she doesnt want to"? Who is in charge here? Please remember that we are PRODUCING future adults. As adults, we do not always have a choice in whether we want to go to work, pay a mortgage/bill or get sick and still have to produce. This is a life long lesson that must begin at the earliest ages.
It was all in good fun. Sense of humor. Get one. Stat.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg captain litterally.jpg (69.3 KB, 3 views)
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 09-16-2015, 08:05 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Another Side to the Same Coin

Thought I would chime in with an experience that is different from others. Fingers crossed, I am an up and coming daycare provider (waiting on closing date, inspections, etc) and have had my daughter in daycare. Also, my apologies for chiming in as "Unregistered". I made the mistake of saving my user name and password to the computer. When I got a new one, I couldn't remember login information. :\

My experience:

My daughter, normally very even-keeled, would suddenly do everything in her little 3 year old power to keep from getting dressed in the morning. She wouldn't get up out of bed, I would pick her up and she would scream and cry. She would kick her legs and not lift her arms when I tried to put her pants and shirt on. She would take forever doing any little thing she could and was making me late for work. I never did, but several times I thought about just taking her in her PJs. She told me on several occasions she didn't want to go to preschool and was unusually clingy after being fine. I mentioned a couple of times to my DCP that she kept saying she didn't want to come. I was puzzled and looking for advice, I LOVED my daycare provider! But I truly couldn't understand the change.

This happened for at least 4-6 weeks before I finally figured out what was going on. In our case, she had started playing with a little girl who turned out to be a bully. The little girl would call her names, tell her she was ugly or her clothes were ugly, snatch toys she previously didn't want to play with once my daughter was playing with them, and otherwise torment her. She was very sneaky and would do it way off in a corner with a smile on her face so the teachers wouldn't know and just thought everything was normal play. It escalated eventually to where she threw a rock at my daughter (waited until the teacher had her attention on another child). My daughter only kept saying the girl had been mean to her, but would still play with her every day. I chalked it up to normal kid interaction (not realizing all the above listed incidents had occurred). Once my daughter was able to articulate the problem to me I spoke with the director and her teacher the next day. They was wonderful and helped me solve the issue.

I mention my experience because I know you took to heart what that parent said and they way she looked at you. She is probably looking for help even if she is feeling accusatory towards you right now. If I were in her shoes, I would want to hear something along the lines of "I'm so sorry she feels that way. She usually seems so happy to be here and has a smile all day long but I will definitely keep an eye out to see if I can figure out if anything has changed. Has she mentioned anything specific to you? We can work on this together." For me, having an acknowledgement that I'm not crazy, that my daughters feelings do matter, and that my daycare provider was willing and ready to help would have been exactly what I was looking for.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 09-16-2015, 08:08 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Woops!

How embarrassing! I am normally a grammar queen so I beg you all to please ignore my grammar errors - I should have proofread before posting! I think I need another cup of coffee.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 09-16-2015, 08:30 AM
afienen's Avatar
afienen afienen is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 6
Default It's Me Again, Margaret

Well, I figured out my login info finally. Now I can post as a registered member. Yay!
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 09-16-2015, 08:33 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,601
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by afienen View Post
Well, I figured out my login info finally. Now I can post as a registered member. Yay!
LOL! Welcome aboard!!

I just sent you a password reminder too...but glad you figured it out!
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 09-16-2015, 10:25 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,536
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
OMG Dads always tell the truth!! I get noting but lies from the moms but the dads always tell the truth I find. I had two transitions with the dads instead of the moms and all the truths came out about their kids! hilarious.
I ALWAYS ask the Dads if at all possible before I even bring it up to the moms. Dad hasn't been 'prepped'. Same thing happened to me with almost 5yo not potty trained. In the SAME DAY, I asked Dad at drop off, he said it's a regular thing that he is pooping his pants, and YES they have him in a pull up. Ask Mom at pick up, he hasn't pooped his pants in WEEKS and he is in underwear everywhere but here. I then asked kid in front of Mom... got the same answer as Dad. I smiled really big and said "He needs more pullups."
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 09-16-2015, 10:51 AM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,960
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
I ALWAYS ask the Dads if at all possible before I even bring it up to the moms. Dad hasn't been 'prepped'. Same thing happened to me with almost 5yo not potty trained. In the SAME DAY, I asked Dad at drop off, he said it's a regular thing that he is pooping his pants, and YES they have him in a pull up. Ask Mom at pick up, he hasn't pooped his pants in WEEKS and he is in underwear everywhere but here. I then asked kid in front of Mom... got the same answer as Dad. I smiled really big and said "He needs more pullups."
I find it so hilarious!! Mom was telling me that her kid was a champion sleeper, dad says she is super hard to put down. Mom tells me she will go with anyone, dad says she is shy. Mom told me that she frequently does all sorts of fun projects with him at home, dad tells me he has never held a marker before. WTF?!!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Daycare Child Telling Parents Things That Have Them Question Me Constantly E Daycare Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 25 01-08-2018 03:32 PM
Telling Their Child To Lie?! Wow Unregistered Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 20 02-20-2015 11:56 AM
DCG Telling Everyone "NO" LeslieG Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 10 05-24-2013 04:23 PM
I'm Telling Mommy! Play Care Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 12 04-19-2013 08:50 PM
Telling DCPs I'm Pregnant Blissful Kids Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 6 01-07-2013 08:13 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:05 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming