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Old 08-19-2020, 01:42 PM
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Default Can I Ask Parents This?

During the initial shut down of things in March I cut my availability. My one family, my neighbors a couple homes down said they were looking into Daycare, a center. I told them in person that I will not take their child here any days at all if she goes to a daycare center some days and here the others. I just don't want her coming with all her "allergies" and "teething" kids get from large centers. As things stabilized here I offered more days back to them and they declined. I know they both work 5 days a week. Soooo, where is dcg going the days she's not here? I think it's a daycare. I can't be 100% sure but my gut tells me she's in a center. How do I ask the parents if she goes to daycare? Can I ask? She came here with "allergies" yesterday 😔
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Old 08-19-2020, 03:15 PM
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I forgot to add that dcg has been talking about her teachers. Her "teachers" would be from her maybe daycare? I know I sound crazy but I did specifically say that dcg could not come here if she attended a daycare center.
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Old 08-19-2020, 03:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Valerie928 View Post
During the initial shut down of things in March I cut my availability. My one family, my neighbors a couple homes down said they were looking into Daycare, a center. I told them in person that I will not take their child here any days at all if she goes to a daycare center some days and here the others. I just don't want her coming with all her "allergies" and "teething" kids get from large centers. As things stabilized here I offered more days back to them and they declined. I know they both work 5 days a week. Soooo, where is dcg going the days she's not here? I think it's a daycare. I can't be 100% sure but my gut tells me she's in a center. How do I ask the parents if she goes to daycare? Can I ask? She came here with "allergies" yesterday 😔
I would ask! It's your business and if you told them that their child cannot attend if they went somewhere else, then you have a right to know.

I would just be blunt and ask them where dcg goes when she's not with you. In todays world, it's not an unreasonable thing to ask at all.
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Old 08-19-2020, 03:29 PM
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Originally Posted by CountryRoads View Post
I would ask! It's your business and if you told them that their child cannot attend if they went somewhere else, then you have a right to know.

I would just be blunt and ask them where dcg goes when she's not with you. In todays world, it's not an unreasonable thing to ask at all.
I was thinking something like this......" Just checking in again as fall approaches to see if you want to add Suzy on a day? Also, Suzy keeps talking about her teachers? Is Suzy in daycare?
Or, should I just be blunt and ask?
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Old 08-19-2020, 03:33 PM
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I was thinking something like this......" Just checking in again as fall approaches to see if you want to add Suzy on a day? Also, Suzy keeps talking about her teachers? Is Suzy in daycare?
Or, should I just be blunt and ask?
I like that way of bringing it up - asking if they want to add a day. It doesn't sound accusatory and you should get the answer you need! I would just be prepared with a response if they say that she is in a center.
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Old 08-19-2020, 03:36 PM
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I like that way of bringing it up - asking if they want to add a day. It doesn't sound accusatory and you should get the answer you need! I would just be prepared with a response if they say that she is in a center.
I actually just texted and asked bluntly if she goes to daycare the days she's not
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Old 08-19-2020, 03:50 PM
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I actually just texted and asked bluntly if she goes to daycare the days she's not
Oh, good! I'm glad you got the answer you need! Do you believe her, though? Lol I've got some parents that would definitely lie about that if they knew they were in the wrong.
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Old 08-19-2020, 04:00 PM
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Oh, good! I'm glad you got the answer you need! Do you believe her, though? Lol I've got some parents that would definitely lie about that if they knew they were in the wrong.
I said that wrong in my last post. What I meant to say was that I texted mom and bluntly asked if daycare girl is going to daycare the days she's not coming here.

Mom hasn't responded yet.
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Old 08-19-2020, 05:08 PM
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I would aquire the teacher's name from kid and ask parent "she keeps talking about X, sounds like she has fun" and see how the convo goes or her face.

Or
"I noticed you work 5 days a week but she isn't here
Who is watching her?"

As a home provider you can tell them-make sure you can reference in your handbook, if not revise it and get a signature- if you feel they are exposing themselves (that sounds wrong) you cannot have it in your home and it is grounds for termination.


I have neighbors in front of me with a little and I introduced myself and they are interested in my 2 hour program...but I have seen people coming to their house a couple of times all unmasked. I will be addressing that when|if they contact for care.
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Old 08-19-2020, 05:12 PM
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I like bringing this stuff up face to face as it gives them less time to think of a response!

I would have said ďsally keeps talking about her teachers at daycare, is she in daycare?Ē and see what mom says. Then term on the spot!

I actually found out that a family was leaving because the kid told me they went to a new school and she was going to be starting a new school soon. It is hilarious that parents think kids wonít tell us
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Old 08-19-2020, 05:38 PM
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I also like to gauge reactions in person vs text. You can lie through text so much easier.
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Old 08-19-2020, 06:51 PM
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I like bringing this stuff up face to face as it gives them less time to think of a response!

I would have said ďsally keeps talking about her teachers at daycare, is she in daycare?Ē and see what mom says. Then term on the spot!

I actually found out that a family was leaving because the kid told me they went to a new school and she was going to be starting a new school soon. It is hilarious that parents think kids wonít tell us
I didn't think of actually seeing their response in person if asked. I texted both parents and have yet to hear a response.
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Old 08-19-2020, 08:01 PM
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Update, I got the word. She goes to a daycare center.
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Old 08-19-2020, 08:09 PM
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In light of COVID I would trust my instincts and logic and simplY require 5 days a week attendance or bail and let them go.

They sound like a selfish and risky family.

This pandemic is stressful enough as it.
If your instincts are talking Iíd listen
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Old 08-19-2020, 08:17 PM
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In light of COVID I would trust my instincts and logic and simplY require 5 days a week attendance or bail and let them go.

They sound like a selfish and risky family.

This pandemic is stressful enough as it.
If your instincts are talking Iíd listen
I termed them.
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Old 08-19-2020, 10:08 PM
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Iím just curious, why reduce the number of days you offer?
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  #17  
Old 08-20-2020, 02:32 AM
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Iím just curious, why reduce the number of days you offer?
I reduced my days back in March when the pandemic started.
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Old 08-20-2020, 06:53 AM
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Iím glad you got an answer OP. Itís too bad your client didnít follow your guidelines and tell you the truth to begin with.

I swear sometimes parents think we make rules just to give them a hard time and make more money. They have no clue the hoops weíre asked to jump through to stay in compliance with the existing and now new covid regulations and that following the regulations usually cost us money instead.

Keeping the same group of kids in care all week and not intermingling a daycare child with another daycare environment made sense. Now with the kids going back to school part-time and still coming to daycare part-time, it doesnít seem to make that much sense.
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Old 08-20-2020, 07:56 AM
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I termed them.
Good for you! Just curious how they reacted?
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Old 08-20-2020, 08:29 AM
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I termed them.
Good for you! Such disrespect to deliberately put everyone at risk and try to hide it.
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Old 08-20-2020, 08:43 AM
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Good for you! Just curious how they reacted?
The reaction came from dad. Mom is too ...what's the word? She cares about herself. I don't expect anything from mom. Dad tried to tell me how honest they are with me?? Huh? Really? They lied to me. No other way around it. He just carried on and on. I simply said our arrangement is over. It felt good. I am very timid by nature so this was kind of a breakthrough for me.
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Old 08-20-2020, 09:01 AM
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Glad you termed! I can't stand when parents keep secrets from me that affect care. I had a mom hide moderate autism. Lied thru her teeth. I only figured it out when kid had a fit because he had a change in routine during a field trip that I was unprepared for. I termed for misrepresentation of a child's condition. She said she did it because when interviewing child care centers, she was always turned down due to the autism. I said to her that I would not turn down the autism, because I could at least prepare myself if I knew that you had it, but I do turn down people when they're not honest. I had to turn her because she needed to understand that that was not okay. It's not cool to have things like that sprung on both me and that child. That was not okay. Parents always think they can get around rules, and the reasons are always self-serving. I just don't have time for that
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Old 08-20-2020, 09:47 AM
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You did the right thing.
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Old 08-20-2020, 10:03 AM
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Glad you termed! I can't stand when parents keep secrets from me that affect care. I had a mom hide moderate autism. Lied thru her teeth. I only figured it out when kid had a fit because he had a change in routine during a field trip that I was unprepared for. I termed for misrepresentation of a child's condition. She said she did it because when interviewing child care centers, she was always turned down due to the autism. I said to her that I would not turn down the autism, because I could at least prepare myself if I knew that you had it, but I do turn down people when they're not honest. I had to turn her because she needed to understand that that was not okay. It's not cool to have things like that sprung on both me and that child. That was not okay. Parents always think they can get around rules, and the reasons are always self-serving. I just don't have time for that
I had a mom who is otherwise great, and probably did it to protect him-age 5- not knowing my intentions, but she openly told me in the 1st meeting he had behavioral issues. 2nd neet I provided the form from DCYF and asked how I can accommodate. She backtracked.
Day one kid was on my outdoor toy house! Seriously! Within seconds! Kids ran outside and I was at the door putting on my sons shoes. He mellowed mostly but still. They were temp 2 x a week 1.5 months so I wasn't too worried, but he broke loads of toys. (Cheap toys, out of careless cluelessness, vs anger, so I did not ask for reimbursement.)
I only wanted it as a plan to help him succeed and know what I need to do. Not use it against him.
Claimed it was a food color allergy causing it so they eliminated it from his diet. Ha, that was half of it. He was off the walls without it.
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Old 08-20-2020, 12:10 PM
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It's a bit disheartening that I will probably never hear from the mom again. I cared for her child from 3 months old to 2.8 years.
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Old 08-21-2020, 06:10 AM
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It's a bit disheartening that I will probably never hear from the mom again. I cared for her child from 3 months old to 2.8 years.
Good for you for standing up for you, your family and your daycare rules. I am curious though if you knew they had to work 5 days a week, where you thought dcg would go? Were you just nervous about her being in a large center versus a smaller in home like yours? It feels so good when you stand up to people trying to take advantage of you so awesome for you!!!!
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Old 08-21-2020, 08:47 AM
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Good for you for standing up for you, your family and your daycare rules. I am curious though if you knew they had to work 5 days a week, where you thought dcg would go? Were you just nervous about her being in a large center versus a smaller in home like yours? It feels so good when you stand up to people trying to take advantage of you so awesome for you!!!!
Mom works from home like a lot of folks now do. So, I knew she could be staying with mom on the days she wasn't here. I was worried about her going to a center because I worked in one for 7 years and no the germs are absolutely ridiculous. Been there done that. Didn't want dcg bringing that stuff into my home and made that clear to her parents who went and put her into a center anyway and didn't tell me. So, it was only right to terminate them. I already have a new kiddo on deck to start here🙂
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Old 08-21-2020, 07:55 PM
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Mom works from home like a lot of folks now do. So, I knew she could be staying with mom on the days she wasn't here. I was worried about her going to a center because I worked in one for 7 years and no the germs are absolutely ridiculous. Been there done that. Didn't want dcg bringing that stuff into my home and made that clear to her parents who went and put her into a center anyway and didn't tell me. So, it was only right to terminate them. I already have a new kiddo on deck to start here🙂
Don't blame you at all. Good for you for sticking up for yourself!!! That isn't always easy to do.
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Old 08-21-2020, 08:50 PM
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Don't blame you at all. Good for you for sticking up for yourself!!! That isn't always easy to do.
It was really hard for me to terminate. But, I know I did the right thing and it feels great. The only thing that I am struggling with now is the mom. I CAN'T BELIEVE that I loved and cared for this kiddo for well over 2 years and mom has said NOTHING....nada ... I really want to say something to her because I can't believe I got no response from her, not even a goodbye. All the termination stuff has been dealt with by dad. Part of me wants to throw eggs at her house. So, just curious? Would you guys say something to mom or just let it be?

Last edited by Valerie928; 08-21-2020 at 08:51 PM. Reason: Typing errors
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Old 08-22-2020, 09:56 AM
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It was really hard for me to terminate. But, I know I did the right thing and it feels great. The only thing that I am struggling with now is the mom. I CAN'T BELIEVE that I loved and cared for this kiddo for well over 2 years and mom has said NOTHING....nada ... I really want to say something to her because I can't believe I got no response from her, not even a goodbye. All the termination stuff has been dealt with by dad. Part of me wants to throw eggs at her house. So, just curious? Would you guys say something to mom or just let it be?
I would let it go. On our end kids (and sometimes parents) become ďfamilyĒ because we spend so much time with them.

From the familyís side we arenít always viewed that way. Most times we really are just the lady that provides a service.

This isnít true in all cases but a good majority.

The venting threads and Christmas gift threads highlight this difference in feelings.
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