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Tasha 11:49 AM 02-16-2016
Does anybody know or can anyone guess what the acronym B.O.W. could possibly stand for? I got an email today from a DCM that was clearly not intended for me, but I'm sure was about me. It was not a nice email, and she referred to me as BOW, which is obviously her nickname for me. I can't think of what it could stand for. Any ideas?
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Blackcat31 11:59 AM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
Does anybody know or can anyone guess what the acronym B.O.W. could possibly stand for? I got an email today from a DCM that was clearly not intended for me, but I'm sure was about me. It was not a nice email, and she referred to me as BOW, which is obviously her nickname for me. I can't think of what it could stand for. Any ideas?
Generally I've seen it as "bitch on wheels" but I dont know if that is a common acronym or not so I could be very wrong but that's how I've seen it used most.

Yikes! What a terrible thing to say (if that is what DCM meant) and wow! that is was accidentally sent to you by mistake
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Ariana 12:07 PM 02-16-2016
I think we need to see a copy of the email for further clarification

I do think it mean Bitch on wheels. Does that make sense? Ridiculously rude.
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~Poppy~ 12:12 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I think we need to see a copy of the email for further clarification

I do think it mean Bitch on wheels. Does that make sense? Ridiculously rude.
Yes! Context would help but "bitch on wheels" would be my guess as well.

How terribly rude. I'm sorry
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Cat Herder 12:16 PM 02-16-2016
You go Tasha

That means she fears and respects you, she just does not want to admit it. You own space in her head, rent free....
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Baby Beluga 12:22 PM 02-16-2016
I've also seen it as "battle of wills"

Context would help with deciphering what she meant.

What are you going to say to her in response?
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Blackcat31 12:27 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
You own space in her head, rent free....


I just got water up my nose....


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Cat Herder 12:33 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:


I just got water up my nose....

Sorry bout that.

OP: I'd keep silent about it. AWKWARD silent. Make her bring it up if she must. Let it fester in her head while you forget it even happened.
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knoxmomof2 12:37 PM 02-16-2016
Apparently "Becoming an Outdoors Woman" is a possibility.... Have you become more outdoorsy lately?

I'd say nothing btw. Awkward..
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Blackcat31 12:38 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by knoxmomof2:
Apparently "Becoming an Outdoors Woman" is a possibility.... Have you become more outdoorsy lately?

I'd say nothing btw. Awkward..
You Googled didnt you?
That's what I did too (that is the first thing that popped up)because I couldnt imagine someone seriously referring to their provider in the "other way" that I posted.
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Tasha 12:52 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Generally I've seen it as "bitch on wheels" but I dont know if that is a common acronym or not so I could be very wrong but that's how I've seen it used most.

Yikes! What a terrible thing to say (if that is what DCM meant) and wow! that is was accidentally sent to you by mistake

OMG, that didn't even occur to me. Of course that's what
she meant! I am really angry.
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Tasha 12:55 PM 02-16-2016
Last summer I was the OP of a long thread that really bit me hard because the DCM recognized that she was the subject of my thread, so I'm worried about posting this other DCM's email.
On the other hand, she's the one being nasty, so I shouldn't worry about that, right?
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Blackcat31 12:58 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
Last summer I was the OP of a long thread that really bit me hard because the DCM recognized that she was the subject of my thread, so I'm worried about posting this other DCM's email.
On the other hand, she's the one being nasty, so I shouldn't worry about that, right?
I am PMing you
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Tasha 01:58 PM 02-16-2016
I'll paraphrase her note to me.
She wrote that ''BOW charged me a late fee because I was 7 minutes late. SEVEN minutes!"
She also said that I was smug and that I enjoyed charging her, and that it's one thing after another with me, including ''the underwear and pacifier.''

I'm really seething. I did charge her a late fee, but only because this is the 3rd time she's been late in the last 5
weeks, and because I was closed yesterday and opened
up for her after she begged me! She also wants to
send her kid in underwear, when he's not nearly ready.
I never even knew the pacifier was an issue. She's
going to be here in 30 minutes and I have no idea
what to say to her, but I am really steamed.
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Thriftylady 02:11 PM 02-16-2016
I am not sure I would say anything. I wouldn't change how I do things either though. In fact I would be sure to charge her EVERY time she is late. What is the deal with the paci? I am assuming the issue is you won't let child run around with it. The thing is parents very seldom realize that it gets to a point where the parent needs a child to have these things much more than the child needs it.

I can understand being angry, I would start interviewing. When you fill the spot and term her, she will ask why. I would then say "well turns out you think I am a B on wheels, so you must not want me to provide care for you anymore".
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Baby Beluga 02:17 PM 02-16-2016
I too would lead toward interviewing and terming. I understand parents get upset, we are all human. BUT I would be uncomfortable working with someone who I knew called me a BOW. Especially given her past issues.
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Cat Herder 02:20 PM 02-16-2016
Don't seethe. This is a win. She knows you mean business. She is now over in adult time out whining about it to her friends....

Change your mindset.

It truly is a win. She is able to state the policy in a complete sentence to her friends.
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NeedaVaca 02:30 PM 02-16-2016
I would meet her at the door wearing roller skates and a big smile
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mommyneedsadayoff 02:30 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Don't seethe. This is a win. She knows you mean business. She is now over in adult time out whining about it to her friends....

Change your mindset.

It truly is a win. She is able to state the policy in a complete sentence to her friends.
I totally agree! She is just pouting and mad because she didn't get her way. Good for you for sticking to your policy and giving her the consequences of not following your rules! Sometimes we spend more time teaching the parents than the kids and you are doing great with this one! When she comes, just get LO ready and say to him, "You have a great night! BOW will see you in the morning!" Big smile!
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Controlled Chaos 02:33 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Don't seethe. This is a win. She knows you mean business. She is now over in adult time out whining about it to her friends....

Change your mindset.

It truly is a win. She is able to state the policy in a complete sentence to her friends.


I agree! She knows your policies. We all vent sometimes. Sometimes I vent bout DH to friends about things that don't actually bug me that much, but its a way of releasing tension I feel about a variety of life issues. Not sure if that makes sense...

If she bugs you for other reasons, look to replace.

I wouldn't bring it up. I would smile big and let her feel awful about it. Let her worry.
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Unregistered 02:36 PM 02-16-2016
Bow wow wow
zippy yo zippy yay
bow is in the house!
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rosieteddy 02:47 PM 02-16-2016
I would send the email back.I would say "I don't think this was meant for me". Then see what she says at pickup.
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Josiegirl 02:52 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Bow wow wow
zippy yo zippy yay
bow is in the house!
WTH

Personally, I'd term immediately. I wouldn't be able to let it go. If dcm didn't read the policies to know this can happen, it's her own fault. Then to say that about you, she's probably mad at herself. And I'm wondering if it was actually a mistake or her passive-aggressive way of telling you how she felt. In order for a provider-parent relationship to work, it needs respect, among other things. And clearly that B.O.W. doesn't have any towards you.
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Cat Herder 03:01 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
WTH
I think it was a term of endearment. It is a celebratory song...

OP, This is from a business website I love called business balls.
Attached: business balls.jpg (38.9 KB) 
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Josiegirl 03:06 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I think it was a term of endearment. It is a celebratory song...
Oops, sorry As usual, I sit here clueless.
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laundrymom 03:13 PM 02-16-2016
I'm waiting for an update. Wondering if she wore skates and really thinking its a bad azz nickname. She knows you mean business and are worth every penny
stay strong Tasha. You can worry about her negative feelings another time. Right now, BOW is enforcing her rules and teaching her how to be a decent human being. Because being rude is too common.
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Tasha 03:29 PM 02-16-2016
She came in and it was business as usual. I said nothing about the email, and it was obvious to me that she didn't know that she sent it to me. I understand what you're saying about not letting it get under my skin, but I really am nice to her! And to read that she calls me the ''b'' word, and that she thinks I'm smug just sends me reeling! And honestly, it hurts my feelings, too. I knew she was a little miffed about the late fee, but not to this extent. I would never know her feelings had she not sent me that email. Now I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I really don't want to see her face ever again.
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knoxmomof2 03:31 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
You Googled didnt you?
That's what I did too (that is the first thing that popped up)because I couldnt imagine someone seriously referring to their provider in the "other way" that I posted.
Heehee... Nooooooooo
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Thriftylady 03:32 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
She came in and it was business as usual. I said nothing about the email, and it was obvious to me that she didn't know that she sent it to me. I understand what you're saying about not letting it get under my skin, but I really am nice to her! And to read that she calls me the ''b'' word, and that she thinks I'm smug just sends me reeling! And honestly, it hurts my feelings, too. I knew she was a little miffed about the late fee, but not to this extent. I would never know her feelings had she not sent me that email. Now I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I really don't want to see her face ever again.
While I see what the others are saying about the fact she is throwing a tantrum and you win. Well yeah I kinda see that. But if it was me I would be like you and not want to see her again. I guess I always feel like if someone feels that way about me, I want nothing to do with them. Sadly thought it is business, and if we refused to do business with people we just didn't like or they didn't like us, well I guess I would be in trouble, because I don't really like that many people lol.
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laundrymom 03:33 PM 02-16-2016
Can you replace her? Can you make it without her if you can't?
If so then just respond to her email.
I'm sorry you feel that way. You may pick up juniors things between (example: 5&6pm Friday afternoon.
Then pack his things up. Put them on your porch and move on.
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mommyneedsadayoff 03:36 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
She came in and it was business as usual. I said nothing about the email, and it was obvious to me that she didn't know that she sent it to me. I understand what you're saying about not letting it get under my skin, but I really am nice to her! And to read that she calls me the ''b'' word, and that she thinks I'm smug just sends me reeling! And honestly, it hurts my feelings, too. I knew she was a little miffed about the late fee, but not to this extent. I would never know her feelings had she not sent me that email. Now I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I really don't want to see her face ever again.
I think if it bugging you and you don't want to work with her anymore (and you have plenty of reason not to), then you should end your arrangement. It will just eat you up. You can bring up the email or just say "it's not working out..." and call it a day. Myself, I would reply to the email and say BOW has had enough of your attitude and is not sorry for enforcing policies I expect every parent to follow, so as of XX date, our care relationship is terminated. Have a great night and good luck in your childcare search!
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Josiegirl 03:45 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
Myself, I would reply to the email and say BOW has had enough of your attitude and is not sorry for enforcing policies I expect every parent to follow, so as of XX date, our care relationship is terminated. Have a great night and good luck in your childcare search!
This!!
Tasha, I'm with you. To see this woman at my door, in my house, after such disrespect would take a better woman than I am. I couldn't do it.
Can you afford to let her go without an immediate replacement? Also, you probably already do but I'd make sure if you have to give her 2 week notice, you get paid ahead of time.
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lovemydaycare0912 03:46 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
I would meet her at the door wearing roller skates and a big smile
Hahahaha Thanks for the laugh.

OP; I understand how you feel because I would be pissed if I read that myself. Would you be able to look for someone to replace her? I feel like her still being a dcm of yours would create tension for you everytime you see her. Best of luck.
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knoxmomof2 03:51 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
She came in and it was business as usual. I said nothing about the email, and it was obvious to me that she didn't know that she sent it to me. I understand what you're saying about not letting it get under my skin, but I really am nice to her! And to read that she calls me the ''b'' word, and that she thinks I'm smug just sends me reeling! And honestly, it hurts my feelings, too. I knew she was a little miffed about the late fee, but not to this extent. I would never know her feelings had she not sent me that email. Now I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I really don't want to see her face ever again.
DH has been in customer service for a very long time. One time after I vented about a situation, he told me "just remember, they are the customer. It is not their job to worry about you." It sounds cold and detached, but it's the truth. It has helped me to at least not take so many things personally. I still get irritated, I still vent.. but it's not from a place of feeling betrayed anymore.

Obviously we do expect them to follow our policies and such, but beyond that they owe us nothing- except our fees.
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mamamanda 03:53 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
Oops, sorry As usual, I sit here clueless.
Don't feel bad. I was wondering as well
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sharlan 03:58 PM 02-16-2016
I would reply to the email. "Thank you for your concerns."
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Ariana 04:00 PM 02-16-2016
Wow I am so sorry she is such a b----

I would term her in a heartbeat. To call the person taking care of their child a BOW is crossing a very big line and if she thought so little of me she can go elsewhere.
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Cat Herder 04:04 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by mamamanda:
Don't feel bad. I was wondering as well
Man I feel old. It is sort of celebratory and very much a warning cry anthem. Never heard of Snoop Dog? really?
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Tasha 04:05 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Wow I am so sorry she is such a b----

I would term her in a heartbeat. To call the person taking care of their child a BOW is crossing a very big line and if she thought so little of me she can go elsewhere.
After reading about the content of the email, does everybody
agree that Blackcat is right and BOW really means ''B---- on Wheels"? Because this is what is tripping me up. I can live with someone grousing about being charged a late fee, or even about a diaper policy (but still can't figure out the pacifier problem). But it makes my blood boil that she has that nickname for me. And, to be honest, that she called me smug. She is nice to my face, and it's scary that I had no idea the depth of her anger.
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Ariana 04:13 PM 02-16-2016
Yes it is definitely something derogatory. Beautiful Old Women (or something better using the acronym) just doesn't make sense
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Michael 04:17 PM 02-16-2016
You shouldn't take it personally. It wasn't meant for you. She was letting off steam. Its more about the money that she needed, IMO.

The Acronyms page grew by one today. https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31167
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Tasha 04:24 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Yes it is definitely something derogatory. Beautiful Old Women (or something better using the acronym) just doesn't make sense
Oh, I definitely know it's something derogatory. The
tone of the whole email was nasty.
Just wanted to see if we're all in agreement that it means
B on wheels. I did Google, and found nothing. I have a
question, though: If you do charge a late fee, how much
would you charge for 7 mins late?
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lovemykidstoo 04:24 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
After reading about the content of the email, does everybody
agree that Blackcat is right and BOW really means ''B---- on Wheels"? Because this is what is tripping me up. I can live with someone grousing about being charged a late fee, or even about a diaper policy (but still can't figure out the pacifier problem). But it makes my blood boil that she has that nickname for me. And, to be honest, that she called me smug. She is nice to my face, and it's scary that I had no idea the depth of her anger.
Yup that's what it means. Next time you see her just say "hey, by the way, do you happen to know what BOW stands for? I saw it in an email and can't figure out what it means". Watch her fall on her face.
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Tasha 04:26 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Michael:
You shouldn't take it personally. It wasn't meant for you. She was letting off steam. Its more about the money that she needed, IMO.

The Acronyms page grew by one today. https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31167
Haha! That makes me laugh. Glad I could contribute to
the list!
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Ariana 04:27 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
Oh, I definitely know it's something derogatory. The
tone of the whole email was nasty.
Just wanted to see if we're all in agreement that it means
B on wheels. I did Google, and found nothing. I have a
question, though: If you do charge a late fee, how much
would you charge for 7 mins late?
My policy is up to first 15 minutes are free. 16 minutes is $16 and then $1 per minute after that.
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childcaremom 04:27 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Don't seethe. This is a win. She knows you mean business. She is now over in adult time out whining about it to her friends....

Change your mindset.

It truly is a win. She is able to state the policy in a complete sentence to her friends.


This would be hard to do but would be the way I would want to handle it.

I see no shame in terming, though, either. If you can't let it go, I would term. I would sit on it for a few days and see how you feel then.

She's mad, thought she was complaining to a friend, blowing off steam, whatever. Eventually she will realize what she did and feel like a giant bow herself.
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Thriftylady 04:34 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
Oh, I definitely know it's something derogatory. The
tone of the whole email was nasty.
Just wanted to see if we're all in agreement that it means
B on wheels. I did Google, and found nothing. I have a
question, though: If you do charge a late fee, how much
would you charge for 7 mins late?
I charge $5 for every 15 minutes or part thereof. But if I had a problem parent I may increase it!

Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Yup that's what it means. Next time you see her just say "hey, by the way, do you happen to know what BOW stands for? I saw it in an email and can't figure out what it means". Watch her fall on her face.
Oh goodness I would love to me a mouse in the corner and see this!
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mommyneedsadayoff 04:46 PM 02-16-2016
I use to charge, but it didn't seem to matter, so I copied nanny Dwe and said Late Policy: don't be late! It is grounds for termination based on my discretion.

If her being late is an issue, I would charge a $25 late fee or just term altogether. Sounds like she is a head ache!
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lovemykidstoo 04:48 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I charge $5 for every 15 minutes or part thereof. But if I had a problem parent I may increase it!



Oh goodness I would love to me a mouse in the corner and see this!
Me too hahaha! Me, I would be looking at my phone like I'm checking my emails and then say that and look up at her with the evil eye No way I would let her get away with that. Venting or not venting, she should be more careful
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hope 04:50 PM 02-16-2016
For those who say not to take it personal, you are way more stronger than I. Yes, we are in a business, a customer service business. But we are not selling door knobs or sweaters. We are caring for other people's children. We are helping to raise them, we give them our love. We are not like any other business so it is hard, at least for me, to treat it like just a business relationship. I would hope that the parents would have enough respect to follow some simple rules so that I can maintain my personal family life. If they miss a rule and are penalized for it they should take it as a learning lesson. I would have a hard time continuing a relationship with a parent that shows such a lack of respect for the person who is loving, caring and keeping your child alive all day.
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lovemykidstoo 04:56 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
I use to charge, but it didn't seem to matter, so I copied nanny Dwe and said Late Policy: don't be late! It is grounds for termination based on my discretion.

If her being late is an issue, I would charge a $25 late fee or just term altogether. Sounds like she is a head ache!
Same here. I've had people ask me what I charge for a late fee and I say that I don't, I term. I had 1 person late their first week by 15 miinutes. I had my sons track meet to get to and the dad walked up and I looked him square in the eye and said "this will never happen again". I was pissed. It never did happen again. I don't need the money, I need them here on time and if they don't respect me by being on time, I don't need them.
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Crazy8 05:26 PM 02-16-2016
If I could afford to term I think I would reply to the email saying "shall I take this as your two week notice?". Then when she comes in I would discuss that there needs to be mutual respect between parent and provider and I do not feel that we will ever feel that way about each other so it would probably be best to terminate the arrangement.

And for the record, my late fee would be $7 for 7 minutes.
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Tasha 05:34 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Yup that's what it means. Next time you see her just say "hey, by the way, do you happen to know what BOW stands for? I saw it in an email and can't figure out what it means". Watch her fall on her face.
This makes me laugh. Wish I had the nerve to do it.
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Snowmom 05:37 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
Same here. I've had people ask me what I charge for a late fee and I say that I don't, I term. I had 1 person late their first week by 15 miinutes. I had my sons track meet to get to and the dad walked up and I looked him square in the eye and said "this will never happen again". I was pissed. It never did happen again. I don't need the money, I need them here on time and if they don't respect me by being on time, I don't need them.
Ditto!
I do charge though. Enough to deter it from happening and make it worth my while. $1 per minute within my operating hours, $2 per minute after closing time PLUS your contract may be terminated.

Sorry your dealing with this Tasha.
If it happened to me, I would reply to the email and probably terminate for lack of respect.
Sure, it was probably a mistake. But, the relationship was ultimately damaged by her actions. If I lose respect for a parent, not to mention the fact that I'm suppose to be teaching their child to be respectful and kind...alongside a parent who can't seem to model that themselves.... nope, bye.
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NeedaVaca 05:54 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Man I feel old. It is sort of celebratory and very much a warning cry anthem. Never heard of Snoop Dog? really?
See now I feel old because the first thing I thought of was George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic lol. I think Snoop covered it!
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jenboo 06:00 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
Oh, I definitely know it's something derogatory. The
tone of the whole email was nasty.
Just wanted to see if we're all in agreement that it means
B on wheels. I did Google, and found nothing. I have a
question, though: If you do charge a late fee, how much
would you charge for 7 mins late?
$10 for being late plus $1/min... So she would have been charged $17 for being 7 min late.
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Renae82 06:11 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by rosieteddy:
I would send the email back.I would say "I don't think this was meant for me". Then see what she says at pickup.
I would do the same. It gets the issue on the table, mom can then talk to you about it if needed. Plus she may realize at some point what she did, might as well deal with it now.
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snbauser 06:18 PM 02-16-2016
This is my late fee policy. I typically waive the first time as a courtesy but that is based on my discretion. I found doing an incremental fee doesn't penalize too much for the occassional but also deters the consistent ones.

"Any time a child is picked up after your scheduled pick up time, a late fee may incur. Late fees are assessed based on the time on the clock located next to the sign in sheet and are as follows: first time late - $1/minute, 2nd time late within 30 day period $2/minute, 3rd time late within 30 day period $4/minute. Any subsequent late pick-ups within the same 30 day period may be subject to a $5/minute fee. Excessive late pick-ups may result in termination of enrollment contract."
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lovemykidstoo 06:30 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
This makes me laugh. Wish I had the nerve to do it.
I'm not great at confrontation either, but really you should email her back like a couple have suggested. That way you don't have to face her to do it and if she says something fine, if not at least she realizes that she made a big mistake. If you let it slide, it probably will bug you every time you see her. Like someone wrote, just write back and say I'm not sure if you sent this to the wrong person?? Put the ball back in her court. Saying something in person I probably wouldn't do, even though I would want to, but I for sure would email back.
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Tasha 06:52 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo:
I'm not great at confrontation either, but really you should email her back like a couple have suggested. That way you don't have to face her to do it and if she says something fine, if not at least she realizes that she made a big mistake. If you let it slide, it probably will bug you every time you see her. Like someone wrote, just write back and say I'm not sure if you sent this to the wrong person?? Put the ball back in her court. Saying something in person I probably wouldn't do, even though I would want to, but I for sure would email back.
I agree. It was eating at me too much so I sent it back and wrote as someone suggested, ''I don't think this was intended for me.''
I am so nervous! I can't imagine what she'll say to me.
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NoMoreJuice! 06:58 PM 02-16-2016
I wonder what the email version of a Freudian slip is called? Has anybody pondered the idea that the email wasn't an accident? Random thoughts.

I don't blame you for being angry and hurt. I would advertise to replace her, and in the meantime nail her on late fees, hard. If she steps one toe out of line, enforce your policies or just term whenever you feel like it. Luckily, you have all the power on your side of the battle line.
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NoMoreJuice! 06:59 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
I agree. It was eating at me too much so I sent it back and wrote as someone suggested, ''I don't think this was intended for me.''
I am so nervous! I can't imagine what she'll say to me.
Awesome!!
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Rockgirl 07:03 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
I agree. It was eating at me too much so I sent it back and wrote as someone suggested, ''I don't think this was intended for me.''
I am so nervous! I can't imagine what she'll say to me.
I would have done the same. PLEASE update us as to what happens!
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Thriftylady 07:16 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
I would have done the same. PLEASE update us as to what happens!
This!!!! Dying to know!
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Tasha 09:14 PM 02-16-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
This!!!! Dying to know!
I certainly will update. It's 11:15 pm (CST), and I haven't heard a word. She's the first to arrive, so we'll see how she acts tomorrow.
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Michael 10:16 PM 02-16-2016
I guess I'm the odd man out.
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Josiegirl 02:33 AM 02-17-2016
There is one more issue with this whole scenario. She tells someone. That someone tells someone. Word gets around ya know and it could affect a business.
She should not be let off the hook for this, and I'm so glad you called her on it. She sounds like someone who feels entitled and needs to realize different rules for different places.
Anyone wanna make bets someone else drops off today? Or Tasha gets a call 'dcg won't be in'.
And yes, NoMoreJuice, I expressed that exact thought earlier that maybe it could have been an intentional slip. Maybe I've become too paranoid in my old age.
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laundrymom 03:12 AM 02-17-2016
Tasha, I would have her things packed and a term notice ready just in case you don't like her reaction. That way you can end it today if needed. You shouldn't have to be disrespected by her in your own home. I'm not saying term her on spot, but if she's nasty then you will be prepared.
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midaycare 03:36 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Michael:
I guess I'm the odd man out.
I'm with you on this. But I am sorry it made you feel bad Tasha
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Play Care 03:37 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Michael:
I guess I'm the odd man out.
No, you're not. My first reaction was to term.
But honestly? Sometimes I don't think good thoughts about my clients. Sometimes I even vent about them
I also seem to recall a couple of times here when a provider accidentally sent a text to clients where she was venting about them

I have one client that I'm pretty sure she doesn't "love" me, though she is always cordial.
But, her payment is on time each week.

They don't need to like me all the time. They can be annoyed with what they perceive as an injustice.
I mean, if they vent like that about me to others, but stay in my care, then who's the one who looks like an idiot?

It's one thing if they are rude or call names to your face. Then I'd say term for sure. With this I might just see how it plays out. Being prepared to term if she takes her attitude out in the open. Otherwise I'd keep cashing her checks, laughing all the way to the bank
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Cat Herder 04:15 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
See now I feel old because the first thing I thought of was George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic lol. I think Snoop covered it!
Yes! Atomic dog. The hit of the roller rink.

Good luck OP. Let's hope she retreats instead of "bowing" up I tend to avoid poking bears, but maybe sometimes you have to. Please keep us updated.

I agree with Michael though, it is easier to let stuff roll off as you get older. There is this old quote that fits "What other people think of you is none of your business."
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midaycare 04:22 AM 02-17-2016
When I know someone doesn't like me, I'm extra nice. It confuses them and it's fun to watch.
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Play Care 04:33 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by midaycare:
When I know someone doesn't like me, I'm extra nice. It confuses them and it's fun to watch.
My MIL swears this is how she got SIL to break up with the serious boyfriend she had after college. Apparently he was so rude and MIL knew if she wasn't nice it would push SIL to get even more serious
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lovemykidstoo 05:25 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
I agree. It was eating at me too much so I sent it back and wrote as someone suggested, ''I don't think this was intended for me.''
I am so nervous! I can't imagine what she'll say to me.
Good for you!! Can't wait to hear the update.

I get letting it roll of your back and I have done that too but I have not ever had anyone call me a bitch (that i know of lol). Not to mention email it to me. I mean we all vent about parents, but I honestly have not seen any of us call them names like that. Saying someone is irritating or you can't figure them out or why do they do that is way different than saying she's a BOW.
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Ariana 05:49 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Michael:
I guess I'm the odd man out.
Honesly I am like this in most every other area, but no one should put up with abuse. Are you saying if your business partner called you a derogatory name to his friend you'd still want to be in business with them? I just don't get that. A level of respect needs to be present in a business relationship. I think respectful venting is fine but name calling is crossing a line.
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Tasha 05:52 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Josiegirl:
There is one more issue with this whole scenario. She tells someone. That someone tells someone. Word gets around ya know and it could affect a business.
She should not be let off the hook for this, and I'm so glad you called her on it. She sounds like someone who feels entitled and needs to realize different rules for different places.
Anyone wanna make bets someone else drops off today? Or Tasha gets a call 'dcg won't be in'.
And yes, NoMoreJuice, I expressed that exact thought earlier that maybe it could have been an intentional slip. Maybe I've become too paranoid in my old age.
Ding Ding! You called it! We have a winner!
DCD called and said DCB was ''running a temperature'' and wouldn't be in today. This is a family who never keeps their kid home, so I'm sure she's looking for other arrangements.
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lovemykidstoo 05:54 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
Ding Ding! You called it! We have a winner!
DCD called and said DCB was ''running a temperature'' and wouldn't be in today. This is a family who never keeps their kid home, so I'm sure she's looking for other arrangements.
LOL She's probably busy changing her pants because she probably lost it when she read your email. Hahaha! To have dad call, that's funny. What did you say in your email?
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Blackcat31 05:59 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
Ding Ding! You called it! We have a winner!
DCD called and said DCB was ''running a temperature'' and wouldn't be in today. This is a family who never keeps their kid home, so I'm sure she's looking for other arrangements.
Is she paid up through or to a certain day/date?

I'd still be tempted to contact DCM (via text or however) and say/ask "Did you get my reply to your e-mail yesterday?"

Then wait................ and let her deal with how to reply or what to say in reply.

I dont think I could just sit and wait each day for the other shoe to drop...kwim? DCB could be out "sick" today and all the way through next week or whenever they find new care.....Since you did reply to her e-mail, I'd want the ball to start rolling now.
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Tasha 06:00 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Michael:
I guess I'm the odd man out.
I don't think you're the odd man out. It's hard to explain, but I really don't care what she thinks of me. That's not the issue. She is very, very nice to my face, but that letter was just toxic. Her hypocrisy is staggering.
At any rate, it was clear to me that that was not the first time she has called me a BOW. I'm wondering, too, if she subconsciously wanted me to read that email. Freud also said, ''There are no accidents.'' I believe that.
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Snowmom 06:06 AM 02-17-2016
Oh boy! Hope it turns out ok!

On the topic of letting it slide:
I completely get venting. I do it a lot!
I think people are ridiculously stupid to do it with vulgar language on the internet... in writing... especially not checking WHO they're sending it to.
That says a lot about their character to me and I'm not willing to do business with someone who publicly voices that kind of opinion about me.
In this particular instance, OP had no idea the topics of DCM's email were even an issue. If dcm is willing to "vent" like this over something trivial, what happens if something BIGGER happens, like dck injuring themselves?
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Tasha 06:35 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Is she paid up through or to a certain day/date?

I'd still be tempted to contact DCM (via text or however) and say/ask "Did you get my reply to your e-mail yesterday?"

Then wait................ and let her deal with how to reply or what to say in reply.

I dont think I could just sit and wait each day for the other shoe to drop...kwim? DCB could be out "sick" today and all the way through next week or whenever they find new care.....Since you did reply to her e-mail, I'd want the ball to start rolling now.
She beat me to it. She just wrote me and asked if she could come by after work to talk to me. I said yes, but it has to be after all the kids have been picked up. I have a small wait-list so I know she's easily replaced, so I'm not worried about that. She is paid through Friday.
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Blackcat31 06:43 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
She beat me to it. She just wrote me and asked if she could come by after work to talk to me. I said yes, but it has to be after all the kids have been picked up. I have a small wait-list so I know she's easily replaced, so I'm not worried about that. She is paid through Friday.
Well now... I wonder what her "temperament" is....

Is she the blame type parent (this will somehow all be YOUR fault)?

or

Is she the humble, "I am so sorry" type parent..."I was having a bad day and blah blah blah"

or

Is she a stand by her actions type parent?

Either way, now we are all waiting on pins and needles to see what she is going to say tonight.

Will your actions depend on hers or are you still going to terminate care?

I let A LOT of things slide because I just don't really care what someone thinks sometimes but like I said to you previously I am a fiercely loyal and honest person when in a relationship (working or personal) and the first time I think or feel someone is being less than honest or two faced towards me, I'm out.

Just like letting things roll off our backs... you ALSO get to choose what type of behaviors and what types of people you allow in your life and sometimes some people just aren't worth it. Money-wise and/or stress-wise

Keep us updated as to what happens.

NO matter what you decide to do, we got your back!
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lovemykidstoo 06:47 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Tasha:
She beat me to it. She just wrote me and asked if she could come by after work to talk to me. I said yes, but it has to be after all the kids have been picked up. I have a small wait-list so I know she's easily replaced, so I'm not worried about that. She is paid through Friday.
Oh boy and the fun begins. I wish you the best of luck. Like BC said, we got ya girl!!! Hopefully she's coming over to beg forgiveness!
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KIDZRMYBIZ 07:29 AM 02-17-2016
Wow, what a story!

OP, I think you did the perfect thing, emailing back that you didn't think that was meant for you. It gives her the chance to apologize, which is what is totally in order. IMO, this would not have to ruin the business relationship...I see it as DCM just venting and projecting her own inadequacies onto you. It is up to her if SHE can get over it or not and move on.

What I want to know, OP, is why in the world are your DCFs hanging around this forum? I can't imagine having so much time on my hands that I would want to read forums about, say, my dog groomer venting about the ins and outs of her job.
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My3cents 07:31 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Michael:
I guess I'm the odd man out.
no your not....I feel the same.

Depending on the build up of this....on the day.....on what is going on in my own life... would determine how I would react.

I needed this thread...... and what I got the most out of this...... The parent's don't have to like me all the time. (I do know this but we tend to forget) Sometimes I have to tell them stuff that just doesn't set well at the moment for them in the scheme of their own lives and the facets that they bring to the table. It is inconvenient. No matter if this was said on purpose to you, or is a way for the mom to end care. No matter what and how it got to be..... How you handle yourself will say a lot- Realizing others vent too and or don't share the same level of communication or way of doing things will humble you. Not to a liked humble but one of understanding to get through this. It will sit in the back of your head no matter what you do- I wish you the best-
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Unregistered 07:42 AM 02-17-2016
Thinking she can't detest you too much if she keeps bringing her child back to you each day. What parent would leave their child with someone they truly felt was a BOW. It is more a struggle that you will not bend to all that she wants. If the service you offer is no longer a good fit for her, then maybe alternate care would be best.

I would have a hard time if I knew this is how she was talking about me to others. Word spreads, and it could be detrimental to business.

Sigh, if you were such a BOW why did you open for the day for just her. If she truly appreciated that she would have shown up on time.
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Blackcat31 08:04 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:

What I want to know, OP, is why in the world are your DCFs hanging around this forum?
Almost all my daycare parents have been on this board at one time or another. I have one that is a regular poster.

My licensor is a registered user too!

NOTHING beats "education" for a parent (or anyone for that matter) than reading experiences from those on the "other side" of that profession.
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midaycare 08:27 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Almost all my daycare parents have been on this board at one time or another. I have one that is a regular poster.

My licensor is a registered user too!

NOTHING beats "education" for a parent (or anyone for that matter) than reading experiences from those on the "other side" of that profession.
None of my dcf's have the time or inclination. I think they are happy, so no reason to go "looking". Still...never know I guess!
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Laurel 08:28 AM 02-17-2016
I think she is going to come by and apologize profusely and maybe even bring you a "I'm sorry" token gift.
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Blackcat31 08:37 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by midaycare:
None of my dcf's have the time or inclination. I think they are happy, so no reason to go "looking". Still...never know I guess!

This board is a GREAT resource for providers and for parents.

I encourage my parents to use this forum as a resource.

My encouragement to use it has nothing to do with their happiness or unhappiness... not sure what that means.
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midaycare 08:47 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
This board is a GREAT resource for providers and for parents.

I encourage my parents to use this forum as a resource.

My encouragement to use it has nothing to do with their happiness or unhappiness... not sure what that means.
I think when people are unhappy with something, they tend to do research on whatever they are unhappy about. I don't do research about when I feel good, but I do when I feel bad. I don't research a restaurant when I had good service, but I do when I've had bad.

When I was happy with DS's daycare, I never researched anything. But when I was concerned, I was all over the Internet!

I don't think I would ever guide a parent here. This is my "go to" place to connect and vent with others like me. But if everyone is promoting it to parents, I will stop posting. Then it's no longer a "safe" space for me. And I would not want my dcf's to see dcp's venting, honestly. It's unprofessional. It's something you do to a coworker. In our business, most of us don't have that luxury.
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Tasha 09:01 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
Wow, what a story!

OP, I think you did the perfect thing, emailing back that you didn't think that was meant for you. It gives her the chance to apologize, which is what is totally in order. IMO, this would not have to ruin the business relationship...I see it as DCM just venting and projecting her own inadequacies onto you. It is up to her if SHE can get over it or not and move on.

What I want to know, OP, is why in the world are your DCFs hanging around this forum? I can't imagine having so much time on my hands that I would want to read forums about, say, my dog groomer venting about the ins and outs of her job.
My DCFs aren't hanging around here (as far as I know).
It just happened one time - last summer, a DCM's kid had an issue, so she Googled it, and came upon my thread discussing it. (At least, that's how she said she found it.) I wasn't nasty about her or her child in the thread, thank goodness. But it was very uncomfortable.
I think I have very good relationships with the rest of my families, but now I'm second-guessing everybody. I understand completely that people need to vent to their friends, but in this particular case it just chaps my hide that I was doing her a favor, yet this woman called me smug, and said that I acted like I enjoyed charging her the late fee. I did not enjoy it a bit. I dreaded it, and didn't want to say anything, but I knew I had to or she would keep showing up late.
I don't know what she will say to me this afternoon, but I have already printed out my termination letter, and will get her child's stuff together, along with a check for the money I owe her.
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Blackcat31 09:54 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I think when people are unhappy with something, they tend to do research on whatever they are unhappy about. I don't do research about when I feel good, but I do when I feel bad. I don't research a restaurant when I had good service, but I do when I've had bad.

When I was happy with DS's daycare, I never researched anything. But when I was concerned, I was all over the Internet!
I understand doing research if you want info about something you are unhappy with but that was not at all what I was referring to when I said I have parents that come to this board often.

fwiw~ I research everything. NOT based on my happiness or unhappiness though.... I research because information is power.

Originally Posted by midaycare:
I don't think I would ever guide a parent here. This is my "go to" place to connect and vent with others like me. But if everyone is promoting it to parents, I will stop posting. Then it's no longer a "safe" space for me. And I would not want my dcf's to see dcp's venting, honestly. It's unprofessional. It's something you do to a coworker. In our business, most of us don't have that luxury.
You might want to stop posting then....
We have an entire section of this board FOR parents/guardians so they ARE here.

This is a free forum that doesn't even require registration to read or post so at any time 1,000,000's of readers could be reading anything posted and you (general you) would never know.

Personally, I would ever in a million years post or put anything on the internet that I wouldn't stand behind in real life.

What I post, print, say and do is the same in real life and in my virtual life.... which is probably why I don't care if parents read every post on this forum.

In my honest opinion, venting is NOT unprofessional.
HOW you vent can be unprofessional but I do not think venting is unprofessional.

Before I vent about a problem on the internet, I've more than likely already discussed it with the person I have the issue with (because I personally believe that is my professional obligation) so I don't stress about someone reading my words/vents/posts.

But for those that do, there is a private section (for only long time members), an off-topic section (where only members have access) and the option to post as an unregistered user but in no way is this forum a place that can guarantee anyone privacy.

It's the internet. Privacy is really just a farce.
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Unregistered 09:55 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I think it was a term of endearment. It is a celebratory song...

OP, This is from a business website I love called business balls.
Yes it is. Snoop dogg song lol
Embrace the BOW, you aren't obviously, you are just enforcing rules and running a business - who cares what she thinks, you know you're in the right ☺
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midaycare 10:03 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:



[B[/b]You might want to stop posting then....
Agreed.
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Cat Herder 10:26 AM 02-17-2016
My inspector (she prefers the term mentor ) is a registered member here, too.

Sometimes we agree, sometimes we don't (mentors can't take your money ).

Much love to her.

Public forums are not safe space.
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NoMoreJuice! 10:28 AM 02-17-2016
I have one incidence where I was 100% sure the parent had read my vent about them on here. She didn't tell me, and I didn't ask, but she specifically referenced terms I used and others had used to reply. I am glad for the experience, because it has made me more aware of what I type. You guys have no idea how many posts I've written and then closed the window without posting.

Seriously, I am dying to hear what happens next. Good luck Tasha! I guess I'll see everyone back here this evening!
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Annalee 10:33 AM 02-17-2016
Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice!:
I have one incidence where I was 100% sure the parent had read my vent about them on here. She didn't tell me, and I didn't ask, but she specifically referenced terms I used and others had used to reply. I am glad for the experience, because it has made me more aware of what I type. You guys have no idea how many posts I've written and then closed the window without posting.

Seriously, I am dying to hear what happens next. Good luck Tasha! I guess I'll see everyone back here this evening!
I am waiting to hear what happens as well! I have text someone before by mistake and I was venting as well....definitely makes for an awkward first meeting....while I didn't use BOW in the text but I was venting about the way I didn't like how they handled something
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MunchkinWrangler 11:04 AM 02-17-2016
I leave for one day!!
I'm interested to hear what happens tonight, I'll have to tune in. I love how the tag says b**** on wheels. LOL!

I don't even know how I would feel in this situation and I feel for you Tasha. It's so confusing when someone is sweeter than pie to your face but is so vicious behind your back. It definitely causes a lack of trust. I think everyone has had amazing advice and I think you are handling it well. Lesson learned, I think it is just solidifies to all of us to be professional with everyone and treat this as a business and not to invest into friendships with the families we serve, no matter how nice they are to our face.
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lovemykidstoo 04:43 PM 02-17-2016
Well? What happened? The curiosity is killing me!
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Tags:bitch on wheels, parents - do crazy things, wow factor
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