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  #1  
Old 08-12-2014, 07:14 PM
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Default Dcm Upset Her Child was Bitten

I emailed all of my parents last week to send them my policy on biting because I have a child with this issue and I wanted everyone to be aware of where I stand. This particular dcb is 14 months old and has never been bitten before. He was bitten today and I immediately notified mom and dad. I told them he was given tons of tlc and the bite was minor.

And to be fair, this dcb was being a huge pain to the biter, dcb18m, by following him everywhere and literally taking every toy dcb18m picked up. I redirected/separated half a dozen times to no avail. That is no excuse for biting, I'm just pointing out that dcb14m was in rare form and being obnoxious.

Anyway, Dcm texts me after she got off work, about an hour after I closed, and asked if it left a mark (she wasn't home yet). I responded yes, a minor one. No bruising or broken skin. She responded with, Well what happens if it happens again?

I was thinking, do you not read my emails? I thoroughly addressed this issue in my policies and gave everyone a heads up. So she either a) didn't read it at all or b) read it but wants something different from what is outlined in my policies.

I responded with, I emailed a copy of my biting policy to you last week. Did you get it? I can resend if not.

It's been over an hour now and no response. What do you guys think? I guess it just rubbed me the wrong way that she would ask me that after I put so much effort into my biting policy.
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Old 08-12-2014, 07:18 PM
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She either didn't read it or wants to hear that the biter will be terminated or something like that. I think your response was perfect.
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Old 08-12-2014, 07:30 PM
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I don't immediately terminate biters. I know that some do, but I feel like it's not necessarily a behavior problem. It's a phase most of the time. So no, I won't be terminating him unless he turns into jaws. Lol. I don't want to lose dcb14m but I don't want to unduly punish the biter's family either.
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Old 08-12-2014, 07:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
I emailed all of my parents last week to send them my policy on biting because I have a child with this issue and I wanted everyone to be aware of where I stand. This particular dcb is 14 months old and has never been bitten before. He was bitten today and I immediately notified mom and dad. I told them he was given tons of tlc and the bite was minor.

And to be fair, this dcb was being a huge pain to the biter, dcb18m, by following him everywhere and literally taking every toy dcb18m picked up. I redirected/separated half a dozen times to no avail. That is no excuse for biting, I'm just pointing out that dcb14m was in rare form and being obnoxious.

Anyway, Dcm texts me after she got off work, about an hour after I closed, and asked if it left a mark (she wasn't home yet). I responded yes, a minor one. No bruising or broken skin. She responded with, Well what happens if it happens again?

I was thinking, do you not read my emails? I thoroughly addressed this issue in my policies and gave everyone a heads up. So she either a) didn't read it at all or b) read it but wants something different from what is outlined in my policies.

I responded with, I emailed a copy of my biting policy to you last week. Did you get it? I can resend if not.

It's been over an hour now and no response. What do you guys think? I guess it just rubbed me the wrong way that she would ask me that after I put so much effort into my biting policy.
I think you did what you could do and the ball is in her court now. She can take it or leave it.

I have told parents of the bitee that if they would like to put their child in long sleeves and long pants that I would make the air conditioning colder in the house. That way at least it wouldn't be so painful.

Laurel
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Old 08-12-2014, 08:30 PM
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I had a dcg that went through a few weeks of biting. Every time I turned my back she was like Dracula. It was getting ridiculous.

She's over it now though. I don't necessarily exclude biters, either. It is usually a phase. If it was hard or really intentional biting, buh bye.
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Old 08-12-2014, 09:11 PM
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I have the urge to say something like, If i term this biter now, consider what could happen in a few short months if/when your child is the biter. But I don't know how to say that nicely. I'm hoping she doesn't push the issue. Still no response from her, btw.
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Old 08-13-2014, 05:27 AM
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If you have a known biter they need to be separated from the group until the biting phase is over. He should not have been able to interact with the little one in my opinion.
Biting happens and parents should understand that. I don't know what your biting policy is, but parents will want to know how you are going to keep this from happening again. Can you make a blocked off area just for the biter for awhile? I use a play yars and ir is set up over to the side with a few toys in there.I keep biters close to me at all times or they go in the playvyard if I need to use the bathroom. If they make contact with a kid they get a quick"No biting,biting hurts!" and are placed in the play yard.They usually get it within about a week that if they want to play with other,no biting.Isn't this phase fun?! lol
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Old 08-13-2014, 05:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
So no, I won't be terminating him unless he turns into jaws.
Is it possible she want's to know what your version of "turning into jaws" is?

2 bites in a week, 4, 6, 12? I think many parents need a tangible number so they know how long they have to deal with it, IYKWIM?
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:03 AM
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At 14 months he is non-verbal & this is a form of communication.., in a child's mind. Some kids bite. Some kids don't. Don't own DCM's anger. Don't be on the defensive when you see her. As long as you work towards curbing the behavior & protecting others, don't get upset over it. Hang in there.
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:10 AM
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He has bitten 4-5 times, you came up with a policy and now he has bitten another child. What is your policy? Honestly, if you can't stop the biter then I see the other families leaving. I would much rather term the biter than lose the other kids.
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post

And to be fair, this dcb was being a huge pain to the biter, dcb18m, by following him everywhere and literally taking every toy dcb18m picked up. I redirected/separated half a dozen times to no avail. That is no excuse for biting, I'm just pointing out that dcb14m was in rare form and being obnoxious.

What do you guys think?
I think you know the root of the biting from this statement. It is an obvious known escalation pattern so now the work is in your hands.

Reevaluate the environment. Is there enough space, toys, quiet/active periods, etc. Are there barriers for children to be able to have personal safe space when needed?

What can be done to prevent the children having the ability to harass one another to a point of such a buildup of frustration?
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I think you know the root of the biting from this statement. It is an obvious known escalation pattern so now the work is in your hands.

Reevaluate the environment. Is there enough space, toys, quiet/active periods, etc. Are there barriers for children to be able to have personal safe space when needed?

What can be done to prevent the children having the ability to harass one another to a point of such a buildup of frustration?
Good point... Plenty of space/toys/activities, but what CAN be done to prevent the younger dcb from harassing the biter? I can't stay on top of him constantly, I have 5 other children to care for. They are never out of my sight, but it happens so fast that I can't always stop it. Any suggestions for creating a quiet space inaccessible to the younger dcb? Somewhere that older dcb can chill and not be bothered?
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Old 08-13-2014, 06:56 AM
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The biter needs his own space not the other kids. I gave you a suggestion.It's an octagon play yard,add some toys,only allow him to interact with others when you can be within arms reach. If you need to attend to others or see him attempt to bite,place him in the play yard. It's not punishment,it's keeping others safe and until he can prove he can play with others he needs separate.
The daycare parents all joke when I have a new one that I needvto bring the play yard out for."Oh no,baby jail is back!" "Who's serving time,what was their crime?" lol
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
Good point... Plenty of space/toys/activities, but what CAN be done to prevent the younger dcb from harassing the biter? I can't stay on top of him constantly, I have 5 other children to care for. They are never out of my sight, but it happens so fast that I can't always stop it. Any suggestions for creating a quiet space inaccessible to the younger dcb? Somewhere that older dcb can chill and not be bothered?
Wednesday, I have been going through the exact same scenario. 13 mo "in your face" kid and 20 mo biter. She ONLY bites him.

This brochure is a wonderful tool:
http://www.chs-ca.org/_images/files/..._Eng_print.pdf

I'd already determined by observation that she was biting defensively, not aggressively. Although it's certainly not socially acceptable; it works. Her saying "STOP!" and putting her hand out, or pushing him off her didn't. Her biting him got what she wanted-he moved away.

So, now, if there are times when I cannot be right there, observing, I move HIM, not her. I set him up at the counter (booster chair) and give him some puzzles, or put him in his pnp for a minute while I go to the bathroom. Obviously, it's not presented in as a punishment.

The problem with separating the biter, in this case, is it was giving her less opportunities to engage with the other kids, and reinforcing her tendency to hang on adults. That was a different problem, but one I was really trying to work on, too. So, the separating him worked on both counts. Like I said, so far!

Again, I am also working on his tendency to push his way in. I point out when he's doing it (kindly), and redirect him. "B doesn't like that you are sitting on her. Let's find somewhere else to sit", etc. Or, "move away, dude", on occasion...or the ever popular.. "dcb LEAVE IT!"
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:10 AM
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Well I believe he does need his own space, but I think it's something he should be able to voluntarily enter. He needs to learn self control and self regulation. He's almost 19 months old so I believe he can do it. I feel that, if I restrain him against his will, he will feel like it's a punishment even tho its not. And this would be against my licensing regulations anyway.
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
Good point... Plenty of space/toys/activities, but what CAN be done to prevent the younger dcb from harassing the biter? I can't stay on top of him constantly, I have 5 other children to care for. They are never out of my sight, but it happens so fast that I can't always stop it. Any suggestions for creating a quiet space inaccessible to the younger dcb? Somewhere that older dcb can chill and not be bothered?
My playroom is divided into sections (modified centers) for this reason among others.

Group play times should (IMHO, ) also be broken up with individual play and structured activity times.

ex.

1. Break them up into small groups on color coded rugs/carpets (the cheap $20 ones from family dollar stores) for varying manipulatives (a different set per rug), then have the kids rotate from rug to rug for the next activity.

2. Assign each child to a center, one at a time, then rotate.

3. Use hula hoops on the floor for private reading/building/writing zones.

4. Stretch a jump rope across the floor for free play zones, assign kindred kids to their appropriate side. Then rotate.

This breaks up their free access to one another without having an "illegal" permanent barrier or "confining" kids. Let the room do the work for you.
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Old 08-13-2014, 07:33 AM
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Wednesday, have you made him your shadow yet?

I had a 2yr old DCG who all of the sudden started biting the others, HARD. Like, she drew blood with one. I made her my shadow and had to slowly supervise her return into the pack. She was non-verbal at this point so I feel as though she just expressing her frustration and anger. She faltered at her first couple of tries to be re-introduced.

However, I did tell Mom I was doing this and while she seemed supportive, she ultimately ended up pulling because she felt that she was being treated differently. That was fine with me. She WAS being treated differently, lol.
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Old 08-13-2014, 09:14 AM
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I haven't had him shadow me because he's 18 months and I don't think he understands "I must stick with Wednesday at all times" and it would end up being a wash. Can kids that young shadow?
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Old 08-13-2014, 09:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
My playroom is divided into sections (modified centers) for this reason among others.

Group play times should (IMHO, ) also be broken up with individual play and structured activity times.

ex.

1. Break them up into small groups on color coded rugs/carpets (the cheap $20 ones from family dollar stores) for varying manipulatives (a different set per rug), then have the kids rotate from rug to rug for the next activity.

2. Assign each child to a center, one at a time, then rotate.

3. Use hula hoops on the floor for private reading/building/writing zones.

4. Stretch a jump rope across the floor for free play zones, assign kindred kids to their appropriate side. Then rotate.

This breaks up their free access to one another without having an "illegal" permanent barrier or "confining" kids. Let the room do the work for you.
These are some awesome ideas. Do you find that your younger ones, under 2, are able to understand the concept of boundaries created by rugs and hoops? Because I have been wanting to try it but thought they were too young.
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Old 08-13-2014, 09:21 AM
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Hmmm...good question. But then if he doesn't understand staying by you do you think he can he understand that he cant bite his friends? I'm just thinking out loud here.

I think he would be able to connect it, if he bites, he has to stay by you and doesn't get to play with his friends with the freedom he had before. A few times with that and of course, verbally reminding him that we don't hurt our friends and I think he'll get it.

But, CatHerder had some awesome alternative separation ideas if you'd rather go that route!
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Old 08-13-2014, 10:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Wednesday View Post
These are some awesome ideas. Do you find that your younger ones, under 2, are able to understand the concept of boundaries created by rugs and hoops? Because I have been wanting to try it but thought they were too young.
My oldest in care (6 kids) just turned 3.

My 12 month olds go to their assigned colors just as easily as my 2-3yo's. They get excited for their turn on each section. A quick "back" and head nod sends them back until the timer goes off.

The same works for naptimes, even the 12 month olds run to their assigned mats... they learn from watching the other kids respond. The infants spend 12 months watching this from their side of the room biting at the bit to jump the wall.

Right now blue group is doing sequencing dry erase boards and green group is doing dry erase boards and stencils. I am at my desk typing and smiling at them when they proudly show me their creations and run back to their color. Naptime is right around the corner...
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Old 08-13-2014, 03:59 PM
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I have circle time rugs, I could use those.... But I really like hoola hoops because they would keep toys from rolling away.

Btw, dcm said nothing this morning about our texts or the policy.
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