Help! I have a 15 month old dcb that is pulling hair, pushing, and starting to bite. My policies state that I won't give time-outs til children are 18 months old, so what should I do? So far I've been pulling him away from the group each time and telling him firmly that we don't hurt our friends, but he smiles and then does it again. I've never had to deal with this in a kid so young! Besides moving to a new house last week, his home life is stable and loving, so I don't think there's anything behind the aggression. What do you do with someone so young? Is it fair to make him play by himself in a playpen or something? And how do I make it sink in that hurting others isn't allowed?
kiddiecare 08:13 AM 11-19-2009
For the safety of the other children id say YES put him in a playpen EVERY time he does something mean to another child, eventually he will learn that if he wants to play with the others he has to be nice.
My4SunshineGirlsNY 10:12 AM 11-19-2009
Reminds me of my youngest daughter, she was like that at a young age. I used her playpen as a time out, for a very short time...it happened frequenlty so yes it was exhausting to keep putting her back in and taking her out. She had that strong personality and still does at 4 years old.
If you don't do time outs before 18 months, I'm not sure how else you can handle it. I'm having a situation myself in daycare with a 4 year old, not sure what to do.
kitkat 10:19 AM 11-19-2009
There's nothing wrong with removing the child from the group and placing him in a restricted area. I have to do that with my 18mth dcg, especially when I'm getting lunch ready. I plop her in the booster seat with a toy so I can get lunch going and know that she won't be aggravating the other kids. Honestly, she seems a lot happier and calmer when she's in the booster. I feel bad, but she doesn't mind. Keep telling Dcb not to do it, it hurts, etc and remove him when necessary. If parents have an issue with it, just point out to them that it's not fair to the other kids to know that there's a chance of getting their hair pulled by their son. This is a tough age with a lack of impulse control and lack of understanding with time outs. Hang in there.
what made you pick 18 mo? if it is a state law then fine,... but in my experience,... some chronological aged kids are not 18 months,.. emotionally more like 23 and some 23 mo old kids are emotionaly 18. (much the same way with men,.... hmmm,.. sorry just had an ahh haaa moment,..) I say maybe not a you go sit in time out,... but maybe a ,.. No, we do not pull hair,.. pick them up and move them,.. to another part of the room. Not their toys,... etc,.. just them. pick them up, and move them,... no hitting,.. no bite,.... and no more attention about it. they willlearn if they bite, hit, pull hair,...... they will have to move and lose their toys.
This is all great advice :-) Thank you!
I was feeling very guilty for putting him in his high chair whenever he started pulling hair, but I'm glad to hear you would all do the same. I'm not sure why I picked the 18 month mark to start time-outs -- maybe because that's what worked with my own kids. I think that putting him in the high chair (or playpen) will accomplish the same thing, without the label of being "in time-out". I've been keeping the parents updated on how I'm dealing with it, and they seem eager for any solution since he does the same things at home. They're very supportive, which is great.
I've dealt with alot of different behaviours and personalities, but repeated aggression at such a young age is new to me. Thank you for all the help!
Chickenhauler 03:53 PM 11-24-2009
Originally Posted by DBug:
This is all great advice :-) Thank you!
I was feeling very guilty for putting him in his high chair whenever he started pulling hair, but I'm glad to hear you would all do the same. I'm not sure why I picked the 18 month mark to start time-outs -- maybe because that's what worked with my own kids. I think that putting him in the high chair (or playpen) will accomplish the same thing, without the label of being "in time-out". I've been keeping the parents updated on how I'm dealing with it, and they seem eager for any solution since he does the same things at home. They're very supportive, which is great.
I've dealt with alot of different behaviours and personalities, but repeated aggression at such a young age is new to me. Thank you for all the help!
I'd be hesitant about using the highchair....the child may begin to confuse punishment for bad behavior and eating.
Oops ... you're absolutely right. I hadn't thought of it like that. I definitely don't want him thinking he's in trouble every time we have lunch or a snack! I'll have to rethink that. Maybe go back to the playpen idea.
Thanks!
SimpleMom 06:49 AM 12-12-2009
I have 2 1/2 yr old that is quite aggressive at times. I do use the booster seat when I need to clean up the kitchen after lunch and for lunch prep. at times.
I usually give him a chance to play in a constructive way with the group. I set up toys and activities that I know he enjoys. If he starts pushing the kids, hitting them, or taking their toys, then I bring him to the kitchen for a time out of 2 1/2 miniutes. After that I get some table activities going for him with his booster seat. It's worked really well. I also try to be proactive by feeling out the situation. If he has been more aggressive than normal and is having an off day, I offer him exciting activities at the table and make it super fun so he doesn't think it's because he's in "trouble". He ends up loving the time and most times the other kids really enjoy the activities as well. This also gives him some positive child-child interaction that he really needs to have.
I have had fewer and fewer times that I need to resort to the table activities.
Every child is different, but this is what's worked for him.