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Old 09-15-2014, 05:42 AM
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Soccermom Soccermom is offline
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Default What Is Your Policy On Biting?

I took on the daughter of one of the teacher's at my kids' school this year and low and behold, one of my children ended up in her class....huge conflict of interest I know

Anyhow, DCG bites. She left a huge bruise on the arm of one of my other DCGs this morning...all because she was angry that DCM left her here.

She makes a huge scene every morning when DCM tries to leave and then she stops 2 seconds after the door closes. I hate that. I will gladly comfort a clearly heartbroken child but children who try to control their parents with tears make my blood boil.

All that aside..chances are that a term is in the near future but I want to know what your policies are regarding biting, just to make sure that my policy is in line with the norm.

Thanks!
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Old 09-15-2014, 06:34 AM
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Age? Length of time she has been in your daycare? Has she been in daycare before and if so, did she do this there?

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Old 09-15-2014, 06:35 AM
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I treat biting the way I do any other physical infraction. The only difference is that it leaves a mark, which is what is so upsetting.

I just went thru a biting phase with my 19m dcb. It lasted about 8 weeks with him biting about 5 times. The other parents were on edge about it, but they were patient. I told them it was temporary and I would have it totally banished fairly quickly. I explained how it is not a behavior problem, it's just something that some toddlers go thru and it's still possible that their own toddler may do the same (that quieted a lot of the "shouldn't he be kicked out?" comments).

Now, this is not a typical biting phase because there really isn't a typical phase. Your biter may draw blood or bite 5 times per day instead of 5 in 2 months. So it's really going to depend on the severity of the situation. It's really something you have to take on a case by case basis and use your best judgement.
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Old 09-15-2014, 08:24 AM
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If a child bites, they are separated from the group and allowed to participate ONLY when I am present.

I would term a habitual biter because it is just not something I am willing to deal with in a group setting. Common behavior or not.

I also don't feel as though it's that common as I've only had ONE biter in all my years in care so I'm either lucky or biting is just not as common as some parents would like you to believe.
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Old 09-15-2014, 08:32 AM
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Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist View Post
Age? Length of time she has been in your daycare? Has she been in daycare before and if so, did she do this there?


She will be 3 years old in a week. I had her last year for the full year, then she was in a center for the summer (I have all teacher's kids so I took the summer off) and now she has been back with me for 3 weeks.

I have a 3 strikes and you are out policy for biters...maybe I am too harsh.
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Old 09-15-2014, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Soccermom View Post
She will be 3 years old in a week. I had her last year for the full year, then she was in a center for the summer (I have all teacher's kids so I took the summer off) and now she has been back with me for 3 weeks.

I have a 3 strikes and you are out policy for biters...maybe I am too harsh.
Um she is 3....that is MORE than old enough to know better.

Most common childhood biting happens between 8 months and 2.5 yrs old.

At 3 years old, she is plenty old enough to understand intentional behavior.
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Old 09-15-2014, 08:38 AM
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Um she is 3....that is MORE than old enough to know better.

Most common childhood biting happens between 8 months and 2.5 yrs old.

At 3 years old, she is plenty old enough to understand intentional behavior.
Exactly! I'm sure dcm is a professional, but I can't help thinking this will end badly. Is it possible to term due to conflict of interest? The biting is bad enough, but I would be uncomfortable with having her as a client. Just a thought.
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Old 09-15-2014, 08:49 AM
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3??? NO. That's different. This child knows better and understands what it means to cause pain. Imho, any child over 2 is plenty old enough to understand. I'd say a serious talk with mom is in order. Make it very clear that this is a make or break situation.
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Old 09-15-2014, 08:54 AM
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I've had one biter who bit twice at 2.5 and once at 3. Bit the same kid and they NEVER got along over the course of 2 years.

A biting 3? I wouldn't want to happen more than twice period.
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Old 09-15-2014, 10:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Um she is 3....that is MORE than old enough to know better.

Most common childhood biting happens between 8 months and 2.5 yrs old.

At 3 years old, she is plenty old enough to understand intentional behavior.
I agree. My DS went through a biting stage at about 18mos and again a month or two ago at 2.5! Obviously I cannot term my own child but with talking and a few days of intense shadowing and keeping him at my side and away from other kids he stopped. We also talked about it and he seemed to get it. But a girl at 3... I think she should know better. Especially when it's not due to a conflict WITH the victim but lashing out about mom. My DS bit when someone else hurt him or took a toy or something, not okay but not unprovoked I guess is what I'm trying to say?? I would conference with mom and say she must understand this isn't okay and she needs to be on board or she's 2 strikes away from leaving.
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Old 09-15-2014, 07:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Um she is 3....that is MORE than old enough to know better.

Most common childhood biting happens between 8 months and 2.5 yrs old.

At 3 years old, she is plenty old enough to understand intentional behavior.


Yes, this is deliberate biting, which I would handle differently from a younger child biting.
I'd separate her from the group and keep her with me whenever I wasn't with the group, like if I were cooking, etc. I'd tell her that biting hurts and I won't let her hurt the other children so she has to stay with me to keep them safe. When I was ready to let her rejoin the group I'd watch her very carefully, but not in a way that she'd know I was watching her. Biting is about power also...
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Old 09-16-2014, 06:13 PM
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My daughter is 17m, she bites one child, her cousin. My sister in law watches my daughter while I work full time. (I'm about to jump from my FT job to daycare)You know why? Because her care provider didn't do anything about it and she's learned that in that setting she can express her frustrations this way. That is what it is, her cousin is older and pushes her around or takes a toy, then she bites. It isn't often but the pattern is obvious to everyone. There is a lack of effort on the part of the care provider to be consistent with all discipline.

I understand that not all children have an obvious reason for biting, but in a case like this, it is up to the adults to step in, correct behavior and watch carefully to stop future biting attacks. It is extremely common for children to bite if they learn they can express themselves this way. That is why some don't have much of an issue with it. We don't have this issue at home or with any other child, just the setting she's learned this is not a punishable offense to do it in.
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Old 09-17-2014, 06:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dilley Beans View Post
My daughter is 17m, she bites one child, her cousin. My sister in law watches my daughter while I work full time. (I'm about to jump from my FT job to daycare)You know why? Because her care provider didn't do anything about it and she's learned that in that setting she can express her frustrations this way. That is what it is, her cousin is older and pushes her around or takes a toy, then she bites. It isn't often but the pattern is obvious to everyone. There is a lack of effort on the part of the care provider to be consistent with all discipline.

I understand that not all children have an obvious reason for biting, but in a case like this, it is up to the adults to step in, correct behavior and watch carefully to stop future biting attacks. It is extremely common for children to bite if they learn they can express themselves this way. That is why some don't have much of an issue with it. We don't have this issue at home or with any other child, just the setting she's learned this is not a punishable offense to do it in.
That is certainly not the case in my home. Biting is a very serious, very punishable offence and the consequences of such an action are very harsh. I do not tolerate it at all and although it is normal for a 17 month old to bite out of frustration (Although equally as punishable in order to prevent a repeat), it is not normal for a 3 year old who is completely verbal and conscious of her actions to bite another child because she is angry at the provider or her mother for leaving her.
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