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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Keeping it Professional
daycare 10:28 AM 10-15-2011
After reading a lot of responses to post when people ask about terming or about how to handel certain situations with parents, often it seems like the answer is to always look for the best interest of the provider, which I do agree we need to always look out for ourself. BUT isnt part of that also keeping everything 100% professional?
For example:
DCF lied about needing more hours for daycare and provider fell for it and agreed to the new extended time schedule. So now the family finally decides to give notice to DC.
A lot of your answers said that the Provider should stop working the extra hours and tell the family that effective now that the extra hours are going to stop. I am sure if this was done, the family would become irate and start drama. Not to mention I am sure they would bad mouth you any chance that they got and just make matter worse.
I am not too sure how to word what I want to say, but aren't you guys ever worried about pissing off the DCFs when in the term process? Especially when they have already lied to you, I think this kind of family would make a false report and turn it in to LIC. Which once you get an inquiry, true or false, it's there forever!
Why not just play out the agreement until the very end, kill them with kindness? Why would you want to make a DCF mad by making changes? Every family that I have ever had that has left on some what "bad terms" have left with regrets that they ever did. EVER single one of them have called me at some point wanting to come back.
Tell me what I am not seeing or what I am doing wrong here. Yes some DCF have made my life a living you know what during the term process, but they will never know that and I remained in the state of " fake it until you make it" just to happily watch them go....
For example:
DCF lied about needing more hours for daycare and provider fell for it and agreed to the new extended time schedule. So now the family finally decides to give notice to DC.
A lot of your answers said that the Provider should stop working the extra hours and tell the family that effective now that the extra hours are going to stop. I am sure if this was done, the family would become irate and start drama. Not to mention I am sure they would bad mouth you any chance that they got and just make matter worse.
I am not too sure how to word what I want to say, but aren't you guys ever worried about pissing off the DCFs when in the term process? Especially when they have already lied to you, I think this kind of family would make a false report and turn it in to LIC. Which once you get an inquiry, true or false, it's there forever!
Why not just play out the agreement until the very end, kill them with kindness? Why would you want to make a DCF mad by making changes? Every family that I have ever had that has left on some what "bad terms" have left with regrets that they ever did. EVER single one of them have called me at some point wanting to come back.
Tell me what I am not seeing or what I am doing wrong here. Yes some DCF have made my life a living you know what during the term process, but they will never know that and I remained in the state of " fake it until you make it" just to happily watch them go....
sharlan 11:11 AM 10-15-2011
You have to do what feels right to you.
Yes, it's best to keep things in perspective, stay the professionals that we try to be. It's best for all to keep things going as smoothly as possible, but that's not always possible.
People don't like being rejected and that's what we're doing when we term them. We're rejecting them as parents. Some take it with grace and know it's time to move on, others become vindictive making false calls to LIC.
It doesn't matter how sweet and kind you are to the vindictive parents, that's just the way they are. They are going to call licensing no matter what. I fully believe in karma and feel they will get theirs some day.
Yes, it's best to keep things in perspective, stay the professionals that we try to be. It's best for all to keep things going as smoothly as possible, but that's not always possible.
People don't like being rejected and that's what we're doing when we term them. We're rejecting them as parents. Some take it with grace and know it's time to move on, others become vindictive making false calls to LIC.
It doesn't matter how sweet and kind you are to the vindictive parents, that's just the way they are. They are going to call licensing no matter what. I fully believe in karma and feel they will get theirs some day.
Blackcat31 03:28 PM 10-15-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
After reading a lot of responses to post when people ask about terming or about how to handel certain situations with parents, often it seems like the answer is to always look for the best interest of the provider, which I do agree we need to always look out for ourself. BUT isnt part of that also keeping everything 100% professional?
For example:
DCF lied about needing more hours for daycare and provider fell for it and agreed to the new extended time schedule. So now the family finally decides to give notice to DC.
A lot of your answers said that the Provider should stop working the extra hours and tell the family that effective now that the extra hours are going to stop. I am sure if this was done, the family would become irate and start drama. Not to mention I am sure they would bad mouth you any chance that they got and just make matter worse.
No, I would not worry about the family getting PO'ed because THEY are the ones that lied. I have never given another thought to what other people say about me if I know I acted morally and ethically. If they wanted to start rumors about me and badmouth me to others, then what does that say about them as people to even do that? The people who believe what they say are probably not people I want for clients and the people who choose to believe what they know and NOT gossip or rumors are the ones I want for clients.
I am not too sure how to word what I want to say, but aren't you guys ever worried about pissing off the DCFs when in the term process? Especially when they have already lied to you, I think this kind of family would make a false report and turn it in to LIC. Which once you get an inquiry, true or false, it's there forever!
I have had a couple families make false reports about me before due to them being angry. However, you have a right to see your record and mine lists ever single report someone made (identifiable or anonymous) and each one says "Unfounded. Client disputed bill" or "Unfounded. Client disputed provider policies." It shows that I am consistent and uphold my policies and etc. I would also hope it would inspire the potential client to ask me for more information. More information leads to a better more open and honest relationship and THAT is the key to a sucessful business.
Why not just play out the agreement until the very end, kill them with kindness? Why would you want to make a DCF mad by making changes? Every family that I have ever had that has left on some what "bad terms" have left with regrets that they ever did. EVER single one of them have called me at some point wanting to come back.
Why go through all the motions to kill them with kindness when that in itself is dishonest? That is not what you would normally do for them if they were long term clinets so acting in a way that isn't who you are prior to enrolling, as current clients and while terming is not ethical or right in my mind. Plus, how many of these clients have you actually taken back?
Tell me what I am not seeing or what I am doing wrong here. Yes some DCF have made my life a living you know what during the term process, but they will never know that and I remained in the state of " fake it until you make it" just to happily watch them go....
I answered some in bold above.After reading a lot of responses to post when people ask about terming or about how to handel certain situations with parents, often it seems like the answer is to always look for the best interest of the provider, which I do agree we need to always look out for ourself. BUT isnt part of that also keeping everything 100% professional?
For example:
DCF lied about needing more hours for daycare and provider fell for it and agreed to the new extended time schedule. So now the family finally decides to give notice to DC.
A lot of your answers said that the Provider should stop working the extra hours and tell the family that effective now that the extra hours are going to stop. I am sure if this was done, the family would become irate and start drama. Not to mention I am sure they would bad mouth you any chance that they got and just make matter worse.
No, I would not worry about the family getting PO'ed because THEY are the ones that lied. I have never given another thought to what other people say about me if I know I acted morally and ethically. If they wanted to start rumors about me and badmouth me to others, then what does that say about them as people to even do that? The people who believe what they say are probably not people I want for clients and the people who choose to believe what they know and NOT gossip or rumors are the ones I want for clients.
I am not too sure how to word what I want to say, but aren't you guys ever worried about pissing off the DCFs when in the term process? Especially when they have already lied to you, I think this kind of family would make a false report and turn it in to LIC. Which once you get an inquiry, true or false, it's there forever!
I have had a couple families make false reports about me before due to them being angry. However, you have a right to see your record and mine lists ever single report someone made (identifiable or anonymous) and each one says "Unfounded. Client disputed bill" or "Unfounded. Client disputed provider policies." It shows that I am consistent and uphold my policies and etc. I would also hope it would inspire the potential client to ask me for more information. More information leads to a better more open and honest relationship and THAT is the key to a sucessful business.
Why not just play out the agreement until the very end, kill them with kindness? Why would you want to make a DCF mad by making changes? Every family that I have ever had that has left on some what "bad terms" have left with regrets that they ever did. EVER single one of them have called me at some point wanting to come back.
Why go through all the motions to kill them with kindness when that in itself is dishonest? That is not what you would normally do for them if they were long term clinets so acting in a way that isn't who you are prior to enrolling, as current clients and while terming is not ethical or right in my mind. Plus, how many of these clients have you actually taken back?
Tell me what I am not seeing or what I am doing wrong here. Yes some DCF have made my life a living you know what during the term process, but they will never know that and I remained in the state of " fake it until you make it" just to happily watch them go....
The one thing you need to do is be firm with your rules and policies and never ever forget that you are working with humans. There are going to be situations that you have to take for what they are worth. You can't assume all parents are lying and that all parents are honest. You have to work at building those relationships and only you will know the right answers to the issues that arise.
No matter how much detail every member on this forum gives with each post about something it still isn't the whole story. You have to get really good at judging situations and saying No when you feel uncomfortable and saying yes when it is ok with you.
I know that is a bit hard to follow but really you have to be firm but flexible at the same time. (Think back to Silversabre's thread on helping out that family and the fallout her thread created) Silver knew this family and felt in her heart she made the right call. She built that relationship to the point she felt she could do that for that family and not be taken advantage of. If she finds out she is, I am betting her actions to remedy will be swift and quick and professional. If her instincts were right though and she isn't taken for a ride by this family, then she did something amazing by building a trusting relationship that will only help her feel more respected, loved and appreciated by her clients.
That is what it is all about. No one here can teach it to you, no one can write a list of do's and don'ts. You have to simply find your comfort zone between the firmness and flexible-ness and work hard to hone those skills.
cheerfuldom 06:33 PM 10-15-2011
I have had a few post-term apologies too. but the big difference is that I am not licensed. In some ways, that gives me extra freedom. I know that I am within state regulations and have absolutely nothing to hide. I'm not going to let families try to scare me into doing things their way.
snowball 06:54 PM 10-15-2011
Originally Posted by :
I am not too sure how to word what I want to say, but aren't you guys ever worried about pissing off the DCFs when in the term process? Especially when they have already lied to you, I think this kind of family would make a false report and turn it in to LIC. Which once you get an inquiry, true or false, it's there forever!
No, I don't worry about pissing them off. Honestly, I really feel that in order for ME to be a great provider I have to be happy. If I was always worried about pissing families off, who have already shown me that they don't respect me , "I" wouldn't be happy. I don't care what they have to say about me. I know that I run a good daycare. If a family made my life a "living you know what" I could not work with them anymore PERIOD. I need to be able to enjoy my job. I am not too sure how to word what I want to say, but aren't you guys ever worried about pissing off the DCFs when in the term process? Especially when they have already lied to you, I think this kind of family would make a false report and turn it in to LIC. Which once you get an inquiry, true or false, it's there forever!
Part of this business is knowing that not every family will work out. It is the same as any other business out there...no business in the world has a100% satisfaction rate.
DBug 01:41 PM 10-16-2011
Daycare, I agree with you. If someone was terming on me, I would just continue in the agreement we had set up whether I liked it or not, while counting the days til their departure 
.
The way I see it, I would rather do everything "right" -- according to my contract, or to our verbal agreement, or whatever, -- so that even if they decide to walk all over me, I can have a clean conscience knowing that I did what was right, and that they have no reason for any hard feelings that they have.
Also, if they did report me even after I fully cooperated, I would at least be able to say that I completely upheld my end of the arrangement and that I did nothing to cause the situation to deteriorate.
The way I see it, if someone's terming, it's probably only another 2 weeks to a month that I'll have to deal with them. Why not minimize the drama? Sure, they might think they're getting away with something, but who cares what they think? I'd be more concerned with my own opinion of myself, as well as the opinions of those closest to me (my friends and family).
.The way I see it, I would rather do everything "right" -- according to my contract, or to our verbal agreement, or whatever, -- so that even if they decide to walk all over me, I can have a clean conscience knowing that I did what was right, and that they have no reason for any hard feelings that they have.
Also, if they did report me even after I fully cooperated, I would at least be able to say that I completely upheld my end of the arrangement and that I did nothing to cause the situation to deteriorate.
The way I see it, if someone's terming, it's probably only another 2 weeks to a month that I'll have to deal with them. Why not minimize the drama? Sure, they might think they're getting away with something, but who cares what they think? I'd be more concerned with my own opinion of myself, as well as the opinions of those closest to me (my friends and family).
Cat Herder 04:10 AM 10-17-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
always look for the best interest of the provider ...
Personally, I think this is the root of your issue. always look for the best interest of the provider ...
It has nothing to do with the best interest of the PROVIDER.
It has everything to do with the best interest of YOUR FAMILY.
Whatever decision you make should be in the best interest of YOUR FAMILY.
If you don't make your familys' needs your first priority, working from home "to better meet the needs of your family" is asinine.
You would be defeating your purpose.IMHO, Dealing with a PITA family for 30 more days, for no more pay, at the beginning of the holiday season, only hurts your family. You are stressed, tired and hurt.
In no way are these people benefiting your family life.
wahmof3 10:06 AM 10-17-2011
IMO- once a notice is given, you, as a provider, know how the family will act. You know if they are giving notice bc of issues out of their control or not. I also look at it like this: in the outside world workforce, anymore, if you give your boss a 2 week notice, you then become a liability and more often then not at that time your boss will have you pack up your things and show you the door. Is that professional? Not really but its reality.
daycare 10:40 AM 10-17-2011
Originally Posted by wahmof3:
IMO- once a notice is given, you, as a provider, know how the family will act. You know if they are giving notice bc of issues out of their control or not. I also look at it like this: in the outside world workforce, anymore, if you give your boss a 2 week notice, you then become a liability and more often then not at that time your boss will have you pack up your things and show you the door. Is that professional? Not really but its reality.
I understand given the issue, I cannot say one way or another if a family will be a libality or not. If that was the case then why even have a term period? Why not just end it the day they give notice?IMO- once a notice is given, you, as a provider, know how the family will act. You know if they are giving notice bc of issues out of their control or not. I also look at it like this: in the outside world workforce, anymore, if you give your boss a 2 week notice, you then become a liability and more often then not at that time your boss will have you pack up your things and show you the door. Is that professional? Not really but its reality.
Cat Herder 10:42 AM 10-17-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
I understand given the issue, I cannot say one way or another if a family will be a libality or not. If that was the case then why even have a term period? Why not just end it the day they give notice?
Because sometimes the benefits of keeping a particular scenario outweight the risks for your family. I understand given the issue, I cannot say one way or another if a family will be a libality or not. If that was the case then why even have a term period? Why not just end it the day they give notice?
Like a Golden Family that gives you a 30 day notice and will most likely end with a happy goodbye vs. a PITA family that intends to nip and tear at you each and every day PLUS try to get out of paying.
The first would give you extra income without any added stress. The second is just not worth the bit of money for me.
Only YOU can decide which is which, for you. YKWIM?
daycare 11:02 AM 10-17-2011
Of course.
I am not saying that you should kiss the rear of a family that has been nothing but rude and disrespectful. Families like that need an immediate term. I would not keep someone around who I thought would be harmful to me, my family, other families, or my business.
I am talking about those families that are good, but then they start doing little things here and there that are making everything crazy or stressful. However, they continue to fulfill their contract.
I am not saying that you should kiss the rear of a family that has been nothing but rude and disrespectful. Families like that need an immediate term. I would not keep someone around who I thought would be harmful to me, my family, other families, or my business.
I am talking about those families that are good, but then they start doing little things here and there that are making everything crazy or stressful. However, they continue to fulfill their contract.
wdmmom 11:08 AM 10-17-2011
If it's extra hours, the answer will always be, "NO". Especially if it's evening hours. I have a family, dinner to cook, a meal to eat, homework to help with, etc.
As for "killing them with kindness", are you kidding me?! If I had a family lie to me and I knew about it, I'd be calling them out on it. I don't let families change contracts without a 2 week notice. This gives me 2 weeks to think about it without having to give an instant decision and later on feeling guilted into it.
If I had a family that asked me to expand my hours for them, I agreed (only to be lied to about the reason), then they gave notice, I'd tell them that their notice has been accepted and that because the policy can be terminated with 4 weeks notice or wages, I'd remind them that payment was due at the time notice was provided and tell them that their last day can be sooner.
As for "killing them with kindness", are you kidding me?! If I had a family lie to me and I knew about it, I'd be calling them out on it. I don't let families change contracts without a 2 week notice. This gives me 2 weeks to think about it without having to give an instant decision and later on feeling guilted into it.
If I had a family that asked me to expand my hours for them, I agreed (only to be lied to about the reason), then they gave notice, I'd tell them that their notice has been accepted and that because the policy can be terminated with 4 weeks notice or wages, I'd remind them that payment was due at the time notice was provided and tell them that their last day can be sooner.
daycare 11:25 AM 10-17-2011
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
If it's extra hours, the answer will always be, "NO". Especially if it's evening hours. I have a family, dinner to cook, a meal to eat, homework to help with, etc.
As for "killing them with kindness", are you kidding me?! If I had a family lie to me and I knew about it, I'd be calling them out on it. I don't let families change contracts without a 2 week notice. This gives me 2 weeks to think about it without having to give an instant decision and later on feeling guilted into it.
If I had a family that asked me to expand my hours for them, I agreed (only to be lied to about the reason), then they gave notice, I'd tell them that their notice has been accepted and that because the policy can be terminated with 4 weeks notice or wages, I'd remind them that payment was due at the time notice was provided and tell them that their last day can be sooner.
would your answer still be no if you were not going to be able to feed your family at the end of the day?If it's extra hours, the answer will always be, "NO". Especially if it's evening hours. I have a family, dinner to cook, a meal to eat, homework to help with, etc.
As for "killing them with kindness", are you kidding me?! If I had a family lie to me and I knew about it, I'd be calling them out on it. I don't let families change contracts without a 2 week notice. This gives me 2 weeks to think about it without having to give an instant decision and later on feeling guilted into it.
If I had a family that asked me to expand my hours for them, I agreed (only to be lied to about the reason), then they gave notice, I'd tell them that their notice has been accepted and that because the policy can be terminated with 4 weeks notice or wages, I'd remind them that payment was due at the time notice was provided and tell them that their last day can be sooner.
sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
morgan24 11:47 AM 10-17-2011
Originally Posted by daycare:
After reading a lot of responses to post when people ask about terming or about how to handel certain situations with parents, often it seems like the answer is to always look for the best interest of the provider, which I do agree we need to always look out for ourself. BUT isnt part of that also keeping everything 100% professional?
For example:
DCF lied about needing more hours for daycare and provider fell for it and agreed to the new extended time schedule. So now the family finally decides to give notice to DC.
A lot of your answers said that the Provider should stop working the extra hours and tell the family that effective now that the extra hours are going to stop. I am sure if this was done, the family would become irate and start drama. Not to mention I am sure they would bad mouth you any chance that they got and just make matter worse.
I am not too sure how to word what I want to say, but aren't you guys ever worried about pissing off the DCFs when in the term process? Especially when they have already lied to you, I think this kind of family would make a false report and turn it in to LIC. Which once you get an inquiry, true or false, it's there forever!
Why not just play out the agreement until the very end, kill them with kindness? Why would you want to make a DCF mad by making changes? Every family that I have ever had that has left on some what "bad terms" have left with regrets that they ever did. EVER single one of them have called me at some point wanting to come back.
Tell me what I am not seeing or what I am doing wrong here. Yes some DCF have made my life a living you know what during the term process, but they will never know that and I remained in the state of " fake it until you make it" just to happily watch them go....
I don't think you are doing anything wrong. You need to handle the situation in the way that you feel right about it. I have a no notice agreement in my contract. If a family wants to leave they can without having to give me 2 weeks or any notice. I do what works for me. In your circumstances I would have a hard time putting my nice face on for the length of the notice, so I would rather that they be done when they give their notice. Sounds like you won't have any problems putting on your happy face until they are done. I give you tons of credit to be able to do that.After reading a lot of responses to post when people ask about terming or about how to handel certain situations with parents, often it seems like the answer is to always look for the best interest of the provider, which I do agree we need to always look out for ourself. BUT isnt part of that also keeping everything 100% professional?
For example:
DCF lied about needing more hours for daycare and provider fell for it and agreed to the new extended time schedule. So now the family finally decides to give notice to DC.
A lot of your answers said that the Provider should stop working the extra hours and tell the family that effective now that the extra hours are going to stop. I am sure if this was done, the family would become irate and start drama. Not to mention I am sure they would bad mouth you any chance that they got and just make matter worse.
I am not too sure how to word what I want to say, but aren't you guys ever worried about pissing off the DCFs when in the term process? Especially when they have already lied to you, I think this kind of family would make a false report and turn it in to LIC. Which once you get an inquiry, true or false, it's there forever!
Why not just play out the agreement until the very end, kill them with kindness? Why would you want to make a DCF mad by making changes? Every family that I have ever had that has left on some what "bad terms" have left with regrets that they ever did. EVER single one of them have called me at some point wanting to come back.
Tell me what I am not seeing or what I am doing wrong here. Yes some DCF have made my life a living you know what during the term process, but they will never know that and I remained in the state of " fake it until you make it" just to happily watch them go....