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  #1  
Old 11-07-2012, 01:25 PM
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Default I Used My Backbone And..

Two of my policies are no bringing food from home (except for class parties) and that children can not come the day they have immunizations. The immunization one just started after my daughter had a bad reaction and I heard horror stories from other providers.
Last week I had a parent bring their child right after she got immunizations in the am. Ive had the child for a little over a year and never had any problems. The child is 2 and had a flu shot and I think a Hep B. I decided to let it go because my backbone was (and is) still gaining strength. Mom brought the child to my door with a huge cookie. I nicely took the cookie from the child and handed it to mom. The child threw a fit for a second but got over it quickly. Mom said she understood and took the cookie with a smile.
The child was fussy all day long which I would have to blame on shots because normally she is a delight. When mom picked the child up I said "she wasn't herself today". Everything was good and my antennae didn't go up and tell me anything was wrong or amiss. I have really good antennae so I was very surprised to find out that mom posted this on her twitter feed: "babysitter said she wasn't herself today. No s*%, she got shots and you took her cookie you b*#*#.
I know I should have just followed all of my policies and stuck to my guns about bringing the child the day of shots. I'm working on it. My friends say I should say something to the mom. I'm more forgiving and although it bothered me at first I looked at it as a learning experience that helped my backbone gain strength. It made me realize that no matter what we are going to make people mad. The parents may seem all nice when they drop off and pick up their child but chances are they are still complaining about or questioning something you do behind your back if they don't do it to your face. They are not our friends even if we are friendly and if you become inconvenient for them they will drop you like a hot potato.
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Old 11-07-2012, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by nanglgrl View Post
Two of my policies are no bringing food from home (except for class parties) and that children can not come the day they have immunizations. The immunization one just started after my daughter had a bad reaction and I heard horror stories from other providers.
Last week I had a parent bring their child right after she got immunizations in the am. Ive had the child for a little over a year and never had any problems. The child is 2 and had a flu shot and I think a Hep B. I decided to let it go because my backbone was (and is) still gaining strength. Mom brought the child to my door with a huge cookie. I nicely took the cookie from the child and handed it to mom. The child threw a fit for a second but got over it quickly. Mom said she understood and took the cookie with a smile.
The child was fussy all day long which I would have to blame on shots because normally she is a delight. When mom picked the child up I said "she wasn't herself today". Everything was good and my antennae didn't go up and tell me anything was wrong or amiss.

I have really good antennae so I was very surprised to find out that mom posted this on her twitter feed: "babysitter said she wasn't herself today. No s*%, she got shots and you took her cookie you b*#*#.

I know I should have just followed all of my policies and stuck to my guns about bringing the child the day of shots. I'm working on it. My friends say I should say something to the mom. I'm more forgiving and although it bothered me at first I looked at it as a learning experience that helped my backbone gain strength. It made me realize that no matter what we are going to make people mad. The parents may seem all nice when they drop off and pick up their child but chances are they are still complaining about or questioning something you do behind your back if they don't do it to your face. They are not our friends even if we are friendly and if you become inconvenient for them they will drop you like a hot potato.
No flipping way would I let that one slide!!!

I would either be saying something to the mom or I would be giving the little one a cookie at drop off time.
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  #3  
Old 11-07-2012, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by nanglgrl View Post
Two of my policies are no bringing food from home (except for class parties) and that children can not come the day they have immunizations. The immunization one just started after my daughter had a bad reaction and I heard horror stories from other providers.
Last week I had a parent bring their child right after she got immunizations in the am. Ive had the child for a little over a year and never had any problems. The child is 2 and had a flu shot and I think a Hep B. I decided to let it go because my backbone was (and is) still gaining strength. Mom brought the child to my door with a huge cookie. I nicely took the cookie from the child and handed it to mom. The child threw a fit for a second but got over it quickly. Mom said she understood and took the cookie with a smile.
The child was fussy all day long which I would have to blame on shots because normally she is a delight. When mom picked the child up I said "she wasn't herself today". Everything was good and my antennae didn't go up and tell me anything was wrong or amiss. I have really good antennae so I was very surprised to find out that mom posted this on her twitter feed: "babysitter said she wasn't herself today. No s*%, she got shots and you took her cookie you b*#*#.
I know I should have just followed all of my policies and stuck to my guns about bringing the child the day of shots. I'm working on it. My friends say I should say something to the mom. I'm more forgiving and although it bothered me at first I looked at it as a learning experience that helped my backbone gain strength. It made me realize that no matter what we are going to make people mad. The parents may seem all nice when they drop off and pick up their child but chances are they are still complaining about or questioning something you do behind your back if they don't do it to your face. They are not our friends even if we are friendly and if you become inconvenient for them they will drop you like a hot potato.
I would have sent a text immediately (after screencapping her twitter) that said "You thought I was being a bitch when I took your kiddo's cookie away? Well, what do you think of me now that I'm taking your daycare away? You can come and get your child's belongings tomorrow between 8-9am. You are terminated."

What an idiot!
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Old 11-07-2012, 02:36 PM
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I would term without a doubt. Call me names and expect me to continue providing service? No way.
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  #5  
Old 11-07-2012, 02:59 PM
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Wow that is insane. I'm not sure how twitter works. Is it like facebook where you have to be friends with her to see her postings? If so, does she know that you're able to see what she wrote? I would most definately call her out on it.
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Old 11-07-2012, 03:24 PM
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That is completely inapropriate and unacceptable. I would have immediately posted on that comment

"Please consider this your 2 week termination notice. As a reference please take a look at your contract where it clearly states "no outside food" and "children are not allowed to come to daycare after being immunized".

That is blatant and utter disrespect towards you. You may choose not to terminate her for that and that is up to you however I do hope that you at least let her know that you know and put her on probation. If you don't want to talk to her then you can also write a letter.

It both angers and saddens me when people treat other people poorly.
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  #7  
Old 11-07-2012, 03:27 PM
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Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo View Post
Wow that is insane. I'm not sure how twitter works. Is it like facebook where you have to be friends with her to see her postings? If so, does she know that you're able to see what she wrote? I would most definately call her out on it.
Truthfully, I'm not sure how Twitter works either. I think you can hide your account to "only followers" but this mom didn't. The mom just turned 21 and was surprised with a trip to Las Vegas. She didn't tell me until Saturday that her child wouldn't be here this week. I reminded her she still had to pay. She didn't message me back right away so my antennae went up thinking she was mad about having to pay. My similar aged son just started using Twitter and it occurred to me that this mom might use it and might be complaining about having to pay for the week so I googled her name and the word Twitter and came across the post. Does that make sense?
I have a few more days to decide what to do. I really like the child and other than this post I've never had a problem with mom in the last year. I consider her age to be a huge factor in her use of bad language (so glad she didn't use my name or daycare name and called me a babysitter). Thank you guys for all of the advice!
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  #8  
Old 11-07-2012, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by nanglgrl View Post
Truthfully, I'm not sure how Twitter works either. I think you can hide your account to "only followers" but this mom didn't. The mom just turned 21 and was surprised with a trip to Las Vegas. She didn't tell me until Saturday that her child wouldn't be here this week. I reminded her she still had to pay. She didn't message me back right away so my antennae went up thinking she was mad about having to pay. My similar aged son just started using Twitter and it occurred to me that this mom might use it and might be complaining about having to pay for the week so I googled her name and the word Twitter and came across the post. Does that make sense?
I have a few more days to decide what to do. I really like the child and other than this post I've never had a problem with mom in the last year. I consider her age to be a huge factor in her use of bad language (so glad she didn't use my name or daycare name and called me a babysitter). Thank you guys for all of the advice!
If she is old enough to make and raise a baby then she is old enough to take FULL repsonsibility for her actions/words. Don't make excuses for her. That is what is wrong with today's generation (SOME of them NOT all).

Hoping you find a resolution that works for you.
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  #9  
Old 11-07-2012, 03:39 PM
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F.I.R.E.D

Effective immediately.

Please don't tell me you are seriously considering offering this woman an olive branch after she hasn't even apologized yet - simply because of her age???


One of my dcm's is 17 and there is no way in H*LL she would ever speak to or about me in that way. Age has nothing to do with decency or respect. You either know how to treat people with decency and do or you know how to treat people with decency and don't.

She's a don't-er. Doesn't matter how much I liked the child, it doesn't get much worse than what she said. If you don't draw the line there guaranteed she'll push it further, and really, how much further could she go after that??
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Old 11-07-2012, 03:52 PM
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I agree with the others, I would not let that slide!! It has nothing to do with how young she is, it is about respect!! I would not have to think twice about terminating her!
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Old 11-07-2012, 03:56 PM
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Uh uh, no way I'd let that go! I'd print a copy of her comment and term immediately. Will you be able to look at her ever again without thinking of it? I sure wouldn't. I'm angry and it has nothing to do with me!!!
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Old 11-07-2012, 04:04 PM
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Uh uh, no way I'd let that go! I'd print a copy of her comment and term immediately. Will you be able to look at her ever again without thinking of it? I sure wouldn't. I'm angry and it has nothing to do with me!!!
That's a good idea. I would print it and show it to her next time she comes so I could see th shocked look on her face. THEN I would term her!!
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  #13  
Old 11-07-2012, 04:17 PM
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Speaking of backbone.... One of our members wrote a "personal" story for Daycare.com which we just posted: http://daycare.com/story/getting-a-backbone/index.html
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Old 11-07-2012, 04:32 PM
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Speaking of backbone.... One of our members wrote a "personal" story for Daycare.com which we just posted: http://daycare.com/story/getting-a-backbone/index.html
Excellent read. Love all of the experiences and info!
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  #15  
Old 11-07-2012, 05:11 PM
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no way. i could not continue a business relationship with that kind of disrespect. if she feels like that, how does she trust u to watch her kiddo? say goodbye.
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  #16  
Old 11-07-2012, 05:23 PM
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That is awful! Absolutely disgraceful...for her!

Couldn't the kid of had the cookie in the car...? 'cause...that's what I'd do...? I'd never, never send my kids to daycare with a cookie or any food for that matter. That's just...it's just...but...

*sigh*
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Old 11-07-2012, 05:56 PM
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Oh my goodness. I am just shocked.
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Old 11-08-2012, 06:12 AM
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Originally Posted by nanglgrl View Post
Truthfully, I'm not sure how Twitter works either. I think you can hide your account to "only followers" but this mom didn't. The mom just turned 21 and was surprised with a trip to Las Vegas. She didn't tell me until Saturday that her child wouldn't be here this week. I reminded her she still had to pay. She didn't message me back right away so my antennae went up thinking she was mad about having to pay. My similar aged son just started using Twitter and it occurred to me that this mom might use it and might be complaining about having to pay for the week so I googled her name and the word Twitter and came across the post. Does that make sense?
I have a few more days to decide what to do. I really like the child and other than this post I've never had a problem with mom in the last year. I consider her age to be a huge factor in her use of bad language (so glad she didn't use my name or daycare name and called me a babysitter). Thank you guys for all of the advice!
Given her age, the fact that you've never had any trouble with her before and you really like the child, I'd turn this into an important learning experience for her. I definitely wouldn't let it slide. I'd tell her that I saw her comments and don't appreciate being called a "b". I'd show her a copy of the contract she signed with your policies on food from home and immunizations highlighted. I'd explain that I was trying to be nice and accepted the child into care against my own policy because I assumed she had to get back to work and didn't want to create problems for her but that in the future, I would be strictly adhering to all policies, including that one. I would also explain how careful she needs to be when posting comments on twitter, facebook, etc. You never know who might read them.

Hopefully, she'll be embarrassed and apologize and will also learn a valuable lesson about following your policies, respecting the person who cares for her child every day and thinking twice when posting messages on public forums.
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Old 11-08-2012, 06:53 AM
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Originally Posted by nanglgrl View Post
Truthfully, I'm not sure how Twitter works either. I think you can hide your account to "only followers" but this mom didn't. The mom just turned 21 and was surprised with a trip to Las Vegas. She didn't tell me until Saturday that her child wouldn't be here this week. I reminded her she still had to pay. She didn't message me back right away so my antennae went up thinking she was mad about having to pay. My similar aged son just started using Twitter and it occurred to me that this mom might use it and might be complaining about having to pay for the week so I googled her name and the word Twitter and came across the post. Does that make sense?
I have a few more days to decide what to do. I really like the child and other than this post I've never had a problem with mom in the last year. I consider her age to be a huge factor in her use of bad language (so glad she didn't use my name or daycare name and called me a babysitter). Thank you guys for all of the advice!
I am saddened to see you excusing her behavior. Age is not a free pass to use bad language and treat others poorly, especially publicly.
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:36 AM
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Thank you to everyone for the advice. I won't see her again until Monday so I'm giving myself the week to decide. I guess I should be more upset about this than I am. I'm just not a fighter. When i say not a fighter i mean never. i never fight with anyone. i hate the stress involved. I wonder though, is everyone upset because she posted it on twitter or because she said it? When I read it I realized that even our favorite parents probably go home and complain (hopefully without cuss words) when we enforce a policy they don't like. I'm trying to get more mad about this, your comments are helping.
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:51 AM
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I would have sent a text immediately (after screencapping her twitter) that said "You thought I was being a bitch when I took your kiddo's cookie away? Well, what do you think of me now that I'm taking your daycare away? You can come and get your child's belongings tomorrow between 8-9am. You are terminated."

What an idiot!
I second this.
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:04 AM
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Thank you to everyone for the advice. I won't see her again until Monday so I'm giving myself the week to decide. I guess I should be more upset about this than I am. I'm just not a fighter. When i say not a fighter i mean never. i never fight with anyone. i hate the stress involved. I wonder though, is everyone upset because she posted it on twitter or because she said it? When I read it I realized that even our favorite parents probably go home and complain (hopefully without cuss words) when we enforce a policy they don't like. I'm trying to get more mad about this, your comments are helping.
There is a VERY extreme difference between fighting with someone and demanding respect. There should be no fight involved. Tell her you saw her comment, you didn't appreciate it and as a result she needs to seek a new daycare. End of story. I wouldn't even give notice, she would be termed immediately. I would give her a day/time to pick up child's belongings and make sure a witness was there with you. I'd pass them through the door, close the door and carry on with my day. I wouldn't answer any calls/emails going forward. No fight.

I am upset because the person who expects you to take care of her child called you a bitch. A BITCH! Because you asked her to follow a simple rule. Give me a break. She has no right to complain about something a) as common sense as NOT bringing a child to daycare with a cookie and b) something she's already previously agreed to.
I am also upset that she put it on a public forum. Who does that? If you are old enough to spread your legs and have a child, you are old enough to know better and RESPECT the person you RELY on to take care of that child (YOU)! Parents can complain all they want about my rukes, but they better be smart enough to do it in the privacy of your own home where I'm never going to know about it (btw, my parents very rarely ever break my policies - so that right there shows me they respect me and my rules)!
Finally, I am upset that you are trying to minimize her behavior. This is why so many providers get walked all over... for not standing up for themselves, their homes/businesses and their career choice.

I have absolutely no tolerance for daycare parents treating providers like this... we TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:09 AM
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Originally Posted by nanglgrl View Post
I wonder though, is everyone upset because she posted it on twitter or because she said it? When I read it I realized that even our favorite parents probably go home and complain (hopefully without cuss words) when we enforce a policy they don't like. I'm trying to get more mad about this, your comments are helping.
Personally, I do not care what people choose to say on Facebook or Twitter since a majority of those types of social outlets are meant for shock value IMPO. People say things on FB to get a rise out of people or show off or whatever. RARELY is it anything relevant or important. My DH calls it social masturbation. Which in a sense, unless you are connecting with long distant friends/family, it is exactly that. I really couldn't care less that someone is reading a book and then heading to bed.....Um, thanks for the update, but I really don't care But I digress...

So back on topic, I think the thing that angered me about it was the two face-ness. Either the mother understands and RESPECTS your policies or she speaks directly to you about them. But if she really does think you are a b*#*#, then you two should not be partnering to raise/guide her child.

If she also really believes her child should have a cookie for breakfast and doesn't truly understand why you took it away, then I would be mad.

It is really important to me that my parents not only follow my policies but UNDERSTAND why I have them. I want to have families in care who have the same values and philosophies I do. If they just follow blindly but talk smack about it behind my back or even just think crappy thoughts in their head without speaking about it, then I still think that is sad and it would anger me.

I WANT to partner WITH my families not just boss them around and make rules and policies that sound good or are considered normal. Partnering WITH your families and having that open honest line of communication will either make or break you in this business. That element seems to be missing between you and this mom and that is what set me off.
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:24 AM
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When I was a public school teacher, I had a similar experience to this. A mother of one of my students posted on a town forum that her autistic son came home from school with unexplained bruises. She was a well known mother, and everyone knew the age of her son. As a result, people on the forum knew he was in my class.

I brought the post to my director, who then brought it to the superintendent. The mother was called in for a meeting with the superintendent and myself to discuss her post. She tried to backtrack and explain it away, but she couldn't do it effectively. She was mortified, and never did it again. She also kissed my butt for the rest of the time I worked with her.

If I could have kicked her out on the spot, I would have. It was a public school, so I didn't have that freedom. You do have that freedom. You are raising her child when she is at work, and she is speaking disrespectfully about you. I wouldn't want her or her child in my house again. I am not even sure how you can move past a statement like that without addressing it. I totally appreciate not having a backbone - it can be so hard to find one in this business. I do think you need to respect yourself more, though. You are working hard to provide quality care every day. She has no right to call you a name ever, in any way. You do not deserve it, and you certainly shouldn't allow it to go unacknowledged.

Shame on that mother. What a thoughtless and hurtful thing to do. Stand up for yourself! You deserve respect!!!!
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Old 11-08-2012, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by nanglgrl View Post
Thank you to everyone for the advice. I won't see her again until Monday so I'm giving myself the week to decide. I guess I should be more upset about this than I am. I'm just not a fighter. When i say not a fighter i mean never. i never fight with anyone. i hate the stress involved. I wonder though, is everyone upset because she posted it on twitter or because she said it? When I read it I realized that even our favorite parents probably go home and complain (hopefully without cuss words) when we enforce a policy they don't like. I'm trying to get more mad about this, your comments are helping.
its not about being mad necessarily....its about seeing value in yourself and being able to say in word and deed "I am someone that deserves respectful treatment and I will not allow others to treat me in any other way than that....especially those that come into my own home and use my services" I realize that my DC parents probably vent about things I do....I vent about them all the time. But I have never called anyone a B or posted anything public anywhere but here about issues with DC families. to me, her comment is more than a casual complaint. I dont think you have to be a "fighter" to require adults to act like adults. most providers are not confrontational by nature....we are caregivers and people in service and that is normally the same personality that tries to avoid conflict. but you really need to have some sort of standard for your DC families. what the mom did was extremely inappropriate
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Old 11-08-2012, 11:57 AM
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Are people bat s@@t crazy? Why WHY would someone post that? I don't do twitter, but is she not fully aware you "follow" her? Why can't people just say stuff to your face instead of waiting until you read it online? Cowards! This makes my blood boil!!
Nan, you titled your post "used my backbone"......except you only used half of it. You took the cookie away, but you let her bring a freshly immunized child. I know backbone is tough, but it has to be an all or nothing deal. You can't enforce one rule and let the other slide. I'm not being critical, trust me I've been there too. Don't let this mom get away with this crap! Calling you names in a public way?!? So so so unkind and disrespectful. I send ypu (((hugs))) .
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Old 11-08-2012, 12:39 PM
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Originally Posted by nanglgrl View Post
Thank you to everyone for the advice. I won't see her again until Monday so I'm giving myself the week to decide. I guess I should be more upset about this than I am. I'm just not a fighter. When i say not a fighter i mean never. i never fight with anyone. i hate the stress involved. I wonder though, is everyone upset because she posted it on twitter or because she said it? When I read it I realized that even our favorite parents probably go home and complain (hopefully without cuss words) when we enforce a policy they don't like. I'm trying to get more mad about this, your comments are helping.
You know, we all voice our opinions here about some of our parents and children from time to time, but I don't think I have ever seen someone call a parent a bitch on this board. You have to ask yourself the question, would you post somewhere that this woman is a bitch? Probably not. I seriously would print that out and hand it to her next week and see what her face looks like. There really is nothing to fight about, but you need to stand up for yourself. You deserve better than that. If you keep her, what else is she going to put out there about you? Do you want to be thinking of that all the time with her? I'd give her the boot.
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Old 11-08-2012, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet View Post
I would have sent a text immediately (after screencapping her twitter) that said "You thought I was being a bitch when I took your kiddo's cookie away? Well, what do you think of me now that I'm taking your daycare away? You can come and get your child's belongings tomorrow between 8-9am. You are terminated."

What an idiot!
Totally agree with this and what I would have done.
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