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  #1  
Old 05-19-2018, 08:51 AM
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Angry Parent Was Very Disrespectful, Cursed In Front Of My Own Children

Hi! I am new to the forum. I have been operating my in-home daycare since September, and I have loved it. All the parents and children have been wonderful. Until now! A new child was enrolled two weeks ago. The child pushes a lot seemingly for no reason, and is defiant. I spoke with mom about this and she claims her child has never pushed before and is always so sweet at home(her child pushed another child down twice while mom and I were talking). But, it's not just the child. Yesterday, mom stopped by my house unannounced after business hours and was incredibly rude to me. She cursed in front of my children. She was upset because she felt I was telling her one thing but telling her husband something entirely different. She felt I was lying. My business hours are 6AM-6PM. However, I have families sign a contract stating what their normal drop-off/pick-up times will be. I do this so I can be more prepared and to budget more easily. Of course, they can drop off their daughter at 6AM, but I need a heads up. I don't think this is an unreasonable request. It is a home daycare. It is quite a bit different than a child care center. They have been dropping off at widely different times this past week, and I had to remind dad about the contracted hours vs business hours and that I need a heads up if drop off will be 1 hour or more earlier than the agreed upon time (8AM). Dad is the one that has been doing most of the dropping off and picking up. Mom works night shift and I rarely see her. Dad is the point person. Anyway, apparently dad and mom became upset about this. Mom was trying to call and I would try calling her back but we just played phone tag all day. Well, she comes to my home unannounced after business hours when I was in the middle of preparing dinner/cleaning. She says "what the hell is going on? My husband is pissed at me. Your're telling him one thing one day and the next day it's something else. Why are you even texting him? Don't contact him anymore! Let's just get this **** straight" I explain everything again that is all in my contract and handbook (that she read and signed). I apologized, but she just kept talking about it. She FINALLY left, and I just burst into tears. I was very upset and quite frankly a little embarrassed. My two children were in the room. What should I do now? My contract clearly states that I can terminate care without notice if parents are rude, abusive, or disrespectful. Any advice would be helpful for how to handle this situation and moving forward. Thanks! Sorry for the long-winded story!
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  #2  
Old 05-19-2018, 10:42 AM
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Oh no, that would NOT fly in my home. She'd be out of there this minute.
Things like this amaze me. Why do people cut their own throats when child care is concerned??

I think what I would do, is cite what it says in your policies about rudeness, disrespect, etc., and send an email or text telling her to not return.
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Old 05-19-2018, 10:57 AM
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I would term immediately and let her know that is was because of her behavior toward you! Even if it wasn't in your contract, you have every right to stop working with a person like this!
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Old 05-19-2018, 11:52 AM
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Whoa!!!! Term immediately. You will have problem after problem with this woman. She has serious boundaries issues and she disrespected you in YOUR home, she should be embarrassed not you.
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  #5  
Old 05-19-2018, 12:15 PM
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Agreed. Unless you're desperate for the money, kick her out now.
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  #6  
Old 05-19-2018, 01:23 PM
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I will admit, I am one that will keep bad situations because I need the money, but no way would I keep this one. I would feel great pleasure in telling her to take a hike. She was way out of line even coming to your home after hours, add in the rest of her behavior no no no Text her and tell her never to come back.
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Old 05-19-2018, 01:54 PM
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Immediate termination for verbally abusing you. You can't let this family poison your daycare dynamic or your home life.
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Old 05-19-2018, 05:02 PM
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I would send her a text message and tell her to never set foot on your doorstep again or you will be calling the police. If she shows up, call the police.
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  #9  
Old 05-20-2018, 03:56 PM
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I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I agree with others: she should be terminated.

Anyone with that kind of lack of respect shouldn't be allowed back in your home. Text her now.

"Due to the behavior displayed by Mom in my home yesterday, I will be terminating your contract, effective immediately.
Any belongings I am in possession of will be mailed to you via certified/signature requested USPS mail. There will be no future contact with ABC daycare and as a result, you are no longer allowed on my property."
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  #10  
Old 05-20-2018, 06:23 PM
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I would never let them set foot in my home again. If you do not term them, it will only get worse.
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  #11  
Old 05-21-2018, 05:02 AM
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I would term immediately. Not only was this woman rude but unprofessional and disrespectful. Coming to your house after hours, speaking to you like she did, and then using curse words in front of your kids. You donít deserve to be treated like that.
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  #12  
Old 05-21-2018, 05:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blossoms View Post
Hi! I am new to the forum. I have been operating my in-home daycare since September, and I have loved it. All the parents and children have been wonderful. Until now! A new child was enrolled two weeks ago. The child pushes a lot seemingly for no reason, and is defiant. I spoke with mom about this and she claims her child has never pushed before and is always so sweet at home(her child pushed another child down twice while mom and I were talking). But, it's not just the child. Yesterday, mom stopped by my house unannounced after business hours and was incredibly rude to me. She cursed in front of my children. She was upset because she felt I was telling her one thing but telling her husband something entirely different. She felt I was lying. My business hours are 6AM-6PM. However, I have families sign a contract stating what their normal drop-off/pick-up times will be. I do this so I can be more prepared and to budget more easily. Of course, they can drop off their daughter at 6AM, but I need a heads up. I don't think this is an unreasonable request. It is a home daycare. It is quite a bit different than a child care center. They have been dropping off at widely different times this past week, and I had to remind dad about the contracted hours vs business hours and that I need a heads up if drop off will be 1 hour or more earlier than the agreed upon time (8AM). Dad is the one that has been doing most of the dropping off and picking up. Mom works night shift and I rarely see her. Dad is the point person. Anyway, apparently dad and mom became upset about this. Mom was trying to call and I would try calling her back but we just played phone tag all day. Well, she comes to my home unannounced after business hours when I was in the middle of preparing dinner/cleaning. She says "what the hell is going on? My husband is pissed at me. Your're telling him one thing one day and the next day it's something else. Why are you even texting him? Don't contact him anymore! Let's just get this **** straight" I explain everything again that is all in my contract and handbook (that she read and signed). I apologized, but she just kept talking about it. She FINALLY left, and I just burst into tears. I was very upset and quite frankly a little embarrassed. My two children were in the room. What should I do now? My contract clearly states that I can terminate care without notice if parents are rude, abusive, or disrespectful. Any advice would be helpful for how to handle this situation and moving forward. Thanks! Sorry for the long-winded story!
That would be an immediate term in this home... I use to put up with it years ago, but not now; my business/home, my rules. The fact she showed up after hours without an appointment and had the nerve to cuss you - HE double hockey sticks NO. Stick to your policies - you are a professional, newbie or not
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  #13  
Old 05-21-2018, 05:46 AM
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I got yelled/cussed at years ago by a policeman dcd and dcm whom worked at the health dept.....they were continuously late for dropoff and pickup.....One morning, they called after 10 asking if they could bring dcb but I said "no".....next thing i knew they were in my daycare cursing at me. Alot has changed since then, but it was definitely a learning experience. I immediately called licensing but if I had it to do over again, I would call the police even though the dcd was a policeman
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  #14  
Old 05-21-2018, 06:28 AM
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I got yelled/cussed at years ago by a policeman dcd and dcm whom worked at the health dept.....they were continuously late for dropoff and pickup.....One morning, they called after 10 asking if they could bring dcb but I said "no".....next thing i knew they were in my daycare cursing at me. Alot has changed since then, but it was definitely a learning experience. I immediately called licensing but if I had it to do over again, I would call the police even though the dcd was a policeman
I actually did call the police on a parent 2.5 years ago... I refuse to be threatened and disrespected in my own home especially in front of children. To this day the family is still banned from coming around my property (they moved to neighborhood just after the incident)
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  #15  
Old 05-21-2018, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Blossoms View Post
Hi! I am new to the forum. I have been operating my in-home daycare since September, and I have loved it. All the parents and children have been wonderful. Until now! A new child was enrolled two weeks ago. The child pushes a lot seemingly for no reason, and is defiant. I spoke with mom about this and she claims her child has never pushed before and is always so sweet at home(her child pushed another child down twice while mom and I were talking). But, it's not just the child. Yesterday, mom stopped by my house unannounced after business hours and was incredibly rude to me. She cursed in front of my children. She was upset because she felt I was telling her one thing but telling her husband something entirely different. She felt I was lying. My business hours are 6AM-6PM. However, I have families sign a contract stating what their normal drop-off/pick-up times will be. I do this so I can be more prepared and to budget more easily. Of course, they can drop off their daughter at 6AM, but I need a heads up. I don't think this is an unreasonable request. It is a home daycare. It is quite a bit different than a child care center. They have been dropping off at widely different times this past week, and I had to remind dad about the contracted hours vs business hours and that I need a heads up if drop off will be 1 hour or more earlier than the agreed upon time (8AM). Dad is the one that has been doing most of the dropping off and picking up. Mom works night shift and I rarely see her. Dad is the point person. Anyway, apparently dad and mom became upset about this. Mom was trying to call and I would try calling her back but we just played phone tag all day. Well, she comes to my home unannounced after business hours when I was in the middle of preparing dinner/cleaning. She says "what the hell is going on? My husband is pissed at me. Your're telling him one thing one day and the next day it's something else. Why are you even texting him? Don't contact him anymore! Let's just get this **** straight" I explain everything again that is all in my contract and handbook (that she read and signed). I apologized, but she just kept talking about it. She FINALLY left, and I just burst into tears. I was very upset and quite frankly a little embarrassed. My two children were in the room. What should I do now? My contract clearly states that I can terminate care without notice if parents are rude, abusive, or disrespectful. Any advice would be helpful for how to handle this situation and moving forward. Thanks! Sorry for the long-winded story!
Your core problem is your flexibility with the hours. All the parent hears is they can drop the kid off on the unscheduled hours. They don't believe they should have to notify you. So they agree with the early drop off or later pick up but they don't agree with needing to do anything to alert you.

If you are open twelve hours and allow them access to all of them they will come and go as they please. The best way to stop this is to have CONTRACTED hours where there is a fee for early drop off or later pick up. The fee is what stops this behavior.

Consider a sliding scale fee based upon total number of hours and how late the pick up is. Also have a cut off time where they can drop the child off. The cut off time should not allow them to call and tell you they won't be there by the cut off time and come after it.

A lot of newbies allow parents to come any time the business is open. Before long they have the whole crew coming from open to close. You need to look at your hourly rate you make when you allow them access to all the open hours of your business compared to a rate for contracted hours. You also need to look at the conflict that arises whenever anything isn't black and white with MONEY being charged to accommodate beyond the black and white.

Here is an example of a sliding scale fee I developed. You can decide the incremental increases based on departure times and or total number of allowable hours and adjust it to your business model. I do mine based on max number of hours at nine hours a day and departure time.

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/how-...care-rates.htm

To be successful for the long haul you have to really minimize the opportunity for the parent to have to DO anything except for the following of rules set out in the handbook. I test out the parents ability to follow directions when we first meet on the phone by setting the rule that the parent must call me by NOON the day of the interview to confirm the appointment. If they don't CALL by noon the interview is off and I don't reschedule. I always set the interview at least a few days away. This tests if they can remember the requirement and follow through. I do three interviews so I test this out three times.

Once they have started I try to have strict "parent must do's" that affect time or money. If you have solid policies and enforce them you will find that you never have to discuss money. My goal is to never have to discuss money or time after the interview unless they have a job hour change that changes their fee. If that happens and the fee becomes less they are required to give a months notice for a fee lowering change. If the fee increases it has to be approved because it means either longer hours or later hours.

That said, they need to go immediately. I don't know what is up with this generation of parents that think they can talk to providers the way they do. You need to examine your behavior with them and figure out if you are enabling a culture that made her feel comfortable to come during non business hours, telling you you can't text her husband, and cussing at you. She doesn't understand she isn't your boss. She is a client and her behavior is unacceptable. She needs to be gone now.

She's lying to you also about her kids behavior. That's another reason to terminate. I would suggest you buy my book on parental behavior. It will save you so much grief to come to the table armed with knowledge of how parents behave and why.

https://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whisp.../dp/1501035843

Last edited by nannyde; 05-21-2018 at 11:49 AM.
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Old 05-21-2018, 11:53 AM
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Send a text or email that reads like an incident report of what happened. But start it with, ďAs a result of the following incident, Care is terminated effective immediately.Ē

Then send a copy to your licensor....because they WILL file a complaint.
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  #17  
Old 05-22-2018, 02:54 PM
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Hello there. I'm also rather new to family child care. I have two things to say. One, you owe it to you and your children to have a zero tolerance policy for any disrespect. There are plenty of appreciative families out there. Terminate immediately and do not communicate with that family. You owe them nothing. Don't text back, don't answer calls, or knocks on the door. If any threats are made you call the police immediately. Don't take any bull from anyone. Second, your policy on drop offs and pickups is perfect. Don't change it, and let me tell you why from my perspective. I have a 24 hours a day facility. Obviously it would not be appropriate for people to just show up whenever they want. I also have families specify the times for pickup and drop off and I expect them to stick to it. If they occasionally need to tweak it, I'm fine with it as long as it's not longer than a 10 hour day....if longer is needed I charge extra. I state in my policy that i may not answer the door if they show up early because I wasn't expecting them. It's super important they follow pick up times as well. What if you had an appointment for your child but since your "hours" are until 6, the family thinks it's no big deal to leave the child as late as possible. I've learned over the last few months to be greatful for learning experiences like the one you had, because now you can sharpen your policies and know where your personal boundaries are. Some policies I have added because of "bad" experiences:

No pascifier past 7 months
No bottle past 13 months
Always collect the last two weeks up front
Parents pay for the space even if they don't use it

There may be more but I wish you luck!
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Old 05-22-2018, 10:46 PM
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Previous Poster,
You cannot keep a child from their parent if the parent comes early to pick up. Thatís illegal.
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Old 05-23-2018, 03:42 AM
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Thumbs up Zero TOLERENCE

Hello,
I have to agree with the others on some level. As a professional I understand that there will be some clients that are hard to please and regardless of how I interact with them they will never be satisfied or compliant clients, which is evidence with this individual. As a mother, cursing in front of my children is a rule/deal breaker.
I would reach out to the parents in a timely fashion, which shows that you are a professional and act accordingly at all times; even when the parents do not.
Have them review the contract while you have them on the phone and via telephone let them know that you reserve the right to terminate the contract and that you have decided that you will do so based on their or her behavior and the rules that have been clearly violated. Wish them success in finding a new daycare and informed them that all personal belongings will be shipped to the address they provided. Hang up your phone and happy face
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Old 05-23-2018, 04:20 AM
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They need to be gone now. That will not get better and if you take it the behavior will get worse.
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Old 05-23-2018, 06:46 AM
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I state in my policy that i may not answer the door if they show up early because I wasn't expecting them. It's super important they follow pick up times as well. What if you had an appointment for your child but since your "hours" are until 6, the family thinks it's no big deal to leave the child as late as possible.
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Previous Poster,
You cannot keep a child from their parent if the parent comes early to pick up. Thatís illegal.
I think the Previous Poster was talking about not answering the door for early drop offs.
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Old 05-23-2018, 08:38 AM
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Previous Poster,
You cannot keep a child from their parent if the parent comes early to pick up. Thatís illegal.
If the door is locked and they weren't expected, it's reasonable to say a provider didn't hear the door.
Unless they're ringing the doorbell non stop.

However, my playroom is downstairs. I wouldn't hear the doorbell unless it was accompanied by a foghorn.
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Old 05-23-2018, 09:36 AM
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Quote:
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Previous Poster,
You cannot keep a child from their parent if the parent comes early to pick up. Thatís illegal.
I believe she was talking about early drop off.
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Old 05-23-2018, 10:07 AM
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If the door is locked and they weren't expected, it's reasonable to say a provider didn't hear the door.
Unless they're ringing the doorbell non stop.

However, my playroom is downstairs. I wouldn't hear the doorbell unless it was accompanied by a foghorn.
This is exactly why I have the Ring doorbell... I have my cellphone with me & an extra chime in the hallway on the other end of the house. No matter where I am, even out in back, I will hear it & can let a parent know it will take a minute to get to the door
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Old 05-23-2018, 10:54 AM
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This is exactly why I have the Ring doorbell... I have my cellphone with me & an extra chime in the hallway on the other end of the house. No matter where I am, even out in back, I will hear it & can let a parent know it will take a minute to get to the door
That is on my "to purchase" list!

I was just saying it's feasible people don't hear doorbells.
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Old 05-23-2018, 12:05 PM
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That is on my "to purchase" list!

I was just saying it's feasible people don't hear doorbells.
Oh I know... until I got the ring, it would have been insane to think I could have heard a bell if I was on the far side of my old home lol
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Old 05-23-2018, 03:48 PM
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I wish the OP would come back with an update. Some of us(ME) need closure.
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Old 05-23-2018, 03:59 PM
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I wish the OP would come back with an update. Some of us(ME) need closure.
I also need to know!!
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Old 05-23-2018, 04:02 PM
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I also need to know!!
I think most newbies just keep the kid even after this level of ugliness because they need the money. With so many people saying to term, it may be embarrassing to say they are keeping the kid. Also, newbies think they can ameliorate the situation of disrespect and comply to the parents wishes with apologies so they can have the money.

It takes time to get to THE point and everyone has a different point of what they won't do.
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Old 05-24-2018, 05:09 AM
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I think most newbies just keep the kid even after this level of ugliness because they need the money. With so many people saying to term, it may be embarrassing to say they are keeping the kid. Also, newbies think they can ameliorate the situation of disrespect and comply to the parents wishes with apologies so they can have the money.

It takes time to get to THE point and everyone has a different point of what they won't do.
I agree with this. When I first started out I thought I had to deal with difficult kids and parents. I learned quick you do not have to take anyone's crap. That is the best thing about being a business owner. You decide who you will and not work for.
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Old 06-10-2018, 07:38 AM
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Hi guys!
Mom, dad, and I all sat down after this incident. I called them in for a "meeting" during naptime hours the Monday following to have a talk in person. I reminded them again about my policies regarding parent behavior, drop-off, pick-up, etc. We talked for nearly 2 hours about my expectations as well as their own. It felt good to talk it out and let mom know how her actions affected me. Mom was very apologetic(she did call on Sunday after the incident to apologize). In the end I decided not to terminate, but the parents are on a sort of probation. So far everything has been running smoothly. Mom has been awesome and friendly.
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Old 06-11-2018, 04:29 AM
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Hi guys!
Mom, dad, and I all sat down after this incident. I called them in for a "meeting" during naptime hours the Monday following to have a talk in person. I reminded them again about my policies regarding parent behavior, drop-off, pick-up, etc. We talked for nearly 2 hours about my expectations as well as their own. It felt good to talk it out and let mom know how her actions affected me. Mom was very apologetic(she did call on Sunday after the incident to apologize). In the end I decided not to terminate, but the parents are on a sort of probation. So far everything has been running smoothly. Mom has been awesome and friendly.
Good to hear it. I would be on alert once they are comfortable old ways setting in.
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Old 06-11-2018, 05:35 AM
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Hi guys!
Mom, dad, and I all sat down after this incident. I called them in for a "meeting" during naptime hours the Monday following to have a talk in person. I reminded them again about my policies regarding parent behavior, drop-off, pick-up, etc. We talked for nearly 2 hours about my expectations as well as their own. It felt good to talk it out and let mom know how her actions affected me. Mom was very apologetic(she did call on Sunday after the incident to apologize). In the end I decided not to terminate, but the parents are on a sort of probation. So far everything has been running smoothly. Mom has been awesome and friendly.
That is really professional of you to do it that way. I hate to say it, but sometimes people just make horrible decisions. I hope that this was an isolated incident and they don't repeat, but at least you have taken the high road and talked it out with them!
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