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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>DCM Always Questioning...
Unregistered 05:12 PM 11-30-2016
I have a 17month old boy in my daycare who is brave, aggresive, and clumsy so hes always falling and hurting himself. Mom is always questioning little bruises or marks on him. Its starting to make me feel uncomfortable, like she thinks im hurting him. I think most of us understand that children fall and hurt themselves occasionally and its no big deal. How would you handle this situation? Should i terminate?
Josiegirl 03:03 AM 12-01-2016
I would be completely frank with dcm and tell her how her constant questions make you feel. A good child care relationship is highly based on trust and if she doesn't have that, maybe she needs to find care elsewhere. If this is the only problem you seem to have with her and dcb, then first try the honest open communication. If that doesn't work, let her know that maybe she needs to find different care.
She does know her ds is at that prime age for bumping and bruising along, right?? And even if you were to carry this child all day(I mean, is that what she's expecting to prevent bumps??
) that would still be no guarantee.
She does know her ds is at that prime age for bumping and bruising along, right?? And even if you were to carry this child all day(I mean, is that what she's expecting to prevent bumps??
) that would still be no guarantee.
Unregistered 03:54 AM 12-01-2016
She actually has been an issue since day one. I just opened my daycare a few months ago, and on the first day of opening she just showed up. Never called to tell me she wanted to bring her child after the interview. I thought that was strange and wasnt even prepared for his age. I didnt say anything about it because i just wanted kids enrolled. Then about 4 weeks later the child gets really bad diarrhea, i told mom he needs to stay home but she told me you dont get diarrhea from being sick, just bad food (really?!) To which she blamed me for giving him bad food. I explained to her no thats not true and told her all the illnesses that have that as a symptom. So then next day i started vomiting (yep he got me sick, thanks for bringing your sick kid to daycare).
MissAnn 05:12 AM 12-01-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I have a 17month old boy in my daycare who is brave, aggresive, and clumsy so hes always falling and hurting himself. Mom is always questioning little bruises or marks on him. Its starting to make me feel uncomfortable, like she thinks im hurting him. I think most of us understand that children fall and hurt themselves occasionally and its no big deal. How would you handle this situation? Should i terminate?
I have a mom like this. The boy is now almost 4 and he still goes home with bumps and bruises. He doesn't pay attention to anything he does.....like his brain is 2 steps faster than his body. He runs into walls and bruises his head when putting materials away.....he bends over to put something on a shelf and hits his head on the top shelf. The mom KNOWS he's like this! One Friday night while out with friends....I get a text about a cut on his head. I told her I know nothing of a cut. I fretted about it the whole weekend.....then when he came Monday morning she said it was paint. He is also a bit of a behavior issue....wild behavior, and running and wrestling.....mom told him to not follow what the other kids are doing. What??????? I stopped her in her tracks and told her that the opposite is happening. The other kids are following him. I love the kid...and I can put up with his wildness and bumps and bruises....but not sure how long I can put up with mom. With some parents you just start to count how much longer till they go to kindergarten. I guess I was no help.....except that misery loves company???I have a 17month old boy in my daycare who is brave, aggresive, and clumsy so hes always falling and hurting himself. Mom is always questioning little bruises or marks on him. Its starting to make me feel uncomfortable, like she thinks im hurting him. I think most of us understand that children fall and hurt themselves occasionally and its no big deal. How would you handle this situation? Should i terminate?
Unregistered 05:24 AM 12-01-2016
OP here. I hate confrontation, so its hard for me to tell parents how i feel. Im new at this so i guess my confidence will build over time. This child is also a bully, always pushing and stealing toys. Its part of his age so i expect this. But his bullying is getting him hurt too. This other child scratches him when he takes her toys away or pushes her down. I really want to tell mom..your child is a bully and really clumsy, so hes going to get hurt. Lol
Unregistered 05:28 AM 12-01-2016
OP again. Another thing..why do parents care so much about every little bump, bruise, scratch? I have a 5 year old boy, and when he was in daycare it didnt phase me. I know lil boys are wild. I didnt care about every little fall or bump or mark. It builds character lol and toughened him up.
DaveA 05:30 AM 12-01-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
She actually has been an issue since day one. I just opened my daycare a few months ago, and on the first day of opening she just showed up. Never called to tell me she wanted to bring her child after the interview. I thought that was strange and wasnt even prepared for his age. I didnt say anything about it because i just wanted kids enrolled. Then about 4 weeks later the child gets really bad diarrhea, i told mom he needs to stay home but she told me you dont get diarrhea from being sick, just bad food (really?!) To which she blamed me for giving him bad food. I explained to her no thats not true and told her all the illnesses that have that as a symptom. So then next day i started vomiting (yep he got me sick, thanks for bringing your sick kid to daycare).
This combined with the constant questioning tells me DCM considers you her employee and doesn't consider the relationship a professional one. Do you have a contract? If not make one up (there are several sample threads on here I'm sure) not just for her but all DCPs. I would also address her lack of respect for you and your program. Don't be surprised when it doesn't go well when you stand up for yourself and your business. In her mind it will be disrespectful to her. She actually has been an issue since day one. I just opened my daycare a few months ago, and on the first day of opening she just showed up. Never called to tell me she wanted to bring her child after the interview. I thought that was strange and wasnt even prepared for his age. I didnt say anything about it because i just wanted kids enrolled. Then about 4 weeks later the child gets really bad diarrhea, i told mom he needs to stay home but she told me you dont get diarrhea from being sick, just bad food (really?!) To which she blamed me for giving him bad food. I explained to her no thats not true and told her all the illnesses that have that as a symptom. So then next day i started vomiting (yep he got me sick, thanks for bringing your sick kid to daycare).
I'd look for a replacement for their spot because I don't see this getting better. Good Luck
MissAnn 05:31 AM 12-01-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
OP here. I hate confrontation, so its hard for me to tell parents how i feel. Im new at this so i guess my confidence will build over time. This child is also a bully, always pushing and stealing toys. Its part of his age so i expect this. But his bullying is getting him hurt too. This other child scratches him when he takes her toys away or pushes her down. I really want to tell mom..your child is a bully and really clumsy, so hes going to get hurt. Lol
Maybe you can use the word aggressive? Your child plays in an aggressive way with the other kids and he ends up getting hurt. I don't know....I don't like confrontation either but sometimes the parents need it...otherwise they have no clue what is going on with their kid and they are shocked when they have poor behavior in kindergarten. Let the mom know what you are doing to help the situation. She can learn from you and maybe implement some of it at home.OP here. I hate confrontation, so its hard for me to tell parents how i feel. Im new at this so i guess my confidence will build over time. This child is also a bully, always pushing and stealing toys. Its part of his age so i expect this. But his bullying is getting him hurt too. This other child scratches him when he takes her toys away or pushes her down. I really want to tell mom..your child is a bully and really clumsy, so hes going to get hurt. Lol
Baby Beluga 07:05 AM 12-01-2016
I like the suggestions of having a discussion with her about trust in a good childcare relationship and making a contract with her and other DCPs. A handbook and contract are vital in this business.
I have also seen it suggested on here to have a bruise log between you and mom. She takes it home, marks any bruises down then shows you and reviews the log with you at drop off. If he gets any bruises while in your care, you do the same. Show her and review at pick up.
I have also seen it suggested on here to have a bruise log between you and mom. She takes it home, marks any bruises down then shows you and reviews the log with you at drop off. If he gets any bruises while in your care, you do the same. Show her and review at pick up.
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:22 PM 12-01-2016
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
I like the suggestions of having a discussion with her about trust in a good childcare relationship and making a contract with her and other DCPs. A handbook and contract are vital in this business.
I have also seen it suggested on here to have a bruise log between you and mom. She takes it home, marks any bruises down then shows you and reviews the log with you at drop off. If he gets any bruises while in your care, you do the same. Show her and review at pick up.
I like the suggestions of having a discussion with her about trust in a good childcare relationship and making a contract with her and other DCPs. A handbook and contract are vital in this business.
I have also seen it suggested on here to have a bruise log between you and mom. She takes it home, marks any bruises down then shows you and reviews the log with you at drop off. If he gets any bruises while in your care, you do the same. Show her and review at pick up.
I am bruise log lady.I had a parent years ago that suddenly became concerned about bruising on her child's legs. She didn't distrust me, but she wanted me to document every fall or bump so she would know if she needed to bring it up to her child's Doctor for health purposes.
I drafted a bruise log, wrote down every single thing (and it was tiresome since I run a large child care!), and then sent it home and told her to do the same thing so we could ensure that ALL bruises are accounted for. She never sent it back.
Highly recommend. I figured a week or so would make it tiresome to her, especially since the child was with her more than me, but it didn't even take 1 day. This parent of yours is incredibly rude. I would do as suggested and interview to fill the spot and then implement a contract and a strict Parent Handbook. You can then just refer back to it when someone argues. "I exclude based on symptoms, not diagnosis. Unfortunately, diarrhea is a symptom I exclude for as per the Parent Handbook. I will see so-and-so in 48 hours, if they have been symptom free for a full 24 hours. Thank you!
"
EntropyControlSpecialist 12:23 PM 12-01-2016
Originally Posted by MissAnn:
Maybe you can use the word aggressive? Your child plays in an aggressive way with the other kids and he ends up getting hurt. I don't know....I don't like confrontation either but sometimes the parents need it...otherwise they have no clue what is going on with their kid and they are shocked when they have poor behavior in kindergarten. Let the mom know what you are doing to help the situation. She can learn from you and maybe implement some of it at home.
This is a great idea!Maybe you can use the word aggressive? Your child plays in an aggressive way with the other kids and he ends up getting hurt. I don't know....I don't like confrontation either but sometimes the parents need it...otherwise they have no clue what is going on with their kid and they are shocked when they have poor behavior in kindergarten. Let the mom know what you are doing to help the situation. She can learn from you and maybe implement some of it at home.
Do you do daily reports of some kind? On my kids that are struggling I document it.
"So and so had trouble keeping their hands to themselves today (pushing, hitting, throwing toys at children). We are working hard to be kind to our friends. Please reinforce this at home as well. Thank you.
"
Baby Beluga 12:39 PM 12-01-2016
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I am bruise log lady.
I had a parent years ago that suddenly became concerned about bruising on her child's legs. She didn't distrust me, but she wanted me to document every fall or bump so she would know if she needed to bring it up to her child's Doctor for health purposes.
I drafted a bruise log, wrote down every single thing (and it was tiresome since I run a large child care!), and then sent it home and told her to do the same thing so we could ensure that ALL bruises are accounted for. She never sent it back. Highly recommend. I figured a week or so would make it tiresome to her, especially since the child was with her more than me, but it didn't even take 1 day.
This parent of yours is incredibly rude. I would do as suggested and interview to fill the spot and then implement a contract and a strict Parent Handbook. You can then just refer back to it when someone argues. "I exclude based on symptoms, not diagnosis. Unfortunately, diarrhea is a symptom I exclude for as per the Parent Handbook. I will see so-and-so in 48 hours, if they have been symptom free for a full 24 hours. Thank you!"
Bruise log lady! I love it! I am bruise log lady.I had a parent years ago that suddenly became concerned about bruising on her child's legs. She didn't distrust me, but she wanted me to document every fall or bump so she would know if she needed to bring it up to her child's Doctor for health purposes.
I drafted a bruise log, wrote down every single thing (and it was tiresome since I run a large child care!), and then sent it home and told her to do the same thing so we could ensure that ALL bruises are accounted for. She never sent it back.
Highly recommend. I figured a week or so would make it tiresome to her, especially since the child was with her more than me, but it didn't even take 1 day. This parent of yours is incredibly rude. I would do as suggested and interview to fill the spot and then implement a contract and a strict Parent Handbook. You can then just refer back to it when someone argues. "I exclude based on symptoms, not diagnosis. Unfortunately, diarrhea is a symptom I exclude for as per the Parent Handbook. I will see so-and-so in 48 hours, if they have been symptom free for a full 24 hours. Thank you!
"
I haven't used it yet, but remember reading it and thinking I was going to put it in my back pocket for future used if ever needed.
Unregistered 02:16 PM 12-01-2016
OP here. I have a policy/handbook it is required for licensing. But of course there is always that one parent who doesnt read it. I have daily reports but stopped wasting my time when she never read them or took them home. Im thinking about taking pictures of anything i see, that way it would be time stamped and she couldnt argue it. I am definitely learning a lot my first year of doing daycare. My handbook will be updated drastically! Especially after one child came to daycare all week with a "faucet running" nose and got everyone horribly sick. Even the 5 mo baby.