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Old 02-27-2016, 06:52 PM
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Default How to Approach This?

My day care isn't in my home. I notice the area I work in has really changed in the last five years or so. Anyway, I've noticed these parents really coddle their child. While it was more annoying than say a "problem", I just decided to keep my mouth shut. I always thought "These kids couldn't make it" where I live. In August, I had someone take a tour, but not sign up. Her provider closed in December and she went with me. On Friday, she told me she knew someone who aged out of my program and goes to public school. Anyway, the family feels the child didn't start off well in public school because of my program. That's why she didn't initially go with me. She stayed with me despite this, because she felt a lot of things she was told were untrue. She does think I'm babying her child. All of the babying are things she suggested or the child did. Like for example, when the child says things like "I do pee pee in the potty" she giggles at them. She told me this is a problem. I've never called it potty or pee pee. I've said it's time for a bathroom break. Also, when I try to correct things, she's gotten annoyed. For example, the child has a similar name to another child. It's not like say Jane A and Jane B. It's like Jane and Jamie. The other child knows their name and the child in question gets confused. I simply told her "Let's use our listening ears. Jane and Jamie sound different". I didn't mention it to the mom, mostly because I had forgotten by pick yup. The next day, the mom said she didn't want me to talk like that to her child. I was wondering how I approach these things with parents as a whole without being offensive. I was thinking of something along the lines of "I've noticed sometimes we over protect our children, because you still have very young child. However, as I have children who are in high school, I've seen the issues that need more care. I also think children need a certain degree of independence as they had to public school. While bullying is wrong and teachers do prevent it to a degree, they will be going to huge class compared to this program and the teacher will not be giving them the attention I can do request and small size" . I'm open to suggestions
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Old 02-27-2016, 07:51 PM
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I wouldn't say to parents that they are babying their children or that the real world is tough or that public school will be hard because of bullies, etc. Just lead your program as you see fit -don't change what you believe is correct, right and appropriate because of what a parent tells you. For example if a parent tells you to only use silly made up words like "pee-pee" and "potty" for Jane, and you don't believe in that, then don't.

Then when they have a concern or complaint about the way you do things, tell them why you do it- and the why shouldn't be prepping for the harsh realities of public school. The why should be because you do what is developmentally appropriate and respectful and helping children to develop in all domains- including social/emotional which relates to independence and social competence- therefore you use correct words and you have them do things for themselves that they can. You help them with what they cannot.
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Old 02-28-2016, 04:17 AM
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I agree with PP. If you feel the need to address it at all, I would send home a blanket type statement to all(maybe in a newsletter?) about encouraging independence, find an article online and quote it or something, or write your personal philosophy of how you encourage and work with the dcks to achieve independence, and why it's important to do so.
As far as that other dcf blaming you for their child's start in school, that's hogwash. It's their child, what were THEY doing to help their child learn and grow? I'm very lucky that none of my dcfs have ever blamed me or my care for their child's progress, etc. AFAIK! And I don't think parents should!
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Old 02-28-2016, 08:37 AM
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It's your daycare, right? I'd just stand by my discipline practices. I honestly wouldn't go into any of those areas you suggested.

I'd tell her that

1) you don't use "baby" words so you are not sure where thats coming from (uncomfortable pause and lock eyes with dcm) but you will continue to have dck use appropriate words at daycare.

2) barring a hearing or cognitive issue, dck's repeated answering the wrong name is a behavioral issue and is dealt with as such. You use gentle and appropriate discipline practices in encouraging appropriate behavior, but if dcm does not agree with those practices, or feels that dck may not be ready for school after leaving your program, she may want to look for other care.

Watch her back down.

She planted that seed of "oh I heard something bad about you and I almost didn't come" as leverage to try and push you around. The fact is she did sign on, and now she doesn't get to dictate what goes on in your business.
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Old 02-28-2016, 08:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Hunni Bee View Post
She planted that seed of "oh I heard something bad about you and I almost didn't come" as leverage to try and push you around. The fact is she did sign on, and now she doesn't get to dictate what goes on in your business.
This is the first thing I thought too! I didn't see the actual complaints/comments as the issue but more of a control thing on the parent's part.
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Old 02-28-2016, 10:50 AM
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I think you are doing an o.k. job. However, when I was young I had trouble distinguishing my name from another child with a similar name. There was nothing wrong with my hearing and I remember one teacher being not so nice about it. That is a sore point with me to this day. Instead of saying @ use your listening ears" implying that they weren't , say something else. Honestly I had teachers who said those things to us in class ( use your brain, think before you try to answer, etc) and it implies the child is not listening when the problem could be the child was near some other noise or just didn't hear it correctly.
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Old 02-28-2016, 11:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Silly Songs View Post
I think you are doing an o.k. job. However, when I was young I had trouble distinguishing my name from another child with a similar name. There was nothing wrong with my hearing and I remember one teacher being not so nice about it. That is a sore point with me to this day. Instead of saying @ use your listening ears" implying that they weren't , say something else. Honestly I had teachers who said those things to us in class ( use your brain, think before you try to answer, etc) and it implies the child is not listening when the problem could be the child was near some other noise or just didn't hear it correctly.
agreed..

My 15 year old was just called out by a teacher for "not listening" when in fact, he just had a different perspective on a comment the teacher made.

The teacher said "we can't make changes to these (materials)...". The teacher MEANT because they didn't belong to him, and so they couldn't change them. But, my son, being a problem solver, understood we can't as in not having the ability, to which he immediately offered a solution. The teacher, of course, pulled the "you weren't listening" card.

We adults just always think we know everything, don't we? I catch myself doing it, too.
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Old 02-28-2016, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Hunni Bee View Post
It's your daycare, right? I'd just stand by my discipline practices. I honestly wouldn't go into any of those areas you suggested.

I'd tell her that

1) you don't use "baby" words so you are not sure where thats coming from (uncomfortable pause and lock eyes with dcm) but you will continue to have dck use appropriate words at daycare.

2) barring a hearing or cognitive issue, dck's repeated answering the wrong name is a behavioral issue and is dealt with as such. You use gentle and appropriate discipline practices in encouraging appropriate behavior, but if dcm does not agree with those practices, or feels that dck may not be ready for school after leaving your program, she may want to look for other care.

Watch her back down.

She planted that seed of "oh I heard something bad about you and I almost didn't come" as leverage to try and push you around. The fact is she did sign on, and now she doesn't get to dictate what goes on in your business.
I think my previous family did something negative about me. I do believe, sadly, that their child isn't doing well in public school. I know they go to the same karate class. It's not like the current mom is making this up. In the past, I have tried to discipline the way I saw fit and the parents always had an issue. I think it's just the area. Most of the people that live here have nannies, but I get the families who can't afford nannies. Usually, because they have more than one child. I'm thinking of just putting up with it and when my children graduate college in the next six years or so, I might just rent the property out.
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