13 Month Old Is Hitting

[Boymom]

I know that since he can't talk yet, he expresses himself in other ways, but is it normal for a 13 month old to hit? When he first did it, I was thinking "did that really just happen?!" and I didn't know how to handle it because I was surprised that he did it.

He does it ALL the time. If he tries to take a toy from someone, I gently say no, no and he literally walks over to me and hits me. This is becoming an all day thing. And he is the fussiest little guy on the planet.

What do I do about this little guy hitting? I tried to mention it to his dad and he just laughed it off.

[Play Care]

I don't know if it's common, but it does happen.
What I do is take their hand firmly *but not roughly* to stop the hit, and say in a *very* stern, firm voice "NO HITTING! HITTING HURTS!" You're not screaming, but speaking very firmly. The child may be startled and may even cry. That's okay (I know, GASP!) I promise he will be okay

After, in your usual gentle voice you use your hand to lightly pat the child and say "nice touch, nice touch." Typically toddlers are eager to please and will mimic the nice, light touch. Then you can praise him for being gentle.

All that said, I tend to keep my young toddlers somewhat separate from the group unless I can be right there modeling appropriate behavior (and intercepting the hits ) when I have to be busy the go "up" to help me or play with special "busy" toys.

Good luck!

[Boymom]

Originally Posted by Play Care

I don't know if it's common, but it does happen.
What I do is take their hand firmly *but not roughly* to stop the hit, and say in a *very* stern, firm voice "NO HITTING! HITTING HURTS!" You're not screaming, but speaking very firmly. The child may be startled and may even cry. That's okay (I know, GASP!) I promise he will be okay

After, in your usual gentle voice you use your hand to lightly pat the child and say "nice touch, nice touch." Typically toddlers are eager to please and will mimic the nice, light touch. Then you can praise him for being gentle.

All that said, I tend to keep my young toddlers somewhat separate from the group unless I can be right there modeling appropriate behavior (and intercepting the hits ) when I have to be busy the go "up" to help me or play with special "busy" toys.

Good luck!

Thank you very much! That definitely helps me :-) Today, he tried to bite another kid. I just really can't handle this kid too much longer aggghhhh!!!!

[Ariana]

This is completely normal behavior until about 2.5 when they grow out of the toddler stage. The above advice is how I handle those things as well. He has to learn that this is not an acceptable way to express himself and try to teach him new words like "mine" or "help" or whatever word that will help him in those situations where he chooses to bite. Language will really help him out so observe him and pinpoint what situations are fueling him to bite or hit. It is usually frustration with another child or with you. Sometimes just learning the word "stop" has helped as well because the kid can express himself.

[KiwiKids]

Very normal and hopefully short lived! I try to intercept and say firmly "I will not let you hit!" I'm not stern by nature so the shock of it causes tears but that's ok.

Ok so here is my similar story , 19 month old hits, bites and grabs eyes faces etc of the other children. 1 1/2 months here and its still a huge problem. When it happens I firmly sit him down saying no hitting and turn to the hurt child and pay all my attention. So now he just sits and looks at you with a blank face after he does it. Next I am going to try having a playpen in the playroom and when he hits or hurts he will go straight in to protect the others.
Mom used to make him show gentle after he hurt and then praise for gentle touch, however he like the praise he got for gentle so kept on with the hurting hands to get the attention.
He does not nap??? At this age and mom does not push it at home. He sleeps with mom in bed or in the same room. No kids can nap when he is here as he just freaks out. Clearly he is tired and lashing out at the others. Mom is very passive with this and just politely says no thank you to him. I know I am going to term this one but maybe I can get some tips for the future.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Ariana

This is completely normal behavior until about 2.5 when they grow out of the toddler stage. The above advice is how I handle those things as well. He has to learn that this is not an acceptable way to express himself and try to teach him new words like "mine" or "help" or whatever word that will help him in those situations where he chooses to bite. Language will really help him out so observe him and pinpoint what situations are fueling him to bite or hit. It is usually frustration with another child or with you. Sometimes just learning the word "stop" has helped as well because the kid can express himself.

I came across this quote/picture and thought of this thread.

[Boymom]

Hi everyone! This dcb is getting worse with the biting and hitting. I know it's normal behavior for this age, but I was wondering, what should I say to the parents? Do I need to tell them every single day at pickup that he hit/bit again?

Depends on the parents. For the most part I have/had parents don't really think their kids can do any wrong. So when I tell them it's more so for me because if I decide to term I can say I've discussed the hitting problem more than once.

[CalCare]

I actually go in a completely different direction than above methods! I would not interfere with a child taking a toy from another child. Just watch and see. Maybe everything will get worked out between them. And if one hits, the first most priority would be prevention. If the child does get past the prevention, next is response. I wouldn't make an exciting big deal about it by big voice "No" and I wouldn't do gentle touches and have them demonstrate it- no conversation and interaction to that extent. I was taught to give very little reaction (the best I can which isn't easy because if course it offends us that someone has been wronged). So, I would say to the hit child, "Jonny hit your arm. You didn't like that". Then watch. This tells Jonny that the other kid didn't like it and it tells the other kid what to say when it happens again- how to speak up for himself/herself and how to resolve conflicts without an adult coming in and forcing apologies that they don't understand and making it all very interesting and exciting drama for the one who did the hitting.

If you want to try something different, if what you are trying isn't working, I encourage you to try the methods of "sportscasting" and not punishing in anyway (including a firm talking to). Remaining as "unruffled" as possible (I know it's hard because I was raised to jump in and send the hitter to apologize and sit in the corner, right!).. but this is the way Magda Gerber and Emmi Pikler developed and has been very successful for me and many others. Theres more info if you google RIE (resources for infant educators) and a very popular blogger on RIE is Janet Lansbury. Good luck!!

Originally Posted by CalCare

I actually go in a completely different direction than above methods! I would not interfere with a child taking a toy from another child. Just watch and see. Maybe everything will get worked out between them. And if one hits, the first most priority would be prevention. If the child does get past the prevention, next is response. I wouldn't make an exciting big deal about it by big voice "No" and I wouldn't do gentle touches and have them demonstrate it- no conversation and interaction to that extent. I was taught to give very little reaction (the best I can which isn't easy because if course it offends us that someone has been wronged). So, I would say to the hit child, "Jonny hit your arm. You didn't like that". Then watch. This tells Jonny that the other kid didn't like it and it tells the other kid what to say when it happens again- how to speak up for himself/herself and how to resolve conflicts without an adult coming in and forcing apologies that they don't understand and making it all very interesting and exciting drama for the one who did the hitting.

If you want to try something different, if what you are trying isn't working, I encourage you to try the methods of "sportscasting" and not punishing in anyway (including a firm talking to). Remaining as "unruffled" as possible (I know it's hard because I was raised to jump in and send the hitter to apologize and sit in the corner, right!).. but this is the way Magda Gerber and Emmi Pikler developed and has been very successful for me and many others. Theres more info if you google RIE (resources for infant educators) and a very popular blogger on RIE is Janet Lansbury. Good luck!!

I don't understand. If a child takes a toy from another child, but neither child hits, you do nothing? What if the taker is always doing that or always doing it to certain child(ren)?

Years ago, I had a parent term over this. I got her daughter, because supposedly she was being hit and bit in her old daycare (by the kids) for no reason. Her daughter was 2 and just always wanted her way. There was a girl who funny enough had the same birthday. I had the other little girl longer and she was just very meek. New girl would always take her things. The first few time shocked me. Once I started giving the toys back, the new girl would hit, kick, or bite the other girl. After the behavior wouldn't stop, I told the mom what was going on and that I suspect that was why she was getting hurt at her old daycare. I also had a plan to stop the behavior worked out if the mom agreed to it, but she never came back.

[spedmommy4]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I don't understand. If a child takes a toy from another child, but neither child hits, you do nothing? What if the taker is always doing that or always doing it to certain child(ren)?

Years ago, I had a parent term over this. I got her daughter, because supposedly she was being hit and bit in her old daycare (by the kids) for no reason. Her daughter was 2 and just always wanted her way. There was a girl who funny enough had the same birthday. I had the other little girl longer and she was just very meek. New girl would always take her things. The first few time shocked me. Once I started giving the toys back, the new girl would hit, kick, or bite the other girl. After the behavior wouldn't stop, I told the mom what was going on and that I suspect that was why she was getting hurt at her old daycare. I also had a plan to stop the behavior worked out if the mom agreed to it, but she never came back.

RIE is an educational philosophy, and a good one. However, in this situation, modeling is going to be more developmentally appropriate than talking about what the child is doing.

Young toddlers can't process complex adult sentences well. When giving directions to really young toddlers, it's pretty important that your directions be short and sweet.

The other thing to remember is that little ones typically don't understand negative statements. When you say "no hitting" the child may only hear "hit." It's far more effective to just say "soft hands" every single time. Then practice soft hands with the little one and redirect. Toddlers need repetition, so you will be doing this a lot before it sinks in.

[debbiedoeszip]

Originally Posted by Boymom

I know that since he can't talk yet, he expresses himself in other ways, but is it normal for a 13 month old to hit? When he first did it, I was thinking "did that really just happen?!" and I didn't know how to handle it because I was surprised that he did it.

He does it ALL the time. If he tries to take a toy from someone, I gently say no, no and he literally walks over to me and hits me. This is becoming an all day thing. And he is the fussiest little guy on the planet.

What do I do about this little guy hitting? I tried to mention it to his dad and he just laughed it off.

I just wanted to add to the great advice already given. You can make a social story for the boy. Take a few pictures of him using gentle hands and create a picture story book (staring himself) that you read to him every day. You could also create a second "edition" that goes home and is read to him by the parents.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by spedmommy4

RIE is an educational philosophy, and a good one. However, in this situation, modeling is going to be more developmentally appropriate than talking about what the child is doing.

Young toddlers can't process complex adult sentences well. When giving directions to really young toddlers, it's pretty important that your directions be short and sweet.

The other thing to remember is that little ones typically don't understand negative statements. When you say "no hitting" the child may only hear "hit." It's far more effective to just say "soft hands" every single time. Then practice soft hands with the little one and redirect. Toddlers need repetition, so you will be doing this a lot before it sinks in.

yes!! I do very little talking for purpose when guiding my littles. They do better with consistent guidelines, repetitive actions and lots of role modeling. and repeat....

[CalCare]

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/02...ler-toy-taker/
Here is an article from Janet Lansbury on "toy taking". It doesn't answer the questions of what to do with a 13 month old hitting, but this is in response to the question about toy taking ..

Honestly, it seems like they're just pacifying the aggressive child. "If the other child is upset" of "If the child seems" when refering to the child who gets their toy taken away. I understand there some children who will just take a toy and never let anyone ever play with it, but from what I've experienced children who snatch toys know who they can and can't do it with. Like the little girl who left, she most picked on my longterm girl who was shy. I had another girl who was extremely loud and would have hit her. She approached her one time and the girl got in her face and said "NO!' and scared the c rap out of new girl. I think after certain point it is bullying and just sort of keeping the aggressive child from doing worse things. Which I get, but we have to make sure the shy/meek kids are happy/confident, too.

[spedmommy4]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Honestly, it seems like they're just pacifying the aggressive child. "If the other child is upset" of "If the child seems" when refering to the child who gets their toy taken away. I understand there some children who will just take a toy and never let anyone ever play with it, but from what I've experienced children who snatch toys know who they can and can't do it with. Like the little girl who left, she most picked on my longterm girl who was shy. I had another girl who was extremely loud and would have hit her. She approached her one time and the girl got in her face and said "NO!' and scared the c rap out of new girl. I think after certain point it is bullying and just sort of keeping the aggressive child from doing worse things. Which I get, but we have to make sure the shy/meek kids are happy/confident, too.

RIE is all about respecting young children and the philosophy places a heavy emphasis on letting kids figure things out with minimal adult intervention. I like the philosophy, but the problem (when it comes to peer conflict) is that toddlers generally can't figure out what adults mean when they say "that bothered you when so and so took the toy." It's an indirect statement that doesn't provide any modeling. It also probably doesn't make the child whose toy was taken feel better because the sentence is too wordy for a toddler to understand.

I love the principle behind the RIE philosophy; however, in practice, young children benefit from using more than one strategy to help them be successful.