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Parents and Guardians Forum>Kids Refusing To Do For Themselves
Unregistered 04:12 PM 03-25-2014
How do you get one of those? I keep reading threads from providers about kids who can't/won't put on their own coats, shoes, etc. and I just dealt with a huge tantrum because I dared touch my kid's shirt that she "want to do myself!" I have to tack an extra half hour onto leaving the house in the am because I know she's going to want to put on her own shoes and coat, and that's not including the battle earlier in the morning about getting herself dressed. Somedays I wish she would just lay on the floor and let me do it all!
craftymissbeth 04:18 PM 03-25-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
How do you get one of those? I keep reading threads from providers about kids who can't/won't put on their own coats, shoes, etc. and I just dealt with a huge tantrum because I dared touch my kid's shirt that she "want to do myself!" I have to tack an extra half hour onto leaving the house in the am because I know she's going to want to put on her own shoes and coat, and that's not including the battle earlier in the morning about getting herself dressed. Somedays I wish she would just lay on the floor and let me do it all!
Honestly, I'd just wake her up a little earlier and let her do it. It's good that she at least WANTS to do it herself... I had an issue with a child who knew how to, but straight out refused to do a thing for himself.How do you get one of those? I keep reading threads from providers about kids who can't/won't put on their own coats, shoes, etc. and I just dealt with a huge tantrum because I dared touch my kid's shirt that she "want to do myself!" I have to tack an extra half hour onto leaving the house in the am because I know she's going to want to put on her own shoes and coat, and that's not including the battle earlier in the morning about getting herself dressed. Somedays I wish she would just lay on the floor and let me do it all!
Maybe in allowing her to do it she'll get better and it will eventually take less time.
blandino 06:16 PM 03-25-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
How do you get one of those? I keep reading threads from providers about kids who can't/won't put on their own coats, shoes, etc. and I just dealt with a huge tantrum because I dared touch my kid's shirt that she "want to do myself!" I have to tack an extra half hour onto leaving the house in the am because I know she's going to want to put on her own shoes and coat, and that's not including the battle earlier in the morning about getting herself dressed. Somedays I wish she would just lay on the floor and let me do it all!
Honestly, and I mean this kindly. That is the main reasons providers are frustrated with kids who can't do things themselves. It absolutely takes longer, and is much harder to allow kids to do for themselves. But you just need to allow for the extra time. Most people are in so much of a rush that they don't want to give up the time to let children do things for themselves, and just do it for them because its easier. It won't take long for her to get faster, and soon it won't be an issue. Also, you can let her practice at night and that should improve her abilities, and make it a faster process.How do you get one of those? I keep reading threads from providers about kids who can't/won't put on their own coats, shoes, etc. and I just dealt with a huge tantrum because I dared touch my kid's shirt that she "want to do myself!" I have to tack an extra half hour onto leaving the house in the am because I know she's going to want to put on her own shoes and coat, and that's not including the battle earlier in the morning about getting herself dressed. Somedays I wish she would just lay on the floor and let me do it all!
EntropyControlSpecialist 09:42 AM 03-26-2014
Originally Posted by blandino:
Honestly, and I mean this kindly. That is the main reasons providers are frustrated with kids who can't do things themselves. It absolutely takes longer, and is much harder to allow kids to do for themselves. But you just need to allow for the extra time. Most people are in so much of a rush that they don't want to give up the time to let children do things for themselves, and just do it for them because its easier. It won't take long for her to get faster, and soon it won't be an issue. Also, you can let her practice at night and that should improve her abilities, and make it a faster process.
Yes! We WANT kids who want to and try to do it for themselves. Self help skills are an important part of growing up and the mastery of new skills does take some time.Honestly, and I mean this kindly. That is the main reasons providers are frustrated with kids who can't do things themselves. It absolutely takes longer, and is much harder to allow kids to do for themselves. But you just need to allow for the extra time. Most people are in so much of a rush that they don't want to give up the time to let children do things for themselves, and just do it for them because its easier. It won't take long for her to get faster, and soon it won't be an issue. Also, you can let her practice at night and that should improve her abilities, and make it a faster process.
My3cents 10:02 AM 03-26-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
How do you get one of those? I keep reading threads from providers about kids who can't/won't put on their own coats, shoes, etc. and I just dealt with a huge tantrum because I dared touch my kid's shirt that she "want to do myself!" I have to tack an extra half hour onto leaving the house in the am because I know she's going to want to put on her own shoes and coat, and that's not including the battle earlier in the morning about getting herself dressed. Somedays I wish she would just lay on the floor and let me do it all!
you answered your own question- you tack on a half hour each morning to teach your child how to do it, and how to have patience. you don't allow a tantrum, if its a case of having to go out the door and the child won't put those things on. Teach your child natural consequences with limits and common sense. Put your child in the car and say you made the choice to not put your coat and shoes on your going to be cold. Not always but often the child will turn it around and want to try again- Bring them in, quickly help them to dress and go. If they refuse after going back in take them to the car and do not come back in- now if your car is not heated and its freezing out this won't work, or if the child is too heavy to pick up and has to walk through snow this won't work. I am a big believer in the word NO when everything else fails, we don't do that, NO! Stern voice comes out and I mean business and that also means I might have to listen to that tantrum all the way home, and even at home- How do you get one of those? I keep reading threads from providers about kids who can't/won't put on their own coats, shoes, etc. and I just dealt with a huge tantrum because I dared touch my kid's shirt that she "want to do myself!" I have to tack an extra half hour onto leaving the house in the am because I know she's going to want to put on her own shoes and coat, and that's not including the battle earlier in the morning about getting herself dressed. Somedays I wish she would just lay on the floor and let me do it all!
Doing things herself it hard work and it causes frustration not only for you having to wait but for your little that is learning and doesn't have it down like an adult does. I first try patience and then I do consequences- Practicing these important skills when not rushed is a great idea too. The child wants to show you their independence and that they are capable. Run with it....
Now when you have given ample time to complete the task and the child is not there yet, its ok to say we must go. your teaching limits and that life goes on, but good try let me help you and lets skedaddle on out. You don't want the child to think the control is completely in their hands all the time. I have seen parents that let the child control everything and that just sets the kids up for big disappointment in real life because they become unruly children that won't listen to adults, teachers etc.... and they end up having disorders because they were set up to fail and the parent really thought they were helping the child to be independent. Have to find a balance that works for you. Kids are well adjusted when they have good guidance, boundaries and discipline and of course love-
I wish you luck with this phase.
My3cents 10:07 AM 03-26-2014
Originally Posted by blandino:
Honestly, and I mean this kindly. That is the main reasons providers are frustrated with kids who can't do things themselves. It absolutely takes longer, and is much harder to allow kids to do for themselves. But you just need to allow for the extra time. Most people are in so much of a rush that they don't want to give up the time to let children do things for themselves, and just do it for them because its easier. It won't take long for her to get faster, and soon it won't be an issue. Also, you can let her practice at night and that should improve her abilities, and make it a faster process.
Honestly, and I mean this kindly. That is the main reasons providers are frustrated with kids who can't do things themselves. It absolutely takes longer, and is much harder to allow kids to do for themselves. But you just need to allow for the extra time. Most people are in so much of a rush that they don't want to give up the time to let children do things for themselves, and just do it for them because its easier. It won't take long for her to get faster, and soon it won't be an issue. Also, you can let her practice at night and that should improve her abilities, and make it a faster process.
and its hard as a parent, because you get in the routine of how much time it takes to get the child ready and out the door. Practice when your not in a rush. I often do this with my littles, before the parents arrive. They gather belongings, and I show them how...... letting them do as much as they can and only helping them when they ask for help. As a parent we want for out children, we want to help them, but we forget that part of the child's growth is them helping themselves- its hard~
KidGrind 06:50 AM 03-27-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
How do you get one of those? I keep reading threads from providers about kids who can't/won't put on their own coats, shoes, etc. and I just dealt with a huge tantrum because I dared touch my kid's shirt that she "want to do myself!" I have to tack an extra half hour onto leaving the house in the am because I know she's going to want to put on her own shoes and coat, and that's not including the battle earlier in the morning about getting herself dressed. Somedays I wish she would just lay on the floor and let me do it all!
Some parents DO EVERYTHING for their toddlers, treat them as if they’re 6 months old. I acquired a DCK 2 1/2 who did not know how to feed himself with utensils or his fingers. Mommy does everything. He’d never sat at a table, high chair only. That is how we get one of those!How do you get one of those? I keep reading threads from providers about kids who can't/won't put on their own coats, shoes, etc. and I just dealt with a huge tantrum because I dared touch my kid's shirt that she "want to do myself!" I have to tack an extra half hour onto leaving the house in the am because I know she's going to want to put on her own shoes and coat, and that's not including the battle earlier in the morning about getting herself dressed. Somedays I wish she would just lay on the floor and let me do it all!
kathiemarie 01:14 PM 03-27-2014
If time is an issue and I would set a timer for 15 min. (or how ever long you have) and tell her that when the timer goes off you are going to have to help her because you guys need to __________. I would use an egg timer, something she can see so she has a visual.
Mom of 4 04:36 PM 03-29-2014
It is hard when you have somewhere to go, and the kid wants to do it themselves, but as they get older (til teen years) they get faster than YOU are! 
I would definitely consider this a blessing in disguise. It does take time at first,but oh so worth it down the line!
Pretty soon, your kid will be making mom pancakes before work!
I would definitely consider this a blessing in disguise. It does take time at first,but oh so worth it down the line!
Pretty soon, your kid will be making mom pancakes before work!