I Feel Like I'm Reprimanding Every Parent I Have

[permanentvacation]

I'm either reprimanding a parent for not paying on time, reprimanding a parent for banging on my door at nap time to pick their child up early, unannounced at nap time, reprimanding them for allowing their child to be awake at night after 12:30/1:30 in the morning which of course makes them come in here crying and are hateful for the day, or reprimanding them for not closing the gate or something else.

Do you guys reprimand your parents for things that they do that are against your policies, disruptive to your daycare, or is simply bad parenting which then you (NOT THEM) have to suffer the consequences the next day?

I have been broke for so long and have only had a couple of kids for so long, I really think I should just keep my mouth shut and be happy to be making money. But, it's now at the expense of my sanity on a daily basis!

[sharlan]

Nope. I don't parent the parents. I just deal with the kids and move on.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by permanentvacation

I'm either reprimanding a parent for not paying on time, reprimanding a parent for banging on my door at nap time to pick their child up early, unannounced at nap time, reprimanding them for allowing their child to be awake at night after 12:30/1:30 in the morning which of course makes them come in here crying and are hateful for the day, or reprimanding them for not closing the gate or something else.

Do you guys reprimand your parents for things that they do that are against your policies, disruptive to your daycare, or is simply bad parenting which then you (NOT THEM) have to suffer the consequences the next day?

I have been broke for so long and have only had a couple of kids for so long, I really think I should just keep my mouth shut and be happy to be making money. But, it's now at the expense of my sanity on a daily basis!

These are all things I stress FIRMLY at the time of interviewing so that if the family does sign on, I don't have continually reprimand.

If you find yourself having to remind parents of your policies, there are one of a few things wrong....

• You either didn't discuss policies thoroughly enough during the interview
  
• You didn't enforce them breaking the rule the first time it happened
  
• The parents know AND understand but are testing you or not caring if they lose their space.

No matter the reason, stand firm. If you don't they will and YOU will end up the one burned.

Hang in there PV! Be the professional you know you are and do not let your clients be in charge!

VALUE YOURSELF and YOUR WORTH and they will follow suit!

[Ariana]

Are we talking just verbal reprimands here? I don't usually verbally reprimand without some sort of consequence like $$ or lost time at work. This cuts down on parenting the parents a lot. I also have a policy that says that failure to follow my policies could result in immediate termination without refund of deposit. So if you are late 3x for example you are terminated.

If a child comes to daycare tired and unable to participate then send them home or put them to bed. I had a child sleep here for 5 hours a day at one point because he was not being given the opportunity to sleep at home. I also occasionally called to get him picked up whenever I got fed up with the behavior. If someone came at nap time to get their kid without prior arrangements I would terminate them as this is in my contract. I understand you want to keep these kids but you are sending a very clear message that you work for the parents when you become desperate like that. It isn't so easy for them to find alternate care so start being clear about your rules and follow through.

It is hard in the beginning but you will get there

[e.j.]

Only once in 20 years and only because I was beyond frustrated with something the parent was doing which caused problems for not only me, but more importantly, for her child. Professionalism went out the window that day!

[MunchkinWrangler]

Wow, I do have very respectful parents! Nobody ever comes during naptime and never unannounced if it is not their normal time. I would stress that it's not just their child being disrupted, it's the others as well. I also say that if I get complaints from the other parents for a cranky child they'll lose their spot. I basically have an unwritten rule that if one family is doing things to disrupt another family and I have to hear about it, I won't put up with it.

Parents can get their children whenever they want but I stress that naptime pickups are greatly discouraged unless it's unavoidable. So far, I haven't had problems and I will separate in the one instance I had for a naptime pickup.

The cranky child will be put to bed at least for a short nap. The gate being left open, I would write a policy about it and say it needs to be closed as that is respect to your property and a rule of your home. Call them out, tell them it's rude. Tell them why you want it closed, yes things like this need to be spelled out for them. That should end it.

[thrivingchildcarecom]

I know what you mean! Sometimes the parents are more work than the kids.

Something that I have found helpful is to send out daily reminders. I have created short little notes to address certain issues, so whenever I see something being a problem I will send out a little note. I have notes about tuition due tomorrow, early pick-ups, snacking before breakfast, etc. Since I send them out to all the parents in a mass email or text on a regular basis, I rarely get any push back.

I have found communicating like this to be effective, less stressful for me and at the same time eliminates the excuses. The thing is if you don't find some sort of way to address it, the problem will continue. Which is more stressful.

[LysesKids]

Originally Posted by permanentvacation

I'm either reprimanding a parent for not paying on time, reprimanding a parent for banging on my door at nap time to pick their child up early, unannounced at nap time, reprimanding them for allowing their child to be awake at night after 12:30/1:30 in the morning which of course makes them come in here crying and are hateful for the day, or reprimanding them for not closing the gate or something else.

Do you guys reprimand your parents for things that they do that are against your policies, disruptive to your daycare, or is simply bad parenting which then you (NOT THEM) have to suffer the consequences the next day?

I have been broke for so long and have only had a couple of kids for so long, I really think I should just keep my mouth shut and be happy to be making money. But, it's now at the expense of my sanity on a daily basis!

I have strict policies & most the parents have respected them over the years; I discourage nap time pickups, but parent always let me know in advance if it might happen also, so I can plan pick-up... I lay tired children back down because none of mine sleep well right now; mainly teething & I have all under 15 months too. Payment is always done in full the first of each month, so no worries on Friday except one weekly payer - they are never late & always cash. They forget, come Monday morning they are Daily payers ( higher rate) until I get fee in full.

I have had to remind one father to not smoke in the car on his way to pick up... I can't handle the stench with my asthma; One more warning & he will be standing outside for every pick up lol

[permanentvacation]

I have been doing daycare for 27 years and never had these problems until I moved to this area. I've been here for a few years now. I really think it's just lack of respectful people in my area.

I do stress all of those rules during the interview. When they come at nap time and wake kids up, I point to the children that they have waken up and tell the parent that they have waken 'Johnny and Sally' up and they are going to be tired and hateful for the rest of the day and then give them a speech about not picking up at nap time. But I think they just think I'm being bitchy and don't give a rat's a$$ about the other kids or me having to deal with them after they've been waken up.

I guess until I really can afford to start kicking them out for breaking the policies, I need to either keep my mouth shut or just keep 'bitching' at them.

I feel that I am demandingly informing them of the policies, but I think they just feel that they are paying me and I am to deal with whatever they do. They don't respect my policies because I don't really do anything to enforce them.

[JackandJill]

Some days its the old saying "when it rains it pours"! I have great families, but we're all human, and some weeks I feel like it is one thing after another with parents!

Its usually one of two things. Either I didn't speak up when behaviors were first happening, and now the bad behavior is catching up to me, or I am just unhappy somewhere else in life, and so everything parents do just make me nuts!

I highly recommend taking a deep breath, think about which ones are worth mentioning and which one are just irksome, and then shoot off a few quick, pleasant text messages tonight to address the issues. Hopefully everything clears up for you, no fun babysitting adults!

[Thriftylady]

Originally Posted by JackandJill

Some days its the old saying "when it rains it pours"! I have great families, but we're all human, and some weeks I feel like it is one thing after another with parents!

Its usually one of two things. Either I didn't speak up when behaviors were first happening, and now the bad behavior is catching up to me, or I am just unhappy somewhere else in life, and so everything parents do just make me nuts!

I highly recommend taking a deep breath, think about which ones are worth mentioning and which one are just irksome, and then shoot off a few quick, pleasant text messages tonight to address the issues. Hopefully everything clears up for you, no fun babysitting adults!

I agree with this. I have two families right now, four children. Both families are mostly great, but both do some things that really make me nuts. I try to ignore it, but sometimes I vent here also.

[permanentvacation]

I have been telling them the rules as they break them. I really think that until I enforce them by kicking them out and then when another parent asks where the child is that I kicked out, tell them that they broke a rule, so I terminated them. That might start sending messages to the other parents. But I would have to be able to afford kicking more kids out. I just kicked one child out for her behavior. I can't afford to kick anyone else out right now.

[Thriftylady]

Originally Posted by permanentvacation

I have been telling them the rules as they break them. I really think that until I enforce them by kicking them out and then when another parent asks where the child is that I kicked out, tell them that they broke a rule, so I terminated them. That might start sending messages to the other parents. But I would have to be able to afford kicking more kids out. I just kicked one child out for her behavior. I can't afford to kick anyone else out right now.

Well even if you did kick them out, it wouldn't be professional to tell another parent why. I can certainly see how it would feel good to say "Oh them? They just wouldn't follow the rules so I sent them packing!" But I wouldn't advise it. As a parent I would think "so what is she saying about me to others?".

[NillaWafers]

Originally Posted by permanentvacation

I have been telling them the rules as they break them. I really think that until I enforce them by kicking them out and then when another parent asks where the child is that I kicked out, tell them that they broke a rule, so I terminated them. That might start sending messages to the other parents. But I would have to be able to afford kicking more kids out. I just kicked one child out for her behavior. I can't afford to kick anyone else out right now.

You should definitely have those rules set out already, in your handbook yes? Like, they know they're breaking a rule cus it's in your handbook already - right?

[permanentvacation]

Yes, they are in my handbook. I have something like a 10 or so handbook. There's practically nothing that is not in my handbook. I really think it's that the parents don't care about my policies. They simply care about what they want/need.

[Heidi]

For the nap time thing, both my sis and I have signs on the front door.

KIDS NAPPING! DO NOT DISTURB!

Call xxx-xxx-xxxx for entry.

BIG sign. You could add "under penalty of death" or "wake 'em up, and they're ALL yours" or something punchy.

I just kept it near the door, and switched it out with the open/closed sign I made.

[Snowmom]

Originally Posted by permanentvacation

I'm either reprimanding a parent for not paying on time, reprimanding a parent for banging on my door at nap time to pick their child up early, unannounced at nap time, reprimanding them for allowing their child to be awake at night after 12:30/1:30 in the morning which of course makes them come in here crying and are hateful for the day, or reprimanding them for not closing the gate or something else.

Do you guys reprimand your parents for things that they do that are against your policies, disruptive to your daycare, or is simply bad parenting which then you (NOT THEM) have to suffer the consequences the next day?

I have been broke for so long and have only had a couple of kids for so long, I really think I should just keep my mouth shut and be happy to be making money. But, it's now at the expense of my sanity on a daily basis!

Just throwing out an idea since you don't want to threaten termination:
How about assigning a fee to the infractions? Write up an addendum to your contract including the fee and increase the fee for every occurrence.

"Effective immediately, any client disrupting our daily routine by picking up during nap time will be charged an additional $10 pick up fee for the first occurrence, $20 for the second occurrence and it will steadily increase $10 each time there after.
Additionally, any client not paying their weekly fee by the deadline will incur a $25 late fee per day."

[Denali]

Originally Posted by Heidi

For the nap time thing, both my sis and I have signs on the front door.

KIDS NAPPING! DO NOT DISTURB!

Call xxx-xxx-xxxx for entry.

BIG sign. You could add "under penalty of death" or "wake 'em up, and they're ALL yours" or something punchy.

I just kept it near the door, and switched it out with the open/closed sign I made.

$50 fee per child you wake!

[Annalee]

Parents today are a whole new breed. They listen but don't hear and it feels like an elementary classroom when dealing with them. It is a constant every day thing.....I have 3 that are this way. Like I have said in previous post, I don't terminate for fear of getting someone worse. They pay and pick up on time....but have trouble with common sense things. It is not an easy fix..... My three-strike rule has helped but it doesn't cure it because something else comes up. It is not like the parents feel "entitled", it is like they are clueless to common sense daily practices. Psychology has always intrigued me and these parents have me bumfuzzled (if that is a word). I actually asked one parent "who is the parent in your family".....it is like the kids are better at common sense than their parents I should not have to tell a parent to NOT pick flowers out of my potted plants.....The kid was saying "mom, ms.xxx planted those, don't bother them".....just one of my pet peeves....it is disrespectful what some of these parents do, but I have three that are beyond clueless to every day life.... My "good" parents are to the point they give me this when they walk in with one of these three parents

[LysesKids]

Originally Posted by Annalee

Parents today are a whole new breed. They listen but don't hear and it feels like an elementary classroom when dealing with them. It is a constant every day thing.....I have 3 that are this way. Like I have said in previous post, I don't terminate for fear of getting someone worse. They pay and pick up on time....but have trouble with common sense things. It is not an easy fix..... My three-strike rule has helped but it doesn't cure it because something else comes up. It is not like the parents feel "entitled", it is like they are clueless to common sense daily practices. Psychology has always intrigued me and these parents have me bumfuzzled (if that is a word). I actually asked one parent "who is the parent in your family".....it is like the kids are better at common sense than their parents I should not have to tell a parent to NOT pick flowers out of my potted plants.....The kid was saying "mom, ms.xxx planted those, don't bother them".....just one of my pet peeves....it is disrespectful what some of these parents do, but I have three that are beyond clueless to every day life.... My "good" parents are to the point they give me this when they walk in with one of these three parents

I've gotten to the point of implementing a new fee with one parent who has started being over 30 minutes late daily & he refuses to text to let me know; I will be explaining to mom tonight that If you or hubby haven't called or texted within 30 minutes of munchkins scheduled drop-off time & I have too call you, it's $5 each day. I would be $35 richer already if I had started it last week instead of tomorrow lol.

Dad was running so late today he never even gave baby a bottle before dropping off, just changed him and left

[JackandJill]

I agree with the extra fees. Its a win win for you. Either parents will stop, or you will be able to make a little cash!

[LysesKids]

Originally Posted by JackandJill

I agree with the extra fees. Its a win win for you. Either parents will stop, or you will be able to make a little cash!

Well it is an actual policy & they use to be good about letting me know when they would be late... lately he's been making excuse after excuse (and he apologizes) - I'm just tired of it

[JackandJill]

Originally Posted by LysesKids

Well it is an actual policy & they use to be good about letting me know when they would be late... lately he's been making excuse after excuse (and he apologizes) - I'm just tired of it

Oh man, I just read your post about dad being late, that would make me want to term! I meant PV should put fees in place since she can't term.

Can you get let them go? There is no amount of money that would put my day on hold for 30 more minutes!!

[Annalee]

Originally Posted by LysesKids

I've gotten to the point of implementing a new fee with one parent who has started being over 30 minutes late daily & he refuses to text to let me know; I will be explaining to mom tonight that If you or hubby haven't called or texted within 30 minutes of munchkins scheduled drop-off time & I have too call you, it's $5 each day. I would be $35 richer already if I had started it last week instead of tomorrow lol.

Dad was running so late today he never even gave baby a bottle before dropping off, just changed him and left

My problem is these parents are my three latest so they have contracted hours and they follow the big stuff with pay/pickup but can't follow common sense stuff....like plucking my flowers.

[LysesKids]

Originally Posted by JackandJill

Oh man, I just read your post about dad being late, that would make me want to term! I meant PV should put fees in place since she can't term.

Can you get let them go? There is no amount of money that would put my day on hold for 30 more minutes!!

If I had another spot open, then yes I could term because I have twins ( 6 weeks old at the moment) waiting for age outs come September, however because I can only take 4 kids and one on the roster is only a 3 day, yeah, can't afford term right now.

It was more frustrating last week because he knew my 6:45 kid was on vacation and he is my 7am drop; he has been showing at 7:45 which isn't until just before #3 shows. This week 6:45 is back, but still

[LysesKids]

Originally Posted by Annalee

My problem is these parents are my three latest so they have contracted hours and they follow the big stuff with pay/pickup but can't follow common sense stuff....like plucking my flowers.

Yeah, "late dad" is the same one I have been reminding to please not smoke immediately before pick up... My asthma is real bad right now and the smell just kills me. I have a "fragrance free" policy too and he knows that as well

[HHdaycare12]

OK so I HAD this problem, I was either angry people were late all the time, or forgetting their checks etc. I felt like I was beating a dead horse. So I created a parents only Facebook page. It has done wonders for me. I post pictures (not daily) and little info bits regularly then I address any issues as a whole. I never single out any parent. The best part is that YOU can see who sees the post (which parents) and nobody else knows. Since I made this I have not had issues with this at all. Good Luck

Originally Posted by permanentvacation

I'm either reprimanding a parent for not paying on time, reprimanding a parent for banging on my door at nap time to pick their child up early, unannounced at nap time, reprimanding them for allowing their child to be awake at night after 12:30/1:30 in the morning which of course makes them come in here crying and are hateful for the day, or reprimanding them for not closing the gate or something else.

Do you guys reprimand your parents for things that they do that are against your policies, disruptive to your daycare, or is simply bad parenting which then you (NOT THEM) have to suffer the consequences the next day?

I have been broke for so long and have only had a couple of kids for so long, I really think I should just keep my mouth shut and be happy to be making money. But, it's now at the expense of my sanity on a daily basis!

[permanentvacation]

I just reprimanded a parent again this morning. Then she started yelling at me that she can't do this this morning. She kept yelling at me basically rewording herself. I have fussed with her for months about being on time. She always arrives at an unscheduled time. Usually she's about 1/2 to 1 hour late in the morning and then out of the blue, she'll be 1/2 hour early! It drives me nuts because I can't plan the things I need to do in the morning to make sure that I'm available for her child at arrival time. I'm often in the middle of cooking the kids' breakfast, feeding the pets, pulling the trash cans in from out back, going to the bathroom, etc. and then she's at the door knocking away while I'm in the middle of doing something. Then I have to stop what I'm doing and rush to the door. I just don't understand why she can't be on time. I also don't understand why she hasn't lost her job for being up to going on 2 hours late to work often.

So, would you guys say anything to her about being on time?

[permanentvacation]

Oh, and since she decided to yell at you this morning, what would you do about that? Keep in mind that you need her income.

[Thriftylady]

Well to start with no one is coming in my home yelling at me and being allowed back in my home ever again. Even DH can't do that!

As far as late drop offs, I have in my handbook if they are past a certain time late and I haven't heard from them, the child will be marked absent for the day. I do accept late children, but this policy makes sure that parents inform me. And, for the most part they do. When they don't, I let them know it can't happen again.

The half hour early are you talking about at drop off or pick up? I don't allow parents to drop off early without arranging it with me ahead of time. I simply wouldn't open the door. And if they want to pick up early, kudos to them!

These are really easy situations to deal with, once we decide we will enforce them. If a family leaves over it (or I make them leave due to disrespect), so be it. Trust me we are desperate for the money too, but there is only so much I am willing to put up with. Sometimes when you help a bad match move on, a better one comes along.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by permanentvacation

I just reprimanded a parent again this morning. Then she started yelling at me that she can't do this this morning. She kept yelling at me basically rewording herself. I have fussed with her for months about being on time. She always arrives at an unscheduled time. Usually she's about 1/2 to 1 hour late in the morning and then out of the blue, she'll be 1/2 hour early! It drives me nuts because I can't plan the things I need to do in the morning to make sure that I'm available for her child at arrival time. I'm often in the middle of cooking the kids' breakfast, feeding the pets, pulling the trash cans in from out back, going to the bathroom, etc. and then she's at the door knocking away while I'm in the middle of doing something. Then I have to stop what I'm doing and rush to the door. I just don't understand why she can't be on time. I also don't understand why she hasn't lost her job for being up to going on 2 hours late to work often.

So, would you guys say anything to her about being on time?

If she is early, do not answer the door.

If she is more than X minutes late, mark the child absent and go about your day. I she shows up tell her you can't care for her child today as she didn't notify you she was coming and after X minutes you consider her absent.

Originally Posted by permanentvacation

Keep in mind that you need her income.

You can't have both if you seriously think a parent will leave if you have words with them.

If she will pull her child and you need the income then your only option is to put up with it.

There is no "easy" button when it comes to this stuff.

You either value your income or you value the respect and sadly most times you can't have both.

[Snowmom]

Do you WANT staggered arrivals? Or would you prefer all children to be here by a certain time?

Personally, I don't get why people just can't be on time. For doctor's appointments, play dates, dinners, ack, it's a huge pet peeve of mine.

You have 3 choices with timeframe requirements:
1. The time is the time. She has no other choice but to keep to the schedule that was agreed upon. You WILL NOT open the door before or after this agreed upon time.
2. Change policy to everyone having a drop off time between X-Xam. Any child not here by that time will not be allowed in care.
3. Assign a fee to late arrivals. If they can't make it by their assigned time, then they will incur a "convenience fee" of $10 per infraction.

My guess is that she thinks of you as her employee and you should be bending to her wishes if you want a job.
Hence the yelling.

Regarding that... I wouldn't tolerate it. She'd be immediately terminated without refunds if it happened here.
However, if you prefer to give her a pass on it, I'd still acknowledge it and tell her it won't be tolerated again and have her sign off on it (along with what the consequence is if she chooses to disrespect you in this manner again).

[permanentvacation]

In my daycare, each parent has their individual drop off and pick up time. So, I know that Sally arrives at 7 am. So I make sure to be available to let Sally in. Then I get her situated and I'll go start breakfast. Then I know Johnny is coming in at 7:15. So I make sure to be in the daycare room at 7:15 for Johnny. Then I go get the kids' cups ready for the day. And so on. I do my 'other jobs' in between kids' arrival times. But with this one parent, she comes in anywhere from 8 am (1/2 hour earlier than contracted for) to 9:30 (1/2 hour after I stated in my contract that they are allowed to arrive.) Yes, it's very much like she feels that I am her employee and she will do what she wants rather than adhere to the contract because she is paying me. I have talked to her about this numerous times and she just keeps doing what she wants. This morning, however, she started yelling and demanding to me that she can't do this (have me fuss at her) this morning.

I'm not going anywhere in the mornings. And she doesn't care if I'm in the daycare room when she arrives. So, I guess it really doesn't matter what I'm doing when she arrives which means it really doesn't matter what time she arrives. But it really bothers me that she doesn't adhere to her contracted time and shows up scattered times throughout 1 1/2 every morning.

You could literally set a watch to all of my other parents. Every one else is right on time every morning. I think it's just in her nature to be late for things. But it's really getting to me.

[Thriftylady]

Originally Posted by permanentvacation

In my daycare, each parent has their individual drop off and pick up time. So, I know that Sally arrives at 7 am. So I make sure to be available to let Sally in. Then I get her situated and I'll go start breakfast. Then I know Johnny is coming in at 7:15. So I make sure to be in the daycare room at 7:15 for Johnny. Then I go get the kids' cups ready for the day. And so on. I do my 'other jobs' in between kids' arrival times. But with this one parent, she comes in anywhere from 8 am (1/2 hour earlier than contracted for) to 9:30 (1/2 hour after I stated in my contract that they are allowed to arrive.) Yes, it's very much like she feels that I am her employee and she will do what she wants rather than adhere to the contract because she is paying me. I have talked to her about this numerous times and she just keeps doing what she wants. This morning, however, she started yelling and demanding to me that she can't do this (have me fuss at her) this morning.

I'm not going anywhere in the mornings. And she doesn't care if I'm in the daycare room when she arrives. So, I guess it really doesn't matter what I'm doing when she arrives which means it really doesn't matter what time she arrives. But it really bothers me that she doesn't adhere to her contracted time and shows up scattered times throughout 1 1/2 every morning.

You could literally set a watch to all of my other parents. Every one else is right on time every morning. I think it's just in her nature to be late for things. But it's really getting to me.

Well, we have given you the options to fix it, so try all of that advice. In the end, you do need to choose between put up with it, put an end to it, or let her go.

[permanentvacation]

I discussed the issue again with her last night at pick up and this morning, she came hauling butt down the road to be on time.