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Old 12-28-2020, 08:05 PM
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Angry Help

Hey all. My DW and I just got into a huge debate over pacifier use and I am reaching out to see if any of you have faced this situation. I need advice. My DS is 25 months old is a very emotional kid. At daycare they have decided to deal with his emotions (i.e. when he gets mad and hits or bites) by giving him his pacifier. At home he only uses it for naps and at bedtime. If he gets upset we talk through the emotions (no pacifier is ever used). My thought is that our DS has learned that he gets his pacifier if he gets mad and is not learning how to deal with his emotions AND the daycare is encouraging this behavior! My DW sides with the daycare and agrees itís the quick and easy way to deal with it and with time our DS will get over the pacifier use. Anyway, I am getting frustrated that the daycare is not focused on trying to work with him to make him understand. Am I expecting too much? Please Help!
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Old 12-28-2020, 08:42 PM
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They are being very accommodating by providing the pacifier while working with him on the aggression towards the other children in care. Most places would be quick to term a child who is biting and hitting the other children. If you insist on no pacifier they will likely let him go immediately in order to provide a safe environment for the other families.
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Old 12-29-2020, 06:09 AM
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You are rationalizing the fact that is is easier for you if he uses it to sleep when he should be learning to self soothe. Most are weened by 12 months, entirely. What they are doing is following your lead.

A two year old who hits and bites is a two year old I would have to let go. He is a liability to my business.

The daycare is going above and beyond in trying to keep him there. For them it isn't about him learning anything. It is about protecting other kids FROM him.
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Old 12-29-2020, 10:15 AM
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Developmental factors which may cause biting include:
Frustration that they canít talk or communicate in any other way is one factor that can lead to biting. Encouraging language and non-verbal communication can help.
Teething. Providing something for the child to chew on can help.
Limited self-control. Children in this age group can be impulsive and often canít stop themselves from doing something.
Competition for adult attention. Ensure the child has some one-on-one time on a regular basis.
Tips for dealing with biting:

ďFor educators and parents, itís very important to understand the reason for the biting. In some cases, it could be teething and the child may just need to be encouraged chew on something more appropriate,Ē Mr Dunn said.

He said if a child was biting to access resources, parents and educators should consider if the number of resources available were sufficient. This is particularly relevant in an early learning setting.

ďIf itís out of self-defence, you should look at the situation and ensure it is being monitored.Ē
Try to gain an understanding of the situation and why the child is biting.
Increase the number of resources available so that children do not have to fight over toys.
Try teaching in small groups with the same number of resources and ensure children get quiet time.
Let the children know that biting hurts other children.

- https://www.goodstart.org.au/news-an...ldren-who-bite
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Old 12-29-2020, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
It is about protecting other kids FROM him.
This ^ From a business aspect, this is exactly why they are doing what they are doing. You provide a pacifier, so they are using it to help with the situation at hand and keep other kids from being hurt.


From a personal aspect, I completely agree with you. He may very well be learning, "I throw a fit, I can my pacifier" However, as cat herder said, he is also learning "I cry at night I get my pacifier"
Have you talked with the daycare about how you are handling his emotions at home? Are they giving him the pacifier and ignoring the issue, or are they using the pacifier to calm him and then talking through it with him? Is there another way they can teach him to calm himself before talking over the emotions?
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Old 12-29-2020, 05:38 PM
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daycare twos teacher here. I get the daycares logic BUT are they talking to him about other choices other than biting? I feel like giving him his paci when he bites is teaching him that if he bites he gets the thing he wants. In my room we had one paci when angry child. He was told he had to sit at the table with it, with ONLY a puzzle. We would also sit and talk about why he was angry and other choices (calm down little monkey is a great board book for this). If he wanted to keep the paci, fine, but he had to stay at the table. When he realized he was missing the fun, he ditched the paci.
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Old 12-29-2020, 06:05 PM
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It is very possible the daycare tried the "calming sit down" approach in the beginning, but it is also possible the child did not respond to this intervention in a timely manner that would keep the other children safe. As a family child care provider, I would term one child for the safety of all the others. Just a thought!
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Old 01-01-2021, 05:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annalee View Post
It is very possible the daycare tried the "calming sit down" approach in the beginning, but it is also possible the child did not respond to this intervention in a timely manner that would keep the other children safe. As a family child care provider, I would term one child for the safety of all the others. Just a thought!
I did term not one but 2 children in all of the 18 years of doing childcare; both times it was in my last 3 years of providing care. The one parent backed me up when we discovered her 19 month old child was instigating the other child who was biting - she took him out immediately & paid the last 2 weeks even though he wasn't there (the other babe stopped biting immediately, but got termed for something else not much after; parent issues). The 2nd one started biting herself & the parents tried to blame me & the other kids for causing her to self inflict (she only bit herself at home, not childcare); I only took littles under 24 months, so it was time for her to move on anyway as she was 23 months old. I will not tolerate someone accusing me of doing something I didn't as it was my livelihood & the wrong accusation can cause major issues with the business & your life as we all know.
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Old 01-01-2021, 07:07 PM
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I did term not one but 2 children in all of the 18 years of doing childcare; both times it was in my last 3 years of providing care. The one parent backed me up when we discovered her 19 month old child was instigating the other child who was biting - she took him out immediately & paid the last 2 weeks even though he wasn't there (the other babe stopped biting immediately, but got termed for something else not much after; parent issues). The 2nd one started biting herself & the parents tried to blame me & the other kids for causing her to self inflict (she only bit herself at home, not childcare); I only took littles under 24 months, so it was time for her to move on anyway as she was 23 months old. I will not tolerate someone accusing me of doing something I didn't as it was my livelihood & the wrong accusation can cause major issues with the business & your life as we all know.
I had to term a child like this. Instead of biting, she used to bang her head against a wall. I got to the point of being afraid she would hurt herself or concuss. Her parents thought it was hilarious.
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Old 01-02-2021, 10:41 PM
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Let's break this down into simplistics. You have two issues: biting and pacifier use.
Which would you rather have?

Personally, as a parent, I would rather have a pacifier user to satisfy that oral urge than a biter.
Both crutches WILL pass. But, no child gets kicked out of daycare for using a Paci.

You have a child who needs oral stimulation. It's common. Not ideal, but common.
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Old 01-04-2021, 06:11 AM
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Have you tried chew necklaces?
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Old 01-04-2021, 08:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
Have you tried chew necklaces?
Or even a teething toy on a pacifier strap.
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Old 01-04-2021, 09:08 AM
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Originally Posted by 284878 View Post
Or even a teething toy on a pacifier strap.
Even better

The snap-aways break pretty easily. Although the shark tooth and twisty knot ones are super cute.

They really work great for kids with sensory issues, those who who chew up toys or are dealing with high stress/anxiety. I bet they would work well with biters, as well.
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2 year olds, aggressive behavior, biter, chew toys, chewelry, daycare, pacifier, pacifier issues, violence in child care

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