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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Im not your friend
Unregistered 09:31 AM 01-30-2015
I am so tired of the 3 kids saying this to one another! dcg age 5 preschool in the afternoons excepts fri, dcg 3+(cousin to first) goes to same preschool/teacher in the ams except fri. ,dcb 3in jan. is full time here. They will tell one or another lets hold hands and be my friend and exclude the 3rd one for 5-10 min then they switch to the other kid....there is also dcb2(brother of other) he seems oblivious to this drama....I am just done mediating them. ever since the second one arrived someone is crying ,pouting or foot stamping...distraction and telling them we are all friends is not working ....I'm about to put each one in a place away from the others.....and let them play alone.....is it just because it's fri? thanks all I check this plac eoften to keep my sanity.
Josiegirl 10:51 AM 01-30-2015
I'm right there with you. 
Is it a girl thing because my group of girls is notorious for this. I know odd numbered groups are hard to work with too, because of this kind of issue. Plus if you have 2 dcgs who want to run the show, that doesn't work very well. So tricky keeping the peace sometimes.
I don't have any helpful advice. Sorry. I know yesterday my 2 oldest dcgs(both 4 yo)were mad at each other because the other one wouldn't do what the first one wanted her to do. Egad. But they astounded me when they found a way to work it out for themselves. 
They went to the table, grabbed some black and brown markers and started drawing all these dark colored angry dragonflies. After a few minutes, I asked them what colors were happy colors, automatically said pink and purple so then they grabbed those colors and started drawing happier pictures. Next thing I see they're happily playing together again because they had found a compromise. I was really proud of them.
But yes, I hear a LOT of I'm not your friend anymore. They're little. They don't understand and are angry one minute, happy the next. I try not to make too big of a deal out of it unless someone is constantly being left out and picked on, etc.
Is it a girl thing because my group of girls is notorious for this. I know odd numbered groups are hard to work with too, because of this kind of issue. Plus if you have 2 dcgs who want to run the show, that doesn't work very well. So tricky keeping the peace sometimes. I don't have any helpful advice. Sorry.
I know yesterday my 2 oldest dcgs(both 4 yo)were mad at each other because the other one wouldn't do what the first one wanted her to do. Egad. But they astounded me when they found a way to work it out for themselves. They went to the table, grabbed some black and brown markers and started drawing all these dark colored angry dragonflies. After a few minutes, I asked them what colors were happy colors, automatically said pink and purple so then they grabbed those colors and started drawing happier pictures. Next thing I see they're happily playing together again because they had found a compromise. I was really proud of them.But yes, I hear a LOT of I'm not your friend anymore. They're little. They don't understand and are angry one minute, happy the next. I try not to make too big of a deal out of it unless someone is constantly being left out and picked on, etc.
racemom 11:27 AM 01-30-2015
I'm not anybodies friend! ! Ha ha just kidding. Girls are the worst offenders of this, and it is harder when you have an odd number because someone is left out. Is there a ring leader of not friends? Usually one of the girls is always the leader and never the one left out, if this is the case, what I would do, when she starts it make her play by herself until she is ready to play nicely with all our friends. Rinse and repeat until she gets it.
Bookworm 05:40 PM 01-30-2015
Originally Posted by racemom:
I'm not anybodies friend! ! Ha ha just kidding. Girls are the worst offenders of this, and it is harder when you have an odd number because someone is left out. Is there a ring leader of not friends? Usually one of the girls is always the leader and never the one left out, if this is the case, what I would do, when she starts it make her play by herself until she is ready to play nicely with all our friends. Rinse and repeat until she gets it.
This is exactly how I stopped my wannbe "mean girl". To me, this is a type of bullying and I won't tolerate it.I'm not anybodies friend! ! Ha ha just kidding. Girls are the worst offenders of this, and it is harder when you have an odd number because someone is left out. Is there a ring leader of not friends? Usually one of the girls is always the leader and never the one left out, if this is the case, what I would do, when she starts it make her play by herself until she is ready to play nicely with all our friends. Rinse and repeat until she gets it.
Mom2Two 11:44 AM 01-31-2015
Maybe have a special surprise sometimes for the one who's left out--especially if one is getting picked on more.
Like..."Oh, no one's your friend? Okay, you get to be my friend and...choose the treat/help me do xyz/get an extra xyz etc etc."
Like..."Oh, no one's your friend? Okay, you get to be my friend and...choose the treat/help me do xyz/get an extra xyz etc etc."
Josiegirl 12:12 PM 01-31-2015
Originally Posted by Mom2Two:
Maybe have a special surprise sometimes for the one who's left out--especially if one is getting picked on more.
Like..."Oh, no one's your friend? Okay, you get to be my friend and...choose the treat/help me do xyz/get an extra xyz etc etc."
I did something similar to that when we were all out sledding this week. It was usually the same 2 dcgs sledding together, giving the 3rd a hard time if she wanted to go with them. So I pulled out the other sled, invited the 3rd to go with me. Well, wouldn't ya know it? The other 2 couldn't get out of their sled fast enough to go with me. I said um, no, A**** doesn't have anyone to sled with so I want to go with her.Maybe have a special surprise sometimes for the one who's left out--especially if one is getting picked on more.
Like..."Oh, no one's your friend? Okay, you get to be my friend and...choose the treat/help me do xyz/get an extra xyz etc etc."
dalman 08:31 AM 02-02-2015
I agree with BookWorm. This is bullying in its infancy. If they can't be kind to one another and all play together, they all play separately. I explain why, and then after awhile I ask them if they are ready to be kind and play together nicely. Sometimes it takes an hour of separation. It usually works for me.
MsLisa 01:08 PM 02-02-2015
Originally Posted by dalman:
I agree with BookWorm. This is bullying in its infancy. If they can't be kind to one another and all play together, they all play separately. I explain why, and then after awhile I ask them if they are ready to be kind and play together nicely. Sometimes it takes an hour of separation. It usually works for me.
I agree and do exactly this!!I agree with BookWorm. This is bullying in its infancy. If they can't be kind to one another and all play together, they all play separately. I explain why, and then after awhile I ask them if they are ready to be kind and play together nicely. Sometimes it takes an hour of separation. It usually works for me.
"Mean girl" syndrome comes and goes in my aftercare room with the 7 to 9yr old girls & every time it does I simply separate them all. The drama is almost comical sometimes.
Doesn't take them long before they get bored playing alone, do their own compromising and go back to playing nicely. Same with the boys although often it really escalates quickly and one of them ends up in the think tank. Usually the "leader".