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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Should I Consider it a Red Flag?
jokalima 04:42 PM 08-05-2014
I had a interview yesterday. They basically showed up and asked me if I could see them, I was not expecting them. I allowed it because I know the mom. During the interviwe it came up that the child had a bruise on a arm. She showed it to me and told me that her mom is the one that takes care of the child, and grandma told them that the child tripped and that is how she got hurt. Then she tells me that dad believes that the child did not tripped, he thinks grandma pinched him.
Should I be concerned and see this as a red flag? What I thought at the moment was the chidl bumping in to something while under my care and then I get blamed of hurting him.
Should I be concerned and see this as a red flag? What I thought at the moment was the chidl bumping in to something while under my care and then I get blamed of hurting him.
Indianadaycare 05:16 PM 08-05-2014
Originally Posted by jokalima:
I had a interview yesterday. They basically showed up and asked me if I could see them, I was not expecting them. I allowed it because I know the mom. During the interviwe it came up that the child had a bruise on a arm. She showed it to me and told me that her mom is the one that takes care of the child, and grandma told them that the child tripped and that is how she got hurt. Then she tells me that dad believes that the child did not tripped, he thinks grandma pinched him. Should I be concerned and see this as a red flag? What I thought at the moment was the chidl bumping in to something while under my care and then I get blamed of hurting him.
Hmmm.... showing up without an appointment? Then complaining about the care the child is currently receiving? I had a family who did that in an interview years ago - they blasted the current daycare. I didn't follow my gut, and ended up providing care for their son. For the next three years, they complained.... about everything and everyone. When they left, they made it very difficult for me.... I won't even go into THAT! I had a interview yesterday. They basically showed up and asked me if I could see them, I was not expecting them. I allowed it because I know the mom. During the interviwe it came up that the child had a bruise on a arm. She showed it to me and told me that her mom is the one that takes care of the child, and grandma told them that the child tripped and that is how she got hurt. Then she tells me that dad believes that the child did not tripped, he thinks grandma pinched him.
Should I be concerned and see this as a red flag? What I thought at the moment was the chidl bumping in to something while under my care and then I get blamed of hurting him.
The lesson I learned was to follow my gut. What is your gut telling you?
NightOwl 07:57 PM 08-05-2014
True that, Indiana. But I could also see a scenario where the parents saw this mark after picking up from grandma, became so enraged that they decided to look for care immediately, and stopped at op's place because the mom knew her. Maybe they felt the child was in danger at grandma's and wanted the child out of there immediately. This is a hard one... I can see it both ways.
Controlled Chaos 08:05 PM 08-05-2014
I am with Wednesday. I can see it both ways. I would speak openly with them about your concerns. Talk about how children do get hurt from time to time, how you will always let them know what happened, but how important it is they trust you if you watch their child.
That is super hard. If I though I grandparent hurt my child I probably would have gone shopping for new care immediately too...
That is super hard. If I though I grandparent hurt my child I probably would have gone shopping for new care immediately too...
daycare 08:10 PM 08-05-2014
whoever said go with you gut, I second that......
Every time I have gone against my gut I have been sorry. If it smells funky it probably is.
If you can't decide still, go with a 3 week trial and see how it goes from there. You can get a better feel and then term if need be.
Every time I have gone against my gut I have been sorry. If it smells funky it probably is.
If you can't decide still, go with a 3 week trial and see how it goes from there. You can get a better feel and then term if need be.
jokalima 08:55 PM 08-05-2014
The thing is that I know the mom but I don't know dad. I did talk to her about how toddlers get hurt and that it probably wasn't something that grandma did. She has older kids and her mom has been around them and helping her with them forever. I don't know grandma that we'll though, so I won't put my hands in fire for her. It is kinda difficult, cause saying no to someone I know 
She had told me yesterday she was looking for DC, she said she would contact me to tell me when we'll meet. I thought she forgot about it, but when I Was cooking dinner I heard the door and it was them.
She had told me yesterday she was looking for DC, she said she would contact me to tell me when we'll meet. I thought she forgot about it, but when I Was cooking dinner I heard the door and it was them.
Laurel 03:56 AM 08-06-2014
Originally Posted by daycare:
whoever said go with you gut, I second that......
Every time I have gone against my gut I have been sorry. If it smells funky it probably is.
If you can't decide still, go with a 3 week trial and see how it goes from there. You can get a better feel and then term if need be.
whoever said go with you gut, I second that......
Every time I have gone against my gut I have been sorry. If it smells funky it probably is.
If you can't decide still, go with a 3 week trial and see how it goes from there. You can get a better feel and then term if need be.
Play Care 04:32 AM 08-06-2014
Completely aside from the mystery bruise, the fact she's TELLING you when things are going to happen would be IT for me. Then just showing up as you are cooking dinner (and I assume done with your work day?!) Heck to the NO.
The mystery bruise is the icing on the cake. And the fact they are throwing out possible abuse theories Did they know about the bruise before she told you she was coming? Or did they see that on the way to your house?
I don't need a crystal ball to see how this will end
The mystery bruise is the icing on the cake. And the fact they are throwing out possible abuse theories
Did they know about the bruise before she told you she was coming? Or did they see that on the way to your house? I don't need a crystal ball to see how this will end
DaisyMamma 04:48 AM 08-06-2014
I would see it as them being nit picky about every little bruise. I would be worried constantly about the kid getting hurt.
Kids are kids. They fall, they get bruised. No big deal.
I wouldn't take them.
Kids are kids. They fall, they get bruised. No big deal.
I wouldn't take them.
craftymissbeth 05:00 AM 08-06-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Completely aside from the mystery bruise, the fact she's TELLING you when things are going to happen would be IT for me. Then just showing up as you are cooking dinner (and I assume done with your work day?!) Heck to the NO.
The mystery bruise is the icing on the cake. And the fact they are throwing out possible abuse theories Did they know about the bruise before she told you she was coming? Or did they see that on the way to your house?
I don't need a crystal ball to see how this will end
Completely aside from the mystery bruise, the fact she's TELLING you when things are going to happen would be IT for me. Then just showing up as you are cooking dinner (and I assume done with your work day?!) Heck to the NO.
The mystery bruise is the icing on the cake. And the fact they are throwing out possible abuse theories
Did they know about the bruise before she told you she was coming? Or did they see that on the way to your house? I don't need a crystal ball to see how this will end
MarinaVanessa 09:41 AM 08-06-2014
I can see both sides as well however that doesn't make them any less of a red flag.
From what I got, she had talked to you about discussing daycare and then just showed up unannounced. Although for any other potential client this would be a HUGE red flag .. this mom knows you and probably isn't going by business relationship rules, she's probably thinking about you in a friend type relationship. But then again how close are you? I have close friends and even I wouldn't just stop by unannounced. I always call/text them to see if they're home and if I can come over. I would discuss boundaries with her and explain that she can't just stop by whenever she wants to if she wants to talk business. She needs to call first.
The bruising is another red flag. If they are thinking the bruise is because of the grandma and they are wrong you could have issues later if their child gets hurt in your care. The last thing you need is child abuse allegations. Have you seen the bruise? Is it in a weird spot? Is it suspicious? If they are wrong I would suggest for you to not allow grandma to pick up at your daycare. If they were to try to patch things up afterwards at minimum you need to worry about them pulling and taking their child back to grandmas. If they keep their child with you and you have contact with grandma there may be tension and animosity from her towards you.
I would seriously have a chat with the mom. How serious are they that they believe she did something to their child? Serious enough that they didn't report it?
From what I got, she had talked to you about discussing daycare and then just showed up unannounced. Although for any other potential client this would be a HUGE red flag .. this mom knows you and probably isn't going by business relationship rules, she's probably thinking about you in a friend type relationship. But then again how close are you? I have close friends and even I wouldn't just stop by unannounced. I always call/text them to see if they're home and if I can come over. I would discuss boundaries with her and explain that she can't just stop by whenever she wants to if she wants to talk business. She needs to call first.
The bruising is another red flag. If they are thinking the bruise is because of the grandma and they are wrong you could have issues later if their child gets hurt in your care. The last thing you need is child abuse allegations. Have you seen the bruise? Is it in a weird spot? Is it suspicious? If they are wrong I would suggest for you to not allow grandma to pick up at your daycare. If they were to try to patch things up afterwards at minimum you need to worry about them pulling and taking their child back to grandmas. If they keep their child with you and you have contact with grandma there may be tension and animosity from her towards you.
I would seriously have a chat with the mom. How serious are they that they believe she did something to their child? Serious enough that they didn't report it?
bgmeyers 10:20 AM 08-06-2014
The red flag I see is they dropped in while you were making dinner? Really? How rude
jokalima 11:41 AM 08-06-2014
Originally Posted by Play Care:
Completely aside from the mystery bruise, the fact she's TELLING you when things are going to happen would be IT for me. Then just showing up as you are cooking dinner (and I assume done with your work day?!) Heck to the NO.
The mystery bruise is the icing on the cake. And the fact they are throwing out possible abuse theories Did they know about the bruise before she told you she was coming? Or did they see that on the way to your house?
I don't need a crystal ball to see how this will end
She did not mention it before. They came and I saw it but did not say anything, then she asked me if I saw it and I obviusly said yes and then the conversation went on from there. With my answer I gave her an example of a little one that got hurt here not so long ago, it was a accident, no pushing, no arguing, nothing wrong, just to kids bumping into each other and one getting hurt because of it. She looked at me and said something in a really low voice, like not wanting dad to hear her ( he was walking aroun the house after baby) what I could make of what she said was like if he heard my story he would not have him here. So yes, I guess I should listen to my gut and not my bank account. But I sometimes think I make a big deal out of things and just wanted to see what other providers would think about it.Completely aside from the mystery bruise, the fact she's TELLING you when things are going to happen would be IT for me. Then just showing up as you are cooking dinner (and I assume done with your work day?!) Heck to the NO.
The mystery bruise is the icing on the cake. And the fact they are throwing out possible abuse theories
Did they know about the bruise before she told you she was coming? Or did they see that on the way to your house? I don't need a crystal ball to see how this will end
jokalima 11:46 AM 08-06-2014
Originally Posted by MV:
I can see both sides as well however that doesn't make them any less of a red flag.
From what I got, she had talked to you about discussing daycare and then just showed up unannounced. Although for any other potential client this would be a HUGE red flag .. this mom knows you and probably isn't going by business relationship rules, she's probably thinking about you in a friend type relationship. But then again how close are you? I have close friends and even I wouldn't just stop by unannounced. I always call/text them to see if they're home and if I can come over. I would discuss boundaries with her and explain that she can't just stop by whenever she wants to if she wants to talk business. She needs to call first.
The bruising is another red flag. If they are thinking the bruise is because of the grandma and they are wrong you could have issues later if their child gets hurt in your care. The last thing you need is child abuse allegations. Have you seen the bruise? Is it in a weird spot? Is it suspicious? If they are wrong I would suggest for you to not allow grandma to pick up at your daycare. If they were to try to patch things up afterwards at minimum you need to worry about them pulling and taking their child back to grandmas. If they keep their child with you and you have contact with grandma there may be tension and animosity from her towards you.
I would seriously have a chat with the mom. How serious are they that they believe she did something to their child? Serious enough that they didn't report it?
Not a close friend, no. Have not seen her for years. The bruise is not in any place that would make me be concerned. That is why I told her that it was just probably a toddler thing. I mean, if it was grandma then she had to pinch him with the strengh of The Hulk because really, it was kinda black, I really don't believe it was her. But the more I read you ladies, the more inclined I feel to say no. For the first time ever I really should go with what I feel is right cause I usually don't.I can see both sides as well however that doesn't make them any less of a red flag.
From what I got, she had talked to you about discussing daycare and then just showed up unannounced. Although for any other potential client this would be a HUGE red flag .. this mom knows you and probably isn't going by business relationship rules, she's probably thinking about you in a friend type relationship. But then again how close are you? I have close friends and even I wouldn't just stop by unannounced. I always call/text them to see if they're home and if I can come over. I would discuss boundaries with her and explain that she can't just stop by whenever she wants to if she wants to talk business. She needs to call first.
The bruising is another red flag. If they are thinking the bruise is because of the grandma and they are wrong you could have issues later if their child gets hurt in your care. The last thing you need is child abuse allegations. Have you seen the bruise? Is it in a weird spot? Is it suspicious? If they are wrong I would suggest for you to not allow grandma to pick up at your daycare. If they were to try to patch things up afterwards at minimum you need to worry about them pulling and taking their child back to grandmas. If they keep their child with you and you have contact with grandma there may be tension and animosity from her towards you.
I would seriously have a chat with the mom. How serious are they that they believe she did something to their child? Serious enough that they didn't report it?
TheGoodLife 12:38 PM 08-06-2014
Originally Posted by jokalima:
She looked at me and said something in a really low voice, like not wanting dad to hear her ( he was walking aroun the house after baby) what I could make of what she said was like if he heard my story he would not have him here.
Nope, I wouldn't have THEM there! Way too much of a liability- he would be crying abuse at any sign of a scratch or things that are common with kids! No way would I trust him!She looked at me and said something in a really low voice, like not wanting dad to hear her ( he was walking aroun the house after baby) what I could make of what she said was like if he heard my story he would not have him here.
MarinaVanessa 10:20 AM 08-07-2014
Originally Posted by jokalima:
She looked at me and said something in a really low voice, like not wanting dad to hear her ( he was walking aroun the house after baby) what I could make of what she said was like if he heard my story he would not have him here. So yes, I guess I should listen to my gut and not my bank account. But I sometimes think I make a big deal out of things and just wanted to see what other providers would think about it.
YEP. DEFINETELY, that's a major no go for me. She just gave you your answer.She looked at me and said something in a really low voice, like not wanting dad to hear her ( he was walking aroun the house after baby) what I could make of what she said was like if he heard my story he would not have him here. So yes, I guess I should listen to my gut and not my bank account. But I sometimes think I make a big deal out of things and just wanted to see what other providers would think about it.