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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Serious Pick Up Issues....Need Advice
lilcupcakes09 12:18 PM 12-29-2012
I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who turns uncontrollable at pick up! When his mother or father walks in my door, he turns into a completely different child. He throws toys at them, he runs away and hides, he starts trying to fight with the other kids, he even one day when we were outside, left the play area, ran inside my house, upstairs, and hid under my son's bed when his dad came. I had to go up there and drag him out and hand him off to his dad! It's absolutely insane, I dread when it is time for him to get picked up. During the day, he is respectful, helpful, kind, and quiet....I have no problems out of him. I have already discussed it with his parents, Mom says he did it at other daycare too....that he is just showing off, she has no authority when it comes to him, he kicks her, smacks her, spits at here. Supposedly Dad has a "talk" with him almost every week about this behavior but it changes nothing. Pick up takes almost 10 minutes by the time she stands there and calls for him 10 times, then finally comes to grab him, fights with him, and drags him out of the door kicking and screaming. That 10 minutes of the day makes me want to say "Bye Bye" but I know he needs the discipline I give him throughout the day because otherwise he does not have any!
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Evansmom 12:23 PM 12-29-2012
I don't have any advice but I have had a boy like this and I chalked it up to permissive parenting. Not judging, but some parents have a hard time with following thru. I feel like the ones I had do this bc they have guilt from being away from them all day at work so they allow anything when they are with the kids which creates a monster.

The boy I had would be fine all day and then at pick up he would run to my son and attack him in front of his parent who did nothing. And if I spoke up the mother was mad I corrected her son in front of her. Yeah, had to term them.

That's just my opinion and observation from my experience.

Sorry you're going through this, it's perplexing.
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e.j. 03:10 PM 12-29-2012
I had a neighbor whose nephew was enrolled in her day care. I subbed for her one day and this kid acted the same way your dck does. He was about the same age, too. When he saw his mother coming up my walk, he started throwing things and when she walked my front door, he ran to her to give her what I thought would be a hug. Instead, he gouged her chest with his fingernails. It went diagonally from one shoulder and down across her chest and was relatively deep. I was totally shocked when I saw what he had done to her! She didn't even react - which shocked me ever more. When I spoke with my neighbor about it later, she said, "Oh, yeah! Sorry. I forgot to warn you that he's like that. We have to have her sneak in the door at the end of the day because if he sees her coming he starts to act out."

The next day, after he was dropped off, I pulled him aside and very firmly told him that his behavior the day before was totally unacceptable. I told him that when his mother arrived to pick him up that night, I expected him to get ready quietly, not throw toys or anything else, for that matter, and that I expected him to walk calmly up to his mother, say hello to her and leave my house quietly. He was never, ever, to hurt his mother the way he did at my house the night before. I asked if he understood and he said he did. Just before pick up time, I asked if he remembered our discussion from that morning. He said he did. His mother came in, he behaved exactly as I told him he needed to and we had no issues for the rest of the week. Not saying you haven't tried speaking to him firmly and told him exactly what you expect from him in terms of behavior but just in case you haven't tried it, you might want to try. I was amazed at how well he behaved for me after that.
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KEG123 04:10 PM 12-29-2012
Have him completely ready at pickup and just hand him over. Don't give him the chance to run around acting crazy. The only kids I ever had who acted like that were ones whose parents liked to stay at chat.
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KEG123 04:29 PM 12-29-2012
And as HORRIBLE as this sounds, I had a chat with the little girl one day and said "Hey, listen here! You keep that up and I'll sit you in time out when you act like that!" (She was 3 and SO smart.) She just KNEW that when mommy came to pick her up, the rules were more relaxed and mommy wouldn't do anything about it. (I tried to let mommy handle it, but she dropped the ball)
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EAP 05:11 PM 12-29-2012
Sounds like a transition issue. What has worked for me is to give a 5 minute warning before mom/dad arrive, say "Johnny, you have 5 minutes until mom gets here so finish your activity" set a clear expectation that when the parent arrives he will be given a specific task (sit at the table and play with....or look at a book) until his parent is ready to walk out. The 5 minute warning helps them prepare for the transition and the task will keep him from bouncing off the walls. Maybe a specific toy or activity for pick up only that he really likes. Good luck, I have had more than one child with these issues.
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MamaG 11:08 AM 12-30-2012
Originally Posted by KEG123:
And as HORRIBLE as this sounds, I had a chat with the little girl one day and said "Hey, listen here! You keep that up and I'll sit you in time out when you act like that!" (She was 3 and SO smart.) She just KNEW that when mommy came to pick her up, the rules were more relaxed and mommy wouldn't do anything about it. (I tried to let mommy handle it, but she dropped the ball)
Same DCG I have does this. She is horrible for her mom at pickup! We now have a deal, if she is good at drop off and pickup she can borrow a stuffed toy and bring it back next time. I allow her to carry the thing all day also, if she is good. If not I take it away and she can't borrow it. We tried with a toy from home but she knew it was hers and she would get it back. We use my toy. Good luck!
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