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Parents and Guardians Forum>What Happens After You File A Complaint?
Unregistered 09:17 AM 04-20-2013
I am considering filing a complaint on a home daycare that I pulled my child from. I do not want her to lose her license or anything like that, but I do want future parents to see the complaint and think twice before they place their kids in her care, and most of all, I want her to realize that she cannot treat kids like that and say things like that to them.

She made a sarcastic/unnecessary comment to my child out of anger. I also have a couple other smaller complaints, but this was the main issue. It was meant to hurt me, but in turn it hurt my child psychologically. It makes me wonder what else she has said to him in the heat of the moment.

When I picked my son up, he said, "I'm always mean here" to me. Of course, I told him that he's not mean because God gave him a nice heart and you can't change that. Sometimes he doesn't do the right thing, but he's not mean. I asked the daycare worker how he did that day. To make a long story short, she said that he was in time out and kept saying that he's always mean there. She told me (and I quote), "He kept saying that in time out. I told him to tell his mom that when she gets here so that maybe she'll believe me."

In my opinion, this is malicious, emotional abuse. She decided at some abstract point in time that she didn't like me (I had already given my notice and the next day was to be his last day in her care) so she was trying to egg me on. She had already sent me a passive aggressive text two days before and I did not respond. It worked, he will not be returning.

What would happen if I decided to file a complaint? Would anything come of it or would they just slap her wrist (which is all I want)?
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MarinaVanessa 10:55 AM 04-20-2013
Unless I'm missing something that yup havnt explained in your post, I don't think that this commented alone warrants a complaint to licensing. Licensing is for situations that are unsafe or dangerous for children. I'm not sure that the one comment alone would warrant that.

Although it's not appropriate reporting the child care provider for that incident alone seems like such a severe reaction IMO. Maybe you can elaborate on the details of your situation a little more and describe what else she has said, the frequency, for how long it has been going on, and the reason as to why she does not like you etc. That would be helpful.
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Unregistered 11:18 AM 04-20-2013
Of course. I looked that the state regulations for licensing. One of the regulations says:

"Acts prohibited: ... (2) subjecting children to punishment of a psychological nature, such as humiliation,
making derogatory or sarcastic remarks about them or their families, or using harsh
or profane language, or making actual or implied threats of physical punishment;"

Her comment definitely falls in this category, IMO. I had to sit down afterwards with my son, hold him, and tell him to never, ever, EVER believe anyone that tells you that you're mean. He has been coming home telling me that other kids there are "bad" and "mean" and that he's "bad" and "mean." He's 5 and has never said those things before being in her care. Every time I explain that they are not "bad" or "mean" they just don't do the right thing sometimes. There is never any reason to beat a child down and ruin their self-esteem. It's wrong and I consider it emotional abuse.

My other complaint is that she keeps children in time-out for too long. One time, my son had to stay in time out until we got there to pick him up from the time that she called us... it was a minimum of 20 minutes, maybe closer to 30, that he was in time out. She also told me herself that she typically does one minute per year of age... unless they do something really bad and then they stay there longer. The same regulations that I quoted above also says: (10) uses "time-out" periods only as necessary to enable the child to gain control of
himself or herself. Time-out periods do not exceed five minutes. No more than one minute per year of age...

As to why she doesn't like me... I imagine it's because I asked her to alter her discipline for my son. He does not respond well to time out and never has. It just doesn't work for him. She wouldn't even consider my other suggestions that work better for him (redirection... only staying in time out until he calms down and is ready to apologize, etc). When we left her care she said, "I hope the next daycare he's at doesn't discipline him like you want." She also told me in the same conversation (with my son right there... I had to cover his ears while she was saying it because she shouldn't have said it in front of him) "I wish I could tell you that he's a sweet boy, but he's not!"
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Unregistered 11:44 AM 04-20-2013
I didn't have time to add everything, but now I do.

My child has Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD. He is very impulsive. He's a good kid, but if you take an already impulsive child that doesn't like to be touched and has vestibular issues, pick him up, and carry him to time out... umm... of course he's going to kick you and hit you the whole way there. His whole world was just turned upside down. She did not get this at all. She wouldn't listen to reason. She thought that I didn't want her to discipline him at all when that is completely not true... you just can't do it THAT way with him.

She threw it in my face once that I didn't tell her about the sensory processing until the morning before he started (instead of at the interview when I told her that he has ADHD and is very impulsive). I didn't tell her because it wasn't formally diagnosed yet (it has been since and he's started treatment - it was only suspected at the time) and it's hard to explain sometimes. People often associate it with Autism and he doesn't have Autism. My response to that is that she had 3 trial weeks with him in which she could dismiss him at any time with no notice and didn't, so she doesn't have a right to say that I didn't disclose that to her.

He was in her care for about 5 weeks total. When I asked her to alter her discipline she told me that she would not make any modifications for him. I said, "Well, if you're not willing to work with him, then when would you like his last day to be?" We agreed on a week notice and she was hostile and passive aggressive to me that whole week.

That should give you a better idea of the situation.
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jen 12:52 PM 04-20-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I didn't have time to add everything, but now I do.

My child has Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD. He is very impulsive. He's a good kid, but if you take an already impulsive child that doesn't like to be touched and has vestibular issues, pick him up, and carry him to time out... umm... of course he's going to kick you and hit you the whole way there. His whole world was just turned upside down. She did not get this at all. She wouldn't listen to reason. She thought that I didn't want her to discipline him at all when that is completely not true... you just can't do it THAT way with him.

She threw it in my face once that I didn't tell her about the sensory processing until the morning before he started (instead of at the interview when I told her that he has ADHD and is very impulsive). I didn't tell her because it wasn't formally diagnosed yet (it has been since and he's started treatment - it was only suspected at the time) and it's hard to explain sometimes. People often associate it with Autism and he doesn't have Autism. My response to that is that she had 3 trial weeks with him in which she could dismiss him at any time with no notice and didn't, so she doesn't have a right to say that I didn't disclose that to her.

He was in her care for about 5 weeks total. When I asked her to alter her discipline she told me that she would not make any modifications for him. I said, "Well, if you're not willing to work with him, then when would you like his last day to be?" We agreed on a week notice and she was hostile and passive aggressive to me that whole week.

That should give you a better idea of the situation.
Honestly, if it was suspected, you should have told her about the issue. I am no longer a daycare provider, rather a special education teacher. I don't know your child, and would never make random assumptions on a child that I hadn't met, but I do think it is important for you to find a provider who is comfortable with special needs kids.

As for the report; if you believe that she is a danger to other children, that she is acting in a way that is psychologically damaging, report her. It doesn't matter what the result is for her, that is for licensing to decide.

If you believe she is good provider and the report is about making a point, then I would let it go.

Good luck! Have you considered a program that specializes in special needs kids? Great way to get ready for school!
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Unregistered 01:11 PM 04-20-2013
Originally Posted by jen:
Honestly, if it was suspected, you should have told her about the issue. I am no longer a daycare provider, rather a special education teacher. I don't know your child, and would never make random assumptions on a child that I hadn't met, but I do think it is important for you to find a provider who is comfortable with special needs kids.

As for the report; if you believe that she is a danger to other children, that she is acting in a way that is psychologically damaging, report her. It doesn't matter what the result is for her, that is for licensing to decide.

If you believe she is good provider and the report is about making a point, then I would let it go.

Good luck! Have you considered a program that specializes in special needs kids? Great way to get ready for school!
That's why I decided to tell her before he started. When I told her she said that she also has a child with cerebral palsy and one with Asperger's. She said it in a way (at the time) that made me think she was competant and okay with this. Later (when I gave her the notice that we were leaving) she told me that if she had known she would have seriously reconsidered and put thought into whether or not she could handle it as well as the others. While you're right, I should have told her in the interview, she could have said that it just wasn't going to work at any time in those first 3 weeks; that was the agreement.

I'm waiting a few days to file the complaint for that exact reason. I want to make sure that I'm doing it for the welfare of the kids and not to "win." Of course, right now I'm angry and it's obviously both. I'm waiting until I cool off and then I'll decide. The longer I've been thinking about it, the more I'm leaning towards she-just-can't-treat-kids-that-way. I'm still not sure.

As for a program that specializes in special needs... that would be great. I haven't found one in my area yet. Are you thinking a Montessori type, a program through the public school, or are there daycares that specialize in special needs? Right now he's commuting half-day to pre-k at the local public school and he's doing AMAZING there. He has a great teacher that completely gets it and he's excelling there. A special needs daycare may be a possibility through the summer though. I have already contacted his kindergarten principal about placing him with an experienced teacher that will work well with him like his pre-k teacher and mentioned that he will probably need a Section 504 for modifications when he starts. He wouldn't qualify for an IEP though because he's a bright kid and his disorders don't affect his education... yet.
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Unregistered 11:51 AM 04-22-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Of course. I looked that the state regulations for licensing. One of the regulations says:

"Acts prohibited: ... (2) subjecting children to punishment of a psychological nature, such as humiliation,
making derogatory or sarcastic remarks about them or their families, or using harsh
or profane language, or making actual or implied threats of physical punishment;"

Her comment definitely falls in this category, IMO. I had to sit down afterwards with my son, hold him, and tell him to never, ever, EVER believe anyone that tells you that you're mean. He has been coming home telling me that other kids there are "bad" and "mean" and that he's "bad" and "mean." He's 5 and has never said those things before being in her care. Every time I explain that they are not "bad" or "mean" they just don't do the right thing sometimes. There is never any reason to beat a child down and ruin their self-esteem. It's wrong and I consider it emotional abuse.

My other complaint is that she keeps children in time-out for too long. One time, my son had to stay in time out until we got there to pick him up from the time that she called us... it was a minimum of 20 minutes, maybe closer to 30, that he was in time out. She also told me herself that she typically does one minute per year of age... unless they do something really bad and then they stay there longer. The same regulations that I quoted above also says: (10) uses "time-out" periods only as necessary to enable the child to gain control of
himself or herself. Time-out periods do not exceed five minutes. No more than one minute per year of age...

As to why she doesn't like me... I imagine it's because I asked her to alter her discipline for my son. He does not respond well to time out and never has. It just doesn't work for him. She wouldn't even consider my other suggestions that work better for him (redirection... only staying in time out until he calms down and is ready to apologize, etc). When we left her care she said, "I hope the next daycare he's at doesn't discipline him like you want." She also told me in the same conversation (with my son right there... I had to cover his ears while she was saying it because she shouldn't have said it in front of him) "I wish I could tell you that he's a sweet boy, but he's not!"
Did you talk to her during the interview process to ask about her discipline policy?

Her saying that if she'd have known your child has SPD she wouldn't have taken him on says to me you should have told her. IMO it's very unfair and bad parenting to not disclose behavioural issues especially since you were getting him diagnosed/help. Just because she kept your son on during the trial period does not absolve you of wrong doing.

I have an 8 year old with SPD, undiagnosed until last year, yet I still conferenced with teachers about it before then because it is not something everyone is able to deal with/handle.

Also, as a parent of a child with SPD I see many other parents in clear denial about how hard the child's behaviour is on others around them: teachers, family, siblings, school mates, and how much they want others to cater to their child's behaviours.

Hopefully you learned from this to 1) Be upfront about your child's needs and 2) Read the all the policys and/or ask about them.

I have no comments about the DCP's behaviour. It's really best you left to get your child care that suits his needs.
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