How do you deal with this? I have a 2.5 year old (3 in January), who started saying this a LOT lately. Mostly when she doesn't get her way. For example today she didn't eat her lunch, so she didn't get dessert. she starts whining "I want my mommy...boo hoo"...and every time at nap lately she gets all whiny "I want my mommy".

I think some of it is genuine...but I also thing she is doing it just because she's upset she's not getting her way, knowing her mom would let her do things that perhaps I wouldn't.

advice for dealing with this? I'll tell her that mommy is working, and will be back to get her soon...but that's just followed by "I want my mommy" over, and over and over and over and over again! she doesn't just say it once...it's getting under my skin.

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Say what you have been

Then "I know sweetie."

Then ignore it. It's annoying, but there's not much we can do about them saying it, IMO. It's kind of their right to express that, especially at that age.

Be consistent, give her validation, but then just ignore it because you've done your job.

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My advice is to ignore it. She will stop eventually. Just redirect to something else.

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Okay, that's what I've been doing...acknowledging her once or twice with "I know, she'll be here soon", etc...but then she keeps at it for a long time. I think I need to get better at ignoring it, because eventually I'll address it again to see if that will make her stop.

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"I know you do sweetie, but mommy is at work right now. She will be here after work to get you'

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Yeah this is what I say too. Not much else you can do. My DCG will do this whenever she cries and I ask "why are you crying?". She can't even tell me why she's upset and just says "I miss my mommy" instead of telling me that another kid took her toy away or hurt her feelings. It's just her response when she's crying!!

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I say,...
I know you do. I do too. I love the smile on your face when mommy gets here. I will make sure to tell you as soon as she gets here. Now go play.

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It's just a term of engagement.

Previous post: https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...ght=engagement

Three "terms of engagement" posts. Look for mine in these threads

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...ght=engagement

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...ght=engagement

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...ght=engagement


Nope. I don't believe this is anxiety but rather control. She may be anxious because she doesn't have control but control is the root of the behaviors she is exhibiting.

What she needs is SIMPLE straight forward directions of what she is expected to do RIGHT NOW. Go play toys is perfect for this child. It leaves little room for discussion. It tells her in clear terms what she is to do. It's KIND to her to give her SIMPLE. It's kind to give her something we KNOW she can do. It's kind to entrench her into the other children because they are awesome and she can be awesome with them.

When you spend too much time answering her "terms of engagement" ("Im not tired." "When is my mom coming? When is my off day?" "where are you going?") you are petting an unstable mindset. Responding to these are ESCALATING her and keeping her fixed in you doing HER. She's been there SEVEN days and she seems to be fairly intelligent. She's been there long enough to GET what the environment has to offer and she is saying NO to that and "do ME" to the provider.

If you deconstruct each of her phrases and her behavior towards the kids and the environment she is making it about HER. It's time to teach her that it ISN'T about her individually... that it's about the GROUP and you in the GROUP. The group is led by me.

Being a good group member and taking excellent leadership is GOOD for a little kid. She needs to get to THAT. Now once you get to THAT ... THEN... you start pulling out her little uniqueness. You start asking her about her puppy at home or her little cousins she plays with on Saturday. You start asking about her trip to WalMart last night and if she saw any new dollies or the big beach ball they have in the big ball bins.

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I have a few that do that when they are trouble and on 'time out' or if they don't get their way. I just ignore and think to myself 'I'm sure your mom doesn't want to know why your crying for her'.

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I say she will be here right after nap and snack like always but right now you need to ............... (Do what ever it is that they don't wanna do and that's why they want mommy). And under my breath I think ...... I want your mommy too! Lol

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I don't tell them that "Mommy will be here soon" because to them soon is now. My 3 yo does that when he's in trouble. I just tell him that Mommy will be here when she gets off from work, he needs to behave and we move on.

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That always made me feel uneasy...like I'm keeping the poor child away from his/her mommy...I don't know why.

I always say..."I know, but Mommy will be back soon to get you", but even that always made me feel I was just telling them to hold out for Mom. LOL.

I've been hearing that a lot lately...everybody's been sick .

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It's your weakness with these words that causes the child to fixate and repeat them... not the wanting of the Mommy.

Children can sense your energy change when they couple words together with their facial expression and body language.

If they sense that a certain phrase with a certain look and body languages nets them a specific response they will use the phrase whenever the tide of their moment is not going their way.

So the way to tell if they actually mean the words they say is to look at when they say them. If you are giving them treats and playing with them do they say no to the adult entertainment or the special because they want their mommy? Do they say it when they are left to their own devices or when they aren't prevailing the moment?

If it is being used when they are trying to seize the moment then your answer needs to be "I miss your mommy too". Even the energy and then give the prompt: "I miss your mommy too... go play toys"

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good advice everyone, and Nannyde! I feel bad when she says it, but then I remember that she only does this when she doesn't get her way, or knows nap time is approaching (she's a great napper, always tired...just whines about going).

I'll try some of the techniques and hopefully she'll stop soon.

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