How to Talk to Parents About the Unusual Bruises/Marks/Scratches While Playing

[sunshst]

Agh, so frustrating. I have a family who always contacts me after hours with questions re their little boy's scratch on his knee, mark on his forehead, etc. All the minor and totally inconsequential things. It's starting to feel like we are required to only watch him in order to account for anything that might God forbid happen so we have a valid explanation for even the most minor of the things. It's such an overkill, and me and my assistant are at the point where we don't even want to take him outside so he wouldn't get any marks, bruises or scratches. How would you approach this situation? What would you tell them when they call after hours to ask about trivial things like a scratch on his knee? Would you term? It's starting to sound like a big liability for me. And a lot of work and anxiety.

[dolores]

Informing parents of bruises instead of them discovering it themselves, in my experience, makes it a nonissue.

I complete an incident/injury report anytime something happens to a child in my care which results in scratches, bruising and injury. Then text report to parent so by the time they arrive to pickup child they are already aware. They usually respond to my text with 'thanks for letting me know".

And sometimes kids get marks outside of your care so look them over, top to bottom, at drop off and ask parents on the spot about any marks you see on child. Doing this over the years have made me realize many of those marks are gotten while they're with family.

[sunshst]

I do all of that. In this case unlike any other family in my care they watch the child through the microscope and even a single most minor thing that pops up is a reason for after hours calls. Last week it was a pimple. Yes, a pimple on his forehead. Mom tried to convince me it was an "unreported bump". Next day she came over the thing literally popped while she was dropping him off. The level of focus on his "bumps/bruises/scratches" has been unprecedented and it really makes me consider termination since it's borderline obsessive. I was also thinking of having them check him over during pick up so they can ask their questions at that time should they notice anything. Maybe making them work extra hard would turn the tables around.

[Cat Herder]

"Mom tried to convince me it was an "unreported bump"."


"Sally, this is becoming a recurring theme, it is now accusatory. If you think your son is not receiving the level of attention you feel he requires, it is time for you to find other care. I will take this as your two week notice unless you would like today to be his last day?"

I would only offer today as his last day, personally. I don't do notice periods due to liability and I just don't want to. I would have his things ready at the door.

I don't play passive aggressive control with Drama Mama's anymore. My bet is she wants to be a SAHM and has to gain more ammunition to convince Dad. The problem with this common issue is that it can destroy your business reputation and she won't care as long as she gets what she wants. I have seen it many, many times.

[sunshst]

This: "Sally, this is becoming a recurring theme, it is now accusatory. If you think your son is not receiving the level of attention you feel he requires, it is time for you to find other care. I will take this as your two week notice unless you would like today to be his last day?"
Priceless! And exactly what is needed. Thank you!!!🙏❤🙏

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by sunshst

This: "Sally, this is becoming a recurring theme, it is now accusatory. If you think your son is not receiving the level of attention you feel he requires, it is time for you to find other care. I will take this as your two week notice unless you would like today to be his last day?"
Priceless! And exactly what is needed. Thank you!!!🙏❤🙏

You are very welcome. There is a big difference in an overprotective mom and one with a personal motive. The first kind most of us sort of like and pet because they are also the ones most appreciative of anything extra. The second type is toxic to your livelihood. It isn't really the words they say, it is how they say them. It is also only ever moms, IME.

[dolores]

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

"Mom tried to convince me it was an "unreported bump"."


"Sally, this is becoming a recurring theme, it is now accusatory. If you think your son is not receiving the level of attention you feel he requires, it is time for you to find other care. I will take this as your two week notice unless you would like today to be his last day?"

I would only offer today as his last day, personally. I don't do notice periods due to liability and I just don't want to. I would have his things ready at the door.

I don't play passive aggressive control with Drama Mama's anymore. My bet is she wants to be a SAHM and has to gain more ammunition to convince Dad. The problem with this common issue is that it can destroy your business reputation and she won't care as long as she gets what she wants. I have seen it many, many times.

Wish I had your discernment and wit for the BS. It takes me awhile...

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by dolores

Wish I had your discernment and wit for the BS. It takes me awhile...

Before I had my kids I investigated complaints and patterns for a large chain of mega-centers. I was super busy. It gave me experience to sniff them out relatively quickly. Some moms resent having to allow other women care for their children and have a relationship (even a business one) with their husbands.

[dolores]

Hmmm...are those moms aware of their resentment and why they are?

And are they aware of their aggressive behaviour towards caregivers?

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by dolores

Hmmm...are those moms aware of their resentment and why they are?

And are they aware of their aggressive behaviour towards caregivers?

Maybe? IME, it does not go well to bring it up in conference. I only dealt with the risk management side. I was not really into family counseling. There simply was not time for it.

[daycarediva]

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

"Mom tried to convince me it was an "unreported bump"."


"Sally, this is becoming a recurring theme, it is now accusatory. If you think your son is not receiving the level of attention you feel he requires, it is time for you to find other care. I will take this as your two week notice unless you would like today to be his last day?"

I would only offer today as his last day, personally. I don't do notice periods due to liability and I just don't want to. I would have his things ready at the door.

I don't play passive aggressive control with Drama Mama's anymore. My bet is she wants to be a SAHM and has to gain more ammunition to convince Dad. The problem with this common issue is that it can destroy your business reputation and she won't care as long as she gets what she wants. I have seen it many, many times.

AMEN!

Also have control mama's over food- (can you send me a picture of before and after everything he eats?)

NOPE. Not even mentioning unless it's an unusual amount either way eaten or not.

Refuses to leave more than one change of clothes here and has a WORD DOC on his clothing, down to SOCKS ya'll. Everything is professionally labeled. Ya'll he's 2 and these aren't even brand name clothes. Kohls jumping beans. Garanamals. My assistant joked that the labeling is more expensive than the clothing.